411’s WWE Experience Report 09.18.05

WWE Experience Report
September 18, 2005 A.D.
Live (?) from: New York, NY
Host: Todd Grisham

On tap for ‘The Experience’:

– Preview for all those Unforgiven!
– Surprises abound on SD!

Todd is pumped about hosting XP today, especially since it’s among the final episodes; Todd even displays it by donning a cobalt dress shirt!

Anyhow, Todd begins to put over Chris Masters, noting how he “has muscles in places where I don’t even have places,” and is in for a big match-up at Unforgiven against HBK … but first … he took on the Nature Boy Ric Flair this past week on RAW!

Feature #1: Highlight from RAW: Singles Contest: “The Masterpiece” Chris Masters vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair

JIP … Masters has Ric cinched in a Bear Hug, though Flair does anything he can to escape, even clapping his palms against both of Masters’ ears; Flair now lands rights and lefts to Masters’ face, forcing the Masterpiece to break the hold …… and Flair lands a chopblock from behind! Boot to Masters’ face! J.R. makes all kind of football allusions to prove why WWE is superior to Monday Night Football! Flair chops Masters in his chest now, struts around the ring, and BITES Masters’s face!

Ric labels a few more chops against Masters’ chest, but walks right into a chokehold …… no, Flair lifts Masters up into a shin breaker! FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK@!! Masters is in agony, writhing in pain .. will …. he ……… ta ……. NO! Carlito hits the ring and wrings Flair over the face with the IC Title! Here comes Shawn now to even the score! Ohhh Masters rams Shawn’s right shoulder into the turnbuckle, and he has the MASTERLOCK cinched in, and there’s nothing the fallen Ric Flair can do about it.

Up Next: JBL faces a ground-ward task

Commercials:

-Unforgiven! Ohh, dang it already happened, man I hope you ordered it!
-You know what happens if you didn’t, right?
-Well, Vince McMahon speaks with some expert wiccan druidic priestesses who work some magic voodoo and lay a spell of ……..
-Okay, actually you get the bonus of actually retaining a small modicum of your sanity. But you didn’t hear it from me.

JBL came mighty close to winning the World Heavyweight Championship, according to Messer Grisham, as he does his “ohh soooo clooosee” voice, en route to ….

Feature #2: Highlight from SmackDown! Singles Contest: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

JIP …….. JBL wrenches Mysterio’s back like no other, though Rey begins to head-butt out … JBL for the Last Ca …. No! Mysterio counters into a DDT!! Double KO ….1 …2 …3 …4 …..5 … Mysterio climbs up the ropes ….. 6 .7 …… Mysterio is up! Dropkick to JBL’s face!! Mysterio now kicks Layfield down amidst the SW corner, where he connects with the …….. Bronco Buster!! JBL has enough of these shenanigans, however, and shoves Mysterio on down to the canvas, where he ………. CLOTHESLINE FROM H …….. no! Rey drop-toeholds Layfield into the middle rope! 6 ……..1 ……. 9 YESS!!! Get that 10 cent Change on the grou ………. NO! JBL catches Mysterio!! Powerbo ……. No! Hurrican ….. no! Mysterio floats out ……… Springboard Moonsault by Rey, bridging into a pin ……. 1 ……………. 2 ……………….. ? ……….. 3!!!

Afterwards, JBL decides he needs a new Amy Weber, and enlists Jillian Hall for his services. That devious cad!

Up Next: LoD2005 / M.N.M. III

Commercials:

-I am amazed at all the corporate executives who know absolutely nothing about the game, but are making an absolute killing on poker.
-You know a bunch of suits are lying out on the beaches of Nassau just laughing at all of us
-And the guy that came up with “No Fear” is lying next to them

Feature #3: The SmackDown! Lowdown

Heidenreich dons some crazy voodoo face paint … big boot by Heidenreich .. he doesn’t like Melina neither … Mercury clocks Heidenreich with the Title, therefore …. Orlando Jordan doesn’t like his rep as a half minute man …. Booker takes out Jordan … it’s a tag match now! …. Jordan slams Booker around on the outside with a chair …… Christian UNPRETTIES Benoit! ……. Teddy Long wants Rey Mysterio to be the #1 Contender ……. But Palmer Cannon wants Eddie! The Network asks, and the Network shall receive! ….. Eddie Guerrero’s simply about love homes …. He wants to be Dave’s friend ….. Dave hugs Eddie ……..

Todd thinks Eddie’s a bit of a sketchy character, but I have no conception of where he’s drawing these licentious ideas from.

Feature #4: Highlight from SmackDown!: Non-Title Cross-Weight Class Singles Contest: World Heavyweight Champion Dave Batista vs. Cruiserweight Champion of the WWE Nunzio w/ Big Vito

JIP …. Batistia powers the Cruiserweight Champion into the SW corner, although Nunzio escapes and forces Dave to the mat! Nunzio chokes Dave via his boot, all kinds of ways, though Vito chimes in with a quick right hand, and Nunzio covers for a dry count of 2! Dave now begins to anger himself, as he hauls in Vito for a … SPINEBUSSTA!! Batista slams Nunzio right atop the fallen Vito! Batista wants the Powerbomb …………. YESS!! DEMON BOMB OF DOOM!!! 1 …….. 2 ……………….. 3!!

Up Next: Females getting catty

Commercials:

-Masters to Shawn: “Veterans like you don’t know how to pass the torch!” Ohhh, T-Bone!!
-That Masterpiece, packing a six-shooter, eh?
-I’ve only now realised that the M&M’s M-zing contortionist commercials carry with them a “do not attempt” disclaimer. I’m glad I never accidentally tried.

WWE Rewind: Torrie pounds Ashley.

Todd compliments the camera man on his zooming and panning work, but soon gets back to the omnipresent script ….

Feature #5: Highlight from RAW: A Champion Re-emerges

Ashley brings with her some backup in the form of Trish Stratus, who is immediately held by Torrie Wilson …. Dodge! Kawada Kick to Victoria! Ashley tackles Candice to the outside! Candice seeks refuge back in, only to fall prey to Trish!

Is it me, or did Ashley sorta ruin the segment when she spoke over Trish’s music?

Feature #6: RAW Action

Eric Bischoff is the General Manager of RAW … Eric makes a tag team match … Lita passes the briefcase to Edge, who strikes Big Show with it … Lita low blows Hardy! Spear by Edge! Twist of Fate by Lita!! ….. Mr. Benjamin slings Kerwin White around the ring, but gets a 9 iron BROKEN over his back … Kerwin White likes to wear a sweater … Murdoch and Cade are hardcore …. They exhibit a flawless gameplan … Murdoch has a sour disposition ….

Up Next: Identity Theft

Commercials:

-Upcoming RAW schedule; feel the action & intensity: Wichita Falls, TX; Waco, TX; El Paso, TX; Odessa, TX. An experience like no other.
-Sam Fisher will save us from darkness.
-You know, I actually have a friend who plays Splinter Cell so much, that as he walks around campus he imagines how he’d take people out, wear to hide the bodies, and wear he could wall-split.

UT has produced a lasting legacy, but does his legend lie slain? Todd introduces us to all the action from this past Friday!!

Feature #7: MAIN EVENT Singles Contest: ‘The Legend Killer’ Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker

JIP …. UT sits up!! Kick wham DDT by Orton affords him some more time to utilize the advantage the U-Haul is to afford him, and Cowboy Bob wheels out its contents …….. a Cobalt blue casket!!

Randy drops a high knee atop the Undertaker’s vacant frame, and cinches in a rear naked choke for the time being. Taker begins to fury and jumbalize himself out of the predicament, while Cowboy Bob can merely offer moral support from ringside; UT fights out, runs the ropes ….. HUGE Dropkick from Orton!! 1 …….. 2 ……………. 2.61!! Orton re-applies the rear choke now, really trying to cut off UT’s blood supply and force some uncharacteristic mental decisions from the staunch veteran; Orton works his way to the side ropes, utilizing the leverage they afford whilst referee Brian Hebner is left unawares, but Taker begins to fight out! UT grabs onto Lil’ Heb, fighting his way up …. No, Scoop Slam by Orton!! Randy now ascends the SE corner, drops an elb ……. No! UT gets up his right boot!! Taker now beats Orton to his feet, where he begins to absolutely label Orton with right hands and IWs him … Taker whiffs on a clothesline … Orton counters .. inverted neckbreaker by Orton! 1……. 2 ………………. 2.64!! Randy now stomps his left boot all over Taker’s neck area, trying to conceive of any means of breaking off the larger man’s reservoir of airflow, though Taker soon revives, and measures the youngster with chiseled right hands. Orton stands and receives the punishment, dishing out rights of his own, though Taker runs off and flies back with a leading right shoulder! Taker drops Orton into the NW corner . SNAKE EYES!! Big Boot!! 1……2 ………….2.44!! Orton now calls for the CHOKESLAM …….Randy rises to his feet . goozle . no! Randy kicks Taker in his gut! No, it doesn’t faze Taker! UT punches Randy clear out of the ring, as Cowboy Bob simply vacates Dodge, and UT encounters a vision outside the ring ………. A desultory image of himself, lying in state, within the very casket himself! Taker is transfixed by the image of his own mock corpse, enough so that Orton can land a choice right and re-assert himself in this matchup.

Randy breaks Heb’s ten count and re-engages the Deadman, bringing him headlong into the ring, and raining right forearms down against UT’s upper sternum area. Randy now poses for the audience in the turnbuckle; wait, UT simply comes to life and reaches for the POWERBO …… no! Randy escapes ….. Clothesline by UT … to Hebner! RKO by Orton, but the ref is out!!2 Randy searches in vain for Lil’ Heb, so Cowboy Bob calls out Referee Charles Robinson ……….1 ………………..2 ……………………… 2.83!!!

Randy Orton reacts in near-shock, as UT stands a man possessed …….. CHOKESLAM!!! ……… Robinson counts the pin ……. 1 ………..2 ………… Bob pulls Robinson out of the way! Taker now debos Bob all the way to the floor ……… RK …… no, UT shoves him off! TOMBSTONE Piledriver to Randy, and Referee Brian Hebner comes to …….1 ……………2 ………. ? ………… [Heb nearly collapses] ………. 3!!!

Up Next: Tyson’s Main Event Push, Part II

Commercials:

-Upcoming SmackDown! schedule; feel the action & intensity: Amarillo, TX; Lubbock, TX; Laredo, TX. An experience like no other.
-I believe that’s the shortest impending schedule ever.
-Matt Hughes is playing mind games with the Ultimate Fighter contestants. Shudder the thought!

Feature #8: Introducing Unforgiven

Ric Flair thinks he’ll take the strap, though Carlito promises to “embarrass” him; Shawn likens himself to the Sooners (well, guess he’s losing), and Kurt relays a maxim for life: there are two kinds of people in Oklahoma: rednecks and lowlifes (or something like that). Man, that Angle’s a bad man!

Feature #9: Highlight from RAW: MAIN EVENT Handicap Match: Tyson Tomko and Kurt Angle vs. WWE Champion John Cena

JIP … This is 1-on-Tag btw ….. Tyson approaches Cena with some lovely right handed punches in mind, but fails to connect, as Cena blocks and fires back with rights of his own; IW to Tomko … hip toss! Fisherman! Spinebussta to Angle!! Tomko rams Cena … no! John catches him out of the corner! F …….. NO!! ANGLE GERMAN SUPLEX CENA OUT OF THE FU@#!!@!! That was tight. Cena now battles out of an Angle hold, and dodges the Tyson Tomko uber kick! Tomko blasts Angle! F-TOMKO!! 1 ……… 2 …………….. 3!!

Post-Match, Angle destroys Cena (Tomko missed his face with the kick, apparently), nearly ripping Cena’s lips and gums apart. A harsh EuroCut sends Cena sprawling to the canvas, while Kurt parades around the ring waiting for Bischoff to show up. Killing time, he simply Angle Slams Cena and knees him squar’ in the nuts, before pulling John over to the SW post, where he TORQUES Cena’s left ankle against the steel post. Bisch finally makes it now, providing us for our pre-PPV visual of him trash talking Cena, whilst Kurt stands tall with his boot atop Cena’s neck.

You do realise that the way this feud has been booked, it is completely implausible for Cena to come out with a legitimate victory.

Todd runs down the PPV card before JETTING his way out to OKC for the big event! Man, why’d I miss it??

As a bonus, at least I was able to maintain at least a small modicum of my sanity.