WWWF All-Star Wrestling (9.30.1978) Review

If you really want to know what I think of WWF Wrestling Challenge in 1987, here… It’s another Kindle ebook, this one assembling all of my reviews I’ve ever done of WWF output from 1987, including all the Wrestling Challenge episodes.

-So with THAT taken care of, I’ll revisit WWWF All-Star Wrestling, a show that I just cannot bring myself to look away from permanently, although the occasional break from it is called for. For anyone who hasn’t looked in on my reviews of this show, here’s all you need to know…

-It’s the WWWF’s B-show, the show that became Wrestling Challenge eight years later.
-The WWWF style of wrestling was generally boring as hell.
-Commentator Vince McMahon Jr. is hilariously completely aware of how boring his dad’s wrestling product is, and slyly snarks on it sometimes.
-The best manager of the pre-expansion era, The Grand Wizard, is the salvation of any episode on which he cuts a promo.

BOB BACKLUND & CHIEF PETER MAIVIA (with Arnold Skaaland) vs. JOSE ESTRADA & FRANK “The Moose” MONROE
-“Yeah, because you LOOK like a moose!” a clever heckler shouts at the jobber.

-Moose Monroe, who looks like a moose, swings at Maivia and misses. Maivia makes contact and taunts him. Maivia has grown a mustache in preparation for his impending turn to the dark side. Jobbers get Maivia caught in their corner and work him over. Fans try to rally support by yelling “Moooooooooose” in taunting fashion.

-Maivia, after a sufficient beating, slips away and makes the hot tag to Backlund. Backlund slams both opponents. Chinlock by Backlund as the fans demand that he “give it to that fat moose.” Forces of good take turns working over Moose with variations on the chinlock. Moose breaks by forcing Backlund into the turnbuckles. Estrada comes back in, but Backlund shakes off the offense and the atomic drop on Estrada finishes. Vince McMahon suspects that Arnold Skaaland is close to securing a title match contract against the Lumberjacks, and Captain Lou Albano, manager of the Lumberjacks, shows up to throw some menacing words to the potential challengers.

COWBOY LANG vs. BILLY THE KID
-Usual shenanigans by the little guys. Kid gets the advantage with choking and then ties Lang into the ropes. Lang fights back with a big right hand and sets Kid up for Shattered Dreams, but things better of it and just gives him a series of uppercuts. Referee tries to untangle the legs and we get some wackiness with Lang putting each leg back every time the referee frees it and focuses his attention on the other leg.

-So for act II, we have the referee getting into repeated altercations with both guys and taking as many bumps as either wrestler in the match. Criss-cross and a slam by Lang gets two. Fan in the crowd implores Lang to “kick him in the ass!” as this continues to be the most creatively bankrupt assembly of fans I’ve ever heard. Lang doesn’t listen and ends up caught in a toehold for it. Lang boxes his ears to free himself and finishes with an airplane spin for the three-count. It was what it was.

-Vince McMahon talks to Victor Rivera and Fred Blassie. Blassie wants to rid the world of pencil-neck geeks AND he’s adding crumb bums to his agenda: Peter Maivia, Chief Jay Strongbow, Bruno Sammartino, and Dino Bravo among the crumb bums. Also, Blassie is dismayed that arena is full of fat people, and Vince jumps in and points out that Rivera’s gained weight since he joined Blassie. Blassie doesn’t really have an answer for that.

VICTOR RIVERA (with Fred Blassie) vs. STEVE CAGLE
-Rivera rams Cagle in the corner and bonks him on the head repeatedly. Suplex by Rivera, and a double underhook gets three for a quick (by this show’s standards) victory.

THE EXCITING DINO BRAVO vs. TONY RUSSO
-Russo shocks Bravo by revealing that he forgot to read the fine print in the contract, and Dino must have his baby if he wins. Bravo reacts by working the arm, but he works it into a shoot, with Russo shooting him into the ropes for a backdrop. Russo blogs about how it was actually his idea for Dino to do that, and Dino responds by working the arm again.

-Russo gets slammed, literally, for a change of pace, and Dino goes back working the arm, living up to Joe McHugh’s promise that he’d be exciting. Meanwhile, Vince McMahon mentions that the new issue of WWWF Wrestling Action Magazine is on sale, and he recommends that we grab “a pencil or what-have-you to write down an address where you can write to to acquire the magazine.” Is Superintendent Chalmers visiting the commentary table soon?

-Russo throws some punches, but Dino shakes it off and finishes him off with the airplane spin. Vince glowingly praises Dino for doing it better than Cowboy Lang.

TONY GAREA, LARRY ZBYSZKO, & DOMINIC DENUCCI vs. BUTCHER VACHON, STAN STASIAK, & BARON MIKEL SCICLUNA
-Good god, I take a few months off from watching this show, I recharge my desire to watch it, and Larry still has that damn mustache.

-DeNucci and Stasiak battle for a wristlock while two of the loudest fans in the building get into an argument because somebody swore, and both of them sound like they escaped from the upper nasal cavity of the Bronx itself, yelling “Whatsamattawithyou!” in tones so brassy you can rub Tarn X on them.

-DeNucci keeps trying to escape, but Scicluna keeps breaking the attempted tag, but the most interesting thing here is that the argument in the crowd is still going. “YOU AIN’T SHIT!” “WHATSMATTAWITHYOU?!?!”

-Scicluna tags in proper and applies a front facelock as Vince desperately tries to hold back a yawn and says that, yes, technically, keeping a hold locked on for a long time is good strategy. DeNucci finally makes the hot tag while caught in the facelock, so Scicluna doesn’t see it, and Larry Zbyszko goes on the offensive while looking every bit like he drove straight here after asking “Who ordered the 12-inch sausage, ladies?” and remembering he had to work a match tonight.

-Everybody tags and Garea armdrags Stasiak around. Butcher comes in but gets backdropped by Garea, and that’s enough for a three-count.

3.6

The final score: review Bad

The 411

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