Movies & TV / Columns
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Warriors of the Wasteland
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #551: Warriors of the Wasteland
Post-Apocalyptic April: Week 3
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that often wonders when, exactly, headbands would become a top fashion choice in the post-apocalyptic world because various survivors in these post-apocalyptic movies seem to be wearing them (does the headband thing start immediately or does it take a few years?), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number five hundred and fifty one, Post-Apocalyptic April continues with the all-time classic low budget Italian post-apocalyptic sci-fi action flick Warriors of the Wasteland, which was unleashed in Italy in early July 1983 and then released in North America in mid-January 1984.
Warriors of the Wasteland
Warriors of the Wasteland, also known as The New Barbarians (and, apparently, The New Barbarians: Warriors of the Wasteland), is one of the greatest low budget Italian post-apocalyptic sci-fi action movies ever made. Ever. Directed and co-written by the great Enzo G. Castellari, Warriors of the Wasteland is nearly 90 minutes of cinematic insanity. It’s the kind of movie that, once you finish watching it, you wonder how the hell it was made and why anyone involved in it thought it was a good idea in the first place. The vehicles, the action scenes, the world put up on the screen, even the performances, it’s all so very bizarre. And yet it does exist, everyone involved in it apparently agreed to do it, and the end result is a B-movie masterpiece.
Warriors of the Wasteland, which apparently takes place in 2019 (hey, there was a chance this all could have happened in 2019 based on what was happening in the world in 1982-1983-1984) stars Timothy Brent (Italian actor Giancarlo Prete) as Scorpion, a badass loner that drives around the post-nuclear war wastelands in a souped up, tricked out muscle car, scavenging for supplies, helping people, and killing bad guys. His mortal enemy is One (George Eastman), the leader of The Templars, a sort of religious cult that drives around the wastelands, killing people because people are the reason the world was destroyed. The Templars are all decked out in white armor and they drive around in all sorts of weird looking vehicles, looking for people to kill. When Scorpion prevents the Templars from completely killing a band of survivors and he manages to rescue a hot babe named Alma (Anna Kanakis), One and his main henchman Shadow (Italian actor Ennio Girolami performing under the name Thomas Moore) take it upon themselves to track down Scorpion and kill him (or, maybe, try to get him back into the Templar fold). To a certain extent, while Scorpion and The Templars were big time enemies before rescuing Alma they weren’t necessarily ready to go at one another full throttle. If there was an opportunity to kill one another they would try to take it, but if it wasn’t an easy task at that moment they weren’t going to do it. After rescuing Alma, though, it’s basically war.
And so that’s what we see. War. The Templars go after Scorpion, and Scorpion fights back. There are car chases, fights, and explosions galore. Fred “The Hammer” Williamson shows up as Nadir, a badass loner that teams up with Scorpion every so often to kill bad guys and whatnot (you get the sense that Scorpion and Nadir really don’t like one another but because they have a common enemy they fight together sometimes). Nadir rescues Scorpion in one episode (Nadir’s specialty is killing bad guys with explosive arrows, two years before John Rambo used explosive arrows in Rambo: First Blood Part II) and that’s where we learn about their relationship. Scorpion also has a relationship with a young boy played by Giovanni Frezza (he’s listed in the credits as “Young Mechanic” but, as far as I know, doesn’t have an actual name and I don’t remember Scorpion using any sort of name with him). The Young Mechanic fixes up Scorpion’s car, weapons, and eventually makes him some clear body armor that is both one of the coolest thing you’ve ever seen and one of the most ridiculous things anyone has ever made for anyone ever in the history of cinema and the world. Yes, it really is that amazing.
The movie’s action scenes are, and I hate using this word over and over again but I can’t think of a better one, insane. The various car and motorcycle (well, dirt bike) stunts look incredibly dangerous and completely unsafe. They were probably perfectly safe, but there’s a haphazardness to the stunts that make them seem like they were done by people who had no business doing them. The vehicles The Templars use are, maybe, a little too nice and clean for the post-apocalypse, but they’re also just cool as hell looking and they fit with the Templar armor. Scorpion’s car is sweet as fuck, too, even with the ridiculous bubble on the roof. I also want to commend the various special weapons attached to the various vehicles, like missile launchers, bomb throwers, lasers, spinning blades, battering rams, and more. These are the weapons I bet we all wish we had on and in our cars. They look like they would come in handy in certain situations.
The guns used by the Templars, Scorpion, and other people are ridiculously cool. M-16’s shoot lasers, handguns fire rounds that cause massive explosions, and I have no idea how any of these weapons came into being in this post-apocalypse. It doesn’t matter, though. Again, they’re all cool, and that’s what really matters.
The look of the world the movie takes place in seem appropriate. The world is a shithole of wreckage, waste, and other nastiness and it’s everywhere. It isn’t a desert, though. There’s dirt and mud, yes, but there are also areas of grass and brush and whatnot, something you don’t expect to see in this kind of past-apocalyptic movie. Shouldn’t there be desert everywhere? Some viewers may be turned off by the dinginess of damn near everything, but I love that look. As cool as it would be to be a loner badass in a souped up car killing bad guys and whatnot, the kind of future depicted is not what I would call attractive. I’d imagine that most people would much rather avoid this kind of world. I know I wouldn’t want to exist in it.
The soundtrack by the great Claudio Simonetti is exactly what you would hope it to be; a barrage of synthesizers, electronic drums, and other assorted 1980’s low budget soundtrack goodness. The movie also has a killer theme. It’s a damn shame so few movies nowadays even bother with original themes. It’s what’s missing from the low budget movie world.
The main performances are top notch. Timothy Brent is iconic as Scorpion. There’s just no other way to describe it. He’s iconic as Scorpion. He can fight, he can shoot, he can drive, and he can act (he also manages to come out of a bizarre sex scene in a clear tube and not look like a goddamn idiot). I prefer the dubbed voice Brent had in Escape from the Bronx but the one that’s used here is still excellent. Why the hell isn’t there a Scorpion action figure? You’d think that is something we’d have in abundance by now.
Fred “The Hammer” Williamson kicks ass as Nadir. Yes, he does look kind of ridiculous in his leather and plastic suit but he’s so committed to the part that his costume just stops being ridiculous after a while. And only a man as manly and badass as “The Hammer” could make the headband he wears not ridiculous and cool as fuck. And where the hell is my “Fred ‘The Hammer’ Williamson as Nadir in Warriors of the Wasteland” action figure? Goddamit!
Anna Kanakis is terrific as Alma. She would later be just as awesome in 2019: After the Fall of New York. And Giovanni Frezza is not as annoying as he could have been as the Young Mechanic. That’s a major plus for this kind of movie. Normally you hate these kinds of kids in this kind of movie. Again, since you don’t hate him here that’s a major plus.
George Eastman is pretty damn slimy as One. He’s a fucking lunatic but, at the same time, you can see why scared people in the post-apocalypse might join up with him. I mean, the guy has a great line of bullshit. And Ennio Girolami/Thomas Moore is a lunatic, too, as Shadow. How the hell do you get your hair that blonde in the post-apocalypse?
Now, there is something I’ve been wondering about regarding whether or not Warriors of the Wasteland is in the public domain in the United States. I’ve seen it listed in a few “public domain movies” lists and I’ve seen it hosted by a few horror hosts on public access TV, but there’s nothing on Wikipedia about a potential public domain designation, so what the heck is going on here? Is the movie in the public domain in the U.S. and if it is how did that even happen? If anyone out there reading this knows, please enlighten me. I’m clearly confused.
I love Warriors of the Wasteland. It’s the kind of movie that shouldn’t exist because it’s ridiculous, but it does and that’s something that should be celebrated every single day. It’s nothing short of an amazing low budget cinematic experience. You need to see it.
And then you can join me in demanding someone make fucking action figures from this movie. Who wouldn’t want a Scorpion, Nadir, and Templar playset? Everyone is going to want one. Everyone.
See Warriors of the Wasteland. See it, see it, goddamn fucking see it!
So what do we have here?
Dead bodies: It’s gotta be over 60.
Explosions: Multiple, big and small.
Nudity?: Yes. In shadow.
Doobage: Exploding city, a very cool opening titles theme, a group of people trying to survive the aftermath of the nuclear war, multiple marauder attacks, laser hooey, people falling in slow motion, a slow motion ramp stunt, jumping through a wall of metal barrels, slow motion dirt bike jump, laser blast to the face, grenade attack, double somersault caused by explosion in slow motion, multiple exploding cars, tank gun hooey, flamethrower insanity, more exploding cars, whirling propeller weapon, a decapitation where the head isn’t completely removed from the body and, as a result, looks way nastier, Holy Bible destruction, scavenger hooey, handgun with exploding rounds, a mercy killing, sling shot attack, multiple exploding trees, an ear, armored truck attack, a piercing battering ram with flamethrower attack, chest piercing, catching a woman in a net and then dragging her behind the vehicle, a giant metal skull hood ornament, target practice, multiple arguments, attempted wound fixing, a bizarre sex scene, attempted magnetic bomb, door launching, slow motion explosion, exploding chest, exploding arrow hooey, a fist fight on an exploding vehicle, arrow to the neck followed by decapitation explosion, banter, multiple instances of weird sex for everyone in every conceivable way, a car trunk missile, slow motion someone getting knocked off a cliff, some sort of potential man-on-man sex (well, it’s implied), multiple mini wrist grenades, a decoy car, guy walking through fire, a sort of one-on-one shootout, clear bubble armor, more laser face burning, exploding Templar, landmine hooey, slingshot ball to the neck, finger pointing, a final car chase, a giant drill attack, a massive body piercing, exploding car, and a badass ending.
Kim Richards?: Probably off screen.
Gratuitous: Nuclear war, a female hazmat suit with clear boob domes, George Eastman, bad guys riding around in circles in order to intimidate, slow motion, a guy rips a Bible in half with his bare hands, Timothy Brent, a button on a car’s stick shift that opens a car door, a kid car mechanic, a kid mechanic driving a car like a goddamn maniac, a giant metal skull hood ornament, Fred “The Hammer” Williamson, Fred “The Hammer” Williamson wearing a headband, a bizarre sex scene, “Bye,” slingshot hooey, and a badass ending.
Best lines: “XJW, over. XJW, over,” “I don’t believe it anymore,” “Oh, God, if only the world could go back to the way it was,” “My God! It’s The Templars!,” “Slow down! Give him a head start! Now go!,” “Shadow! Take a look at this!,” “Books! Books! That’s what started the whole apocalypse!,” “The world is dead! It raped itself! But I will purify it with blood! No one is innocent! But only we, the Templars, are the ministers of revenge!,” “Hey, man, you have a shot… you have a shot left for me? Please?,” “You’re not such a hot driver, you know that? Keep practicing,” “I thought you were dead, Scorpion,” “I’m only at peace with dead Templars,” “Hey, Scorpion! You fight, you kill, you rob. How the hell are you any different from us? One wants to exterminate all human beings so life will be erased from this planet. Now you know how I’m different. I want to live,” “How about a little pre-emptive destruction?,” “It’s time we demoted them,” “With all of the Templars around you women are getting rare,” “I fight to survive,” “Take him back to One. If he sent them this is my answer. If he didn’t this is my warning,” “Listen to me. Forget about it. It’s better to have no memories,” “You look like a healthy guy. You’re lucky,” “See ya later. I’ll find you. I always do,” “Scorpion, you didn’t want to live as a Templar, but you’ll die as one,” “Yu are still too slow,” “ t here’s no more soul. There’s no more hope. There’s only one faith,” “Scorpion, what are you here for? I’m here to kill you, One,” and “So where are you going from here? Someplace you’re not.”
Rating: 10.0/10.0
**
**
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column The Facebook Page!
Please check out and “like” The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which is here.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!
**
Things to Watch Out For
–Final Kill: I just reviewed this low budget crime thriller (check out that review here). I’ve got issues with it, but it’s not bad. It has a terrific B-movie cast, including Randy Couture, Danny Trejo, Billy Zane, and Johnny Messner, and some good enough action scenes in it. The star, Ed Morrone, takes some getting used to, but he isn’t terrible. The best part about this movie is that it’s about 80 minutes long. That’s always cool. It doesn’t overstay its welcome.
–Impact Event: This is some sort of new mega low budget apocalypse movie featuring Vernon Wells, Michael Berryman, and Richard Grieco. The apocalypse in question here appears to be a meteor crashing into the Earth, destroying everything, and there’s a group of survivors living in a bomb shelter right before the cataclysm happens or something like that. The bomb shelter is a part of an old funhouse, which I assume means that this is also a kind of horror movie, too? The 102 minute runtime kind of scares me, but with the assembled cast I think this is worth at least a rental.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQjCSJJDY9U
–Abominable: I’m guessing that this is a mega low budget horror flick about people being attacked by a bigfoot/sasquatch/Yeti in the mountains, at least that’s what it looks like to me. And while I’m sure we’ve all seen this kind of movie a million times, I have to day, based solely on the trailer, I like that it seems to be embracing the idea that it’s a monster movie and, despite having very little money, they moviemakers are swinging for the fences anyway. I mean, the trailer is showing us the monster. How often does that happen, especially in the mega low budget horror movie world nowadays? It just doesn’t. Definitely want to see this.
–The Lurker: The great Scout Taylor-Compton stars in this low budget slasher flick about a high school theater group that gets picked off, one-by-one, by a masked killer for some reason. I know that we’ve all seen this kind of movie a million times (my God, that sure seems like a theme in this section this issue, doesn’t it?), so it’s probably a good idea to rent this one before buying it, just to see if it hits the right slasher movie notes. The Crystal Lake high school sports team sweatshirts that we see in the trailer are either a good thing or a bad thing, I don’t know (is it a jokey inside reference or is it just a reference?). And does anyone in this movie actually look like a teenager? The killer’s mask is pretty cool, though. Again, I’m going to say rent this, just to see if it’s any good. I’m hoping it is. The world doesn’t need another mediocre low budget slasher movie.
–Underwater: I missed this biggish budget underwater monster movie when it was in movie theatres this past January, and based on the movie’s box office it looks like most of us missed it. The people who did see it seemed to like it (most of the reviews I saw for it were positive), so at least it has that going for it. It will be interesting to see if this becomes one of those movies that finds its audience on home video and television. I think it could be. People really seem to like the big hooha monster reveal. Anyone out there see this? Is it as good as the reviews suggest it is?
**
Next Issue: Post-Apocalyptic April continues with Equalizer 2000!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IicX3qlaRvU
**
Check out my Widow’s Point set visit!
**
Most Recent Interviews
Steve Latshaw
Rick Hurst
Douglas Burke
Jeff Farley
Fred “The Hammer” Williamson
Nico Sentner
Everett Ray Aponte
Max Martini
Tom Huckabee
Jason Kellerman
David Tarleton
Roxy Shih
Jesse V. Johnson
Tamas Nadas (2)
Jesse Thomas Cook
Adam Seybold
Liv Collins
Bryan C. Winn
Jeffrey Combs
Ezra Tsegaye
Alexander Nevsky(4)
Sebastian Wolf
Dana Gould
Janet Varney
Richard Brake
Steven Lambert
Rolfe Kanefsky
Robert Donavan
Lukas Hassel
Jessica Morris
Daniel Roebuck (2)
Clint Carney
Marco Siedelmann (2)
Sam Firstenberg (2)
**
**
Well, I think that’ll be about it for now. Don’t forget to sign up with disqus if you want to comment on this article and any other 411 article. You know you want to, so just go do it.
B-movies rule. Always remember that.
Warriors of the Wasteland
Timothy Brent (Giancarlo Prete)– Scorpion
Fred “The Hammer” Williamson– Nadir
George Eastman– One
Anna Kanakis– Alma
Thomas Moore (Ennio Girolami)– Shadow
Giovanni Frezza– Young Mechanic
(check out the rest of the cast here)
Directed by Enzo G. Castellari
Screenplay by Tito Carpi and Enzo G. Castellari (as Enzo Girolami), based on a story by Tito Carpi
Distributed by New Line Cinema, New Line Home Video, Home Box Office Video, Impulse Video, Simitar Entertainment, Thorn EMI Video, Shriek Show, Mill Creek Entertainment, Alpha Video Distributors, and Blue Underground
Rated R for violence, language, and sexual situations.
Runtime– 86 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O4FbqFlQh8
