WrestleMania II Review

-4/7/1986 from Three Separate Locations

-Segment 1 from Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, NY

-Hosted by Vince McMahon & Susan St. James

-Ray Charles kicks things off with “America The Beautiful” This certainly beats Mean Gene’s version of “The Star Spangled Banner.”

-Mean Gene checks in from Chicago, then throws it to Roddy Piper who gets some borderline racist jabs at Mr. T. Piper promises to retire if T knocks him out.

The Magnificent Muraco (w. Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndoff

Orndorff goes from the main event to jerking the curtain in one short year . Orndorff gets hit with a bodyslam, but after a kickoff comes back with a slam of his own. Orndorff makes the slanty eye face at Fuji. What is it racial insensitivity night? Muraco pushes Orndorff into the corner and takes control with an elbow. He tries an Irish whip to the corner, but gets reversed and then hit with a backdrop. Orndorff hits an arm drag and drop toehold before grabbing an armbar. Muraco tries to armdrag out, but Orndorff holds on to the bar. Muraco eventually cradles out with a samoan drop and goes on the offense by ramming Orndorff into the buckle. Orndorff fires back with the elbows and eventually the brawl moves to the floor. There is virtually no lighting on the floor so you can’t really tell what is going on, but eventually they both get counted out at 4:42. A huge bullshit chant from the crowd for that. Can’t blame them. A non-finish in the opening match of Wrestlemania?

Winner: Draw (Double Count Out DUD)

-Mr. T cuts a promo in the locker room, but Howard Finkel’s ring introduction pretty much drowns him out.

-Savage cuts a typical insane promo in which he dubs himself the Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion of the World. That’s some title.

WWF: Intercontinental Championship: George “The Animal” Steele vs. Randy “Macho Man” Savage © (w. Miss Elizabeth)

Savage takes off running from Steele early on and bails. Back inside for Savage and right back out as we get a bunch of traditional old school heel stalling. The third time Steele follows him and finally gets a hold of him by biting his leg. Back inside the ring Savage catches Steele with a high knee, but Steele comes back with a double handed chokeslam if that’s what you call it. Steele takes the time to check out Liz, so Savage attacks from behind and ties him in the ropes. To the top rope goes Savage and he comes off with a sloppy cross body, which gets two. Steele kicks Savage to the floor on the kickout. Back inside and Steele takes control, and throws Savage back to the floor. Savage goes under the ring, and comes out the other side. Since Steele is an idiot Savage is able to attack from behind with a knee. Savage hits the ropes and comes off with a clothesline, but Steele blocks that by biting. Savage comes back with an eye rake. He goes to the floor and steals some flowers that were meant for Liz. He slaps Steele in the face with them, but that just angers the Animal who bites some more and shoves them down Savage’s throat. Steele goes to eat some turnbuckle, and then shoves the stuffing down Savage’s mouth again. This match is basically just a cartoon. Savage again goes to the floor, and Steele chases. Steele stops to offer his hand to Liz, which allows Savage to come off the top rope with a double axe-handle. Bodyslam sets up the flying elbow, which connects, but Steele kicks out at two. Steele comes right back and fires Savage into the corner. While he’s doing the pounding though Savage is able to scoop the legs and with his feet on the ropes get the pin at 7:08. Its like Savage knew he wasn’t capable of carrying Steele to anything good so he didn’t even try and went the cheap stalling heat route instead.

Winner: STILL WWF Intercontinental Champion-Randy “Macho Man” Savage (Pinfall-Scoop Corner Pin DUD)

-Mean Gene talks to Atlanta Falcons OL Bill Fralic and Big John Studd. Fralic actually seems pretty natural on the mic. The gist here is Studd doesn’t like football players.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

Jake tries to attack early, but Wells gets the better of the exchange delivering a backdrop. Jake comes right back firing Wells to the floor. Jake leapfrogs a backdrop attempt, but gets a flying shoulderblock. Headbutt sends Jake to the mat, and a pair of Irish whips follows that to the corner. Flying head scissors is followed by a slam from Wells. Wells continues the assault with a knee lift, and then hits a powerslam off the ropes for two. Jake goes to the eyes, and then bails to the floor to buy time. Wells follows, and catches a knee lift back inside. DDT from there makes the finish academic at 3:04. Afterwards Wells gets up close and personal with the still unnamed Damien. He even foams at the mouth for good measure.

Winner: Jake “The Snake” Roberts (Pinfall-DDT ½*)

-Recap of the events leading up to T and Piper.

-Jesse Ventura gets a word with Hulk Hogan out in Los Angeles. Fairly toned down by Hogan standards.

Ten Round Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w. Cowboy Bob Orton & Lou Duva) vs. Mr. T (w. “Smokin” Joe Frazier, John Connoly, & The Haiti Kid)

Joan Rivers handles the ring announcing duties for this one. Darryl Dawkins of the New Jersey Nets, Blues artist Cab Calloway, and Watergate criminal G. Gordon Liddy handle the judging. Herb from some 1980’s Burger Commercial’s handles the timekeeping duties. Not sure how to really recap a boxing match, but I’ll do my best.

First Round

Nothing much going in round one. They trade blows, get tied up in the corner. Piper won’t break clean. Mr T does the peek-a-boo on the ropes while Piper fires off several blows. Just lots of clutching and grabbing going on, nothing much resembling boxing for the entire round. It mercifully ends after 3 minutes that felt like 30.

Second Round

Piper comes out covered in Vaseline, so the ref makes Duva clean him off. Piper finally comes out with a huge flurry, but T is able to come back spinning him into the corner. Piper catches T in the corner and gets the better of an exchange, and finally after a flurry of blows T goes down. Piper wont go to his corner and even delivers a kick before heading back. T gets to his feet at eight with 20 seconds left in the round. T goes down at the end of the round, and Piper delivers a rabbit punch as the ref sends the seconds out. He’s up at four though to end the round.

Third Round

In between rounds Bob Orton decides to throw a bucket of water on T. How exactly is reviving him considered heelish? Round starts with an Ali shuffle from Piper. T comes out firing and gets Piper stuck in the corner and after a flurry of blows puts him down. Piper’s up at eight and the fight resumes with about a minute and a half left. T pushes Piper into the corner and when Piper comes back out he delivers a huge blow, which sends Piper all the way to the floor. He’s back in at seven and up at nine so the fight resumes with about 25 seconds remaining. More clutching and grabbing until the round ends.

Fourth Round

Piper chucks a stool in T’s direction as we start round four. Both guys are arm weary and just trade punches in the center. This fight looks so much different from an actual boxing match it completely exposes the business even in a non-wrestling match. They continue to go toe to toe until the referee gets thrown to the ground. Piper gets a bodyslam from there, which draws the DQ. The whole thing lasts 13:21 from start to finish. Big pull apart brawl afterward. Absolute crap that took way too long and ended in a non-finish.

Winner: Mr T (Fourth Round Disqualification-Bodyslam -*)

-Segment 2 from Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, IL

-Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon, “Mean” Gene Okerlund, & Cathy Lee Crosby

WWF Women’s Championship: Velvet McIntyre vs. The Fabulous Moolah ©

Moolah attacks right away with a series of snap mares with the hair. McIntyre comes right back with a pair of one legged dropkicks, and a back elbow. Bodyslam sends Velvet to the second rope, where she misses a splash attempt. Moolah hits a big splash from there which finishes things off in just :58.

Winner: STILL WWF Women’s Champion-The Fabulous Moolah (Pinfall-Big Splash DUD)

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w. “Classy” Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirschner

Volkoff starts things off right with his stirring rendition of the Soviet National Anthem. This is not capture the flag rules flag match, but rather just simply that the winner gets to wave their flag when it’s over. As if they wouldn’t already? Volkoff attacks early with a spinning kick, and fires Kirschner to the floor. Nikolai follows and rams Kirschner into the post. Some biting, and another trip to the post for follows that to Kirschner. Back inside and they trade blows wit h the referee going down in the melee. Blassie tosses the cane into Volkoff but Kirschner intercepts it and blasts Volkoff to pick up the win at 1:36. It should be noted that Kirschner bladed at some point. In a 96 second match, he decided he needed to blade. All aboard the DUD parade tonight.

Winner: Corporal Kirschner (Pinfall-Cane Shot DUD)

20 Man Battle Royal: Participants-Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Dallas Cowboys), “Golden Boy” Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Pittsburgh Steelers), B. Brian Blair, “Jumpin” Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons), Bret “Hitman” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Russ Francis (San Francisco 49ers), Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry (Chicago Bears), Andre The Giant

Claire Peller from the Wendy’s “Where’s The Beef” campaign serves as timekeeper while Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones serve as guest referees. Too much action to recap so we’ll just follow the eliminations. Jimbo Covert gets tossed by a Bill Fralic after coming to the rescue of his teammate William Perry. King Tonga (Haku) goes out with him. Bruno tosses Ernie Holmes, as Studd and Andre renew acquaintances from last year. Jim Brunzell gets tossed off screen. Perry tosses Tony Atlas to a huge pop, and then goes after Studd. Pedro Morales and Harvey Martin go tumbling over the top together, as Hillbilly Jim and Brian Blair throw out Ted Arcidi. Sheik throws Spivey out, and then throws Hillbilly and Brian Blair as well. I don’t believe Blair was humbled in the encounter though. Studd throws out Fralic, and Bruno throws Sheik out. Bruno gets thrown out by Studd leaving just six guys in the ring. The Fridge takes out both Harts and that leads to a face off between him and Studd. He charges into an elbow and gets hiptossed out by Studd. Fridge offers a handshake from the floor, and Studd accepts like an idiot and gets pulled to the floor. That leaves The Harts in the ring with Andre and Russ Francis. Double dropkick from the Hart ties up Andre in the ropes, and they begin to double team Francis before throwing him out. That leaves the Hart Foundation with Andre. They double-team him in the corner, and Anvil gets whipped into the corner delivering a shoulderblock to Andre. They try to both throw him out, but get kicked off. Anvil whips Bret into Andre, but he runs into the boot. Double noggin knocker from Andre, and a big boot sends Neidhart out. Bret goes to the top, but Andre catches him and throws him to the floor to take the victory at 9:07. Most entertaining match on the card so far, but that’s not saying much.

Winner: Andre The Giant (last eliminates Bret Hart **)

-Vince and Susan interview Piper back in New York. Piper gets some more thinly veiled racial insults in on T, before hitting on Susan.

-Mean Gene talks to Jimbo Covert who claims Fralic cheated, and then Iron Sheik tells “Gene Mean” that wrestler is better than football player.

WWF Tag Team Championship: The Dream Team © (w. “Luscious” Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w. “Captain” Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne)

Davey Boy starts off with Valentine, and they trade forearms to start. Double leg takedown for Valentine sets up an elbow drop attempt, which misses. Davey grabs an arm wringer, but gets thrown into the ropes and into an armdrag. Elbow drop misses and Dynamite tags in. Valentine gets rammed into the buckle for a two count, and then hits a shoulderblock. A snap suplex is followed by an elbow, and a tag to Davey Boy. Davey goes for a suplex, and connects with is vertical version for two. That sends Valentine to the floor. Back inside, and Valentine gets whipped into the buckle, but comes out with a forearm before tagging in Beefcake. Arm wringer on Davey Boy, is turned into a press slam on Beefcake. Tag to Dynamite who is in with a clothesline and a chop for two. Small package from Beefcake only gets one, so he rams Beefcake into Davey’s boot. Davey tags in and delivers a fisherman suplex for two. Davey gets a front facelock, but Beefcake backs into the corner and tags Valentine who comes off the top with a knife-edge. Suplex from Valentine gets a two count so he goes to the side headlock. Davey Boy comes up and backs into the corner tagging in Dynamite. He comes in with a series of forearms and then delivers a series of shoulderblocks in the corner. Cover gets two for Dynamite so he tags Davey back in who does nothing before tagging Dyanmite back in. Double shoulderblock gets a two count, and Beefcake comes in to give Valentine the edge. Dynamite hits the ropes and comes off with a sunset flip for two. Backbreaker connects and Beefcake makes the save at two. Knee drop from Dynamite gets another two count. Valentine comes off the ropes and delivers a forearm. He follows that up with a piledriver for two. Valentine tries to come down as they fight for the pin and crotches Dynamite’s boots. Stunned Valentine goes to the top rope and gets thrown off Flair style. Dynamite makes the cover, which gets two, and Davey chases off Beefcake. Davey goes to press slam Dynamite on Valentine, but he bails. Back inside Dynamite gets the tag to Davey, who goes to deliver the powerslam, which gets a two count. Suplex by Davey connects for another two count. Reversal of an Irish whip sends Davey Boy shoulder first into the ring post. Valentine stomps away at the shoulder and grabs a hammer lock before tagging out to Beefcake. Beefcake slams Davey down out of a hammerlock, and rams the shoulder of Davey into the buckle. Valentine tags in and delivers an elbow off the top. Shoulderbreaker from Valentine connects, but he pulls Davey up at two. Dynamite perches up on the second rope, and Davey Boy out of nowhere rams Valentine into Dynamite’s head which knocks him cold and Davey gets the pin to give the Bulldogs the titles at 12:01. Tremendous match that breaks the streak of suck that had been this show thus far. One of the things that I really liked about this match was it seemed to break from the traditional tag team formula. There was no extended face in peril sequence nor was there a hot tag at any point. Easily the match of the night.

Winner: NEW WWF Tag Team Champions-The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy pins Valentine-Headbutt ***1/2)

-Mean Gene & Cathy Lee Crosby gets post match thoughts from Captain Lou, Ozzy Osbourne, & The Bulldogs.

-Segment 3 from Los Angeles Sports Arena in Los Angeles, CA

-Hosted by Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, & Elvira

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Herc attacks before the bell with a series of elbows and knees ramming Steamboat into the buckle. Steamboat is able to come back off the ropes with a knife-edge followed by a a series of armdrags. Steamboat grabs a wristlock, and gets thrown off the ropes. Both guys duck moves until Steamboat again counters a tilt-a-whirl suplex and turns it into another armdrag. Steamboat works the arm some more with a wristlock. Herc is able to come out of it, but comes off the ropes and again runs into a back elbow from Steamboat. Suplex connects and then Ricky heads back to the armbar. Hernandez is able to come back by ramming Steamboat into the buckle, and then delivering a clothesline. Off the ropes Hernandez catches Steamboat and delivers a stun gun. Steamboat fires back with an elbow and goes for a suplex. Hercules counters however and falls on top for two. Back to the buckle goes Steamboat, and then he catches a back elbow from Hercules off the ropes. Pair of elbow drops, and a cocky cover gets a two count. Steamboat comes back with a pair of chops, but gets hit with a clothesline getting another two count. A pair of press slams connects for Hernandez, and then he goes to the top rope. A splash attempt comes up empty as Steamboat gets his knees up. Steamboat then goes to the top and delivers a flying cross body press to get the pin at 7:27. Good little match as Steamboat could really do no wrong at this point in his career.

Winner: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (Pinfall-Flying Crossbody **1/2)

”Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w. “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer

Adonis is a big fat possibly gay guy while Elmer is a big fat hillbilly if you’re scoring at home. Stereotypes are fun aren’t they, Vince? Elmer attacks at the bell and whips Adonis into the ropes, and then delivers a punch that causes he himself to fall down. Adonis oversells everything coming back in taking a punch and falling back to the floor. Elmer fires Adonis back in with a slingshot, and then gives him a belly butt that ties Adonis in the ropes. After getting untied from the ropes he delivers a few blows, and goes for a whip to the corner, which gets reversed. Avalanche connects for Elmer, but a legdrop misses. Adonis goes to the top rope and delivers what could be called a headbutt if I’m being generous to end this abortion at 3:02. We’re back to the shitty match portion of the program.

Winner: “Adorable” Adrian Adonis (Pinfall-Diving Headbutt -*)

-Lord Alfred Hayes gets Hulk Hogan his 2nd interview of the night.

The Funk Brothers (w. “Mouth of the South” Jimmy Hart) vs. The Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana

Hoss and JYD start. Terry ends up right away and JYD takes them both out with a pair of bodyslams. Hoss bails to the floor, while Santana throws Terry out. Hoss comes back in and tags out to Terry, while JYD tags out to Tito. Terry takes control with a series of chops, but gets caught coming off the ropes and gets a clothesline to the floor. Hoss comes in and gets a dropkick sending him to the floor as well. Back inside and Santana tags out to JYD. The Dog quickly takes control by ramming Terry’s head into the buckle ten times. Ten more times in the corner follow that and then JYD gets a headbutt for two. Again Terry goes flying to the floor getting thrown over the top by JYD. Terry comes in long enough to tag out to Hoss, and Hoss runs into a headlock, as JYD tags out. Tito goes to the headlock as wekk, but Hoss fires out of that with a series of punches. Tito comes off the ropes and hits a flying forearm. Terry makes the save and again the Funks go to the floor. Back inside Hoss and Santana try a criss cross which is stopped by Terry kneeing Santana from the apron. Terry tags in and throws Santana on the floor allowing Jimmy to get a few kicks in, before getting chased off by JYD. Back inside and Terry delivers a suplex for two. Santana counters a second suplex attempt and delivers one of his own . Both guys hit the ropes and collide in the center of the ring. Terry is able to get to the corner and tag out to Hoss. Double underhook suplex connects for a two count. After a pair of European upper cuts Terry tags in and the Funks deliver a double clothesline. Legdrop connects for Terry getting two, but a second attempt sees Santana move out of the way. Terry comes right back with a headbutt, but he cant stop the quickness of Santana who makes the hot tag to JYD. Clothesline from JYD to Terry, and a backdrop sends him to the floor. JYD goes out after him and a rake to the eyes and headbutt connect to Hoss. JYD slams Terry on the ringside table. Finally they end up back in the ring, and JYD pulls Jimmy up to the apron just to give him a shot. Small package from JYD gets two before Hoss makes the save, so Santana comes in and puts him a figure four. The ref chases Santana out, and while his back is turned Terry delivers a shot with the megaphone which finishes off JYD at 11:42. Pretty fun match, with Terry showing off that middle aged and craziness bumping around like a mad man.

Winner: The Funk Brothers (Terry pins JYD-Megaphone Shot **3/4)

-Recap of the events leading to Bundy and Hogan while they put the cage up.

-Jesse gets a quick word with Heenan and Bundy minutes before the main event. He promises Bundymania will run wild.

-Vince and Susan chime in with their thoughts from New York.

WWF Championship Steel Cage Match: King Kong Bundy (w. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Hulk Hogan ©

Dodgers’ manager Tommy Lasorda serves as special ring announcer. Actor Ricky Schroeder is the timekeeper while Robert Conrad serves as guest referee. WWF rules of course, so its escape the cage only. They trade blows at the outset with Hogan getting the better of it. Bundy hits the ropes and runs into a big boot, and Hogan then chokes him out with his singlet strap. Hogan fires Bundy into the cage then whips him into the corner. That is followed with a clothesline in the corner, and an elbow clothesline off the ropes. Bundy blocks another trip to the cage, and then finally fights back with a shot to Hogan’s injured ribs. Bundy goes to work stomping away at the taped up ribs of Hogan, and hits a bodyslam. Bundy goes for the door, but Hogan dives at his feet to put a stop to it. Bundy slams Hogan into the cage, and again decides to leave but Hogan again stops him at the last moment. Bundy continues the assault now ripping the protective tape from Hogan’s ribs and choking him with it. Bundy decides he’ll tie Hogan to the ropes before heading out, but he does a piss poor job of tying as Hogan escapes without problem. Hogan goes to the eyes to stop Bundy from leaving and whips him into the opposite corner following with an elbow. Hogan whips Bundy into the cage busting him open. Hogan punches away at the wound, and then goes to the backrakes he would make famous ten years later. Hogan continues firing Bundy into the cage, and then chokes him out on the top rope. Bodyslam attempt fails as Bundy collapses on top of Hulk. Bundy heads out through the door, and Hogan stops him again by choking with the tape. Bundy comes back with a punch, and then delivers an avalanche. Big splash from there looks to finish, but Bundy starts to head out Hulk comes alive diving at the feet of Bundy. Hulk up commences after a no sell of the avalanche. Powerslam connects from Hogan and that is followed by a legdrop. Hogan heads up to take off, and Bundy tries to stop him, but gets kicked off. Heenan tries to stop, but to no avail as Hogan drops to the floor to retain the title at 10:20. After the match Hogan manhandles Heenan a bit inside the cage firing him into the cage. This felt more like a Saturday Night Main Event match than a Wrestlemania main event.

Winner: STILL WWF Champion-Hulk Hogan (Exit the Cage **)

The 411: This show sucked hard. It lacks the historical significance of Wrestlemania I to even watch it for that purpose. This was three hours of pain I’d love to have back. Thankfully the WWF would redeem themselves in a huge way the next year, but for this show, huge disappointment.
Final Score:  2.0   [ Very Bad ]