411’s WWE Smackdown Report 07.08.04

WWE Smackdown Review by J. “Yayowonder” Hernandez
July 8, 2004
Taped from Winnipeg, Canada and live from my living room.

My name is Yayowonder and I will be recapping WWE SD! tonight for your reading pleasure. I want to send a shout out to Ari Bernstein of Tracklisting fame, as we had a splendid conversation about the WWE over the course of a few e-mails. Also If you guys are interested in another take on SD! check back later for the other two members of 411’s SD! Triple Threat: Double M and Eric S.’. New NWATNA recaps are also available from Flea and Csonka. Finally don’t forget a new Yayo’s News and Notes is available for your perusal. Speaking of which at the end of this fine recap I will be addressing a certain feud a member of the Triple Threat is currently involved in. But for now onto the show:

Grades and such
I do not use snowflakes for my ratings, as snowflakes melt. And I hate the snow since I am a Floridian. So we’ll use something everyone understands, I assign grades. Simple, easy, straight-forward. I also assign them on a SD! scale. Meaning I’m not going to rate free TV matches on the same scale as I would PPV matches. I’ll also tell you anything I think that will help explain the grade. Finally I don’t time matches, as I don’t care how long it was (unless it’s with a lady! Bada-bing!), and I don’t think you do either.

Mark “The Reflection of Perfection” Jindrack v. RVD
Renee Dupree joins Tazz and Cole for commentary. Jindrack must have read the Flair book, because they’ve decided to steal Billy Graham’s old gem. Jindrack has amicably parted ways with Teddy Long and is checking himself out in a mirror which was set-up in the ring. Jindrack attacks RVD from behind. Jindrack attacks RVD on the barricade. He then whips him into the steps. Mark working RVD’s back and then tosses RVD inside. Mark chokes RVD on the middle rope. Mark works RVD over as RVD holds onto the middle rope. Vertical suplex by Mark. Whip into the corner but RVD hits Mark with an elbow on the follow througjh. RVD jumps to the top of the corner but Jindrack dropkicks him out of the ring. Mark tosses RVD back in but only gets two on the pin. Mark with the suplex and only gets another pin. Mark choking out RVD on the mat. Mark with elbows on RVD’s neck. Another cover gets two, Headlock on RVD that RVD tries to elbow out of. Mark hits him down. Mark triesd to ram RVD’s head into thje top turnbuckle but RVD blocks it and gives gim the kick, RBD springboards off the middle ropes and hits thje crescent kick,. Monkey flip by RVD. Rolling Thunder blocked with the knees. Mark works over RVD’s mid-section. Mark puts RVD on the top rope. Attempted suplex off the top rope gets elbows and Mark drops to the mat. MOONSAULT! 1-2-3 and RVD gets the win.

Winner: RVD
Grade: B-
Commentary: I was wondering if RVD had signed his contract with the WWE yet with the way Jindrack was manhandling him. I don’t mind seeing RVD used as a rag doll if they plan to elevate Mark and his burgeoning gimmick, but if Renee doesn’t rag doll him, what does that say about the French Phenom? The actual match was good as Mark kept the power moves coming and RVD did enough.

.JBL highlights from last week
Josh Matthews is now interviewing JBL. Josh asks if JBL is reluctant to face Eddie Guerrero next week for the title. JBL makes the point isn’t a gentleman like he is. He doubts Eddie graduated from high school. These are facts. JBL says he is concerned with facing Eddie next week in a cage. Because he is a man’s man, and he shouldn’t have to face Eddie in such a barbaric fashion. He says we will hear the JBL fan club cheering him on this week and next week. And if you listen close right now you can hear them chant: JBL, JBL, JBL (I heard the crowd mumbling). JBL has brought back El Gran Luchadore from Mexico for a champion versus champion match. JBL is kind enough to pay for Luchadore’s medical expenses out of his own pocket. Because the outcome of this match, will be the same as the outcome of his match next week with Eddie: a massacre. Commercials.

Velocity Re-Match:Dudley Boyz v. Billy Kidman and Paul London,WWE Tag Team Championship
Kidman and London rush the ring and start getting whooped. Bubba beats on Kidman and London is tossed by D-Von. Bubba holds up Billy but Kidman kicks D-Von in the face on the attack. Bubba tries a suplex on Billy but Kidman drops out of it. He then pushes Bubba towards a corner where Paul was climbing the rope and is hit with a London dropkick. Double suplex on D-Von by Billy and Paul. Billy then flips Paul over (like a moonsault) onto D-Von, but the pin only gets two. They then whip D-Von into the ropes and hit a double arm-drag. Double fist-drop and a pin attempt by Kidman only gets two. Whip by Kidman and D-Von is dropkicked by London. London whips D-Von it’s reversed and Bubba holds the top rope and London goes flying. Bubba whips London into the steps and then throws him in the ring. D-Von tosses London into the corner. Punches to London’s head. Snap mare by D-Von. D-Von hits the ropes and does the running neck breaker on a seated London. Pin attempt only gets two. Bubba puts his boot on the top turnbuckle and D-Von rams Paul’s head into it and tags Bubba. Double team leads to Bubba beating on London. Paul fights back with punches but Bubba stops that with a fist. Bubba drives the knees into the mat with some knee lifts on London. D-Von kicks the knee after getting tagged in. D-Von works the knees with elbows, and then twists it. London punches D-Von to get loose. D-Von clothesline London to next week. Pin attempt only gets two as Kidman breaks it up. Paul tossed out of the ring and Bubba attacks. Paul tossed back in and D-Von works the neck. London tries to punch out but gets knocked down again with another fist. Bubba is tagged in and tries for the pin, only gets two. Bubba continues working London over with punches and kicks. D-Von tagged in bodyslams London. Flying headbutt from the middle rope and D-Von misses. Double tags. Kidman with clotheslines to Bubba. Back bodyflip by Billy on D-Von. Dropkick by Billy on Bubba and a pin only gets two. Kidman bodyslammed by Bubba. D-Von climbing the rope for the Whazzup drop. London tosses D-Von off and Kidman reverses. Kidman reverses the whazzup position. WHAZZUP DROP by London. London superkicks Bubba. SHOOTING STAR PRESS by Kidman! 1-2-3 and Kidman and London are your new tag team champions. Commercials.

Winner: Billy Kidman/Paul London, new Tag Team Champions
Grade: B+
Commentary: Good heel work by the Dudz on your new tag champs. They cut off the ring and worked over the leg on London for almost the entire match. And your new tag champs did a great job of pulling out a lot of authentic tag moves and will hopefully make the division a lot more exciting.

In the back…
The SD! faces celebrate and the FBI(?) the victory of the new Tag Team champions. They then run into the Dudleyz who extend their hands. We get handshakes and more celebration(?)

Josh Matthews interview: Kenzo Suzuki
Hiroki is translating. Kenzo says that John Cena dishonored him. He seeks revenge against Cena. Kenzo also says he is misunderstood. He has great appreciation for America. It is the home of the free and the land of the brave. It is a land of opportunity. Kenzo then cuts off Hiroki’s transalation because he wants to say it himself. God bless America. Commercials.

John Cena
Cena out first and “yo’s” the crowd into a frenzy. “The champ is here.” Is uttered a couple of times and then comes the cheap heat with “The champ is here in Winnipeg, Manitoba”. He’s going to rip Booker’s dreads out and he’s keeping his title tonight. He’s five times better and he has five time the groupies. Booker has to take off the bicycle seat to do his spin-a-roonies. He’s been the franchise since the first time he took the mic. He’s not going to lose tonight to a Whoopie Goldberg look-a-like. He can’t see…and Kenzo’s music interrupts the proceedings. Kenzo tries to attack but gets clotheslined. Kenzo sent to the corner. Vertical suplex by Cena. Kenzo is clotheslined out of the ring. Luther comes in and hits the spinning neck-breaker. Commercials.

El Gran Luchadore v. JBL, Mexican Championship v. WWE Championship
JBL shakes fans hands and waves to the crowd as he makes his way to the ring. EL makes his way to the ring and does some lucharific posing. JBL starts the match by sanitizing his hands. We start with some chasing by JBL. JBL catches him and clubs him across the back. EL on the ropes and gets hit with a chop. EL whipped into the ropes but rolls off JBL back. JBL’s not happy and slaps the shit out of him. JBL whips him into the corner. JBL whips EL into the ropes and tries the big boot but whiffs. EL with a moonsault and gets a two off the pin. EL outside and JBL rams his head into the announcers table. Bodyslam by JBL outside. JBL tosses EL in. JBL with the delayed vertical suplex. JBL with the short clothesline. He follows this up with another short clothesline. EL placed into the tree of woe and JBL rolls out. JBL pulls back on EL’s neck. JBL sits EL on the top turnbuckle and hits the superplex. EL on the ropes and JBL kicks him out. Another EL comes in from outside and tosses JBL out. EL 2 puts a banana peel in the ring and goes hides under the apron. As JBL gets back in EL 2 drags the original EL under the apron and comes out. JBL tosses EL 2 back in for the pin and only gets two. JBL picks him up for the powerbomb but gets back body dropped. EL 2 shows some Latino Heat with his punches. He kicks JBL as he’s on the ropes. THE TRES AMIGOS! JBL runs away as EL 2 grabs the mic. “You might be able to run right now ese, but next week you won’t be able to run from Eddie Guerrero.” EL 2 also let’s JBL that next week Eddie is going to climb the cage and hit the biggest frog splash we’ve ever seen and become the new WWE champion. He then asks to hit Eddie’s music. Commercials.

Winner: No winner (sportz entertainment finish)
Grade: B-
Commentary: When JBL was on offense he kept it short and sweet. Letting EL get any offense in, was questionable, but it was still a squash. Having the switch come in the middle of the match as opposed to Eddie coming out as EL right from the beginning, added a nice twist to this timeless bit. I still don’t understand what was up with the banana.

Josh Matthews interview: Booker T
Booker says Cena is going to use the attack from earlier as the reason he’s going to lose. But Booker’s going to win because he’s a bigger star then Cena.

RAW Rebound
The reign of Eugene: Musical chairs. Orton v. Jericho. HHH/Flair/Eugene v. Benoit/Edge.

Rey, Scotty, and Spike
Bubba and D-Von ask to speak to Spike in private. Bubba says it hasn’t been the best night for the Dudley family. D-Von reminds Spike they offered to help him last week against JBL, and he could be WWE champion. Bubba tells him he has nothing and not to go against the family. He tells Spike they are there for him in his six man tag tonight. Spike cuts him off and explains that last week they were tag champs and he didn’t want their advice, why would he want it now, and walks away. Commercials.

Rey Mysterio, Jr./Scotty 2 Hotty/Spike Dudley v. Chavo Guerrero, Jr./Akio/Jamie Noble
I’ll try to keep up, but most probably this will end up being me calling spots.Rey starts with Akio. Lock-up, side head lock by Akio. Akio sent to the ropes and hits Rey with the shoulderblock. Akio cartwheels over Rey, but Rey comes back with a leg scissor he locks into a submission move. Noble kicks Rey to free Akio. Akio tags Chavo. Kicks on Rey. Rey in the corner and Chavo punches and stomps away. Chavo with the snapmare. Half nelson hold by Chavo is broken out of. Chavo tags Noble. Noble rams Rey head firsat into the turnbuckle. Noble with the short clothesline and a pin attempt only gets two. Jamie brings Rey back into the heel corner. Jamie tags Noble and they give him a good once over in the corner. Rey fights out of the corner and does a handspring armdrag by on Chavo. Chavo then hits Rey with the clothesline and brings him back to the heel corner. Chavo knocks Spike off the apron as Noble works on Rey. Noble whips Rey as Tazz sings “Just a good ole boy”. Chavo picks up Rey, but Rey is able to get a headlock on Noble and his legs around Chavo’s neck. Rey let’s go of Chavo and hits Jamie with a DDT. Chavo runs over but is tossed over the top rope out of the ring. Scotty tagged in and he cleans house on Chavo and Jamie. Akio stops it with a kick. Whip by Scotty and he hits Akio with the backbody drop off the rebound. Jamie runs over and knocks Scotty down. They tussle and Jamie ends up on the mat by the face corner. Spike climbs the ropes and hits him with the top rope foot stomp. Akio gets the leg scissors from Spike sending him out of the ring. Chavo goes for the punch but misses. Spike hits him with the double fist to the chest and then the leg scissors. Dropkick to Jamie. Stomps in the corner for Chavo. Jamie stops him and tries for the suplex but Spike drops out. Kick and Spike hits the Dudley Dog (kicking Chavo on the way up the turnbuckles). Pin attempt gets two and then a backbreaker by Chavo ends Spike’s run. Chavo is proud, but that’s a sin and Scotty gives him the faceplant. WORM! Akio knocks Scotty out and then hits the ropes. He uses Chavo’s back to complete the tope to Scotty outside. Rey then dropkicks Chavo into position but whiffs on the 6-1-9, as Chavo gets out. Rey comes over and Chavo back body drops him, but Rey lands on the apron. Chavo runs over but gets thrown out as Rey uses the ropes to leverage his weight and catapult Chavo. Akio comes over and gets knocked away and then Rey hits the SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT on Chavo and Akio. In the ring Spike goes for another Dudley Dog, but Noble reverses with a drop. Noble then hits Spike with a monster TIGER DRIVER and we got ourselves a winner.

Winner: Chavo/Jamie/Akio
Grade: B+
Commentary: The match had a great flow and everyone pulled out their Sunday best. Seeing all the big moves was a nice change from the somewhat slower paced SD! cruiserweight matches we’ve been subjected to in the past. This hopefully signifies the re-launch of the Cruiserweight division in all of its glory.

Interview Josh Matthews: Paul Heyman
Josh asks Heyman is he’s upset about the Dudleyz losing their tag titles. Heyman says he doesn’t care. He has something he has to say to the Undertaker. And he has to say it now. Paul walks away. Commericals.

Heyman
Heyman comes out with the urn and a piece of paper and what’s to tell us something from the bottom of his heart. He reads from the paper that he stands before us a humble man, and after introspection realizes he’s made mistakes in life. But none greater than messing with the Undertaker. He accepts responsibility for his abhorable behavior even though it was Bubba and D-Von Dudley’s fault. They’re the one’s who thought of everything, even that Undertaker should bow to Heyman with the urn. They took his simple motivation to far. Paul excuses himself as he’s lost his place on his paper. He hopes the Dudleyz get exactly what they deserve. But as a gesture of good faith he would like to return the urn to Taker. He hopes Taker takes it into consideration the fact that he volunteered to return his property to him. He’s asking for a pass (as he gets on his knees). Heyman begs that Taker take pity on his wretched soul and he promises he will not cross his path anymore. Commercials. A very hee-sterical commercial with Eugene and William Regal for Summerslam.

John Cena v. Booker T, for the U.S. Championship
Cena walks down to the ring with a Winnipeg Jets jersey and holding his neck. As Cena walks in Angle is wheeled out by Luther. As Cena is looking out to angle Booker attacks from behind. Booker beats down Cena and whips him. Booker with the back elbow to Cena. Booker with punches and chops to Cena. Cena in the corner and Booker stomps him down. Booker picks up Cena and Cena fires off a few punches. Booker stops this with a kick. Booker with a suplex attempt on Cena but it’s blocked as John runs him to the ropes. Booker holds the ropes and gives Cena a kick once he stands up. Angle claps in approval. Pin only gets a two off the pin. Booker with an keylock on Booker. Cena stands up, but Booker comes through with the back kick. Booker picks up Cena and gives him a chop. Booker puts Cena in the corner and gives him another chop. Same song different corner. Booker starts working Cena in the corner. Booker chokes Cena against the top rope. T whips Cena but Cena gets him down with the clothesline off the ropes. Cena with the shoulderblock off the ropes. Cena hits the backdrop on Cena. Pin only gets two. Cena whips Booker and hiptosses him and gets two off the pin attempt. Cena lets Booker know he can’t see him. FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Pin attempt gets two. Cena pumps the shoes. Cena comes over but Booker hits him in the gut. Booker whiffs on the axe kick, and Cena comes back with a kick into the FU, but Booker grabs the top rope. Cena drops Booker throat first across the top. Cena comes running but Booker tosses him out of the ring. Angle makes his way out of his wheelchair and hobbles over to Cena. Angle canes Cena across the back several times and then hobbles back to his red, white, and blue wheelchair. Commercials.

We’re back…
Booker drops a knee on Cena in the middle of the ring. Pin only gets two as Angle and Luther cheer him on. Booker with a headlock on the mat. Cena works his way out with elbows. Cena hits the ropes and gets spine busted by Booker. Booker pin only gets two as Cena kicks out. Booker whips Cena and gets him with the side kick. Booker pin attempt only gets two and another headlock is administered by Booker. Cena has Booker in the corner and comes with the punches. Whip on Booker and Cena eats boots on the follow through. Another pin attempt another two count. Read the sentence before again. Another headlock by Booker, and Cena gets out with knees. Booker whips Cena and John flips over and gets a sunset flip for two. Booker with the clothesline. Booker with the side kick and it misses. Cena grabs him and hits the DDT! Booker with the vertical suplex and a pin only gets two. Booker climbs on top of Cena and administers the fists. Booker whip leads to a Cena takedown and a two off the pin. Cena kicks T in the gut and hits a DDT that leads to a two count. Cena whips Booker who holds the ropes. So Cena goes over and clotheslines Booker and himself out of the ring. Booker hits Cena head off the apron as Angle barks encouragement. Cena trying to clothesline Booker hits Angle. He then kicks Luther and hits him with the cane. Booker hits Cena and rolls him in the ring. Booker hits the rope to axe kick Cena, but John ducks out of the way and hits the FU! Reigns is in and attacks Cena. Powerslam by Reigns. Angle tells Luther to get the belt and come over to him. Angle strips Cena of the U.S. belt for attacking him.

Winner: John Cena via DQ
Grade: B
Commentary: Good back and forth between the two and we finally took a big step in Cena’s ascension past the U.S. belt with the stripping of the title.

Overall grade: B. All around good, but not great action. All the storylines made sense (except for the FBI cheering Kidman/London) and all the action flowed nicely. Let’s hope they can keep it up. Sorry I couldn’t bold like I usually do, but time constraints led me to get this done later then I wanted.

Internet Feud
I don’t care for internet “feud’s”. Biggie Smalls told us what real beef is about. But I will address the following:

Look, I didn’t want to make this public but it is because Melchor is worthless as a writer and couldn’t draw flies with a bucket of shit nor heat if he set himself aflame. No one cares about anything Melchor writes, especially the huge bucket of shit he writes every week and calls Melchor’s Smackdown! Report or whatever it is. How else do you get replaced by a guy named “Yayowonder”?

This from a guy named Evocator. I’m not here to replace anybody, especially the eminently talented Melchor. Maines why you decided to drag me into this, I don’t know. What I do know is that what you’ve done is pull a bitch move. The only reason I found this out is because I was interested in finding what your response to Melchor would be. So come at me again in one of your Time Machines or your aptly names TITS (because it’s apparent you lack a pair of nuts from your unprovoked attack). Insult my intelligence which seems to be your preferred mode of attack, I could give two flying fucks. I won’t address anything unless I see it fit. Most probably this will be the end of things on my side as I have much better things to do. If you didn’t mean it as such or want it to end, then say so. I write these recaps for SD! fans, not to trade insults with other internet personalities. So let’s dead this right now, before we spend countless columns hurling pointless insults at each other.

-Yayo

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