EL DANDY~! Tape Review-WWE Vengeance 2003

-Let it be known that the last two PPVs the WWE did with the name Vengeance were two of the better PPVs in recent memory, with the 2001 version being the Jericho Special, where he became the first Undisputed Champion ever, along with a very good UT/RVD Hardcore Title match. The 2002 version saw a great 3-way main event between Angle, Rocky, and Undertaker. So if Vengeance tells you anything, a 3-way main event will be good, and the Undertaker brings the working boots.

-We’re, well, not so live from Denver, Colorado.

-Ya’ll know who be announcing this show…

–US Title Tourney Final-Eddy Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit-Latino Heat, your hero, comes out in the SICK red low rider. Chris Benoit don’t need no stinkin’ low rider. They do the boxing rules intro in the beginning. Mike Chioda needs to work on that. Eddy gets a hammerlock but sells MUCHO on the tackle. Eddy is being such a pussy heel. They get all sick with the mat work and Eddy hits the tackle for a little payback. They get much sick on a knucklelock and Eddy takes him down in a keylock. Eddy CHOPS BENOIT. Oh he’ll get his later, I’m sure. Benoit tries the flapjack but Eddy goes for a rana into Benoit taking Malenko’s place in the roll-up series, and damn it’s a good one. Deuling armdrags sends Benoit outside. Eddy grabs a headlock and then tackles into another one. Eddy flips out of a backdrop and grabs the headlock again. Swanky tilt-a-whirl tombstone counter series ends with a Benoit shoulderblock, and he eventually gets the Crossface before Eddy breaks. He takes a powder and Benoit follows with an elbow suicida. He takes Eddy to the corner and then slams him twice. The more I see Eddy use the headlock and the more I see Benoit use the HARD slam, I think back to a Kawada/Jumbo Tsuruta match. Anyways, Benoit gets a half nelson, but it’s on the wrong arm. Benoit slaps Eddy in the head before countering a charge. Eddy rolls through the school boy, but eats a BIG OL’ CHOP. Eddy gives Benoit a back elbow and then gets a super rana (Cole: “Leg scissors!” LEG SCISSORS?) for 2. A SWEET Backdrop Driver gets 2. BRING THE DEATH! Eddy with the armbar and then stands him up for a chopfest. Eddy breaks it up, with a thumb to the eye. BRILLIANT. Benoit comes back with a backbody drop and some elbows, and the chops. German is blocked, so Benoit opts for the super backdrop for 2. YEAH, BABY! Cole messes up his history by saying that Benoit or Guerrero would “join” the list of those who have held the belt, when both of them have held it before. Benoit gets 2 Rolling Germans before Eddy blocks the third, but Benoit switches to the Crossface. Eddie barely gets to the ropes. Backbreaker gets 2. Eddy counters a second one and hits the Rolling Verticals, with the third being the Superduperplex. THAT is stepping it up. Frog Splash misses. Benoit comes back with the…excuse me while I mark out…

WIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMBBBB!!!!

That gets 2, and the crowd rightfully boos. Benoit locks in the Crossface, but Eddy gets to the ropes. Benoit won’t let go, however, and he and Chioda get into it, and here comes Eddy. Oops, didn’t mean to bump the ref…Eddy with the belt shot! FROG SPLASH! 1…2…NO! The crowd was totally buying that finish! Chioda is still woozy, so Eddy goes back to get the belt. He then nails Chioda…and plants the evidence on Benoit, taking a dive. Eddy Guerrero is your king. This is all silly and stuff but still fun to watch. Chioda isn’t waking up, so Eddy gets mad and eats the Crossface again, tapping out. He messes with Chioda, but Eddy’s belt shot misses and he eats the German. Benoit goes for the Swandive Headbutt, but Chioda gets pulled in front of THAT. OK, now it’s getting ridiculous. Now all three are semi-out, and here comes the Man Beast. Eddy and Benoit get up…but it’s BENOIT who gets GORED. Rhyno flips off the crowd, Eddy looks at him, shrugs his shoulders, heads up, and nails the Frog Splash for the win and the title. What a great match…until the finish. Maybe like…Eddy cheats once, but he needs two ref bumps, two frog splashes, a run-in, and a belt shot to win? I don’t think so. That was my MOTY behind Angle/Benoit until that damn finish happened. ***3/4

-Steph and Vince act like they’re trying out for Jerry Springer or something.

–Ye Olde Indecent Proposal Match-Billy Gunn (w/Torrie Wilson) vs. Jaime Noble-Billy’s pop is anemic. Jaime has a present for Torrie…a briefcase full of sex toys. Billy kicks it back in his face, hits a tilt-a-whirl slam and wails away. Billy hits a wheelbarrow facebuster, but misses the splash in the corner, and then Noble TOTALLY whiffs on a dropkick, but Billy goes out anyways. Billy catches a pescado, but his knee gives. Noble works over Gunn on the outside, and then works the knee inside. Bending kneebar and then some kicks to the leg, but Billy hops over a kick (huh?) and hits the One and Only. Hiptoss neckbreaker gets 2. There was a name for that move in TNA…forgetting it now…Fameasser misses, Ace Crusher gets 2. Billy goes up top, gets caught, and Noble hits a Super DDT! SWEET! Nidia puts the foot on the rope…bleh. Noble gets slapped up by Nidia and Torrie, but dropkicks Billy’s knee inside. He gets held up by Torrie, but reverses the Gunslinger (Catatonic, Sudden Impact, swinging Uranage/Rock Bottom) into a rolling cradle for the win. Jaime gets the pop because he’ll be able to hit Torrie’s muchly popped cherry. If Gunn knew how to sell the knee correctly, this would have been more fun. *1/4

–Ye Olde Barroom Brawl-Not much of note, except that the APA win. That’s about it. Yep…

-Noble’s all like, “Yah, I’m gonna get some of Torrie on Thursday.” Yeah…

–WWE Tag Team Titles-The World’s Greatest Tag Team © vs. Rey Mysterio and Billy Kidman-I’m sure Kidman is pleased that the Redneck Messiah is gonna sleep with his WOMAN! You know Kidman ain’t up to par with Noble on the lovemaking. He gets like NO POP, too! Oh man, too funny. TWGTT have the greatest entrance music other than anybody named Big Show or The Rock. Rey and Benjamin start and Rey gets taken down quickly. Rey gets a quick dropkick as they run the ropes. Benjamin messes up a headscissors at first, but they get it the second time. Tag Kidman, and a drop toehold/dropkick combo gets 2. Kidman flips out of a hiptoss and gets a big time satellite headscissors. Benjamin goes to the hair and tags Haas. He comes in with a school boy for 1, and then they run the ropes with Kidman getting a forearm for 1. Hass chokes and uses those crossface forearms. He gets crotched on the Boss Man Attack, and then Kidman holds him for a Rey guillotine legdrop for 2 as Benjamin saves. Rey goes for the Rube Goldberg bulldog, but Hass turns it into a SWANK wheelbarrow buster for 2. Haas whips Rey HARD to the corner. Delayed tilt-a-whirl slam gets 2. I’m not sure if that was supposed to be a headscissors or what. Benjamin tags in and sends Rey FLYING with the Flapjack for 2. We hit the chinlock and Rey fights out, but Benjamin rolls through a spinning rana attempt, only to eat a dropkick in the face. Cool sequence. Hot tag Kidman, who cleans house with dropkicks and a back body drop and the Rydien Bomb (called the BK Bomb, as in Billy Kidman) for 2. Billy tries for a headscissors, but the champs look for the LEAPFROG OF DEATH, instead. So Rey trips Benjamin to stop that. Now Kidman sets up Hass for the 619, but Benjamin trips HIM up. Touche. Rey comes back with a Springboard Bombs Away, and then Hass gets dumped. And YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS…KIDMANKAZE TIME! Holy shit, indeed. Hass BARELY BARELY BARELY gets the shoulder up at 2. That’s a GREAT nearfall. Kidman to the apron, as he gets a shot in on Hass, but then Benjamin whips Kidman to the buckles from the apron. Cool beans. Back in, Hass covers for 2. See, I think when those two gain experience, they’ll learn the small stuff, like putting your feet on the ropes when you’re near them. Hass was close enough to the point where he could do that. Bodyslam/backbreaker combo from the champs. Rey saves the Benjamin cover. Bridging bow and arrow (SWANK) and then a regular one. Kidman falls on top for 2. Tag Haas, who gets a corner surfboard. Chioda is selling the injuries from the first match. SICK. Kidman dumps Haas and gets the blind tag. I LOVE that spot. Then they do a double team suplex, and Benjamin rolls out of the ring scratching his ear as if nothing happened. Oh, that is SO beautiful. That gets 2. Kidman gets whipped into a Hass knee so BENJAMIN CAN POWERBOMB KIDMAN for 2. See, nobody gets that getting Kidman in a powerbomb without anything prior doesn’t work. They ARE the world’s greatest tag team! Oh, wait, he tried it again. Dumbass…hot tag Rey, who comes in with the sweet springboard somersault dropkick, and then a climbing enzuigiri to Benjamin. Hass takes himself out and then Rey gets a springboard sunset flip for 2. Rey tries to springboard into the Rube Goldberg Bulldog, but opts for the DDT instead for 2. Tag Hass, but Kidman gets him with a knee to the back (touche) and then Haas eats the 619. Springboard Bombs Away (looked botched) but no ref. Benjamin with a Cactus Jack clothesline to Kidman and they’re both out. Hass covers Rey for 2. Rey goes behind Haas and jawbreakers him into the corner. Kidman comes in, but the ref handles Benjamin while the faces hit the VAULTING RANA! Kidman takes out Benjamin, but Hass kicks out. HOLY CRAP what a fall. The crowd is PISSED. Benjamin takes out Kidman with the Dragon Whip and Rey gets whipped and takes out Benjamin, and Hass eats boot. He goes for the Victory Roll, but Haas gets the tag to Benjamin and BOOM, neckbreaker/powerbomb Doomsday Device for the win. That needs a name. If Benjamin hit a dropkick, I’d call it the Bitchmaster Device, but alas, it wasn’t. Cole says Benjamin wasn’t the legal man. BUT HE WAS. IT WASN’T ILLEGAL! Except for some parts that looked funky, it was a great truncated version of the No Mercy 2002 tag, with the dueling heat segments and what not. Fun, fun match. **** Kidman doesn’t turn on Rey…dammit.

–Stephanie McMahon vs. Sable-Stephanie looks like a butch Triple H. My god. Sable grinds more than my teeth when I see that bitch on the way to the ring. It’s semi-ECW in the beginning. Sable throws a low dropkick for 1. Sable kicks away in the corner and brings her out the hard way for 2. Steph punches back but gets kicked in the back. Sable Val Venises over Steph, but Steph school boys her for 2. Sable eats the only stiff thing in the match besides Hebner, an elbow in the corner. Stephanie Britney SPEARS Sable and slaps. Hairwhip gets 2. Steph wants a chair, but Hebner says no, so Sable eats some more elbows. Back in, Steph catches a kick, and hits the SLAP OF DOOM, and then slaps some more on Sable for 2. HENNIG NECKSNAP! BY GAWD! Steph with the weakest kicks and slaps ever. And then she chokes and sounds like a dying yak. Sable’s top comes off almost. Steph wants to go at it, but Sable kicks her away so she can put it on again. PSYCHOLOGY? WITH THE TOP? Oh. Hebner takes off the shirt so Sable can be covered up, and then A-Train comes in, runs over Steph, and Sable gets the pin. 1/4* for each wrestling move in the match. So 3/4*, for the dropkick, the spear, and the necksnap. Earl has a better body than son Brian, sad to say. That kid needs to hit the weights and FAST.

–John Cena vs. The Undertaker-Props to the WWE production team for putting together that video package. Cena makes this match the greatest match ever by wearing the Larry Bird throwback jersey. Word life and all that. Crowd actually gets to drop an F-bomb. Props. Undertaker does the Larry Zybysko stall on his bike and then walks down. CONSTIPATED POSE! Cena SLAPS Taker and then throws bombs. In fact, Cole called that a “bitch slap.” Taker comes back but Cena covers up, so Taker goes to the ribs. Kick sends Cena out, and Taker does his thang outside. Cena spits the AQUAFINA OF DOOM in Taker’s face and then his whip is reversed to the barricade. Cena to the post. Taker breaks the count and then punches away, and hits his apron legdrop. Rabbit punch. Kick to the face. Cover gets 2. Keylock applied. Cena tries fighting back, but he gets tossed. Old School, and then the chokeslam gets 2 as he pulls Cena up. Cena falls out of the Last Ride and goes KICK WHAM DDT. Cena unties the turnbuckle and chokes away. The pad isn’t completely off, so Taker can come back and he punches away and hits the corner lariat. Cena is so sneaky sneaky that he takes it off behind his back in the corner so Taker doesn’t see, and BOOM, Taker eats metal. The ribs are hurting and Cena tackles him outside. Taker comes back with uppercuts, but Cena pulls him up and knees him in the ribs, sending him to the barricade. Cena crashes Taker to the metal in the barricade, ribs first. Taker=Ken Shamrock. INTERNAL BLEEDING!!! Cena punts the ribs, and then goes back to them when Taker tries coming back. Shoulders in the corner. Taker comes back and Cena ducks the Big Boot, but eats a GOOD lariat. Nice, solid shot. Cena goes back to the ribs, but then Taker gets the Dragon Sleeper (not even called the Taking Care of Business anymore). Cena’s by the ropes. Cena spinebuster gets 2. He knees the ribs again, and gets 2. Slugfest, won by Taker, and then he shows good psychology by hitting a lariat with not as much behind it. Normally, he’d fly in the air, but that time, he couldn’t. That gets 2. Taker goes for the Tombstone, but his ribs don’t agree, so Cena tries the worst DVD ever, but Taker falls out and he hits the Big Boot. Hulk Calloway with the legdrop for 2. Taker punches Cena down and chokes him. Taker shoves Chioda off, but Cena uses the chain on Taker’s ribs. Cena hits the F-U for 2. It’s called the F-U because he “Fucks Up” the Death Valley Driver. Cena yells “RESPECT ME!” with every punch in the corner, and then eats the Last Ride for the UT win. Fun brawl, I hate the F-U, Cena did his job, Taker brought the working boots. MY THEORY IS CORRECT! ***

–Mr. McMahon vs. Zack Gowen-HEEL SECTION POSTER! HEEL SECTION POSTER! Haha…I wonder if Vince noticed that…more boxing intros. Well, they’ve already worn that out. Zack takes off the leg. HE MEANS BUSINESS! Vince toys around with him and then starts throwing him around. Zack tries a rollup but eats a lariat. Kick to the gut and then shoulders in the corner. Zack battles back with elbows and tosses him over. Dropkick through the ropes, one legged Asai Moonsault. That still boggles my mind. Three legdrops get 2. Vince comes back and works the leg. Yeah, like we didn’t think that was gonna happen. Couple kneecrushers, and then he kicks the leg out from under him. Then he posts it. Now the half crab, but Zack gets to the ropes. Zack comes back with some kicks to the knees, and then a kick to the chest, and then a dropkick. Then he crotches him on the post. Then he takes McMahon’s knee to the post, even flipping him off. I heard that Zack is actually a great heel, which is weird, because he’s such the sympathetic face it’s not even funny. Zack gets a semi-bulldog and a missile dropkick. The moonsault hits, but it gets 2 as Vince gets the foot on the rope. Now he gets a chair and pushes Hebner out, and then a very contrived Van Daminator. McMahon bleeds for fun. And it is a GUSHER. Zack with a GREAT chairshot. Zack goes for the Sky Twister Press, but McMahon rolls out of the way, rolls over again, and gets the win. That’s a good ol’ fashioned EL DANDY~! Bladejob, too! Holy crap. That bladejob gets a Ѕ* alone. The match was the good ol’ McMahon special, but with a much better bladejob. **Ѕ

-Eddy gets asked if the victory was tainted by Rhyno’s interference. It’s Benoit’s fault. THAT’S RIGHT. YOU TELL ‘EM, VATO LOCO! He says that he doesn’t need no stinkin’ homies and that the only thing that matters is the belt. ORALE, VATO LOCO!!!

–Triple Threat for the WWE Championship-Brock Lesnar © vs. Kurt Angle vs. Big Show-WELLLLLLLLLLL, WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW! Angle has the gold trimmed tights and such. I love Brock’s pyro. Staredown by Lesnar and Angle, and then they go after Show, but Show gets a double lariat. Angle gets tossed and then Big Show hits a flash chokeslam for 2 as Angle saves. Show with a chop, and Angle avoids him and tries a German, but Show uses his ass power to stop that. Show looks for the Final Cut, but Angle goes to the anklelock, but Show kicks him off. He knocks Lesnar to the floor again and then kicks Angle around before he hits the big legdrop for 2 as Lesnar saves. Lesnar with the shoulders, and Show eats elbow on a charge, and then a second rope elbow. Brock goes KICK WHAM, no Show stops it. Final Cut gets 2. Angle has trash can lids and now it’s human pinball time with the Big Show. A Con-Trash Can Lid-Oh sends him down. They go for a double suplex on him, but Show counters to his own. Show wants to chokeslam both of them, but then here comes a DOUBLE CHOKESLAM ON THE BIG SHOW. That was cool. Angle pulls Brock off, and then they shove and I think Angle’s head lands in the fifth row on that lariat. WOW. Reversals lead to a KICK WHAM F-5. Angle rolls out and waits for Big Show to get up. BIG BOY F-5!!! Angle pulls the ref at 2. Lesnar greets him outside and whips him to the steps. And then again, and then the post. Lesnar hot shots Big Show, and tries to lariat him down, but Show comes back with one of his own. Show with the leg drop for 2. Angle bleeds. Lesnar gets worked over in the corner and Show puts him on the top. He’s looking for a BIG OL’ SUPERPLEX, and Angle can’t stop him. That gives Lesnar the opportunity to hit A RUNNING POWERBOMB. SICK! Angle breaks the pin with a chairshot, and then Lesnar takes a SICK unprotected shot to the head. Angle then covers Show for 2. Now Show takes a chairshot and falls outside. Running chairshot, but Show kicks it in his face. And now the Big Show plans to destroy the Spanish contingent at ringside. I think the announcers are doing something like this:

Hugo: Ay yi yi, es el gigante! NO! NO! NO! Y Angle no esta bueno! DONDE ESTA ESSA RIOS?

Lesnar is bleeding, too. Angle reverses the chokeslam and Angle Slams Show through the table. Mexico City is reporting a 6.5 on the Richter Scale. Show is out. The other two men are in, talkin shit. This is war, and it’s gonna be SICK! Angle starts pounding away, and Brock comes back, and eventually goes for the F-5 again, but Angle holds on to the ropes, and then gets tossed. Angle reverses a whip to the stairs. To the stairs again and then back in with the German, and then he gets the SUPER DUPER Released German for 2. THE STRAPS ARE DOWN, KICK WHAM, no, Brock pushes off and gets a Spinebuster for 2. Now Brock locks in the bearhug, now the chinlock, with the bodyscissors. Big Show comes in to break up the hold and legdrops Lesnar, then covers both for 2. Strap down, DOUBLE CHOKESLAM. Both get up at 2. Lesnar goes low to break up another chokeslam, and then Angle starts hammering away. Corner whip reversed, but Lesnar eats the post and the Angle Lock is procured. Show comes in and eats an Angle Slam for the hell of it. Angle Slam to Lesnar gets the win, the belt, and the ticket to be first in line at the buffet. Big Show will be pissed. A very nicely booked match, because Show was good when he needed to be, and that is when he was kicking some ass. The Lesnar/Angle part here was very good, as it was a constricted version of the WrestleMania XIX match. ***3/4

–Conclusion-Let’s see. Overall, this might be the best PPV of the year. The main event was good because Show brought his boots, Taker brought his boots, Guerrero and Benoit brought the awesome, and the tag match was a total show stealer. Even the Gunn/Noble match wasn’t that bad, and Gowen and McMahon wasn’t bad neither. The women’s match was gonna suck, we knew that, and that can’t be avoided. All in all, if put right up against XIX, it’s awfully close, but Michaels and Jericho and the main event were both spectacular, along with a great Rocky/Austin match, and the McMahon match was better there than here. All in all, it’s almost a toss up, but definitely get this show. It’s great pretty much from top to bottom. Go out and get this already. It’s must see PPV!