The Man Movie Encyclopedia: The Hunted

Greetings, all.

Hope all is well with you cats this week. Today we take a look at a rather unknown movie from the mid-90s, that was more or less an excuse to get Chris Lambert back with a sword in his hand.

Our boy Chris Lambert is with some cats from America doing a business deal. They work with microchips. His friends go out to party, and he’s just gonna catch a drink at the karaoke bar. It’s there he meets this Asian chick in a red dress and they start drinking together. Pssh, if that’s your boy, it’s all over once she sees me hit the karaoke stage, and I’m performing War, throwing in a few karate kicks and shit. Hell, I’M getting turned on just thinking about it.
So, they do the sex stuff, and he’s sprung, but she says he has to go, and she can never express how much this all meant to her. That’s when we see out on her deck, hiding, are 3 ninjas. They decide to wait for Lambert to leave. I want the scene where they have that discussion…

Ninja Leader: OK, boys, let’s do thi—oh, woah, wait. There’s a dude in there. Let’s let them do their thing, and then we do our thing.

Ninja 2:Wait…what? Bruh, we’re on the top floor in December, it’s fucking freezing up here, man. I don’t wanna wait for this Caliber guy to finish up.

Ninja Leader: Dammit, Steve, I told you, we’re ninjas, man, we don’t cockblock.

Ninja 3: I gotta agree with Steve. I mean, we don’t cockblock, but last week you killed a kid?

Ninja Leader: Dammit, George, c’mon. I’m the leader, back me up. And yes, I killed that kid, I’m a ninja! It’s what I do, but I do not cockblock. Now can we stop arguing, I hate having to do the “yell but quite yell” arguing voice. Now, look, this Caliber guy may be a Johnny Sins, so we may have to wait awhile while h—and he’s done. Huh…OK…well…maybe he’s gonna go for round 2? Huh…nope. Now he’s just looking at MMA videos on IG.

So, Lambert [who’s name is Paul] leaves, and the ninja immediately enter. The lead ninja is apparently the best ever, hence why he was sent. She makes a request to see his face before she dies, and he’s cool with it, obliges. Naturally, Paul left with her key and went to return it, only to stumble upon a ninja assassination, and sees the lead guy’s face. OK, now I want the scene where they’re leaving.

Ninja Steve: OK…so, you don’t cockblock, live by the ninja code, and you just happen to do the most UN-NINJA THING EVER?!

Ninja Leader: Dammit, Steve, I don’t want to hear about it. Last week you took off your mask because you thought it’d help you get laid!

Ninja George: Steve is right, man! What are you gonna do for a non-ninja encore? Should we go on a mission and you can wear army boots and stomp around while playing a trumpet in a pink uniform? You wanna use a gun while you’re at it? How about this, let’s stalk someone in day light! Pull up in a Monster Truck with our faces painted on the sides!

So, they think they’ve killed Paul, but oh no. He’s put in the hospital under an assumed name, as the detective laughs off the idea of ninja. A doctor who analyzed the poison used on a throwing star contacts a dude who knows about the ninja clan, as he’s a super bad ass samurai. They want Paul to come with them, but he isn’t having it.

At the ninja camp, the lead dude calls his two pals over that were with him on the assassination, and says there’s no way they fucked up, they’re too good. It was intentional. So, they gotta die. One dude gets a fighting chance, but is handled pretty easily.
Back the hospital, 3 ninja try to get the jump on Paul, but he’s lucky enough to escape, while a lot of others either get their asses handed to them, or murdered. He escapes to a gambling hall of some sort, and calls the samurai’s wife. While there, a ninja shows up, and, man…who trains these motherfuckers? Work release ninja program or something? He’s trying to appear inconspicuous, wearing a trench-coat, but he still has his damn tabi on. Tabi are those ninja shoes you always see them wearing.

So, he’s able to evade the last ninja, and gets in contact with Mrs. Tanaka and her husband, the Samurai. They hit up a bullet train, but the ninja find them there. Slaughtering all the passengers on their way to the cart that Paul is in. They end up killing about 3 carts worth of people before they get the samurai, who makes light work of all of them. One of them happens to be Kinjo, he’s the lead ninja, happens to be Kinjo’s main squeeze, and arguably the burliest of them all, as right before she dies she cuts her own face off. The samurai is pissed because Kinjo isn’t on the train, and I’m beginning to think he tipped off the ninjas so he could finally battle a super-bad ass and test his skill.

They take Paul to an island where samurai train. He makes friends with the guy who creates the swords, a super drunk black smith. He ends up teaching Paul a few things with a sword, which draws the ire of the samurai. He slaps Paul around, which gets Paul bugging out and saying he knows he tipped them off about the train so he could test his skill, and that he’s a prisoner on this island. The samurai says that’s a lie, and proceeds to have him tied up and locked away while he tips of Kinjo about his location.

He shows up on a boat, and these dorks trust everything is on the up and up, which of course it isn’t. There’s a ton of ninja hiding on the boat they arrived in, and they get a good jump on the samurai, killing quite a few. Meanwhile, the drunk looks to free Paul, but he ain’t having it, and goes back to help.

We finally get the battle between the Samurai and Kinjo, where the Samurai kinda gets his ass kicked, only managing to stab Kinjo in the leg. Paul finally shows up, and gets Kinjo in the shoulder. So, now he’s gotta use his left hand, which Japanese cats don’t do in sword fighting, and he has a bum leg. Dude turns out to be bullet proof. As he has a fucking deck, pillars and all fall on him, followed by getting smashed in the face with a giant rock repeatedly, and he’s STILL ready to go. Paul, with an assist from the Samurai’s wife, cuts the head off Kinjo, which, to be honest, I’m surprised the decapitated head didn’t bite Paul or something.

With just about everyone dead, Paul, the Samurai’s wife, and the returning drunk blacksmith, head off into the sunrise.

Man Movie Encyclopedia Tally:
1-Liners: 0
Guys Beat Up: 4
Guys Killed: 51
Swear Words:
Boobies: 2
Explosions:
Car Chases: 0
Chases on Foot:
Broken Bones:
Fight/Shoot-Out At A Motel?: Yes
Guy Get The Girl?: Yeap
Lead Hero Smoke?: Nope
Name Of Movie Said: No

BOX OFFICE BUSINESS:
Released by Universal on February 24th, 1995, to 1,552 theaters. The Hunted was created on a budget of $10 million dollars, and opened up at #5, with a theater average of $1,754, and a first weekend total of $2,723,495 . After it’s run, Blade ended up with a world wide total of $6,609,661.

C’MON BENNETT, LET’S PARTY!:
Hunted was definitely under the radar for a lot of action fans, something that I, a huge fan of ninjas, didn’t even hear about until around 2000. It’s a decent little movie. Not a major action film, and more of a thriller with some pretty decent fights thrown in. I personally would have liked a more full-on ninja movie, but I’ll take what The Hunted had to offer. My favorite way ninjas are done in film is when it’s taken serious, but not over-the-top like Ninja Assassin. Chris Lambert is always great, so are the Samurai and Kinjo. There’s also some great scenery and cinematography located in this one.
3&1/4 Head-Butts Out Of 5.

Any questions, comments, drunk-ramblings, feel free to send them my way, I always dig hearing from you, the beautiful people.

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