411’s WWE Smackdown Report 03.04.11

Welcome to the WWE Smackdown Report!

I will be tracking the win/loss record of every Smackdown superstar throughout the year. Here are the guidelines:

– These records only reflect matches that have taken place on Smackdown or Pay-Per-View.
– Matches that end or have ended in a No Contest are not counted.
– In the case of Tag Team matches, each member of the losing team gets a Loss and each member of the winning team gets a Win.
– In the case of multi-man matches, every participant besides the winner gets a Loss.
– Some wrestlers will have a third number in their record. This number represents matches that have ended in a Draw.

Green Day opens with no pyro, and Edge’s music officially kicks the show off. It’s promo time. Edge will be out here later tonight for a contract signing for his match with Alberto Del Rio at Wrestlemania 27. He is looking forward to it- he wants to get face-to-face with Del Rio. He wants Del Rio to look in his eyes and see what it takes to main event Wrestlemania. He has a bone to pick with Del Rio- he interrupted his going away party for Vickie Guerrero last week. Edge got rid of her, so he wants to start this show off the way last week’s ended…

Before any singing takes place, Drew McIntyre runs down and gets into it with Edge. Edge quickly disposes of McIntyre, prompting Teddy Long to come out. He thinks we all owe McIntyre a debt of gratitude. Thanks to McIntyre, Vickie has been fired. Now, if he doesn’t get in that ring and have a match with Edge, he will be fired as well. Edge seconds Long’s feelings- he leads the crowd in a chant of “Thank you Drew.” Babyface Edge really likes getting the crowd involved in chants doesn’t he?

Match One: Edge (9-1) vs. Drew McIntyre (4-5)
Edge drop toe holds McIntyre at the bell and stomps away in the corner. He misses a charging shoulder in the opposite corner allowing McIntyre to hit with an arm wrench mat slam for one. McIntyre stomps on the arm and wraps it around the middle rope before kicking at it. He heads outside and snaps the injured limb across the apron. Back in, McIntyre applies an armbar. The crowd gets behind Edge and Edge fights out but ends up running into a big boot that sends him to the outside. McIntyre follows and drives the arm into the announce booth. Back inside, cover gets two and McIntyre rips off the elbow pad around the bad arm. He drops a few knees on it and goes back to the armbar. Edge escapes again but quickly falls to a charging back elbow. Outside, Edge gets the upper hand with a back body drop. That must have hurt. Edge throws McIntyre back inside and climbs to the top rope. He comes off with a crossbody for two. McIntyre gets a quick shot in on the arm but has a big boot blocked. Edge bounces off the ropes and connects with a Spear out of nowhere. He has the match won but lifts McIntyre’s shoulder off the mat at two and locks in an Edgecator! McIntyre taps and it’s over.
Winner: Edge in 5:00
Rating: ** (Fine five-minute match designed to reintroduce the Edgecator as an answer to Del Rio’s Cross Armbreaker. My only complaint is that McIntyre’s aggressive working of the arm had no influence on…well, anything really.)

Later tonight, Big Show vs. Kane. Also, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown!

At ringside, Michael Cole pimps his first official one-on-one match at Wrestlemania.

Rey Mysterio’s music hits and out comes a man in a mask and suit, ala El Santo. It’s Cody Rhodes, and he takes off the Mysterio mask to reveal his clear plastic one as he makes his way to the ring. Please don’t look at him. That feeling we have festering in our stomach is disappointment. Lately, Rhodes has been the king of disappointment- watching what was once Dashing, reduced to what he sees in the mirror now. So, he convinced his father, Dusty Rhodes, to help him set up Mysterio. He wanted to inflict at least a fraction of the damage to Mysterio’s face that he did to his. When he was rubbing his face across the steel grate; when he removed the mask- it felt good. Nothing has felt good lately. That’s when he knew it was the right thing to do. Rhodes doesn’t want to disappoint his father and let some sideshow freak like Mysterio keep him from becoming World Heavyweight Champion. If Mysterio accepts Rhodes’ Wrestlemania challenge, he promises to remove Mysterio’s mask and expose what he has left of a face.

In the back, the Corre confronts Kane. They want to remind to remind him that they played a pivotal role in a great victory of his. Kane didn’t want their help then, and he doesn’t want it now. The Corre just want him to beat Big Show tonight.

Up next, Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater defend their WWE Tag Team Championship against Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov.

Match Two: WWE Tag Team Championship- Justin Gabriel© (4-1)/Heath Slater© (2-2) vs. Santino Marella (1-2)/Vladimir Kozlov (1-3)
Gabriel and Marella start. Marella teases the legsweep and the Cobra, sending Gabriel retreating into the ropes. They lockup and Marella gets a bodyslam. They lockup again and Marella gets in a snapmare. He tags in Kozlov who comes in with a big knee lift and headbutts to the chest. He throws him to the outside as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Kozlov has Slater in a side headlock. He drops Slater with a shoulderblock but gets kicked in the knee. Slater unloads with clubs and Wade Barrett sneaks in a cheap shot. Gabriel tags in and he slugs away in the corner. Cover gets Gabriel two and he kicks Kozlov in the back of the head before locking in a chinlock. Kozlov back suplexes his way out but Gabriel is able to make the tag to Slater. Slater tries to stop the hot tag to Marella but Kozlov gets it anyway. Marella connects with jabs and hits his hiptoss and saluting headbutt. Cover gets two as Gabriel interrupts. Kozlov takes Gabriel out but is soon tossed outside by Slater. Marella takes advantage of the confusion with an STO on Slater and calls for the Cobra. As per usual, the Corre members divert his attention to the apron. Marella connects with it on Barrett but Slater comes in from behind with an inverted DDT for the win.
Winner: Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater in 7:00 to retain the WWE Tag team Championship
Rating: * (This was clunky the whole way through- they even had a hard time making the lockups look easy. I hope we can finally move on from this.)

Next week, Christian makes his return to Smackdown. We get a video package on Alberto Del Rio kicking the shit out of him last September. This is followed up by Christian returning the favor two weeks ago at the Elimination Chamber PPV.

In the back, Alberto Del Rio prepares himself for the contract signing as Ricardo Rodriguez prepares his vocal chords. They have an artist in the room drawing- I’m guessing- a picture of Del Rio.

Up next, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown.

Triple H’s promo from Raw is shown in full. Seems they are making this a regular thing now.

Dong! Different from usual, the dongs lead into “There ain’t no grave…”- it’s actually pretty badass. Taker finds it mystifying that the strongest of the strong and the greatest of the great don’t know how to leave well enough alone. There are mountains that cannot be claimed, seas that cannot be sailed and streaks that cannot be broken. Taker heard Triple H’s comments on Raw. There wasn’t much he said he would disagree with- they are the last of an era and a dying breed. Triple H is everything he says he is, if not more- the greatest champion over the last decade and a half. What Taker found interesting was that HHH said he knows how to take him out. Easier said than done. HHH will take everything he has accomplished and throw it all on the table. If he wins, he will be hailed as the Game and the King of Kings. If he loses, and he will, he will become nothing more than a statistic. Make no mistake about it- Taker plays no game and bows down to no man- especially the King of Kings. At Wrestlemania, HHH will find out that Taker is indeed the Last Outlaw; he will find out what it means to rest in peace.

We get highlights from the Sin Cara press conference. If he ends up going to Smackdown, I hope Josh Matthews will learn how to pronounce the name- he is making us white folks look bad.

Match Three: Michelle McCool (2-3)/Layla (2-5) vs. Beth Phoenix (2-1)/Rosa Mendes (1-0)
Before the bell, Michael Cole accuses Josh Matthews of leaking dirt on LayCool to “newspapers and internet sites.” Phoenix and McCool start with a lockup. Phoenix gets a takedown and works over the leg. McCool still has a brace on it. Mendes tags in and continues the work on the leg. Layla in and she gets mat slammed a couple times by Mendes. McCool distracts her, allowing Lalya to get in a kick. McCool tags in as Booker T compares the friction between McCool and Layla to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie…hahahahaha, come on Book, you’re better than that. McCool unloads with clubs on Mendes and drops knees across the back. She kicks with her injured leg and goes down. Phoenix tags in and meets Layla with clotheslines. She throws her to the corner and blocks a float over attempt. She comes down with a powerslam and covers for two as McCool makes the save. Mendes intervenes but the ref stops her. Behind the ref’s back, McCool kicks Phoenix with the braced leg. Layla covers for the win.
Winner: Michelle McCool/Layla in 3:00
Rating: * (LayCool wins and they are happy again. That’s basically it.)

Big Show vs. Kane is up next.

Match Four Kane (2-5) vs. Big Show (3-3)
They lockup and Show powers Kane into the corner. Kane gets out with an uppercut but Show comes back with a headbutt and clubs to the midsection. Show misses a splash in the corner but is able to goozle a charging Kane. Kane escapes and they both go down on clotheslines. The ref puts in the count as the Corre come down to ringside with a steel chair. They slide it into Kane and he whacks Show across the back with it for the disqualification.
Winner: Big Show in 1:00
Rating: ½* (Barely a match. This was here to set up the following…)

Post-match, the Corre assault Big Show. Kane stands back at first, then takes out Justin Gabriel with a chair shot to the back. The Corre retreat to the back, shocked.

At ringside, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole and Booker T hype Triple H vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania before pitching it to the Shawn Michaels promo from Raw.

Before our next match, Michael Cole meets his Wrestlemania trainer Jack Swagger in the ring. Cole would like to invite us to join him in Dallas for Monday Night Raw where he will introduce us to his Special Guest Referee.

This man is one of the all-time greats in the WWE- he is awesome. The one thing this man, Cole, Swagger and Lebron James have in common is they all think Cleveland stinks.

Match Five: Jack Swagger (2-2) vs. JTG (0-2)
Swagger gets a go-behind and takedown at the start. He grabs a front facelock and drops JTG with a belly-to-belly. He hits the Running, Leaping Swagger Bomb twice before locking in the Anklelock. JTG holds out for a while before finally tapping.
Winner: Jack Swagger in 1:00
Rating: ½* (Absolute definition of a squash match. Perfectly acceptable, re-building Swagger’s credibility heading into Mania.)

Post-match, Michael Cole joins Jack Swagger for an in-ring celebration.

We get a video package on the Rock/John Cena promos.

In the back, Edge makes his way to the ring. He runs into Alberto Del Rio’s artist and draws a big mustache and unibrow on the image of Del Rio. He kicks the poor guy down and leaves.

World Heavyweight Championship Contract Signing

The ring is decorated with a red mat and a number of Mexican flags. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio and he comes out in a Mercedes Benz. He wants to welcome us to his contract signing. The only way to get this thing started is with the singing of the Mexican national anthem- Rodriguez sings it for us. Edge’s music hits mid-anthem much to the dismay of Del Rio. Already in the ring, Teddy Long wonders whether, for the first time in the history of Smackdown, this contract signing can end up without chaos. The two competitors sit at the desk and Edge grabs a mic as the crowd chants “USA”- fantastic. Once this contract is signed, there is no turning back. Del Rio doesn’t know what it’s like to fight on the biggest stage in the world, but Edge is an 11-time World Heavyweight Champion. Del Rio already knows that, but that is part of the past. This contract is not just a piece of paper- it represents the next chapter of the WWE. That next chapter isn’t Edge, it’s Del Rio; it’s his destiny. Edge says destiny can change in the blink of an eye. Del Rio’s destiny could be that he is the fastest rising star in the history of the WWE; or, it could be that he is a flash in the pan that Edge makes famous for one moment. Edge is right about one thing- once Del Rio signs this contract (which he then does), it’s the beginning of the end for him. Edge signs and hands it to Long. Remember that favor Long wanted about a contract signing not ending in chaos? Edge has his answer. Long gets the picture, and hilariously runs out of the ring just before Edge and Del Rio start to brawl. Edge gets the upper hand and drops Del Rio with an Edgecution. He pulls back his hair and calls for a Spear, but Rodriguez grabs his leg between the ropes. Del Rio takes advantage and locks in the Cross Armbreaker before tossing him to the outside. He hammerlocks the injured arm and rams it into the barricade. Rodriguez hands Del Rio a chair and he wraps it around Edge’s arm. Christian runs out to a big pop to make the save. He unloads on Del Rio and chases him up the ramp where a bunch of refs have to break it up. Edge and Christian embrace at ringside to end the show.

(Let’s be honest, this was a below-average week of wrestling, and Smackdown was no different. I’d say Cody Rhodes was once again the highlight of the show, with Christian’s show-ending beatdown a close second and the Undertaker promo right behind that. The rest was a bunch of short matches and Raw recaps. The contract signing was par for the course as far as those segments are concerned and nothing you should go out of your way to see.)