100 Percent Fordified: CHIKARA The Shoulder of Pallas

Secaucus, NJ – 4.6.2013

Championship Rundown
Grand Champion: Eddie Kingston
Campeones de Parejas: 3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews)
Young Lions Cup Champion: “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti

Commentary is provided by Bryce Remsburg, Gavin Loudspeaker, Leonard F. Chikarason, UltraMantis Black, and Dr. Keith Lipinski.

Gavin Loudspeaker may have done my favorite song yet: a parody of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” with WrestleMania moments. Gavin is seriously a genius.

Saturyne vs. Kobald

This is a rematch from “I’ll Be A Mummy’s Uncle.” Kobald spears Saturyne before the bell. She comes back with a headscissors and a pair of dropkicks. Kobald evades a third and drops an elbow across her back. She puts on the Rings of Saturyne and then headscissors Kobald to the corner. Kobald gives her a side slam for two. He does some damage to her lower back. He gets two with another spear. Saturyne sunset flips him. Kobald lifts her up into the Attitude Adjustment for two. Healso hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle for some easy heat. He gets two again from a powerbomb. Saturyne avoids a corner spear. Kobald blocks a spinwheel kick and smacks her on the top rope. Saturyne drops him off the second rope with a Gourd Buster. She dropkicks him to the corner and comes in with a spinwheel kick. She spikes him with a quesadora bulldog for two. Three axe kicks earn her another two count. Kobald mocks Saturyne’s mentor Sara Del Rey with the Royal Butterfly. Saturyne manages to kick out from it. She crotches Kobald to block the Demon’s Toilet. Saturyne channels the 1-2-3 Kid with a moonsault block and gets the pin at 6:27. I really appreciate anytime Saturyne incorporates Sara Del Rey’s moveset into her own, showing that the short-lived bond between them meant something. I also appreciate Kobald mocking her by mimicking that moveset. This had a lot more heat from the crowd than I expected and was actually a pretty hot way to open the show. **1/4

Elimination Match
The Spectral Envoy (UltraMantis Black & Blind Rage) vs. The Throwbacks (Dasher Hatfield & Mark Angelosetti) vs. The Batiri (Obariyon & Kodama) vs. The Devastation Corporation (Max Smashmaster & Blaster McMassive)

Sidney Bakabella is in the Corporation’s corner. The third member comes out and unmasks, but is sent to the back immediately. Obariyon and Hatfield start off. Kodama stops Hatfield from smacking Obariyon on the buttocks. He accidentally hits Obariyon and Hatfield smacks Kodama in the buttocks instead. Hatfield sends Kodama out with some armdrags and baseball slides both Batiri members into the guardrails. Angelosetti does not seem intimidated by McMassive. Hatfield helps him take down McMassive with a double shoulder tackle. Smashmaster frightens Angelosetti enough to tag in Rage. Rage valiantly throws some strikes before getting tossed to the floor. Obariyon dives into Smashmaster. Smashmaster throws him him into the guardrails! Kodama sends Smashmaster into the ring post. Hatfield suicide dives onto Smashmaster. McMassive does an AWESOME dive over the top rope onto everyone. Angelosetti does the Tebow Pose instead of diving. Mantis throws him onto the fracas. He and Obariyon engage in a Lucha sequence ending with Mantis getting two with a tornado clutch. Hatfield whips Obariyon into a baseball swing double axe handle from Mantis. Bakabella stops Hatfield from running the bases. Angelosetti gives Bakabella a wedgie. The Corporation double hip toss Hatfield out of the corner and isolate him. The Batiri help them out. Hatfield escapes by rolling through another double hip toss and tagging in Mantis. He low bridges the top rope to send the Corporation out. He lays out the Batiri, sending them to the floor. McMassive throws him throat first into the ropes. Hatfield stops Angelosetti from illegally using his football helmet. McMassive overhead suplexes Hatfield off the top rope. Smashmaster squashes Angelosetti in the corner. They give Hatfield the Death Blow to eliminate the Throwbacks at 13:26. Rage comes in and tosses Smashmaster out. Mantis rolls up McMassive to eliminate him at 13:44! McMassive attacks Mantis while the Batiri give Rage the Skull Bronzing. The Seventh Circle puts Rage away at 14:12, giving them their third point and a future Campeonatos de Parejas match. That was a lot of fun. It wasn’t always pretty, but everybody seemed to have defined rolls that they stuck too. It continued the Batiri’s issue with Dasher and the Envoy, got Angelosetti into the mix, and hinted that we could see a Corporation/Batiri team up in the future. I think this match accomplished quite a bit. ***

Sugar Dunkerton comes out to check on Dasher Hatfield who is laying on the floor grasping at his ribs. Angelosetti tells Dunkerton that this is a family affair and to get out of here. Dunkerton eventually obliges.

Amasis makes his way out to the ring for his scheduled match with Ophidian. This would be Amasis’ first match back in CHIKARA since King of Trios 2011 and of course since Ophidian turned on him, sprayed poison in his face, and unmasked him at “High Noon.” Ophidian however comes out in a wheelchair with crutches. Ophidian thinks it’s ironic that he is the one unable to compete in their scheduled singles match. Referee Dan Yost has to hold Amasis back. Ophidian begins to talk to Amasis to distract him. Cleverly, as he’s walking back and forth he is moving his hands in the same way he would hypnotize somebody. This causes Amasis to be put in a trance…or so he wants us to think. He gives Ophidian a spinebuster and pounds away. The rest of the Batiri make their way out to the ring to attack Amasis. Amasis is able to fend them off but the number game eventually overwhelms him. Ophidian beats him down with his crutch. Ophidian says he has a special blend of venom to spray into Amasis’ face. He jabs Ophidian in his throat, causing him to choke on his own venom. The Batiri continues to beat Amasis down while Ophidian recovers. They take Ophidian to the back while multiple officials help Amasis. The schedule bout between these two was ruled a No Contest and has been rescheduled for “Aniversario: Never Compromise” on June 2nd.

3.0 (Scott “Jagged” Parker & Shane Matthews), Gran Akuma & Marty Jannetty vs. F.I.S.T. (Icarus, Chuck Taylor, Johnny Gargano & Sugar Dunkerton)

Icarus and Dunkerton are wearing purple while Gargano and Taylor are wearing black. Foreshadowing? Jagged and Dunkerton have some fun in the opening exchange, including some Kid N’ Play dancing. Gargano hops in and boots Jagged to end the chicanery. Matthews gives him some armdrags and clotheslines him to the floor. He sets up Icarus for the Boston Crab but Taylolr throws him out. Akuma armdrags Taylor a few times before putting on a standing Octopus. He armdrags Taylor to the floor. Jannetty and Icarus tag in. This is significant because Icarus in a blog pointed out how much of an idol Jannetty was to him as a kid. After he takes off his jacket, Jannetty hip tosses Icarus and gives him a backdrop. Icarus actually puts his jacket back on due to Jannetty’s request. A suplex chain forms seeing everybody getting suplexed except Jannetty and Dunkerton. They end up doing the Prime Time Players dance until Jannetty snapmares Dunkerton into a figure four headscissors. a Chain of these forms with Matthews putting everybody in a massive Boston Crab. We end things with Akuma going for a headscissors on Taylor. Gargano dropkicks Akuma to stop him. This leads to F.I.S.T. wearing down their former stable mate in the corner. Akuma ends up backdropping Taylor and tagging in Matthews when Taylor and Bryce have words. Headscissors for Icarus, Gargano, and Dunkerton! When he has trouble with Taylor, Bryce Remsburg gives him a headscissors! Matthews drop toe holds him into Jagged’s elbow drop for two. Jannetty powerslams Dunkerton. Gargano lawn darts Jagged into the corner. Taylor pops him into an Ace Crusher from Gargano for two. Dunkerton helps Icarus with a Shiranui on Matthews. Dunkerton comes off the top with an elbow for two. He holds Akuma for Gargano’s superkick. Akuma moves, yet Gargano still superkicks Dunkerton on purpose! Akuma hits Gargano with the mp4. 3.0 take Icarus down so Akuma can deliver a frog splash. Taylor breaks it, then gets superkicked by Jannetty. Gargano low blow Jannetty behind Bryce’s back! Icarus is very unhappy with him. He slaps Gargano in the face! Akuma shoves them into each other and wipes out Icarus with a fallaway kick. Icarus blocks the Tenchi Crash. He rolls Akuma into…the CHIKARA Special?! Akuma taps out at 18:31! I really like the slow burn they’re doing with F.I.S.T splintering in half. They played it up well in this match which was really fun and consistently good throughout. ***1/2

Taylor and Gargano get in Dunkerton’s face. Icarus tells them to back off. Icarus says he’s a part of F.I.S.T. which they don’t agree with. Icarus shoves Taylor down. Gargano leaves with him. Icarus leaves alone as he is not pleased that Dunkerton is still causing dissension.

Tim Donst is outside with Veronica Ticklefeather. He talks about how much he hates the sun which Donst agrees with. Jakob Hammermeier comes into the picture. To cheer him up, he brought him Steve “The Turtle” Weiner with kangaroon ears to prove that he’s a Donstaroo. Donst is not happy about this at all. Donst and Veronica leave. Turtle thinks Veronica liked his gesture which in turns makes him happy. I’ve got no clue.

Archibald Peck vs. Tim Donst

Veronica, Jakob, and Turtle are in Donst’s corner. This is a threematch from “While the Dawn is Breaking” and “Watchmaker.” Donst tries attacking Peck before the bell but ends up being backdropped to the floor. Peck jumps off the apron. Donst catches him and rams him back first into the ring post. He gives Peck a backbreaker off the apron, going back to his strategy from Orlando where he attacked Peck’s back. In the ring he hits the Donst cap and gets two with a German suplex. Peck stops a corner attack with a pair of boots to the face. He drop toe holds Donst in the corner and drives his elbow into his shoulders. He gets two with the Snow Plow. Peck Ric Flair’s his way to the apron. Donst traps him and hits the ropes to drive him face first into the canvas. He clothesliens Peck to the floor and suicide dives after him. Peck shoves him into the ring post. He comes off the apron with a clothesline. He calls for a Cranial Crescendo but misses. He’s able to recover and kick him in the chin. Peck hits the Unchained Melody for two. Donst shoves referee PJ Drummond into the ropes to crotch Peck on the top rope. Donst brings him down with a super Donstitution for two. They trade strikes, ending with Donst catching Peck with an Ace Crusher. Peck suplexes him into the corner. He hits the New Move for two. He puts Donst away with the Cranial Crescendo at 9:08. Finally, a clean finish! A Donst match without all the gaga is actually pretty good, but they kept things fairly basic. It’s funny to see the most over guy in the company compete against a guy who fell from grace. Really shows you where these two fall in line. **1/2

Donst is leaving with his crew. Gavin Loudspeaker speaks up and tells the crew that Donst only cares about himself. Jakob gets in his face. Donst throws Gavin down from behind. He clips off a piece of his hair! Gavin recoils in fear as Donst taunts him. He wants Gavin to remember he can do this whenever he wants.

Wink Vavasseur comes out to the ring. He brings out The Colony: Xtreme Force (Arctic Recue Ant, Missile Assault Ant & Orbit Adventure Ant). A few weeks back, he requested that the original Colony (Fire Ant, Soldier Ant & Green Ant) report to his office and bring their 2011 King of Trios medals with them. Wink has stripped the Colony of these medals and retroactively declares The Colony: Xtreme Force as the 2011 King of Trios champions. This enrages The Colony: Xtreme Force’s leader, Soldier Ant, who protests to this idea. After all, he won those medals. Fire Ant and Green Ant join him in this protest. The original Colony attacks the Xtreme Force. assailANT and Frightmare make their way out. All seven ants are fighting on the floor and Frightmare dives onto them.

The Colony (Fire Ant, Green Ant & assailANT) & Frightmare vs. Soldier Ant & The Colony: Xtreme Force (Arctic Rescue Ant, Missile Assault Ant & Orbit Adventure Ant)

Frightmare and Missile officially start the match off. Frightmare sends him out with a Frankensteiner. Arctic drives his face into the mat. assailANT gives him a running crossbody. Soldier Ant dropkicks assailANT to the corner. He goes up his shoulders for an armdrag. After a back elbow he falls onto him with a headbutt. Green Ant gamengiri’s Orbit from the apron and hops in with a dropkick. Missile Jon Woo dropkicks him. Fire Ant comes in with a crossbody. Arctic kicks his legs out and gives him the Mogul Mash. Fire Ant responds with an antzuigiri before Burning Down the House. Frightmare yakuza kicks Arctic to the floor. Orbit pops up Frightmare into Missile’s fists. Green Ant and assailANT knock them down and throw kicks to their chests. Green Ant hip tosses Fire Ant onto Missile and Orbit for two. Missile ducks a kick from Fire Ant and tags in Soldier Ant. They reach a stalemate without doing much real damage. The Xtreme Force come in and all three attack Fire Ant. Soldier Ant fends them off. Even so, the Xtreme Force take turns beating down Soldier Ant’s former partner right in front of him. They even go after his mask which Soldier Ant reprimands them for. The bickering causes Orbit to toss Soldier Ant to the floor! Green Ant comes in and cleans house on the Xtreme Force. He dives onto Orbit out on the floor. assailANT tosses Soldier Ant off the apron and back elbows Arctic. Missile sends assailANT out. Frightmare gives Missile a tornado DDT. The Frightmare on Elm St leads to the Colony delivering the Ants Marching dropkick. Frightmare goes for an Ace Crusher. Behind the referee’s back, Missile takes off his mask! Missile cradles him so referee Jon Barber doesn’t notice and gets the pin at 10:50. The action was pretty good, but obviously they were mostly showing the dissension between the Xtreme Force and Soldier Ant. They did a good job incorporating that with the match. The Xtreme Force were much more palatable here than they were during the Orlando show. ***1/4

Grand Championship
Eddie Kingston vs. Hallowicked

Kingston’s right hand is heavily taped up. They trade some armdrags to start off. Hallowicked sends Kingston out with a Frankensteiner and follows with a suicide dive. Kingston stops a slingshot Oklahoma roll with an enzuigiri. He gives Hallowicked a neckbreaker on the top rope for two. Kingston goes after his eyes to stop Hallowicked’s strikes. Kingston gives him a pumphandle suplex for two. Hallowicked ducks the Backfirst the first time. He takes it on the second time, causing Kingston to collapse from the pain it did to his hand. Hallowicked inside cradles him for two. He also gets two with a Rydeen Bomb. Kingston drops him with an elevated DDT. Hallowicked gives him an enzuigiri and a super snapmare in the corner. He hits a Swanton Bomb for two. He goes for an armbar causing Kingston to get the ropes instantaneously. He suplexes Hallowicked onto his neck. Hallowicked fights Kingston off the ropes. He dives off only to be caught by an Ace Crusher. Kingston hits the American D for two. Hallowicked avoids a Saito suplex. He boots Kingston in the back of the head, hits Go 2 Sleepy Hollow, and follows with a yakuza kick. When Kingston kicks out, Hallowicked rips off some of the tape on Kingston’s hand and applies pressure to it. Hallowicked goes for Go 2 Sleepy Hollow. He catches Hallowicked’s leg and Backfists him with his other hand for the win at 11:11. I don’t know why but the crowd never got into this. It seemed like they did a good job having Hallowicked work over Kingston’s hand and these two usually get a hot reaction so I was stumped. Maybe people are legitimately fed up with Kingston’s behavior and reign? Whatever it was, I was expecting something great that harkened back to their awesome 2007 feud and ended up with something that was good but unremarkable. ***

Mike Quackenbush & Jushin “Thunder” Liger vs. Jigsaw & The Shard

Liger is Quackenbush’s mystery partner. The crowd is going bananas while the “dream team” looks shocked and worried. Quackenbush and Shard trade wristlocks. Quackenbush shoves him out of the corner with his feet and pops out of a headscissors. Liger puts Jigsaw in a pendulum stretch. They switch positions on the mat until Jigsaw goes to the apron. Quackenbush puts Shard in the Cerebral Lock. Jigsaw tries coming in but Quackenbush catches him with a Manhattan Drop. He puts on a sharpshooter. Shard flies in and gets punched in the stomach. Quackenbush rolls him into a submission. Jigsaw boots Quackenbush until he releases. Quackenbush knocks Shard to the floor with a forearm and knocks Jigsaw down as well. He follows with an Asai moonsault, causing his legs to crash into the barricades on his way down. Liger puts Jigsaw in the Romero Special. He sends Jigsaw and the Shard out and cannonball sentons onto them off the apron. Quackenbush picks apart the Shard’s leg. Jigsaw comes in with a springboard double stomp to Quackenbush’s back. He kicks his back from the apron. He and The Shard target Quackenbush’s back and keep Liger at bay. Quackenbush palm strikes Jigsaw off the apron and tosses Shard aside. The Shard however hops up and knocks Liger off the apron. Jigsaw mocks Liger and he throws strikes at Quackenbush. Quackenbush catches their tandem kicks and baits Jigsaw into giving Shard a back drop. He gives Jigsaw a Black Tornado Slam and mule kicks Shard away before tagging in Liger. He palm strikes Shard and gives Jigsaw a tilt-a-whirl backrbeaker. He dives off the top rope onto both of them on the floor. Quackenbush gives Shard the Quackendriver IV for two. Liger gets two with a frog splash thanks to Jigsaw making the save. He calls for the brainbuster. Liger avoids it but gets taken down with a Frankensteiner. Jigsaw superkicks Quackenbush into a German suplex from the Shard. Liger gives Shard a Koppu Kick. He enzuigiri’s Jigsaw. He and Quackenbush palm strikeJigsaw a few times. Quackenbush hits the Quackendriver III. Shard breaks the pin. Liger absorbs Jigsaw and Shard’s individual superkicks, but falls to tandem superkicks. He manages to kick out at two. Quackenbush gets sent twice back first into the corner. He takes the Jig N’ Tonic and still kicks out. Quackenbush and Liger double palm strike Jigsaw in the corner. Quackenbush dives onto Shard, leaving Jigsaw with Liger. Jigsaw gets two with a small package. Liger gives him a super brainbuster for the pin at 18:22! That was as exciting and fast paced as you wanted. Liger really worked hard and made the most of his appearance. The Dream Team get better each match and they worked over Quackenbush’s back with mastery. Such a fun main event. ****

As Quackenbush is heading to the back, he is handed an envelope by a man with a hat that reads “NPA.” The camera quickly cuts off after that. Almost immediately, Quackenbush was off the CHIKARA roster page, his Twitter has no affiliation with CHIKARA, and all of his merchandise was discounted. Something is certainly up. It is believed that NPA is stands for “No Private Army”, a blog that if you take a gander at could have presumed ties to CHIKARA. Speaking of people leaving CHIKARA, shortly after this show, Soldier Ant quit the company (as seen on this video), presumably fed up with forced affiliation with the Colony: Xtreme Force.

The 411: Even with a disappointing Grand Championship match the card was by and large really good and had a stellar main event. If nothing else, this is a historic show given that it's CHIKARA first involvement in WrestleMania weekend and the first (and likely only) time Jushin Liger made an appearance. It also left me with a lot of intrigue for what's going on for the rest of the season. If you're new to CHIKARA's landscape, this might be a good jumping on point. If you're already a CHIKARA fan, this is definitely something you'll want to add to your collection. You can purchase the show on DVD, mp4, or steam it On Demand over at Smart Mark Video. Be sure to check out all of my CHIKARA reviews at my CHIKARA blog; "The CHIKARA Special" and all the CHIKARA news over at "The CHIKARA Special" Tumblr. In addition to that, you can check out a lot of promos from CHIKARA DVDs over at the CHIKARA Special YouTube Page. Be sure to follow me on Twitter as well!

Final Score:  8.0   [ Very Good ]