411’s TNA Impact Report 03.25.06

Last week on Impact:

JJ’s music hits and here he comes. The sexy Gail Kim is with him, as well as the rest of the flunkies.

JJ says you are looking at the guys that did what needed to be done. Sting is gone again. This time, it is different. After Final Resolution he left on his own, but at Destination X he left on mine. Tonight, I will bring you by friend, Scott Steiner.

Steiner: “So this is TNA? I have been watching for a long time and I have seen who they hired, and they never called me. They hired guys like Rhino…that’s what I think of Rhino. I saw they hire 2 fat and out of shape guys, backyard wrestlers called Team 3D. THIS is what a champion looks like. Then they hire some guy called Christian. You see that vein in my arm? It’s as big as your arm. My arms are as big as your legs. You’re one step away from becoming an ex-champion. Then they hired Sting. Christian ain’t coming. When they hired Sting, they said he would be the new face of TNA. I ask you 2 questions. Where is the new face and where is Sting? He’s running scarred and I am the new face of TNA. I found out why TNA didn’t call me. I have a bad attitude and had a problem with people. I have been arrested, in solitary and I apologize for nothing. This is a new day of TNA, this is the new face and wherever JJ goes, I go. If you have a problem with him, you have a problem with me.”

JB is with Larry Z. Larry says if anyone wants to call out TNA management, they need to think twice. I am the man with the contract, that makes the matches and I am responsible for what happens in the ring. April 23rd is Lockdown. Team 3D and Canada will meet next week…in 6-SIDES OF STEEL on Impact to resolve their issues and hype the PPV! Samoa Joe is here. He says it is in his best interest to give him his rematch. Larry says he needs to step up and he has an opponent for him to step up, and next week he will know who it is. He asks if Larry is hard of hearing, tosses JB around and destroys Larry’s office.

Match #1 Sonjay Dutt defeated Matt Bentley and Elix Skipper to win a spot on the World X Cup Team

Tenay, West and Simon talk about his visit to the White Sox. He did so and here is the footage.

We see Simon there and Alex Shelley is there to film him. He is dressed in full uniform and sneaks into batting practice. He tells a coach he just signed and takes BP. The coach tells him he hits well, but his attitude sucks.

It ends and Tenay asks where the confrontation was. He says they ran from him, and he was offered a contract on the spot. Tenay says they have more video to see!

We are back and Simon wants then to go to another commercial. We see more footage.

Simon confronts AJ Perzinski and says he didn’t earn that title. They are insulted that he is wearing the uniform. AJ calls him on and Ozzie Guillen nails Simon with a chair shot! He also called him a piece of shit. Tremendous.

In the back with JB and team 3D. Ray says they are ready. He sings a mock of the Canadian National Anthem. BWAHAHAHA! Devon then sings! All joking aside, next week on Impact will not be the first time they are inside of a cage. But it may be the last time for Team Canada. OH MY BRUTHA TESTIFY!

Match #2 Abyss killed Cassidy Riley

We are back with Christian talking about the movie he is filming. That’s why he isn’t there tonight, plus he is injured. He says Alex Shelley is just trying to make a name for himself and JJ manipulated him. Christian says that it wasn’t a cool thing to do and he doesn’t blame Sting for being mad.

JB is with Abyss and Mitchell. Mitchell says Cage is ducking Abyss. Cage knows that at Lockdown you’d be trapped with a man that will grind you into pulp and grind those smart-ass lips off. Abyss is a master of pain, they will come to him because they know where he lives. Abyss speaks the international language, PAIN! Mitchell talks about abusing a puppy, and Cage is the puppy. Shelley shows up, and says “Humiliation” will make a great documentary. Mitchell agreed.

Match #3 Norman Smiley and Shark Boy defeated the LAX

After the match, Konnan and Homicide beat down Machete and “took his colors.”

Match #4 A.J. Styles, Christopher Daniels, Rhino & Ron Killings defeated Chris Harris, James Storm, Shannon Moore & Alex Shelley

Today on iMpact:

Scott Steiner & Jeff Jarrett vs. The Naturals

Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin & Jay Lethal vs. The Diamonds in the Rough (Simon Diamond, Elix Skipper & David Young

And in our main event: Six Sides of Steel: Team 3D vs. Team Canada

TNA iMpact Starts…NOW!

We get highlights of last week’s show.

Tenay and West welcome us to iMpact! We will hear from Sting, Six Sides of Steel will debut on Spike and more!

Mike Tenay is in the ring to kick off the show. He hypes Lockdown, and the all steel cage concept. He introduces Samoa Joe so that we can find out who his PPV opponent is.

Joe makes his way to the ring, with that, “I’m gonna kill a bitch” look in his eyes. Tenay says that Last week Larry Z informed him that he was stepping out of the X Division and that he will be stepping into the Six Sides of Steel/ Joe says that he is one of the very best in the world, and his actions speak louder than his words. He asks, “Who’s head do I have to kick in to get what I want?” Tenay preps a video package and the opponent is…SABU~! Joe is pissed as we go backstage.

JB is with Team 3D in the back. Ray tells Team Canada that they have been a thorn in their side, the fans side and in the United States side. In just a little while they step into a cage with the most hardcore and extreme tag team ever. They come face to face with Ray and Devon but more importantly, your face will come face to face with the steel. OH MY BRUTHA…TESTIFY!

Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin & Jay Lethal vs. The Diamonds in the Rough (Simon Diamond, Elix Skipper & David Young)

The Diamonds attack at the bell. Jay and Dutt with dropkicks now and then they toss the Diamonds. TRIPLE SUICIDE DIVES by Team USA and we head to a commercial @ 0:50.

We are back @ 4:21 with Jay and Young in the ring. Jay tries to fight them all off, but Young gets a spine buster to Jay. Elix tags in and they get a boot/neck breaker combo for 2. Forearm shots by Elix and a tag to Simon. Backbreaker/forearm combo gets 2 for Simon. Jabs by Simon, and then a right drops Jay and he covers for 2. Tag back to Young, Jay sneaks away and tags Sabin. Yakuza by Sabin and then a charging clothesline. Tornado DDT on Young gets 2 as Elix saves. Dutt and Jay fly in, Jay slips and they take out the Diamonds. Missile dropkick by Sabin, Cradle shock on Young as they hold back the Diamonds and Sabin gets the pin.

Winners: Team USA @ 7:13 via Pin

This thing got gutted by commercial, so that didn’t help. Otherwise it was really dull, and Lethal may have hurt himself. An off night for these guys.

In the back with Team Canada. D’Amore isn’t happy. He says Larry Z set this up and says he could have booked anyone for this match but he picked on Team Canada. It’s personal between them, and his well-educated Canadians fine. Larry Z is there and he says it is all about ratings. D’Amore disagrees and says fine, they’ll draw the ratings. They will be men of respect and get the job done. After the match, they have some unfinished business to del with.

Referee Slick Johnson is there and he says he wants to ref. Larry says Senior Ref Rudy Charles will be the ref. Larry doesn’t need his help and calls him Chrome dome. He tells Larry he’s getting thin up top.

Commercial time.

We are back with the Sting interview. Final Resolution was a perfect night because he got to end things the way he wanted to. He didn’t want to wreck that. JJ ruined it by stalking his family, so he had to come back at Destination X. JJ crossed the line and they felt violated. He was on a mission to get back at JJ and he did. He got one-upped. He needs to help TNA cut the cancer, and he has to start with JJ. He has asked to be reinstated, and he was granted that. As he licked his wounds he started to remember times past, when he wanted revenge he went to war games. No place to run, no place to hide. If I have my way I’ll have a roof on that so JJ can’t escape. I also want weapons to be hanging from the ceiling. JJ must take this match or he will have to walk away. Get your army, because I’ll get mine. Give JJ a message, Steve Borden isn’t coming, Sting is.

Tenay and Borash talk about what Sting had to say. Scott Steiner’s music hits and it is time for the next match. JJ and Steiner come in casual attire to the ring. The Naturals make their way to the ring. Gail Kim is so hot.

??? vs. The Naturals

JJ and Steiner hit the ring and start to destroy the Naturals, this isn’t the scheduled match. I DEMAND THAT FINES AND SUSPENSIONS FOLLOW! Stevens is tossed to the floor and Steiner press slams Douglas out. Steiner lays Douglas against the post and CRUSHES him with the chair shot! He then nails him repeatedly as he lies helpless on the floor. He locks in the recliner and JJ talks trash as they head to a commercial.

No Match

Steiner looked like a bad ass, so far so good. I just wish that they would have picked someone other than the Naturals to destroy.

Back from commercial and Andy Douglas is being carted off by EMT’s. We get a replay of what happened to him before the break. Tenay says they will try to give us an update as soon as possible.

JB in the back with Konnan and Homicide. They discuss laying out Machete. He didn’t produce so he got kicked out. Konnan says he didn’t run from Bob and The James Gang and Bob are here. LAX leaves and Bob says back in the old days in the Marines they settled things with an arm wrestling match. He wants to get a hold of Konnan, if he has the balls. BG says that’s mid-evil manhood.

We get a video package to hype the 6-Sides of Steel.

Six Sides of Steel: Team 3D vs. Team Canada (Eric Young and Bobby Roode) w/Coach D’Amore, Petey and A1

The ref tosses all of Team Canada from ringside, so this will be 2 on 2.

The Canadians try to stay away, but 3D attacks! Roode and Ray exchange rights and Roode gets rammed to the cage. Devon catapults Eric to the cage! Team 3D is in control as we head to a commercial @ 1:40.

We have returned @ 5:33 with Eric climbing the cage. Devon chases and Eric is bleeding. Ray and Roode battle, Ray over and gets a STIFF powerbomb on Eric! Ray works over the cut on Eric and tosses him into the cage. Clothesline by Devon to Roode. Ray rips at Eric’s cut and he is gushing blood. FLAIR FLOP by Eric and Devon now chokes out Roode. Back suplex by Ray to Eric. Team 3D is in full control here but Team Canada fights back. Eric goes to the apron and rakes Ray’s head off of the cage. Double suplex on Ray and as Team Canada takes control we head to a commercial @ 9:00.

Back at 12:10 and Eric misses a moonsault. Devon now cleans house and gets a backdrop to Eric. One to Roode. Flapjack to Roode gets 2. Reverse suplex by Devon gets 2. Roode is busted open now and 3D TO ERIC and that is all.

Winners: Team 3D @ 13:35 via pin

AMW is here and so is the rest of Team Canada. Gang violence on Team 3D! Hockey stick shot to Devon. D’Amore says to get the tables. AMW gets a table and they set it up. Lethal tries to make a save but gets taken out. Same for Dutt. Petey gets a splash on Ray while he was on the table. D’Amore talks shit and it is time they learned respect. Sabin gets taken out as well. Ray gets tossed through a table in the corner now. Devon is busted open and A1 tosses him into the cage. They lay Canadian flags on them. They sing the Canadian anthem as AMW look on pleased.

This match was raped by commercials, and I honestly found it very hard to get into it due to that. The beat down was good, but also had issues.

We now get the video by Shelley with Mitchell about Christian’s wife. They show her cleaning and Shelley says not to worry, he’s done this before. When Abyss is done with Christian, she’ll be feeding him through a straw. They then follow her as she goes to the store and tanning salon. Mitchell confronts her and asks if it is odd that Christian left her alone. Mitchell is so damn creepy here. He says to tell Cage that he will see him soon. To be continued…

Final Impact Thoughts: A very bland show this evening. I liked that they set Joe vs. Sabu, but the wrestling wasn’t good. The opener was killed by commercials and was sloppy, and the main event I already discussed. They made the US X Cup tem look like jobbers as they got tossed around in the beat down segment so that helped no one. I will say that I am happy how they are booking Steiner thus far, but I hated that the Naturals were bitched out. Hopefully this is part of a plan to get them sympathy and to eventually push them further, but I am not optimistic. A very off week here for TNA.