411’s WWE Smackdown Report 10.13.06

Hello everybody, I’m Nick Marsico, your FORMER SmackDown recapper. I’ll be filling in here when I can, and thankfully for my sanity, this is more rant style than straight recap style (as I mentioned in my News to Start Your Weekend this morning), which makes it a lot easier and more fun. It’s Friday Night SmackDown, and this week I’m actually watching it on the CW as opposed to downloading it, too. On with it.

It’s the rundown of TONIGHT on SmackDown, as we have MVP making his wrestling debut on SmackDown, as well as a Triple Threat to find out who the number one contender to King Booker’s championship will be.

Mr. Kennedy is here and he says that he beat the Undertaker, no matter how he got the win, but Theodore Long won’t give him his release to go to RAW, so he’s going to put his US Title on the line, whoever Long wants it to be, and once he beats him, he will make his way to RAW. The opponent:

Mr. Kennedy vs. Chris Benoit
United States Championship

Benoit gains control after Kennedy attacks him before the bell and gets a quick 2 count off a snap suplex, and Kennedy tries to run away, so Benoit kicks him out of the ring. Benoit chops the shit out of him back inside, and JBL notes that getting a chop like that is like getting hit from the inside. Benoit snaps off a release German and Kennedy bails out again, so Benoit chases, but Kennedy still can’t get the advantage. Kennedy gets out of a Sharpshooter attempt but takes a backdrop suplex for another 2 count from Benoit. This match is ALL Benoit. Kennedy’s gotten like 2 punches in, and now he just got front suplexed onto the top rope. Is he getting buried here? Geez.

Kennedy FINALLY looks to get an advantage by hitting Benoit’s head on the turnbuckle a bunch of times, but he gets tossed off the top and takes the Swandive Headbutt and Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on and switches to the Crossface, but Kennedy gets to the ropes immediately. It’s a commercial break at 6:31, and thus far no offense for Mistah Kennedy.

Back at 9:34, and Benoit’s still got Kennedy in his complete control, but Kennedy tosses him shoulder first into the post and wraps his arm around it once. I have to note that the crowd has basically been completely dead outside of a couple of Benoit’s moves (German, Swandive) and when he went for the Sharpshooter and Crossface. Kennedy continues to work on Benoit’s arm by throwing him into the post again. Cole notes that Kennedy is doing this and that it means it could take the Crossface away, so JBL tells him to stay out of his color commentary territory. Kennedy’s bleeding as he gets a 2 count in the ring and the Divorce Court (DDT on the arm) gets another 2 for Kennedy, who it took almost 10 minutes to get some offense in. Benoit comes alive for a short second but can’t get the Sharpshooter in, and Kennedy takes him back down for another near fall. JBL makes fun of Cole asking if he saw the knees Kennedy hit on Benoit and asks “Can you see that Benoit has red tights on?” HAHA. Kennedy has an armbar on Benoit, and all of a sudden the Undertaker’s music plays (and doesn’t stop as the match continues), and it allows Benoit to try the Rolling Germans, and the Undertaker wanders out to the entrance area. Benoit does get the Rolling Germans, puts on the Crossface and wins the US Title, and all of a sudden the Undertaker has disappeared.

Winner: Chris Benoit at 16:51

I don’t really know what to say about this one… the match wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t especially good either. Basically it was one half all Benoit and one half all Kennedy followed by the wacky finish with Kennedy distracted by Undertaker. Not your average match, and while it lasted almost 20 minutes, the way it was structured it didn’t really allow a real story to develop. The story before the commercial break was Benoit just destroying Kennedy, and then after a little more of that during the break it was Kennedy working on Benoit’s arm for a quick couple of minutes before Benoit, who dominated the first 10 minutes, inexplicably needed the Undertaker’s distraction to win the match. As a certain web writer might say, this match was basically just a long angle advancement match. I don’t really get Kennedy losing the title, either, especially to Benoit. It seems as if it was only done to further the Undertaker/Kennedy feud, which is kind of silly and devalues the title. I don’t know. I didn’t hate the match, but it was just booked oddly.

This Week in Wrestling History, Steve Austin destroyed Mr. McMahon’s Corvette with a cement truck. Man, Vince looked a LOT younger 8 years ago.

Hey, the Jacksonville Jaguars are here.

King Booker doesn’t want the Triple Threat match to happen tonight, but since all three men have victories over him the match is on. The King drops the accent and goes back to the hood, and he’s not happy.

William Regal vs. Vito

Cole says that Regal and Vito shared a shower at No Mercy, and JBL is of course disgusted by the imagery and tells Cole that he has to explain himself is he’s going to say things like that. Regal beats Vito up outside the ring and keeps him down inside and drops Vito right on his head with the half nelson suplex. I bought that it was going to be the finish. The crowd doesn’t seem to care… they seem DEAD tonight. Haha, JBL starts to say that Vito needs to mount some offense, but then quickly tries to change his wording. Vito misses an elbow off the top and the guys just pummel each other before Regal tries a sunset flip, but Vito sits down on it (of course he does) for the pin.

Winner: Vito at 4:16

The crowd didn’t care, but this was actually quite fun while it lasted. Very stiff, although I’d have preferred a Regal win.

Bobby Lashley puts over the fact that he’s soft spoken and that he likes to let his actions do the talking, but then spends a while talking. Basically, he welcomes pressure, and says he’ll win the number one contendership match tonight and the World Title next week.

MVP is out and he says that there’s no competition for him here. He says he wants some real competition. Hey, the dude has “MVP” braided into his hair. Teddy Long is here, and he says it’s about to get “hot” in here.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kane

JBL wants Kane to eat MVP. Porter stops the ref from ringing the bell a bunch of times to do calisthenics, and now he’s got sweat in his eye. Kane chases him outside and beats the shit out of him. The crowd likes to chant “Power Ranger” at MVP, and did during his promo before the match, but some retard at ringside tries to get a “Ninja Turtle” chant going, which doesn’t make any fucking sense. Jesus Christ, dude. Oh, the match. Kane keeps kicking his ass outside the ring and MVP runs away.

No match

Alright, then. Moving on…

John Cena went to Parris Island and did some basic training with the Marine Corps.

Jamie Noble vs. Rey Mysterio

Chavo comes out before the match and says that he won’t interfere in the match, not a bit. We go to commercials before the match starts, and then we’re joined in progress. The fucking crowd chants “Eddy” as Noble controls, and I feel like throwing up on my laptop. Noble gets 2 off a tilt-a whirl backbreaker. Hey, a “619” chant. That’s a little better, although that sounded like it was placed in after the show was taped. Noble is completely in control here, getting multiple near falls, and here come the “Eddy” chants again. Jesus, STOP. Noble goes for the Tiger Bomb, but Rey rolls through and gets a kick to the head and the Lionsault gets him a 2 count. Rey gets a hurrancanrana and the springboard seated senton, but Noble catches him with a scoop powerslam for 2, but Rey gets the 619 and Drops the Dime to win.

Winner: Rey Mysterio at 4:33

Chavo and Rey go at in on the microphones after the match, and he’s pissed that Rey beat him twice this week. He says that as long as both men are on SmackDown, this will never be over, so he challenges Rey to an I Quit match, Loser Leaves SmackDown. Wow, where have I recently seen both of those stipulations? Vicky says that the difference between Eddy and Rey isn’t that Rey doesn’t have the last name Guerrero, but that Eddy had balls. That gets Rey to accept the challenge.

Maryse welcomes us back to SmackDown… man, I wish Khali was still around. They should team them up just to do promos together.

Paul London, Brian Kendrick & Jimmy Wang Yang vs. KC James, Idol Stevens & Sylvan

JBL implies that Cole and Sylvan like to French kiss. The match breaks down immediately as everybody’s in, and then the heel team gets tossed. London and Yang do stereo topes on Stevens and James, but Sylvan cuts off Kendrick from his attempt with a clothesline. Sylvan does a move I’ve not seen before… simple, but cool. It’s like a Gorilla Press Drop, just without the stall in the press; it’s kind of hard to explain. London clears Stevens and James out of the ring and dives onto them outside, and Kendrick and Yang finish off Sylvan with Dr. Teeth and a beautiful moonsault press respectively.

Winners: London, Kendrick & Yang at 3:26

Finlay says that he’s going to win tonight and take the World Title next week.

Batista says the same, of course. As he says this, a little graphic pops up on the screen for the local New York CW News at 10, telling us that a plane carrying A-Rod overshot the runway. Wow, the fucking news is ridiculous. News? Yeah, that’s what you are. Either be a fucking entertainment show looking for ratings or just report the God damned news.

“Hey, one Yankee just died in a plane crash, let’s make people think another one did!”
“Ya know, the fans hate A-Rod, let’s use him so we can get everybody watching to see if he died too!”
“Great idea!”

Fucking news.

Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Batista
Triple Threat for the #1 Contendership

King Booker and Queen Sharmell are here to watch the match and do commentary. He calls Finlay a turncoat, Judas and Benedict Arnold. Cole says that Booker isn’t really a King and that it’s all a fantasy, and JBL is pissed, and it once again rousts Booker from Kingspeak and he reverts to his hood ways, and now he’s just flustered, and Batista’s pyro scares the fuck out of him.

Holy crap, GI Bro reference by JBL and Booker! Booker’s completely out of Kingspeak mode, by the way. In the ring, Finlay wants Batista and Lashley to fight, so they double team him and toss him. Finlay’s back in to take advantage as both men are down, and he dumps Batista. The Little Bastard makes an appearance to stop the referee from counting the three, so Lashley chases him around as King Booker screams for him to go after somebody his own size, and it’s a commercial break at 3:19 as Lashley clotheslines Finlay on the outside.

Back at 6:32 and Finlay has regained control. During the commercial, Batista was punished more on the outside and is still there, but now he’s back and cleaning house. Finlay breaks up the Batista Bomb and Finlay and Lashley double team Batista on the outside, but Batista fights back and starts clearing the announce table. Cole runs away, and the lines from King Booker and JBL:

JBL: “I’m retired!”
King Booker: “I’m a KING!”

Finlay and Lashley recover and hit a double team spinebuster on Batista through the table, and now it’s down to them one on one. It’s a complete back and forth battle until Finlay gets the Celtic Cross, but Batista is up and is able to pull Finlay out of the ring, so Finlay kicks him in the face and throws a piece of the destroyed announce table at him. Finlay rules. Back inside, though, Lashley gets Finlay up in a Military press and Batista comes out of nowhere and spears the shit out of him, as Finlay falls wildly. A DDT almost gets the win for Finlay, and the Little Bastard distracts the ref by tossing a chair into the ring so Finlay can use the shillelagh on Lashley, but it allows Batista the chance to hit the Batista Bomb on Finlay and become the number one contender.

Winner: Batista at 15:30

The match was a bit slow, although it turned out quite well and I enjoyed it a lot. Not a great match, but the action kept me interested. Overall, this was another really good showing for SmackDown, and all sorts of stuff has been set up for next week. Chavo vs. Rey in an I Quit match for finish their feud, Batista vs. King Booker with Cena and Big Show in attendance, and more with Undertaker and Kennedy, Benoit is the new US Champ, and MVP is still a fraud. Plus, Kane is now on SmackDown. I like it.

Send feedback or whatever, and, as always, read the News to Start Your Weekend!