Brooklyn Brawlin’ 5.07.09: Super Cena vs. Other Super Heroes of Wrestling

Greetings. I am a day late and a dollar short and time is of the essence for me this week as work is beginning to grind on me. One year of teaching freshmen can kill mere mortal man. Having just celebrated my 27th birthday, I can begin my 23rd year of being a wrestling fan. Last week I wrote about a possible resurgence on the blue brand (Smackdown), and boy was the first week of the New Blue (trademark Torkel ’09) a success. Shelton vs. Morrison, a fatal fourway that got nearly 4-stars, and the return of UUUUMMMAGA!!! Keep it up Smackdown. Raw, unfortunately was boring as sin for me, with Big Show sllllooooooowly beating up Cena, and yet another thrilling week where Shane O-Mac gets beaten down.

A Quick Complaint –

Ok, so CM Punk wins his second consecutive MITB ladder match at Wrestlemania XXV. Last year, he cashed in the briefcase and pinned an already fallen Edge to “steal” the World Title. Then he was given the Rey Mysterio title push where he lost clean in non-title matches and sneaked by on ppv, (his lone ppv title defense was against JBL) and then losing the title without even being in the Scramble match. So one year later, here we are again. Punk’s first post Mania feud is what should be a no-brainer against Kane. Problem # 1: Inexplicably, he loses clean as a whistle at Backlash. Despite the loss he seems ready to jump into the main event at any time thanks to the case. He seems ready to cash in against Edge again, but Umaga returns and destroys him setting up his next feud. Problem # 2: Umaga is making a grand return after not having been seen in a long time, and thus should win his return feud. And let’s face it, Umaga SHOULD beat Punk, he is a monster, quicker and agile big man with a proven track record against big stars. And Punk JUST LOST TO KANE!!! Punk, the default # 1 contender will almost certainly lose his first two feuds and ppv matches after WM XXV. Way to go geniuses! How it should have gone: Punk beats Kane clean at Backlash. On SD, he goes to cash in but gets taken out by a returning Umaga. We find out Edge has Umaga watching his back on Punk Patrol, to ensure last year doesn’t repeat itself. Umaga wins his return match at Judgment Day, and then in the rematch at Extreme Rules, Punk wins the gimmick match before feuding with Edge into the summer.

Super Cena and Why We Hate Him –

I was thinking this week that in the two weeks since Backlash, John Cena has looked abnormally weak. I mean, god knows he shouldn’t even be on TV after getting Chokeslammed through a spotlight that then exploded, but that is the issue. That is why the so called “Cena-haters” hate him. I attest that it is not that we hate John Cena, far from it actually. I for one respect the hell out of Cena, for returning early from injuries, putting on a consistent streak of 4-star matches, working up from the bottom, and constantly getting better. But the hate derives from the way the booking team has portrayed him as a bonafide indestructible superman. Part of wrestling, especially for babyfaces, is for the fans to believe they are in significant trouble. We just don’t sense this with Cena though.

I grew up in the golden age of wrestling, the Rock-n-Wrestling connection was in full bloom and Hulk Hogan and Hulkamania was running wild. Hogan was a superman, but the difference between he and Cena was Hogan, for everything else, sold that he was in trouble. It was a different time with different fans, but when Hogan was attacked by Bundy and Muraco and went into WM 2 with taped ribs I was scared. When he looked up at the undefeated Andre the Giant, the Hulkamaniacs were nervous. When Savage went nuts and turned on him, we bought it, and when Earthquake squashed him we felt the tremors. Sure Hogan always win the blowoff, and his hulk-up, 3 punches, big boot and leg drop are considered ridiculous today. But back in the day it was great. Unlike Cena though, Hogan always made the opponent look and feel like legitimate threats.

The most clear examples of recent note were last year’s Rumble, Survivor Series and Armageddon ppvs. Cena was injured by Orton in late 2007 and returned in a surprise at the Rumble and was immediately viewed as the favorite and then won the whole thing. Then another return as Cena was injured at Summerslam by Batista and was just given a Title shot for no reason against Superstar of the Year Chris Jericho (who they continually note has never beaten Cena). Cena had a down year after the Rumble losing gimmick matches and triple threats during the year, so Jericho should’ve been the clear favorite and from a booking standpoint Jericho should’ve won here to be the biggest blowhard self-appraising heel champ ever! But instead, after taking every thing Jericho had, one simple FU and boom Cena’s champ again. The Armageddon rematch was worse. Jericho locked Cena in the Walls of Jericho for over a minute. Cena didn’t tap, but then reversed and tapped Jericho to the STFU in a matter of seconds thus killing Jericho’s finisher and momentum he spent a year garnering. Again, is this Cena’s fault… No. But why does Vince push him this way. It kills the competitive nature of pro wrestling. We know he is strong, we know he has heart and determination. But he is just a strong, determined man, not a friggin superman!

Another thing that contributes to the ill will IMO is the submission finishers. Pinning someone is fine, anyone can get pinned. But submissions make your opponent look like a bitch. They tap out, quit, can’t take pain and are effectively not taken seriously by the fans because we see them as quitters. Even the great Triple H battled “you tapped out” chants for months after WM XX. Tapping sticks with guys. Especially the super fast Cena taps you get. Take Shawn Michaels against Kurt Angle at WM XXI. He took the Ankle Lock forever. It hurt the move, but he didnt give Angle the super quick Cena tap. This goes along with the fact that Cena’s moveset simply is not impressive. He is like watching a Macho Man title defense from 1992. 10 minutes of beatdown, then two moves and finisher. And let’s face it folks, the FU (Attitude Adjustment) is the lamest superstar finisher since the Leg Drop. It is a firemen’s carry slam, thats it! Not a DVD, and F5, or anything cool like that. The People’s Elbow was lame but it always followed a Rockbottom or spinebuster. People will always boo and cheer whoever they want, but with the new family friendly direction of the E, they have created a star who is more like Superman than Hulk Hogan, and the problem with Superman, like Cena, is that he’s indestructible. And so far, no one in the WWE has any kryptonite.

Till next time have fun storming the castle.