wrestling / TV Reports

411’s NWA: TNA Report 09.24.03

September 24, 2003 | Posted by Jack Daniels

NWA: TNA WRESTLING — 9/24/03

— Hey folks, Jack Daniels, your TNA recapper here. My hobbies include playing football, watching porno, and reading books about war. Good to see you again. Let’s do this, aight?

OBLIGATORY FOOTBALL COMMENT (because recappers shouldn’t be left out)

— &%^* Brock Marion. &%^* Ricky Williams. &%^* Dave Wannstedt. DOUBLE-&%^* Gregg Williams. Let’s throw these guys in the “Elimination Chamber” with some rabid wolves, until they actually ARE “eliminated,” if you know what I mean.

— And we’re LIVE, from the TNA Monster Truck Pit in Nashville, TN, and my hovel in Buffalo, NY, respectively. The online preview for this didn’t look promising, but we’ll see how the night shapes up…

— We open with clips from last week, starting with Taylor’s low blow on Kid Kash, giving 3 Live Kru a shot at the tag titles, then the Piper/Russo segment, then the Daniels/Jarrett stuff, then the AJ Styles/Dusty Rhodes stuff with Piper getting kicked out.

— Cut to earlier today with an argument between Don Callis and Erik Watts over the decision to kick Piper out.

— And we get 3 Live Kru rapping to open the show…. Remember what I said last week about Jarrett having the worst theme music? I retract that. I retract that a thousand times. This is the worst thing I’ve ever freakin’ heard. I’m tempted to switch over to the Spice Channel right now. Thank God Gilbert, Simon Diamond, and David Young beat down the 3 Live Kru. That’s as good a way to get rid of the match as any (Swinger apparently is out with an appendicitis attack). Gilbert and the boys try to talk some trash… but Raven and the Gathering come in and Gilberti eats a Raven Effect.

— Raven on the stick. He’s humiliated, ashamed, and embarrassed. Says Douglas hurt him, and he didn’t think he could be hurt. Raven chant. Says he’s been diagnosed as with a laundry list of mental illnesses, and warns he’s about to lose it in a very dangerous way. Raven threatens Shane Douglas, the New Church, etc…

— Cut to Tenay and West. Don is sporting the all-silver look tonight. They run down the card. Kid Kash/Terry Taylor. Kid Kash crashes the announce position and warns he will not be responsible for what happens to Terry Taylor tonight.

— Video package on the X-Division Number One contenders match… complete with mispelling of NOSAWA’s name. They must be using Vanderbilt interns or something.

— Cut to an interview with Hudson and Lynn. Lynn is thankful for the opportunity Watts gives him to wrestle, as opposed to doing Sportz Entertainment. Says he still has what it takes to hang with the young talent, but does the young talent have what it takes to hang with him?

— X-Division Number One contenders match: NOSAWA vs. Frankie Kazarian vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jerry Lynn: Kazarian, apparently developing a personality, flirts with Lollipop (one of the dancers), and flirts with her through all the entrances, and just gets to the ring as the ref is giving the instructions. Apparently two men in the ring at once, and Kazarian and NOSAWA to start. Flippy floppy stuff and Nosawa gets a one count on a crucifix to start. Arm wringer on Kazarian, reversed to a clothesline. Kazarian goes behind Nosawa and gets caught with a low blow and two superkicks. Juvi tagged in and kicks Nosawa in the face, but gets caught with a spinning leg lariat. Juvi tags Sabin put Jerry Lynn sneaks in and gets a two count on NOSAWA. Jerry Lynn and Chris Sabin counter powerbombs with hurricanranas, then Lynn dumps Sabin and hits a hurricanrana from the apron to the floor! Sweet! Rolls Sabin in for 2. Double short-clothesline and we get a double KO spot. Nosawa and Juvi in, and Juvi eats a boot on an idiot charge and takes a German suplex. Juvi ducks a kick, then Juvi hits a Ki Krusher for 3. Nosawa’s done. All 4 guys in now and Lynn hits a springboard dropkick on Sabin. Juvi with a couple of headscissors take downs on Kazarian, Kaz tries the Sunset flip reversal into a dropkick spot that Juvi used last week, but Juvi avoids it! Continuity! Juvi with a headscissors from the apron to the floor on Kaz. Nice! Kaz avoids a dropkick, goes for another Ki Krusher, but Kazarian reverses, Sabin with a blind tag and missile dropkick on Juvi while he was on Kaz’s shoulders. Sabin with a dropkick on Kaz. Lynn slips in and almost gets 3 on Sabin with a top rope splash. Juvi tagged in and a missile dropick on Lynn. It’s Juvi and Sabin in the ring now. Blind tag by Kaz and he catches Sabin with a slingshot dropkick and a Somersault Ax Kick! Lynn tags in, Kaz tries for a slingshot DDT but Lynn avoids it. Kaz eats an elbow on an idiot charge, but catches Sabin with the Wave of the Future, but Sabin gets his foot on the ropes. Sabin with a Cradle Shock on Kazarian for 3. Down to Juvi, Sabin and Lynn, Sabin hoists Juvi on his shoulders and slingshots him into the corner. Lynn with a blind tag then alley oops Sabin into a Juvi missile dropkick. Juvi and Lynn with some nice double team work, but Juvi tries to pin Lynn. Lynn reverses a suplex, Sabin gets a Sunset Flip on both guys, which results in Lynn German Suplexing Juvi for 2! Sabin stops a cradle piledriver attempt with an enzigiri. Juvi Driver on Sabin. Pinfall reversals between Juvi and Lynn for a couple of 2 counts before Lynn stops that crap with a fireman’s carry brainbuster for 3. It’s down to Lynn and Sabin. Sabin slingshots Lynn into the turnbuckle, then hits a Canadian backbreaker into a flapjack. Sabin goes up top, Lynn meets him, Sabin throws him down, Lynn crotches him. Michael Shane watching the match from the ramp, both men up top, Lynn with a superplex for a close 2 count. Sabin floats over on a suplex, hits a big boot on Lynn, then gets a brainbuster for a VERY close 2. Sabin motions for a cradle piledriver and we get a ref bump, and Michael Shane runs in and misses Jerry Lynn with a belt shot and nails Sabin. Cradle piledriver and Lynn wins! Great match! WINNER AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDER: Jerry Lynn.

— Hudson in the back with Mad Mikey and Shark Boy. Mikey is wearing a Sponge Bob Squarepants outfit! And Sonny Siaki and EG Ekmo run in with the beat down. I think we’ve got our next mid card tag team feud.

— Interview between Tenay and Piper. Apparently Piper met with TNA management. Piper says TNA management is corporate. Says he just wants to give back to the NWA. Piper says Russo had a legitmate question “Are you just doing this for your ego?” Tenay asks him how he responds to that. Piper says he wants to be part of the TNA rocketship, says his heart has always been with the NWA, but as a businessman he had to go elsewhere. And he just got fired again.

— Don Callis in the ring with redshirt security. Callis said he had the toughest decision of his career. The mention of Piper’s name gets a huge pop. Callis says banning Piper is in the best interest of TNA, because “you want Vince Russo on this show, you need Vince Russo on this show!” Says as you make more tough decisions, they become easier to make. Which brings him to Jeff Jarrett. Callis is pissed at Jarrett for putting his hands on him last week. Callis is about to fire Jeff Jarrett, but Erik Watts comes out, and Blackshirt security clears out Redshirt security. Watts on the mic, and tells Callis to go clean the restrooms. Watts says Jarrett will get his title shot in 30 days, but tonight, Jarrett vs. Daniels. And Dusty Rhodes and AJ Styles in a Bunkhouse Brawl. And a six man between 3 Live Kru and Gilberti, Diamond, and Young. And another Six-man between the New Church and the Gathering… in a dog collar match. And a match between the Redshirts and the Blackshirts. Do we have time for all this?

— Impromptu match between the Redshirts and Blackshirts: And I have no idea who these four guys are. Chris Vaughn is the ponytailed guy in the Blackshirt. And he’s just getting manhandled. The other blackshirt is Rick Santel, apparently. The ponytailed Redshirt is Ryan Wilson, and the other one is named Kevin Northcutt, I guess. And this is a grade-A shitkicking on Chris Vaughn. Vaughn is playing Ricky Morton to the hilt. Redshirts just destroying Vaughn with power moves until Vaughn hits a miracle enzuigiri, but the Redshirts cut off the tag. Chickenwing applied by Northcutt. Vaughn tossed, and Northcutt baits Santel while Wilson kicks the hell out of him outside the ring. Some good old Southern heel tag team work here. Wilson with a 2, but Santel with the save. Vaughn manages to escape and the hot tag to Santel, and a flying burrito puts Northcutt down. Vaughn gets Gorilla Pressed onto the ramp, the ref distracted, and Watts sneaks in with a chokeslam to give the Blackshirts the win.
WINNERS: Blackshirt security.

— Interview with Hudson and Terry Taylor. Taylor looks good for his age, actually. Taylor says when you spend 25 years of your life to pave the road for a snot nosed punk, even an old guy has to stand up for whats right. And he says you don’t go into a gunfight with a knife. Hmmmm….

— Challenge match: Kid Kash w/Abyss vs. Terry Taylor: Taylor’s first match was in 1979… and AMERICA’S MOST WANTED is out with Taylor! Ostensibly, this neutralizes the Abyss factor. Taylor is still in DAMN good shape. I’m impressed. Kash stalls start, then slips a lock up attempt and slaps Taylor. Then he does a go behind and slaps Taylor again. STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL. Arm drag by Kash, and more taunting. Kash tries another arm drag, Taylor doesn’t go along, clothesline for 2, Kash bails. Kash pushes Abyss, then slides back in and calls for a test of strength. Kash tries to kick out of it, but Taylor dragon screws to an ankle lock. Kash gets the ropes, then gets up and labels Taylor with a right hand and bites the forehead. Kash with a kick to the groin while he tells the ref to watch AMW. Eye rake and then an armbar by Kash. Taylor with a jawbreaker to break, but a spinning neckbreaker by Kash, then a springboard crossbody for 2. Kash fires Taylor out, then tells Abyss to go over, and he mixes it up with AMW. Abyss slips in and slams Taylor, then James Storm takes out Abyss, Chris Harris spears Kid Kash and slides Taylor on top, and Taylor wins. WINNER: Terry Taylor.

— Cut back to the office with Vince Russo confronting Erik Watts.

— “Fallen Angel” Christopher Daniels w/cut-rate Brood vs. Jeff Jarrett. And, on further review, it’s tough to tell which is more annoying, the 3 Live Kru single or Jarrett’s theme music. Takedown by Daniels, then a kick to the gut and a chop. Backdrop by Jarrett, Daniels ducks a punch and clotheslines Jarrett out. Daniels tells his followers not to interfere, then tries a flying axhandle and eats guardrail. Jarrett then rolls snake eyes on the guardrail and beats him down outside the ring. Back in, Jarrett rams Daniels into the turnbuckle, but Daniels catches Jarrett off the top with a uranage. Headbutt by Daniels, then a running lariat, then down to the mat with a chokehold. Kick to the back, forearm, then a cool looking choke on the ropes with a scissorshold. Boots to the midsection by Daniels. Vertical suplex and floatover for 2. Jarrett tries a sunset flips, slips a Daniels punch, gets a cradle for 2, then a Daniels superkick puts Jarrett down. Then a chokeslam and a double jump moonsault gets 2. Combination hammerlock abdominal stretch by Daniels. That’s a very cool looking hold. Jarrett elbows out, Daniels catches a kick attempt, then eats an enzuigiri. Jarrett with the block and punch, then a gutbuster and a dropkick, and Daniels eats an elbow on an idiot charge. Flying bodypress by Jarrett gets 2. Then another bodypress reversed for 2. Jarrett blocks an enzuigiri, Daniels blocks the figure four with a small package as both guys get 2. Blue Thunder Bomb by Daniels gets 2. The Brood try to interfere, but Jarrett pushes one of them into the ropes as Daniels goes up top, crotching Daniels and letting Jarrett get a small package for the win! WINNER: Jeff Jarrett. Daniels whips one of the lackeys as punishment.

— Interview with Dusty Rhodes. Didn’t understand a word, but I think he’s trying to show respect to AJ Styles while talking down to Vince Russo. Says AJ will learn respect one way or the other… Best Line — “I brought my old pick up with four or five fat girls in the back.” I have no idea what that had to do with the match, but it caught me funny.

— Six Man Tag — 3 Live Kru vs. Glen Gilberti, Simon Diamond, David Young (c): And apparently, the titles are on the line. Thankfully, Konnan doesn’t do his shtick. Tenay explains the emergency appendectomy on Swinger. David Young apparently is the emergency tag team specialist du jour. 3 Live Kru rushes the heels to start, and dumps all three of them. And Konnan does his shtick… groan. At least he’s not at the announce table. Konnan and Diamond to start. Konnan with a shoulderblock, rolls through a hammerlock, then simulates skullfucking Diamond. Tag to BG James, David Young in for the heels. Young ducks a clothesline and catches James with a roundhouse right. James reverses an Irish whip and clotheslines Young, then tags in Killings for a top rope leg drop to the groin. “Truth” chant as the heels regroup. Gilberti tagged in. Killings gives a little Disco Inferno move to taunt Gilbert. Headlock by Killings, then a shoulderblock, then Gilberti with a big clothesline. Gilberti beating on Killings in the corner, Killings avoids an idiot charge then hits a massive leg lariat for 2. Killings eats an elbow on an idiot charge, then powerslams Gilberti 2. Simon Diamond with a kick to the back on Killings, allowing Gilberti to go low and take control. Knee drop to the…knee. Diamond tagged in. Slugfest, then rolling suplexes by Diamond, finishing with a Northern Lights for 2. Young tagged in, kicks to the midsection, then a huge running lariat. Gilberti in with a stomp to the leg (the one he WASN’T working on earlier). Killings fights back, stops a stunner, and hits a twisting ax kick. Both men down. Hot tag to James and he cleans house and gets the dancing punches on all 3. Shaky knee drop on Diamond, goes for pumphandle slam on Young but Gilberti breaks it up. Superkick by Diamond on Konnan, Killings whipped into a Diamond superkick, then Diamond accidentally superkicks Young! Killings with a missile dropkick on Diamond. Diamond bails, then Killings with an overthe top rope plancha on Diamond. Gilberti hits James with a chairshot, then Young hits a spinebuster on James for the win! WINNERS: Gilberti, Diamond and David Young.

— AJ Styles and Vince Russo jump Dusty Rhodes out by his pickup. AJ in control until Dusty goes low, then rams him into the pickup, then into a fence. Styles fights back and puts Rhodes into a fence. They work their way back in and Rhodes takes control with a couple of right hands. Russo hitting Rhodes with what could liberally be called a boot shot. Rhodes grabs his own boot and hits AJ with it. Rhodes using his boot like a boxing glove. Styles with a couple of boot shots to the head. T-minus 45 seconds until Dusty blades. Styles with a belt assisted choke, then Russo gets into it. Dusty escapes, hits a bionic elbow on AJ, then spanks him! AJ bails, leaving Russo with Dusty. Trinity goes for the save, and Dusty spanks Trinity!!!! Nice thong, by the way. Match is a no contest, but I’d give it **** for the shot of Trinity’s fine ass.

— West runs down next week’s card. Siaki/Ekmo vs. Mikey/Shark Boy, Jerry Lynn vs. Michael Shane, Kash/Abyss vs. America’s Most Wanted. Styles interrupts, says he deserves more respect from Dusty then to be spanked by him. Says he didn’t get respect by marrying the bosses daughter, then challenges Dusty to a title shot. Russo puts the kibosh on that, then makes it Styles/Russo vs. Jarrett/Dusty. To be honest, I like that better than Styles/Dusty.

— Recap of Hair vs. Hair match between Raven and Shane Douglas. Complete with shot of Douglas tossing his cookies and Mitchell’s bloody clip job on Raven.

— Interview with Father James Mitchell. Mitchell says Vampiro was the final piece of a perfectly executed plan to humiliate Raven. Mitchell says Raven finally understands what it means to be disfigured. I love Mitchell’s promo.

— 6-man Dog collar match: Shane Douglas and the Disciples of the New Church vs. Raven and the Gathering: Raven, CM Punk and Julio Dinero jump the heels and attach the dog collars. Raven attached with Douglas. Punk with Slash, Dinero with Sinn. Raven takes Douglas outside, and uses the chain to repeatedly pull him into the ringposts. Punk does the same with Slash. And Douglas is already blading! Raven with a cobra clutch on Douglas. Dinero choking Sinn with the Dog collar. Slash manages to get in and make a save, then gets a chain assisted lariat on Punk. Slash also blading, as is Sinn. Slash with a few chain-assisted punches on CM Punk, and he’s blading as well. Well, it’s a TNA main event, so everone blades. Douglas puts down Raven with a chainshot that almost connected. Raven bleeding too, of course. Douglas choking Raven on the outside. Slash drags CM Punk from the ring to the floor. Sinn grating Julio’s face on the steps. Douglas and Raven back in and Douglas with a couple of clotheslines. Punk wearing a nice crimson mask. Slash with a chain-assisted elbow drop. All 6 men back in, Slash up top with a flying fistdrop with the chain, and Douglas goes up top… all 3 heels up top, but Julio and CM Punk pull the heels down and Raven crotches Douglas. Raven takes down Slash, then Raven and CM hit a double superkick. Raven pulled the chain between Douglas’ legs and pulled, then a double bulldog on Douglas. The Gathering with stereo turnbuckle punches, then they whip the heels together. Dinero gets a pin unseen by the cameras — Damn TNA production values. WINNERS: Raven and the Gathering. Mitchell and Vampiro join us for the post-match beatdown. Slash with a whirlybird on Punk. Douglas takes Raven to the back, and it looks like they’re going to try to hang Raven again. Actually, they’re trying to hang all the Gathering members! And that’s what takes us out.

END OF SHOW

— Nice show, all the angle advancements were kept pretty brief, and the matches themselves were better, too. Looking forward to next week.

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