Tremendous Tirades Throwback: WWE No Way Out 2005

We are in my hometown of Pittsburgh and our announcers are Tazz and Michael Cole as well as Hugo and Carlos for our Spanish-speaking friends! We are 42 days from WM 21at this point and this is the last WWE PPV until then and Batista is supposed to be in the house!

Match #1 Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero vs. The Bashams ©

Eddie and Danny to start. They circle and the crowd chants for Eddie. Lock up into am arm bar, reversal by Eddie and he grabs the leg and twists away. Danny escapes but Eddie escapes as well, tag to Rey and a running shoulder block in the corner to Danny. Leg drop and a count of 2 for Rey. Tag to Doug and he beats Rey down in the corner. Doug chokes him out as Danny distracts the ref. Off the ropes, springboard into an arm drag by Rey. Tag to Eddie and off the ropes and a back elbow to Danny. Danny takes Eddie to the corner and shoulder blocks him, tag to Doug, or Danny, Cole and Tazz keep confusing them. Cross face style choke by Danny, and Eddie is on his knees. Eddie with a back suplex and escapes. Tag to Doug and an elbow to Eddie who is down. Cover for 2 by Doug. Right hands now and Eddie is backed into the corner. Boot to Doug, but he gets a power slam for 2 as Rey breaks it up. Doug up top…MISSES and tag to Rey! Spring board into a cross body by Rey for 2. Bulldog for 2 by Rey as Danny breaks it up. They switch and Danny is in and beats down Rey. Tag to Doug and they double stomp Rey in the corner. Tag to Danny and a boot to Rey. Full Nelson to Rey by Danny, and the ref checks him. Rey to the mat and Danny to a waist lock. Rey with back elbows to Danny, and escapes. He is rammed to the turnbuckle and then takes a shoulder block. Hard Irish whip to the corner, and Eddie in but the Bashams double team Rey. Tag to Doug, and they press him and hot shot him off the top rope, cover and get 2. Danny chokes Rey, then ties his legs up so Rey can’t tag. Tag to Doug and another hard whip to Rey. Rey sat on top…Rey fights him off and Doug to the mat. MOONSAULT to Doug and Rey gets 2! Tag to Danny and a head vice to Rey into a headlock and Rey is down on the mat. Rey fights for a tag, and the ref yells at Eddie for messing with the tag ropes as he had 2 ties together. Rey tried to fight, but Doug tagged in and they double team him and get 2 as Eddie makes the save. Rey with boots to Danny, Rey runs for his life and TAG TO EDDIE! Eddie on fire with clotheslines and drop kicks! Drop kick again to Doug. Head scissors arm drag to the Bashams and he gets 2 on Danny. Double spine buster to Eddie and a 2 count. They try a double suplex, but Rey flies in and Eddie gets 2! Rey slammed hard on the floor by Danny, and Eddie grabs a title belt. The Bashams switch, and Eddie goes up top…MISSES a froggy but rolls through. Eddie plays dead and Doug goes over to him, small package for 2! They play hot potato with the belt and then Rey tosses the other in. NAILS DOUG! 619 to Danny! Eddie covers Doug and GETS THE PIN!

Winner: Eddie and Rey NEW TAG CHAMPS @ 14:49 ***½

They celebrate in the ring after the win.

Teddy Long looks pleased. He tells a stagehand to tell him when Batista is here and to take good care of him and bring him right to him. Carlito is here with a blond chick. She is a wife of a dude on the Board of Directors. She liked the first match. Carlito wants to see Batista. She wanted to say hi, and Carlito says her husband is a fan of him. The Board will make a decision based on the Batista situation. Carlito says if he doesn’t sign Batista, he may be fired. That’s Kuhl!

1st Round of the SD Diva stuff, and here is Torrie and DAWN MARIE! She’s alive! They join Tazz and Cole. They are excited about this. I’m not. Here’s Joy, and the evening gown deal is first. Next is Rachelle. Dawn makes fun of them. Next is Lauren. Dawn is hilarious. Finally is Michelle. Voting is open on WWE.com. Round 2 will be later.

Pulp Fiction parody commercial runs.

Match #2 Heidenreich vs. Booker T

Heidenreich on the mic. He reads a poem. I go get a drink.

Lock up to start and Booker takes him to the corner. They break and lock up again, knee by Heidenreich and Booker is down. Off the ropes and a clothesline to Booker and a cover for 2. Sidekick by Booker, then chops to Heidenreich. Right hands and Heidenreich is rocked. Knee by Booker, but Heidenreich with a back elbow and Booker rolls to the floor. Booker slams him to the steps and they go back to the ring. Chops by Booker, super kick by Booker and he covers for 2. Slam by Heidenreich and then a running clothesline turns Booker inside out! Right hands by Heidenreich and then tosses Booker into the steel post. Right hand takes Booker doen and Heidenreich gets 2. Cobra clutch on the mat to Booker, and he tries to get to his feet. Elbows to Heidenreich, chops but off the ropes and eats a boot for 2. Back to the wrist lock and Heidenreich is back in control. Booker gets to his feet and gets a spine buster. Both men are down and fight up. Right hands exchanged, and Heidenreich down. Clotheslines by Booker, then a kick to the jaw. SPINAROONIE! Missed the AX kick, Heidenreich fights out of the Book End and off the ropes…and Heidenreich to the floor. They battle on the floor and Heidenreich grabs a chair and LEVELS Booker and that is all @ 6:50.

Heidenreich tosses him back in the ring, and covers him even though the match is over. He counts his own pin. Heidenreich says Booker cheats and leaves.

Winner: Booker T @ 6:50 by DQ. *

In the back they prepare a room for Batista. Eddy and Rey celebrate with the faces and Cena arrives. Cena has a Pirates jersey on, and they tell him to go and win. Eddie makes fun of his belt, and Eddie gives him props for working hard. Eddie says it means nothing if he loses to Angle. Eddie says this night is HUGE. Eddie says this is ALL about WM, and that is what this business is all about. Eddie says he knows Angle and says he is great, and says Kurt said he would hurt Cena. Eddie doesn’t believe him, and doesn’t think Cena will tap. He says if he gets it locked in, DON’T TAP. He says when Angle gets mad, he makes mistakes, and that is Cena’s chance. Cool pep talk for Cena.

Match #3 Funaki © vs. Spike vs. Shannon Moore vs. Akio vs. Paul London vs. Chavo Guerrero

This is gauntlet style, 1 on 1 then they face a new man. They will all surround the ring until their turn, then enter.

London and Funaki to start. Lock up and London takes him to the ropes. Lock up and London with a waist lock, reversals and Funaki fights him off and covers for 1. Arm drag by London, and then a mule kick. Misses a charge, and a bulldog to London for 2. Ref yells at Chavo, then Spike mails Funaki and London rolls him up for 3. Spike in and beats down London. Funaki in and nails Spike and London covers and pins him! Moore is and rolls up London and gets 2. Back slide by Moore for 2. Headlock to London now, and London fights out. Chops by London, roll up for 2. Right hands by Moore, and a hard Irish whip to London. Another and Moore in control. Moore misses the corkscrew moonsault. 450 by London and that is all for Moore! Akio in and he LEVELS London with a clothesline for 2. Kick by Akio and he is in control. Up top and a head scissors choke over the ropes. Headlock and London is down. London is still down and fights to his feet. Enziguri by Akio for 2. Arm lock on London and London kicks out but Akio with stiff kicks. Chops by Akio, and he is rocking London. London sat on top…Akio up…tries a superplex and they battle. NECK BREAKER OFF THE TOP BY LONDON! The ref counts and they fight to their feet. London betas the 10 count and Akio is eliminated! On a 10 count? Ok. Chavo in and he nails London with kicks and rights. Cover for 2. Another and another 2 count. A 3rd and London kicks out! Slam by Chavo, roll through and London gets 2. European uppercut by Chavo, and then kicks away on London. London tries to fight back with right hands, Chavo with a neck breaker but London holds on. DRAGON SUPLEX for 2 by London! London is fired up! Right hands to Chavo, backdrop! Dropsault for 2! Chavo with a knee to the gut. London with a roll up, reversed by Chavo who grabs the ropes and that is all!

Winner: And NEW Champion Chavo @ 9:46 **¼

Tazz and Cole put over London, and then discuss Batista’s visit to Smackdown.

Big Show is in deep thought backstage.

More diva stuff. This is the 2nd round, and they introduce them again. This is the talent portion, and Torrie and Dawn are in the ring with the mic. Joy’s talent is massage, and she will give one to Torrie. She lays down on the mat and she straddles her as Dawn looks disgusted. Dawn makes fun of her and says she could do it better. Torrie says the guys in the back can vouch for that. The next chick tells very bad jokes. Dawn takes her mic and bashes her. GO DAWN! Lauren will dance. She jumps around and strips a little. Dawn says she is sad and says to not quit her day job. Last is Michelle. She is tired of Dawn, and body slams her. Go away bitch! Go vote I guess.

Josh with JBL. He says he isn’t worried, even though Teddy Long set him up. He knows what he is going into, and he knows he will not be the same after this match. He will go through it to prove himself. His body is temporary, but the title is eternal. He wants to know if the Big Show knows what he’s getting into. He is the champ for a reason, because he earned it. This will be the day he proves himself as the wrestling god!

Match #4 The Undertaker vs. Luther Reigns w/Jindrak

Jindrak is tossed right away by the ref.

They exchange right hands to start, and then elbows by Taker. Off the ropes, head butt by Reigns. Taker takes him down, covers for 2. Arm bar, then shoulder blocks to Reigns. Twists the arm…old school! DDT to Reigns for 2. Choke now by Taker, and then scares the ref to the floor. Reigns undoes the turnbuckle then knees Taker. Clubbing blows by Reigns, but Taker stops him before hitting the exposed turnbuckle. Taker in control, and whips him but Reigns with a clothesline for 2. Rights and lefts by Reigns and then a whip and Reigns eats the exposed turnbuckle. Taker to the floor…lays Reigns on the apron, and then elbows to the throat. Taker on the apron…leg drop to Reigns! Taker picks him up and rolls him in. Taker back in and Reigns begs off. Taker grabs him but Reigns with a low blow! Reigns rams Taker’s head into that exposed turnbuckle and he is down. Reigns kicks away at Taker and tosses him to the floor. Rams Taker to the apron, then tosses him into the steps. Reigns breaks the count, and Taker crawls back in. Boots to Taker now and Taker is up. Reigns with right hands now and a hard corner whip to Taker. Suplex by Reigns and he covers for 2. More boots to Taker, and then right hands. Cover for 2 by Reigns. Single leg Boston Crab to Taker now, and then rolls him over and gets a 2 count. Holds the leg still, and Taker punches out. Taker with right hands and Reigns is rocked. Clothesline and Reigns is down and Taker covers for 2. Reigns to the corner, and then reverses a whip. Boot by Taker, flying tackle by Reigns and he gets 2. Slam by Reigns and he gets 2 again. Reigns grabs Taker, but he battles back. They exchange right hands mid ring, but Reigns still in control. Flying clothesline by Taker! Reigns to the corner, Reigns fights out of a snake eyes, and then eats a boot. Leg drop for 2 by Taker. GOOZLE! Choke Slam on Reigns! Taker tries a Tombstone, NECK BREAKER to Taker for 2! Reigns with right hands again to Taker, picks him up and tries the neck breaker again, reversal…DDT! SIT UP! Taker grabs him…TOMBSTONE and that gets the pin.

Winners: The Undertaker @ 11:43 ½*

Teddy waits for Batista in the back.

Basic Instinct parody airs.

Final round of the diva stuff, and Dawn refused to finish helping. Good for her. Joy goes for cheap face heat wearing a Big Ben jersey. Bathing suit time and Torrie says this is the final round. Thanks for the news flash. They have 15 seconds to show off. Joy has a thong in under her bathing suit…okay. The crowd is not interested. Finally Michelle. She does a back flip. Great, I say she wins, and make her learn to wrestle. Torrie asks the audience what they think. They like Joy, not Rachelle, Lauren either. They dig Michelle. Joy wins with 65% of the Internet vote.

Highlights of the tourney to get to Angle vs. Cena.

Match #5 For a title shot at WM 21 – Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

No Pyro for Kurt, he’s all business.

Angle takes Cena to the ropes right away and a clean break. Lock up and Angle with a headlock take down. Cena tries to fight up and Angle off the ropes, and another headlock take down. Off the ropes, and Angle takes Cena down. Belly to belly by Angle and an arm bar type hold and he tries to cover Cena. Headlock now, and Cena fights to his feet and takes Angle to the corner. Clean break and they lock up again, and Cena with a headlock. Off the ropes, drop toehold into a front face lock by Angle. Half nelson to Cena and Angle gets a 2 count. Cena fights to his feet and in the ropes again. Shoulder block to Angle, off the ropes and Cena holds on. Angle charges, misses and Cena takes him to the floor. Cena after him and tackles him over the announce table! Cena rams Angle’s head off of the table, and then rolls him back in. Suplex to Angle for 2. Right hands to Angle, then boots to the gut. Boot to the face of Angle, then a clothesline and Angle is down. Tries the FU, but Angle escapes and rolls to the floor. Angle back in now and Cena with right hands again and Angle is down in the corner. The ref tries to reprimand Cena, and Angle out of the corner and gets a German and tosses Cena to the corner! Kicks to Cena’s gut now, and then clubbing shots to Cena’s neck. Suplex by Angle for 2. Headlock again and he gets 2 near falls. Back breaker to Cena for 2. Boots to Cena’s head and Angle unloads with right hands. Snap mare and a body scissors by Angle. Angle now grinds his forearm on Cena’s face, and then locks in a headlock. Cena to his feet, and tries to escape and gets a back elbow Angle. German by Angle, another and a 3rd! Covers Cena and gets 2! Rear choke by Angle, and sits back on Cena. Cena battles up and knees Angle. Another and right hands to Angle, off the ropes and a flying shoulder block to Angle. Both men are down, and the ref counts. Cena and Angle are up and Cena with right hands. Head butt and a clothesline to Angle. Elbow and Angle is down. Rake of the eyes by Angle but Cena with a spine buster for 2. German by Angle, tries another and Cena blocks it. Blue Thunder Driver to Angle for 2. Tries the FU… Angle rolls through and gets 2. Overhead belly to belly to Cena and Angle tires the Slam, reversal, DDT by Cena and gets 2! Cena is pissed, Angel with a victory roll into the Ankle Lock! Cena shoves him off and to the floor! Angle down on the floor, and Cena goes after him. Up top…leg drop to Angle as he tries to climb it! More of an ass drop, as he almost missed and he got 2. Angle to the corner, tries the FU…GOT IT! 1…2…NO! Cena can’t believe it as he thought he had it. Angle chops out his knee, and now goes to town with elbow drops. Chop block again to Cena and now he kicks away at him. He then rams his ankle off of the steel post, and again! Angle is crazy and a 3rd and 4th time! Angle wraps his legs now and tries to make him tap but Cena gets the ropes. Cena tries to get up, and Angle gets the Angle Slam! Straps are down! ANKLE LOCK! Cena crawls…and Angle pulls him back center. Cena tries again…grapevine by Angle! Cena fights with everything and tries to crawl to the ropes and makes it! Angle breaks the hold at 4 and then locks it back in as Cena has the ropes. Cena shoves Angle back and the ref is down! The crowd chants for HBK. Angle grabs Cena’s chain and wraps it around his hand. SPEAR by Cena! FU! And he covers! 1…2…3!

Winner: and going to WM 21 John Cena @ 19:19 ***¾

Cena is down and holding his ankle and the ref checks on him.

Batista isn’t here yet and they lower the cage. Video of how this match came to be.

Match #6 Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match – JBL © vs. The Big Show

You cannot escape through the door in this match because it will be locked. Pin, submission or climb over the barbed wire.

Rights by JBL, and Show back with some of his own. Show tries to slam JBL to the cage, but he blocks it. Chops by Show, and then a right hand takes JBL down. JBL counters the cage throw again, and Show chokes him out. Shoulder block to the gut, then a shoulder breaker by JBL. JBL tries to climb, but doesn’t want any part of the barbed wire. JBL for a cross body, Show catches him, fall away slam for 2. Right hand by Show takes JBL down. Chops again to JBL and JBL pokes his eye. JBL tries to climb again, but Show pulls him down. Suplex to JBL and Show is on control. Head butt to JBL, and then more chops. Show charges, and eats a boot and JBL sends him into the cage! JBL tries to climb again and Show is busted open. JBL waits for Show…flying shoulder block by JBL. Boots to Show and then picks him up and rams him to the cage again. Elbow drop and JBL gets 2. Boot to the face and Show is still down. Elbow again by JBL and he gets 2. JBL undoes the tag rope, and then boots Show down. He now chokes Show with the tag rope. Right hands to Show and JBL picks him up. Off the ropes, boot to JBL. Show grabs JBL, reverse powerbomb into the cage, then powerbombs him down! Show still bleeding, and he goes now JBL is busted open. Rammed 2 times into the cage by Show, and he is in control. Nick Patrick quickly picks up a blade and Show catapults JBL into the steel. Show is up and here is OJ. The Bashams are down as well, and Teddy Long is out! He said there would be no way out, so they need to get to steppin’! They had bolt cutters, and JBL grabs them and CLOCKS SHOW! Clothesline from Hell! Cover and only 2! JBL calls Show on…GOOZLE! CHOKE SLAM! 1…2…NO! JBL is bleeding a ton, and Show grabs him…LOW BLOW by JBL! Cover for 2 by JBL. JBL tries to go out the door, and it is locked. He gets the bolt cutters and climbs up top. He tries to cut the wire, but Show is up as well. They battle it out…and JBL rammed off of the cage. A 3rd time and JBL is in trouble. Thumb to the eye of Show. Right hands by JBL, but Show fights back. They walk along the ropes and Show is rammed off of the steel. Show has him…GOOZLE! CHOKE SLAM THROUGH THE RING! HOLY SHIT! Show walks the ropes…and they chant for him to jump. He climbs down and looks on in shock. He kicks at the door and tries to break it open. No luck. He rips at the chain and BREAKS IT! He opens the door and goes to walk out. Show celebrates on the steps and the bell rings. JBL WINS! He crawled through the hole and under the ring to the outside!

Winner: JBL @ 15:14 *½

Show can’t believe it and grabs JBL. Right hand to JBL. Show stands over him and picks him up and goozles him! He then slides him back in the ring and beats on JBL more. JBL’s associates are down and beat down Show.

HERE’S BATAISTA! He’s dressed for battle! SPINE BUSTERS FOR ALL! Powerbomb to Doug! JBL stumbles away from the ring and here is Cena! JBL crawls but Cena has him! He tosses him on some TV equipment then climbs on a stage. He grabs JBL…Spine Buster to the floor! Cena and Batista stare down and we fade.

The 411: The opening tag match was great and really got the crowd excited. Unfortunately they got excited for shit as the next three matches were bad. Cena and Angle worked great together, and it revitalized the crowd. Then we got to the “we can’t actually use the barbed wire” barbed wire match. The stip couldn’t be used, and the match as just blah and added to the bad feelings. It could have been pretty good, but ended up pretty bad.

Final Score:  4.0   [ Poor ]