411’s WWE Raw Report 06.13.05

BACKGROUND MATERIAL

Miss One Night Stand? Sucka. Am I ever glad I decided to check that one out at the last minute. Csonka and Dunn have the gory details from one of the two best North American PPVs of the year.

Reenergized by last night’s spectacle of fearlessness and passion, Randle channels Jon Stewart in the Wrestling News Experience.

Sarnecky‘s hardcore!

Byers suggests outing yourself to get wrestling gifts and reviews No Way Out 2002, at the height of Chris Jericho’s reign of terror.

After a couple of relative softballs, JP Prag takes on a bit of a challenge and starts to defend Kevin Nash.

P had some Extreme Heat.

Fried had the usual Velocity. I’m surprised they didn’t just try to give all the B-shows an ECW theme, but Velocity’s worthwhile on its own, so hey.

Byers covers the Byte This report.

Furious reviews a British supercard with a star-studded lineup.

And be sure to drop by the live Raw thread in the forums.

It’s week two of the draft, it’s week one of Stone Cold Court, and we may have a wee bit of ECW fallout too. Let’s do this.

411’s WWE RAW REPORT — 06.13.05

Intro video, but no pyro — we open with glass shattering instead. It’s Stone Cold Steve Austin! He makes his usual entrance and soaks in the appreciation from the fans here in Binghamton, NY. JR & King are your hosts. [“Austin!”]

Austin begins by thanking the fans for making him feel right at home even though he doesn’t have any connections to Binghamton. It’s nice to be back with his family and friends on Raw. He feels a bit nervous. He says “sumbitch” and the nerves are gone.

Austin is here tonight because he was asked to hold Stone Cold Court and dish out some Stone Cold Justice to a man who feels perpetually wronged. He pledges to offer his unbiased opinion and introduces the “defendant”: Muhammad Hassan.

Hassan is in his ring gear, seconded by Khosrow Daivari in a suit. [“USA!”]

Hassan offers a handshake. Austin: “I see… sand people.” Hassan retracts the offer. Hassan asks whether Austin is too good to shake his hand. “I ain’t saying I’m too good, I’m just saying I don’t like you. So therefore, I don’t want to shake your little grubby hand.” Unbiased my ass. Hassan decides that, for not liking him, Austin is just like everybody else. He asks why. His wardrobe? What he says? The fact that he’s always right? Hassan says that he’s not out here tonight asking for justice; he’s out here because he demands justice. Austin mocks him for demanding justice from Stone Cold Steve Austin. He gives him an ultimatum: back up and say his piece, or get his ass-whipping.

Austin asks him what’s so wrong and why he has so many damn problems. Hassan reminds him that he’s undefeated and always overlooked. Hassan offers up some video proof. Daivari has the exclamation point. It leads into an effective video package, introduced by JR saying that in America, you love it or leave it, followed by similar comments and odd-man attacks.

Hassan calls it an indisputable video testimonial, and makes a logical leap by saying he deserves to be champion. So Austin says it’s time to dictate his ruling: “Personally, I think you’re a big piece of trash.” He calls his attire stupid and calls him a piece of garbage. “But, after watching the video footage, you’re absolutely right. You have been wronged by the system. You have been screwed. You have a valid point. You feel happy about that? Let me ask you another question. Have you ever had a one-on-one shot for the Intercontinental Title?” Never a fair one, says Hassan. So Austin says that he’s got Shelton Benjamin standing by in the back, since he figured he might end up making this decision. So right here, right now, he’s making the match. And he declares himself the special guest enforcer.

Hassan says that finally, justice has been served, and thanks Austin for the decision.

Shelton Benjamin hits the ring, so let’s get to an Ad Break quickly before the match begins.

Ad Break.

Match #1: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs Muhammad Hassan (w/ Khosrow Daivari)
Intercontinental Title; Special Guest Enforcer: Stone Cold Steve Austin

We’re joined in progress. Shelton gets an armdrag, but Hassan backs Shelton into the corner to break the armbar. Hassan slugs it out there, but Shelton shortarms a whip, gets a series of rights, and throws mounted punches from the turnbuckle. He gets to four before Hassan drops his head onto the top rope. Hassan unloads the stomps and gets a vertical suplex. Hassan poses, but when he starts to attack, Shelton gets an inside cradle for two. Hassan quickly gets the edge back with a clothesline for two. Hassan gets a bodyslam and a hard knee to the back to lead into a chinlock. Shelton gets out to his feet, gets a kneelift and dumps Hassan. King calls Austin’s ruling as shocking as the Michael Jackson ruling earlier today. Shelton tries a bulldog, but Hassan stays low and shoves Shelton into the ringpost. Nice. Hassan gets a chair, but Austin steals it from him and gives him the Mutombo finger wag. Hassan is miffed but stays focused, putting Shelton back in. Hassan goes to an abdominal stretch. Shelton elbows out with shots to the head, but runs the ropes into a kick and an attempt at a second vertical suplex. But Shelton lands on his feet and hits a neckbreaker. Nice spot. Senior Official Earl Hebner starts the 10-count and makes it to seven before the combatants slug it out from their knees and continue the slugfest for a while with rapidfire punches from their feet. That was pretty effective. Shelton ends up winning and gets a running forearm. More clotheslines, and Shelton gets a running kneelift for two. Hassan bails to the corner, baiting Shelton for the Stinger splash. Smart. Hassan dodges, and Shelton lands on the second turnbuckle, so Hassan schoolboys him down from there! It gets two. Shelton tries Mister Exploder, blocked. Hassan ducks a clothesline and drives Shelton headfirst into the mat with his elbow!… for two. Daivari is unhappy with the lack of a three-count. Hassan gets a whip, but Shelton ducks a clothesline. Hassan tries to dump Shelton, but Shelton lands on the apron. Hassan turns his back… SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG! But there’s no count, because Hebner is distracted by Daivari. So Shelton takes care of him… but Hassan gets a low blow and locks in the Camel Clutch! It looks bleak for the champ until Austin kicks Hassan to break the hold and draw the DQ.

Winner: Muhammad Hassan via disqualification (6:53 shown)

Shelton lines up Daivari – KICK WHAM STUNNER! He declares Hassan the winner and still undefeated, before picking him up. KICK WHAM NO! Hassan shoves him away — nice touch — but Shelton lands a hard kick to the side of the head, and Hassan stumbles back into KICK WHAM STUNNER! Shelton and Austin do the beer bash thing, in which Stone Cold dumps some beer on Hassan outside the ring. And he heads back up.

Promised for Tonight:
– John Cena & Chris Jericho vs Christian & Tyson Tomko
– Draft Lottery Continues

Ad Break.

Backstage, Eric Bischoff tries to heal from his injuries last night. Jonathan Coachman starts to apologize, but Bischoff stops him and just says last night never happened. He never wants to hear anything about ECW ever again. (The crowd doesn’t exactly comply with this request.)

Chris Jericho walks in to ask why Christian is the #1 contender to the WWE Championship. It’ll be Christian and John Cena at Vengeance! Jericho reminds him that he was the first undisputed champion, so he deserves the chance. Jericho vows to beat the hell out of Christian.

Triple H walks in. “Jericho?” “Hun-ter?” Nice touch there. HHH asks how Bischoff’s doing. Bischoff had something to tell him. HHH has something on his mind. He wants to know who the lottery pick is. Bischoff can’t. HHH is hearing all kinds of rumors. Rumors about the draft pick being allowed to go to the ring and say whatever he or she wants to say about Batista, to Batista, to his face.

HHH thinks that whoever this person is, if they have something to say to Batista, it’d better be along the lines of, “Gee, Dave, I really think you have a great sense of fashion,” or something like that. If it’s not, something that impacts Batista or the World Heavyweight Championship, HHH is going to be severely pissed off, because he has HIAC in 13 unlucky days for the title, and Batista backed into a corner. He’s about to become 11-time world heavyweight champion, and he’s worked too hard for it to let some second-rate Smackdown jackoff screw it up. “You understand?” Bischoff smiles.

Ad Break.

Chris Masters is here! He adds a little dance to his entrance. “Cut the music, please. You know, since still no one has been able to break the Masterlock, and tonight, I’m feeling very confident — heck, I’m as confident as I am good-looking — I’m upping the offer to $11 000 to anybody in that locker room that wants to take the Masterlock Challenge. So who’s it gonna be this week?” He goes through the don’t-be-scared motions…

It’s Sergeant Slaughter! “This is awesome. Wow. Sgt Slaughter! WWE Hall of Famer. Former WWE Champion. You know, Slaughter, it would be an honour to let you take the Masterlock Challenge, but I just got one question for you. What really makes you think you stand a chance?” … “Old man!”

“Old man? Shut your hole, puke, and listen up. I don’t really care about your $11 000, and I sure as hell don’t care about the Masterlock Challenge. But I’ve got a challenge for you, you scum, you slime, you MAGGOT. Do you think that you could break my Cobra… CLUTCH?”

MASTERLOCK CHALLENGE VIII

Sarge slugs Masters and stomps away. COBRA CLUTCH! Masters fights it. Masters’ personal Referee Jack Doan looks on. He raises the arm once… twice… thrice… but Masters grabs the top rope and pops Sarge with a low blow. Masterlock! Sarge’s arm stays up when raised, and he almost makes the ropes, but Masters just locks it in tighter and gets the win.

Chris Masters wins Masterlock Challenge VIII

Ad Break.

We return with a loooong video recap of the HHH/Batista feud.

At Vengeance:
– Triple H vs Batista (World Heavyweight Championship)

Backstage, Christian & Tyson Tomko are walking to the ring. Their match is next!

Ad Break.

Match #2: Christian & Tyson Tomko vs Chris Jericho and John Cena

We get a recap of Christian interrupting John Cena on the Highlight Reel and getting the five-second pose for his troubles. At Vengeance, Cena will indeed face Christian for the WWE Title. Cena gets a solid pop, but nothing near what he got last week. [“Cena!”] Jericho and Christian start. Christian makes the international “I want da belt” sign to Cena, but Jericho attacks in the corner and fires away the rights. He knocks Christian down, then whips him and gets a running elbow. Christian comes back with a kick and a whip, but Jericho baseball slides under something and hits the Flashback. Christian gets right back up, so Jericho gets a double-leg and thinks Walls already. Christian powers out(!) and tags in Tomko. Jericho unloads the chops and gets a whip and a dropkick. Cena tags in! Cena throws the rights. [“Cena!”] He whales away against the ropes. Cena gets a whip and a back elbow. He points to Christian before “Vigilant” Mike Chioda restrains him. Vertical suplex by Cena on Tomko gets two. Cena gets a whip into the corner and a running back elbow. He tries a whip into the opposite corner, reversed, but Tomko eats boot, and Cena heads to the second turnbuckle with a diving clothesline. Cena throws rights in the face corner and clotheslines Tomko out. Jericho heads in to intercept Christian, and the two faces throw him into Tomko on the outside. If I know anything about Raw tag match pacing, that means it’s time for an Ad Break! (2:47)

Ad Break ends (5:50)

We’re back, and Cena gets a running clothesline against Christian. They slug it out in the ring, and the crowd is still pretty rabid for Cena. Christian reverses a whip, but Cena gets a shoulderblock for two. Cena gets a front facelock, and Jericho tags himself in. Cena is confused. Jericho reverses a whip and gets a Polish hammer. [Sign: Ruck Cena] Christian gets some punches and tags in Tomko. Apparently John Cena’s album is #1 in Internet sales. Christian gets some cheap shots to Jericho on the outside, sending him into the wall, as Chioda vigilantly keeps Cena out of the ring. Tomko heads out to drive Jericho into the apron with a shoulder thrust. He puts Jericho back in and nails him with a clothesline. Tomko gets a series of mounted punches… for two. That’s an interesting tmie to cover. Seems like nobody does that. Christian tags in and gets a kick. He gets a bit of a windmill punch! Christian goes directly for the chinlock after. [“Y2J!”] Jericho obliges and gets to his feet. [Sign: PUSH HHH] Jericho gets a double leg, throws rapid-fire mounted punches, and chops Christian away. But he gets reckless, and Christian ducks the fourth chop to get an inverted DDT for two! Christian taunts Cena, allowing Tomko to blatantly choke Jericho behind Chioda’s back. Tomko tags in and tries the Train Wreck, but Jericho sneaks out the back door and hits the Y2J Stinger! Cena is dying for the hot tag. So is Christian. HOT TAG CENA! Tomko can’t get the tag to Christian, but Cena elbows him anyway, then unloads the clotheslines for Tomko. Cena gets a shoulderblock. Cena gets a whip and a jumping hiptoss. Christian heads up with the Flying Nothing and gets slugged by Cena. Jericho clotheslines Christian out. Cena ducks a clothesline… PROTOBOMB! Cena does the “You can’t see me…” Five-Knuckle Shuffle! Cena pumps it up… FU to Tomko! One… two… three!

Winners: John Cena & Chris Jericho via pinfall (10:44)

Post-match, Jericho heads back in… and cheapshots Cena! He stomps away, kicks Cnea out, and removes the facing of the top of the security wall. Then he slams Cena headfirst into the exposed whatever that stuff is and whips him hard into the steel steps! Jericho puts him in the Walls on the outside! Chioda pleads with Jericho, who refuses to let the hold go. Chad Patton hits the ringside area, and Jericho breaks. [“Cena!”] Jericho looks at Cena’s shiny belt, spins it a few times, then puts it back in the ring and heads backstage, with a half-pouting, half-motivated look on his face. There’s a pronounced[“Jericho sucks!”] chant, too. I smell three-way dance.

Ad Break.

And we return with a looong video package of prospective divas getting selected by a blue-ribbon panel including Coach. We get to meet the eight finalists next week!

Backstage, Chris Jericho pleads with Eric Bischoff, and he has indeed convinced him that he’s made it a personal issue with John Cena, so Bischoff is going to grant Jericho a shot at the WWE Title. Christian & Tyson Tomko walk up and ask what’s going on. Bischoff explains that he’s not taking anything away from Christian; he’s merely making the match at Vengeance a Triple Threat match! John Cena barges in and attacks Jericho, tackling him into a set of metal pipes. Cena is pretty angry. He’s being restrained by Refs & Officials. “You wanna go to war? I’ll take you to war!” Cena is pulled away as we head to another set of commercials.

Ad Break.

Match #3: Maven vs… Viscera… (w/ Lilian Garcia)

And they’re holding hands on their way to the ring! King promises pictures that substantiate some rumors regarding the relationship between Vis and Lilian. Maven attacks before the bell, but a dropkick doesn’t knock Vis over, and Vis slaps Maven hard in the chest. Twice. Maven uses a poke to the eye (drawing ire from Referee Chad Patton) and heads up with a missile dropkick, and THAT knocks Viscera over… for two. [“Let’s go Maven!”] Maven tries a whip, but Vis quickly turns it into the Black Hole Slam. Vis hits a running splash and locks in the chinlock while trying to hump Maven. That draws a pretty big pop. Vis gets a leg lariat, and he hits the Baldo Bomb for the win.

Winner: Viscera via pinfall (1:46)

Backstage, Ric Flair reminds Triple H that he’s HHH. HHH is worried about who might be staring Batista down tonight. If Cena can be drafted, anyone can be drafted. HHH plans to intercept the new draftee on his or her way down to the ring and inform them that the Nature Boy and the Game are calling the shots on Raw.

Ad Break.

Match #4: Kane vs Sylvain Grenier

While Sylvain is hanging up his jacket in the corner, Kane attacks from behind and slugs away. Kane uses a cross-corner whip and a sidewalk slam. Kane chokes Grenier on the second rope. Kane gets a slam and continues to slug away in the corner. Kane gets a headbutt, and our hosts put over Kane’s unending quest to get over the whole Lita thing. He charges into an elbow in the corner, though, and Grenier gets a missile dropkick… and Kane immediately sits up. Uh-oh. Grenier runs into a big boot. Kane lines up the chokeslam and hits it with AUTHORITY. Then he goozles Grenier and chokeslams him again. This gets a big pop. Kane shakes his head and picks up Grenier up with a third goozle and kills him dead with a third chokeslam. Senior Official Earl Hebner counts the academic three.

Winner: Kane via pinfall (2:45)

But before Kane can light the corners on fire, Lita‘s music hits, and she walks out onto the ring apron. Lita apologizes for not letting him go out with a bang, but she think she’s used to leaving people dissatisfied. Lita’s not out here to insult him; she’s out here to tell him two very important things. She needs some help for the first thing, so she calls for Gene Snitsky. She clears the air: It wasn’t his fault. It was Kane’s. Kane was who put him in danger, so she owes Snitsky a ton of gratitude, because the thought of having some demon spawn baby running around with some useless husband sulking is so horrifying that she wants to thank him. So she yanks his beard and kisses him. [“Slut!”] Snitsky: “My pleasure. Hahaha.” Kane is shaking his head.

Lita’s second thing has to be done right too, so she calls for her fiancй, Edge. They’ve been talking. They’re not going to wait until Vengeance when Edge beats Kane; they’re going to get married live on Raw next week! She wants the whole world to share this with her, because a moment like this is once-in-a-lifetime. Edge mocks Kane’s T-shirt that calls him a monster. “Next week, after Lita and I get married, we’re gonna celebrate. And I’m gonna show her the real one-eyed monster.” Once again, they make out on the stage as Kane is seething in the ring.

Ric Flair & Triple H are walking backstage. HHH isn’t happy, so JR predicts that hell will break loose. That could be a pretty safe bet.

Ad Break.

Mudvayne’s “Happy?” is the Vengeance theme song.

Vengeance Card
– Kane vs Edge
– John Cena vs Christian vs Chris Jericho (WWE Title)
– Batista vs Triple H (Hell in a Cell, World Title)

Time to play the game. Triple H, seconded by Ric Flair, heads to ringside to help greet Raw’s newest acquisition through the draft lottery. [“Woo!”] “Damn it’s hot in here. You know what that is? That’s me. ‘Cause the Game is on fire. And in two weeks’ time, I am gonna light up Las Vegas, and you know that saying, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Well this time, it doesn’t apply, because what happens in Vegas is going to be seen worldwide, live, and in living colour. The whole world is going to see me kick Batista’s ass inside Hell in a Cell. The whole world is gonna see me become World Heavywegiht Champion for the 11th time. You know it’s true. You can feel it, can’t you, baby? The King of Kings goes back on his throne, which brings me to this draft lottery. Some people seem to think that this draft lottery gives them an excuse to walk out here on my show and do whatever they think they can do whenever they think they want to do it. Well I’m here to tell you, that ain’t happening. We are making a stand right here tonight. So, I don’t care who you are, Mr Draft Pick. Come on down here, Mr Monday Night, and let the Nature Boy and I show you who calls the shots around here.”

Raw Draft Pick #2: KURT ANGLE! This is ridiculous. Angle gets in the ring, wearing a shirt. “Well, well, well, HHH. It’s been a long time.” Angle respects what HHH has done here on Raw, and if anyone else came from Smackdown, they would be deserving of the backseat to him, but Kurt Angle is not just anybody. He stares HHH down. “And your days of being #1 here are over. Because Kurt Angle is back on Raw, baby. Woo!” “Nobody says Woo! around here except me. WOO!” “Woo.” “WOO!” “Woo.” “WOO!” “Woo.” “WOO!” “ENOUGH! ENOUGH! THAT’S ENOUGH!” HHH says that’s gimmick infringement and Angle knows it. He tells Flair to calm down, congratulates Angle seriously, and gives him a handshake. “It’s about time you finally made it back to the big leagues.” But this is still HHH’s show, and he’s still about to become the champion once again, and that means he calls the shots. “You call the shots, huh? You know, the last time I saw you, it was Wrestlemania 21, you remember? That’s the night I made Shawn Michaels tap out. And that’s the night you lost your World Heavyweight Title and got your ass kicked by Batista. Woo!” HHH removes his jacket and throws it out of the ring. “At least I was a champion at WM21, Kurt. And, I’m about to be again. While HHH was flying around the world selling out arenas, Kurt was on Smackdown getting his ass kicked by Booker T’s wife Sharmell. Flair: “WOO!” He’s laughing. Angle: “Let me just say one thing. I let Sharmell. I kinda like that. Let’s just say I have a thing for other people’s wives.” And since Angle is on that subject, what happened to Michael Jackson today is nothing compared to what happened when Angle was making out with HHH’s wife behind his BACK. [“Angle!”]

HHH: “You know what, Kurt? Everybody made out with my next wife. So what?” He asks what Angle’s point is. “Yeah, I have a point. If you mind not getting in my face, I’ve been watching Batista, I’ve been seeing him go crazy beating up people, I’ve seen how this crowd cheers for him, and I have to admit, I’m very impressed.” [“Batista!”] “Whoa. But I’m not that impressed. See, I’m a real champion. I’m an Olympic gold medalist.” He wants to prove that he’s the best in the business.

Angle can’t make any title matches, but he can get himself a match with the champ. So the day after Vengeance, Angle wants Batista, one-on-one, right here on Raw. “And Batista, if you’re listening, you get in the ring with me, and you’re gonna choke.” HHH: “You know what, you can talk about Batista all you want…”

Batista interrupts and powerwalks out with the belt. [“Batista!”] “Kurt Angle. How you doing, Kurt? Dave Batista. World Champion. Welcome to Raw.” Handshake. “After the ECW PPV, I wouldn’t talk about choking if I was you.” Batista is out here to clarify: Angle wants a match the day after Vengeance. They start to stare each other down. HHH taught Batista everything he knkows. HHH says Batista is so not scared of him, so why not have the match next week on Raw? HHH keeps getting in Angle’s face. Batista gives Angle his match next week. “After I’m done with him, I’ll see you in the cell.” Angle points out that everyone’s got what they want…

But SHAWN MICHAELS interrupts! “Wait one minute! Everybody hasn’t gotten what they wanted.” He points out that Angle doesn’t have a dance partner for Vengeance. Michaels wants a rematch! [“HBK!”] He gets in Angle’s face. “Let me hear this right. You wanna lose to me two times in a row? Well you’re on. You’re on. You know what? You got a little surprise for me? Well I got a little surprise for you.” Angle tries to throw a right, but Michaels beats him to the punch and it’s a brawl! Flair gets superkicked by Michaels. Angle and Batista slug it out while HHH and Shawn slug it out, and all hell has broken loose in Binghamton. And that’s all for tonight.

I’m out for the next two weeks, but next Monday this report will be in the ever-capable hands of the Man of a Million Columns himself, the one and only Larry Csonka. Until then… have a good week.