411’s WWE Raw Report 10.01.07

The WWE intro rolls. Cue the Raw intro with some bad ass new clips and welcome to Monday Night Raw! We are live, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler and Jim Ross at ringside, from Cleveland, Ohio!

Tonight – John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy!

3 Generic jobbers are lined up in the ring. Vince is here, not in wrestling garb.

Tonight’s main event is Triple H vs. Mr McMahon – it’s worthy of headlining WrestleMania. The outcome is simple: Vince gauren-damn-tees the winner will be Mr. McMahon. Actions speak louder than words. A video rolls of various times Vince has beat down the game, including his title win and last week’s cage match. He mentions the “3 physical specimens” in the ring. They represent a different fighting style. One guy is a 4 time amateur wrestling champion. Another is a karate champion. The third is the Ohio state sumo champion. He’s rather large. They’re out there is for a demonstration. They’re going to show what Vince will do to Triple H later tonight. Vince removes his jackets and tie. He stops… he brings out the man who faces Triple H Sunday… UMAGA! Umaga has new tattoos.

Boot to fatty. Down go the other two. Rights by Umaga. The amateur gets tossed into the turnbuckle. ASSALANCHE! Blue guy – ASSALANCHE! Umaga picks up the Sumo champ. SAMOAN SPIKE!

UMAGA!

He gives the karate guy a Samoan Drop just for shits and giggles.

Jeff Hardy, Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. Cade, Murdoch and Shelton Benjamin

Murdoh and London kick us off. Atomic drop, hurricanrana by London. Kendrick in with a dropkick double team for 1. Kendrick gets backed into a corner. Shelton in. Press slam into a gut buster for 1. Cade in now with boots and clubbing kidney shots to Kendrick. Kendrick gets launched into the corner. Murdoch in. More doubling teaming by the champs. Neck vice by Murdoch. Kendrick fights out and hits a dropkick. Tag to Hardy, over the top with a dropkick. Cleaning house, leg drop to groin. Dropkick to face. Irish whip reversed – WHISPER IN THE WIND!

Hardy up top, Shelton crotches him. London nails a SHOOTING STAR PRESS OFF THE APRON onto Shelton! Kendrick flies and takes out Murdoch! SLICED BREAD ON CADE! SWANTON BOMB ON CADE! One…two…three!

Winners – London, Kendrick and Hardy

That was crazy hard to follow, awesome!

William Regal is backstage! Vince welcomes him back! Coach is under the weather this week. Vince asks him to look after Hornswoggle! Vince leaves and Regal can’t find Hornswoggle. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” He looks under the cushion on the sofa! Oh, that Regal!

We see clips of Randy Orton kicking Cena Sr.’s head in. We’ll hear from Randy Orton – next!

Orton is here via satellite. JR asks hy he is not here. Orton says he’s waiting in Chicago for Cena. Cena hasn’t been the same mentally since beating his old man. He shows the footage. At Unforgiven, Mr. Cena got involved so Orton got involved with Mr. Cena. It’s not to his advantage to be in Cleveland tonight. He asks how Cena’s head is. It’s Last Man Standing – everything goes. The next time you see him on Raw he will be the new WWE Champion.

The Cleveland Indians are in attendance.

Meet he WWE Divas. Yawn. They did an obstacle course and nobody cares. Cast your vote now, before it’s too late!

William Refal is still looking for Horny. In runs into the Highlanders. They turned down the chance to face London and Kendrick tonight, because they want a title shot. They made a statement. Aye.

Cody Rhodes vs. Holly: The Rematch

Cody requested this rematch. Tie up, headlock by Rhodes but he gets knocked down. Arm drag, and another by Rhodes into an arm bar. Shots to the shoulder, but then Rhodes runs into a dropkick for 2. Into the corner, knee to the gut by Holly. And a chop, two. Cody fights out and gets a backslide for 2. Inside cradle gets 2 for Rhodes. Slap by Holly. He slips out of a suplex and gets a roll up for 2. Irish whip reversed. Holly goes for the Alabama Slam… and gets it! Winner!

Winner – Hardcore Holly

Beth Phoenix is here. She wants to talk to Lilian. Her name is Beth Phoenix, the Glamazon. That means is she is as beautiful as she is dangerous and it is a matter of time before she becomes Women’s Champion. It is a formality that she beat Candice Michelle at No Mercy. She asks Lilian to announce her the new champion. Lilian does it. She adds, assuming you can beat Candice on Sunday. Beth takes exception. Beth knows about the new album. She asks how easy it’d be to promote the album with a crushed throat. Candice makes the save in the greatest pair of jeans of all time! Candice tosses Phoenix.

SavuUs 222! Looks like there’s a whole bunch of new codes in there – good to see I’ll have something to talk about tomorrow!

Triple H vs. Mr. McMahon

Vince shows us what Triple H did to Umaga a few weeks back, destroying him with the sledgehammer.

Vince cuts Triple H’s music half way through. Let’s get it on!

Where’s the referee? Vince calls a referee out. Carlito comes out in a referee’s shirt. lol.

Vince slaps Trips while Carlito checked his knee pads. Lol again. Carlito shields Vince. Vince goes to the outside. Carlito asserts his authority. Slowest. Count. Ever. Triple H chases Vince round and into the ring but Vince goes out on the other side. Triple H catches Vince and bounces his head off the announce table. He tosses him in and shoves Carlito down. Inside, goes for the Pedigree – BACKSTABBER! Vince gets the cover, quick count – 2! Vince starts choking The Game in the corner now. LOW BLOW BY THE GAME! DOWN GOES CARLITO! DQ!

Winner – By DQ, Mr. McMahon

Triple H goes back to Vince but Umaga is here! SLUGFEST! FISTICUFFS! Headbutt by Umaga and down goes The Game! Rights by the Bulldozer! Telegraphed, but Umaga is unphased! 2 clotheslines to no effect. SAMOAN DROP – countered – DDT by The Game! Trips runs into an uppercut!Right hands in the corner now by Umaga. Runs into a boot! Triple H walks into a SUPER KICK! ASSALANCHE! Carlito in now and clotheslines Trips to the floor. Umaga scares Carlito away. SLEDGEHAMMER! Umaga backpedals! Vince tells Umaga to retreat and he does! Game on!

Marella At The Movies

Santino and Maria are out. Maria. Looks. Awesome. Santino welcomes us. Maria is his co-host. He is going to review The Condemned. Stone Cold Steve Austin; your people are pathetic. Maria likes Stone Cold and thought the movie was fun. Marella says it could have been special but you need a real star with charisma and who the camera loves… like Santino Marella!

Clips of the film role. Santino stops the fight. Violence isn’t the solution and when t comes to his acting… we are all The Condemned. He’s sure there’s a job for him somewhere… he can play Mr. Belding if Saved By The Bell ever does a movie! OMG!

Val Venis! VAL F’N VENIS~! Val says he knows about acting talents. Santino knows he did a adult film based on Shrek. “I can’t believe what you did to that poor donkey!” Val asks if Maria wants to star in the sequel to Mr. Woodcock. Val insults Santino’s love-making skills and gets attacked for his trouble. Marella attacks the knee of Val and leaves.

T-Grish is with John Cena. People are saying Orton has the match one at No Mercy. Cena is surprised. It’s time we had a talk about “they.” “They” are a creepy group and they’re always out there. “They” are saying T-Grish has naked pictures of Umaga on his website. But No Mercy is his time and he can be hit with anything and he will get up. He will stand tall wearing his own blood if he must and he WILL GET UP. See this look in his eye. Regardless of what they feel, they know when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, there is one man who will always deliver and never quit. And No Mercy, he will be Randy Orton so bad, “they” will never forget it.

Melina vs. Mickie James

Lock up, , and again. Knee to the gut by Mickie, hair mare. Air Mickie by James! Spinning heel kick by Mickie but she runs into a gutbuster for 2. Hair mare by Melina now. Mickie fights back but gets kicked away. She reverses a toss into the corner. They exchange rights and forearms. Clothesline by Mickie, and again! Enziguri by Mickie gets 2! James runs into a boot for 2. Irish whip – MICKICANRANA! Throat jab by Melina – Hornswoggle from under the apron provides a distraction! Roll up by James and that’s all!

Winner – Mickie James

Melina goes under the ring to get Horny. Hornswoggle comes out with Melina’s top. He goes back under. He now has the bottom! Melina’s head comes out screaming at Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle gets out of dodge.

Backstage Regal confiscates Melina’s clothes from Hornswoggle. Dr. Steve-O is here. His show is on after Raw. He’s going to find a wuss right now. O…K…. Hornswoggle has left, leaving Regal to touch up Melina’s clothes.

No Mercy hype~!

Punjabi Prison – Batista vs. Khali (World Title)
Triple H vs. Umaga
Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle (Women’s Championship)
Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio
Last Man Standing – Randy Orton vs. John Cena (WWE Championship)

Steve-O finds Ron Simmons. He’s quite bad ass, but he thinks Ron could be a little tougher. He wants to make him manly. Ron tosses Steve-O through a door. DAMN!

John Cena vs. Mr. Kennedy

KENNEDY! Kennedy doesn’t like Cena. He’s going to take out the top dog. They tie up. Into a side headlock by Kennedy. Cena forces him off but goes down off a shoulder tackle. Leapfrog and hip toss by Cena, followed by an arm drag. Cena works the arm and they go to the corner and break clean. Low shot by Kennedy and stomps now on Cena’s body and head. He chokes the champ and is forced to break. Cena comes back and plants Kennedy with a bulldog. Kennedy goes to the eyes and the fans are split. Rights by Kennedy and boots in the corner. Cena rolls to the floor. Kennedy follows and drives the champ into the steel steps. Kennedy breaks the count as we go to break.

And we’re back with Kennedy nailing the champ with a DDT! He goes for the cover and gets a near fall. Chinlock applied by Orton. Cena power out and gets a back suplex to break it. STFU! HE’S GOT IT! KENNEDY TAPS!

Winner – John Cena

Well that came out of nowhere. Speaking of which…

RKO! Orton laid out the champ! Orton picks up the steps and KILLS Cena with them! Orton takes the cover and monitors off of the announce table. He nails the champ with a monitor. Cena is laid out on the table. Orton picks him up on the table – RKO! The table didn’t break. Cena is dead. Orton gets in his face and counts to 10.