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Acero’s WWE Raw Review 5.17.21
Image Credit: WWE
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It’s Monday…you know what that means.
We start RAW with a scene right out of Blacked as five women don Lashley for no reason. One shouts “CHAMPION” as MVP stands in the middle of the ring, introducing his champion.
Apparently, the ladies are a gift from MVP. He says it is his honor to stand here with the almighty. What Lashley did last night was Herculean. He beat two of the toughest, strongest, meanest on the entire roster. Braun suffered broken ribs, Drew couldn’t even get out of bed, while Lashley was tossed through a screen but made it back to take the title. He did all of this while injured.
Lashley holds up his fist to show a bruised knuckle? MVP wants to know when this era will end. Lashley says never. MVP says we are blessed to witness it. Tonight, is supposed to be a night of celebration. Laslhey was supposed to have the night off, but he wants to – instead – issue an open challenge to anyone in the WWE locker room to step up.
DREW MCINTYRE is here as commentary reminds us that Drew never got pinned last night. He says this is a fantastic idea. He cant think of a better way to impress Lashley’s lovely ladies than Lashley vs McIntyre for the title tonight.
Lashley laughs this off, but MVP doesn’t find it funny.
MVP says this is for anyone except Braun and Drew. Lashley tries to cheap shot Drew, Drew ducks and hits Lashley with a right as the women behind Drew scream and scream. MVP holds Lashley back.
Match 1: AJ Styles vs Elias
Elias starts with some kicks, then hits the ropes and eats a dropkick from AJ. AJ tries for a suplex, but Elias reverses and hits one of his own. AJ with a right hand into the corner. He sends Elias face first into the adjacent corner. Backbreaker to Elias. Right hand to Elias. Elias gets some shoulders into the corner, then right forearms to Styles. Ref holds him back. Elias with a running dropkick into the ringpost, and AJ slides to the outside the hard way. Ref starts the count, but Elias leaves the ring to attack. He sends Aj into the ring and stares Omos down. Elias runs with a stomp, then heads back outside and pulls AJ out. He presses AJ up and drops him on the ring apron. Back in the ring, and AJ sends Elais back out then springboards with a forearm to the face! AJ backs up into Omos for protection against the chill winds of the Thunderdome.
WE ARE BACK, and Elias hits a huge spinebuster to AJ. Aj kicks out at 2. Elias with a cravat from behind. Snapmare into a knee drop to Aj’s chest. Elias poses. Another knee drop to the chest and a cover for 1..2..N!O!!! Elias with another hard cravat. AJ up, hits an elbow, Elias turns him around on the mat, Aj with a high kick to the face. AJ up, hits the ropes, hard punch to the face. AJ with a left, a backfist, gets blocked, hits a pele kick, neck to the knee from AJ and a pin for 1..2…NO!!!! Styles goes for Styles Clash, but Elias reverses, hits a knee, Elias with a spinning suplex and a pin for 1…2..NO!!! Elias screams at the face of Aj, pulling his hair and him up into a seated position, but AJ drops some elbows to the head, lockup from behind, back elbow to AJ. Drop toe hold to Elias. HARD chop from Elias. Chop from AJ.
Elias sends AJ over to the apron, AJ hits a right, goes for a Phenomenal forearm, but AJ gets pulled off the apron for the DQ.
Winner: AJ Styles via DQ
It pains me to say this because it was a match with AJ Styles match, but the entire first half of that match, and a bulk of the rest of this match was just so boring. There was about a minute and a half of solid action and good back and forth, but other than that….yawwwwwwwwnnnn
Total Rating: *1/2
Match Time: 11:48
After the match, Elias tosses AJ into the ring steps and attacks with stomps, but Omos is there to chase Elias away.
Riddle is backstage with New Day, taking nonsense. He lost a snake, apparently. Here he comes. Orton comes up, wonders what New Day are here. Riddle wonders if this is a shot at orton. He is here now, in this moment, because Riddle said Pearce needed to speak. Riddle says he stretched the truth a little bit, but all in the spirit of friendship. Last week, they had a great time till someone did something, and what if they made their party of two into four. So what if Orton apologizes to New Day. Orton says it wont happen.
Kofi: “A Reptile Dysfunction.”
Lol.
Kofi tells Riddle that he knows Orton and has known him longer than anyone, and he’s going to give Riddle an RKO. Kofi challenges Orton to a match, and Orton says ok. New Day leaves. Riddle tells Orton he was just trying to—orton cuts him off. Riddle locks his mouth and tosses the key. Orton shakes his head and walks away.
Alexa is with Lily. They have two friends coming to play with them; the new women’s tag team champions, Tamina and Natalya. Nattie is seated on the swing while Tamina looks around in confusion. Nattie thanks Alexa, saying it wasn’t an easy task, but they did it. They will cherish this. Alexa thinks this is nice. Tamina wonders if they can go now. Alexa hasn’t even asked the tough questions yet.
Lily wants to know what their favorite color is. No answer. Nattie finally says pink. Alexa asks if beating up Reginald was fun. Tamina says it was, and she’ll sway that fly again. Lily loves flies and squishing it. Tamina is in complete shock, and decides to leave with Nattie while Alexa talks about killing bugs.
Alexa realizes the girls are gone and this…was….a segment.
Alexa tells them good luck, saying they’ll be watching.
Match 2: Angel Garza vs Drew Gulak
Drew on the attack with a dropkick!! Garza escapes, hits a clothesline, slaps Drew in the face, hits a clothesline, turns Drew and locks his head. He lifts Drew, bounces him off the ropes, and Drew lands hard. Dropkick to Drew. Right hand is missed, Angel hit a right hand that looks like he msises completely. Double underhook, into a back breaker.
Running boot to the face of Drew. Wing Clipper and a pin for 1.2..3.
Winner: Angel Garza
No one cares about Drew because of matches like this, making matches like this incredibly pointless because nobody cares about Drew.
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: < 3 Minutes
Garza grabs his rose while Corey tries to excuse what is about to happen. Garza rips the head of the rose off and shoves it into the mouth of Gulak.
Backstage, R-Truth has his eyes closed and he’s rubbing the wall. He says when he closes his eyes, he cant see anything. KP comes up, says hello. Truth says he’s sohrter at the desk. Anyway, he’s gotta stay low pro. There’s an open challenge for his title.
Backstage, Akira is climbing down the steps on his stomach. KP clears it up for Truth, saying Lashley has an open challenge. Truth says good. Akira rolls him up for the title.
Orton makes his entrance with Riddle scooting alongside him.
Match 3: Randy Orton vs Kofi Kingston
We start with a little bit of wrestling until Kofi hits a big elbo to the face of orton, sending him reeling to the outside. Riddle checks on Orton, Kofi runs to the outside and Orton kiks him in the hammy. Knee rake to the eyes. Orton rolls Kofi into the ring and whips to the ropes, reversed, Kofi hops up, arm drag to Orton, another to Orton. Cover for 1…2.NO!!! Kofi works the arm behind Orton, orton gets a thumb to the eye. Orton grabs Kofi, sends him into the corner, hits an uppercut, another. Another. Orton with a right hand to the forehead. Orton chokes Kofi up on the bottom rope till the ref stops him. Stomp to the foot. Another stomp to the fingers. Cover for 1..2.NO!! Cravat from behind, Kofi escapes. Dropkick to Orton on the shoulder. Kofi swigns, chops the chest, again, dropkick to Orton. Misses a clothesline, hits the ropes, powerslam from Orton!
Woods starts tootin his horn, and Orton yells at him to stop it. Kofi with a rollup for 1..2..3!!!!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Are they even trying at this point?
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 5:05
Orton is upset while Riddle admonishes New Day. Riddle shoves Woods down and follows his partner, Orton, up the ramp. Woods is pissed. Riddle has made his choice.
Backstage, Lana and Naomi are wondering why Nia and Shayna are getting a rematch. Every time they get a shot at the title, someone interrupts them.
Dana and Mandy say they want next. IN comes….Charlotte. She says they’ve all had chances and they’ve blown them all. Dana laughs, saying like Charlotte did last night. Ha! Gottemmm.
Sonya says they will figure out tonight after the title match who is next. Charlotte has a private matter to discuss that is private to the girls, but not to the audience.
Charlotte says that technically, she should be given a one-on-one match with Rhea. Pearce says she lost last night, what makes her think she gets this title shot. Charlotte says she was not pinned, so she did not lose.
Sonya gets where she is coming from, but it’s not solely her decision. Beat Asuka tonight, and they’ll consider it. Charlotte says that shouldn’t be a problem.
In comes Rhea to say it might be, but she doesn’t care. She came to tell management that she’s ready for new competition. To Rhea, Charlotte is nothing but yesterday’s news.
Charlotte gives a preview of tonight’s headline, and says history repeats itself, and when they go one on one, she will be the new champion.
Match 4: WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Match
Tamina and Natalya vs Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax
Nia starts by trucking Nattie down hard. She rolls Nattie into the corner and hits an ass to face move. Tag to Shayna, who rushes the corner with a high knee She drags Nattie into a pin. 1..2…NO!!! Shayna works the fingers, pulling on them then twisting the wrist. Shayna removes her rubberband and pulls back on the hand of Nattie. Shayna locks up the hand behind Natalya, Nattie rolls Shayna forward, Shayna with a clothesline. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Tag to Nia. Shayna whips Natalya into Nia. Nattie sends Nia into the corner, Nia hits a clothesline another, spinning discus and Nia goes down. Cover but no, Nia won’t even let her have one. Tag to Tamina. Tamina in and she hits right hands to Nia. Headbutt to Tamina. Elbows to the back, body slam to Tamina. Tag to Shayna, Nia to the top rope. Shayna tries to hold Tamina down, Tamina up, SUPERKICK TO NIA. Shayna with kicks in the corner, Tamina with a firemans,
Alexa Bliss is on the top of the stage.
Shayna locks in The Clutch. Some Kane Pyro flies out of the corner, sending Reginald flying back.
In the ring, Tamina holds Shayna up in a bear hug like hold, and nattie flies in with a clothesline. A little Hart Attack Love. Pin for 1..2..3!!!
Winners: Tamina and Natalya
I’ve got zero interest in anything that just happened over the last five minutes…
Total Rating: ½*
Match Time: 3;13
So apparently, Ricochet is a thief. He claims that he wants to shut Sheamus up forever. Ricochet comes back into frame with Sarah and is wearing Sheamus hat and cat. He feels like Ernest The Cat. He mocks Sheamus, using an accent and all.
Sheamus is fuming while Saxton laughs, because this is oh so hilarious.
Ricochet comes out in Sheamus gear and Sheamus rushes out of the ring up the ramp. Ricochet with a drop toe hold. He enters the ring and mocks Sheamus. Ricochet removes the gear and the bell rings.
Match 5: Ricochet vs Sheamus
Dropkick from Ricochet. Rollup for 1..2.NO!!! Clothesline from Sheamus. Huge blow to the lower back. Sheamus stomps as Riochet kicks him away. Kick from Sheamus to the mid-section. Clothesline to Ricochet. Uppercut to the mid section. Chop from Ricohet, right hand, club from Sheamus, a body slam to Ricochet. Kick from Sheamus. Right hands from Ric, sleeper hold to Sheamus! Sheamus pushes on the face while working the arm from behind. Jawbreaker from Ricochet. Sheamus with a blow to the back. Whip to Ricochet, Ric hits a knee, then sends Sheamus to the outside. Ricochet flies over the top rope into the arms of Sheamus. Sheamus sends him into the post hard, then into the timekeeper’s area.
We are back, and Sheamus is caving Ricochet’s chest in on the apron. Sheamsu pulls back on the face of Ricochet, trying to fishhook him again. Ricochet stops one of them, turns into the hold, hits a right elbow to the face, antoher, another, another. He beats Sheamus down over and over with right hands, Sheamus on the knees! Ric swinging hard! Ric hits the ropes, Sheamus catches him with an Irish Curse backbreaker! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Sheamus to the top rope. Ric flies up top, Sheamus sends him back off, Riccohet stands up. Ric runs up, locks up, Spanish Fly to Sheamus! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Ricochet up with some chops. He hits the ropes. Flying right hand, Ric off the corner, Sheamus sends him over the top rope, Ricochet with a springboard clothesline! Standing shooting star press! Cover for 1..2….NO!!!! Springboard moonsault! SHEAMUS WITH THE KNEES!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Shemaus misses a Brogue!!! SUPERKICK from Ricochet! Recoil! Ricochet to the top rope, Sheamus slides out of the ring. Ric turns, smirks, flies with a huge fist to the forehead! Ricochet to the top rope, 450 splash onto Sheamus!!! Pin for 1..2….NO!!!! Holy cow. Ricochet lifts Sheamus with a firemans, elbow from Sheamus, he shoves Ricochet, back elbow to Sheamus, Ricohet hits the ropes, springboard. PUMPKICK!! Cover for 1…….2……NO!!!!! Ref hit 3, but Ricochet kicked out!
Sheamus grabs him by the face, says he is no match for him. SLAP to Sheamus! BROGUE KICK! Pin for 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Sheamus
An easy highlight of the night, as it’s the first time I didn’t yawn throughout an entire segment. Although I wont say it with 100% certainty, it looks like that springboard into the kick was supposed to be a springboard into a Brogue, Ricochet didn’t like the way it looked, kicked out, and gave Sheamus a deserved Brogue Kick, and if that is the case, then I’m just in awe of how professional Ric is.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 13:23
Mace and T-Bar cut a promo that is equal parts Harvey Dent/Two-Face/Freddy Kreuger/Lenny Kravitz.
Match 6: Asuka vs Charlotte Flair
Charlote drags Asuka across the ring, Asuka ties for a kick, misses, sweeps, misses, Charlotte misses, they are both up, Asuka hits the ropes, dropkick to the ribs. Asuka with a hip attack. Whip to Charlotte but it’s a no go until Asuka hits some elbows. Back elbow from Charlotte knocks Asuka down hard. Charlotte with a side headlock, Asuka sends her into the corner, Charlotte flies over the tope, but Asuka trips her up and slides under the ropes, then swings Charlotte and hits a hip attack to the face. Asuka covers for 1…NO! Asuka on the apron, tries to kick, but Charlotte kicks the leg and trips asuka up.
Rhea’s music hits, and out comes the champ.
Charlotte covers, while staring at Rhea, and gets a 2 as we head to commercial.
BACK, and Charlotte has a chin lock from behind. Asuka elbows out, Charlotte punches her in the back of the head, Asuka kicks from the ground. Charlotte with a suplex over her head. Charlotte pulls back on Asuka’s face, with the rope in between.Right hand to Asuka. Again. Chop to the chest. Right hand to the face. Chop again, and Asuka goes down. Charlotte hits a cartwheel for no reason, then kicks Asuka. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Asuka with a surprise crucifix pin, but Charlotte turns that into one of her own, and Asuka rolls into a pin for 1..2..NO!!! Kick to Charlotte. Backbreaker by Charlotte, neckbreaker by Charlotte. Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Charlotte locks the head of Asuka and drives her face into the mat over and over. She cinches the hold then rolls Asuka away and a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Surprise rollup from Asuka for 1..2.NO!!! Backslide and a 1..2..NO!!! Kick to the back of the head from Asuka!!! Kick from Asuka, high knee to the head, GERMAN!!! Hip attack, and a running bulldog to Charlotte! Running knee! Cover for 1..2….NO!!! Charlotte with an elbow! Asuka kicks out of the corner then runs right into a big boot! Cover for 1…2…NO!!! Charlotte tries for Natural Selection, but Asuka grabs the arm and tries for the Asuka Lock!!! Charlotte with an elbow! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Charlotte sends ASuka into the corner, on the top rope. Right hand. Asuka sends Charlotte off the top by herself. Asuka wakes up. She turns. She flies. Dropkick to Charlotte! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Asuka with a kick to the chest. Another kick. Another kick to Charlotte. Asuka hits the ropes, runs for a kick, misses, Charlotte rolls her up for 1..2..NO!!!! Asuka drops her hips out of the pin. Waist lock. Elbow from Charlotte. Asuka hits the opres, wheelbarrow into a pi—no! Knee bar! Charlotte reaches for the ropes, Charlotte turns into it, locks up from behind, roll through from Asuka, looks for a triangle! Charlotte turns into the hold, ASuka ith the shoulders down, Charlotte turns this into a Walls of Jericho! Asuka turns this into a pin for 1..2..NO!!!! Asuka hops up, take down, Asuka Lock!!!! Kick from Charlotte, She grabs the leg and wraps it up on the ropes, then lock s it up hard. Charlotteo n the mat outside, as Rhea looks on. Charlotte sends Asuka into the announce table. Rhea stands, and they go face to face .Charlotte wants the title. The ref counts. Asuka hits aback fist, Charlotte ducks, and Rhea blocks it as it almost hits her. Ref at 6. Charlotte rolls into the ring, trips Asuka down, goes for a Figure Four, Rhea on the apron, big boot from Charlotte to Rhea, rollup for 1..2.NO!!!!
Figure Four Attempt, Asuka rolls through. Pin for 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Asuka
If this is a repair job for Asuka, it’s a step in the right direction, but man do they got a lot of damage to handle. The match was spectacular, with the only annoying interruptions coming from a possible wardrobe malfunction. A shame, it seems, that we will likely get Charlotte in the main event, regardless of who beats her with a rollup.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 16:43
Backstage, the new interviewer stops Morrison to ask what the hell happened last night. Morrison says he feels dead inside, it’s a rotting feeling, he can still smell the Lumberjacks. He says they didn’t shower. The Miz might never be the same .He is dedicating tonight’s match to The Miz.
Match 7: Lumberjack Match
John Morrison vs Damian Priest
Priest with an arm drag, sending Morrison down hard. Morrison ith a righ hand, then some blows to the body. Back elbow, high kick, a fist to the face. Morrison sedns Priest to the outside, so Cedric, T-Bar, and Mace beat his ass a bit before sending him back into the ring. Kick from Priest, right hand, another attempt, but mOrrison slides ot the outside where Nikki Cross sends Morrison back into the ring.
Priest grabs Morrison, sends him to the corner, and beats hi down with some right hands. Stomps in the corner. High kick off the apron. Priest tries for a kick, but Priest blocks. Morrison sends Akira into the ring. Morrison high tails it into the crowd, then flips back over Ali. Shelton catches him and they fuck something up, so Morrison just kicks Monsoor and we go t obreak.
We are bck, and Priest hits a hard elbow, then a face plant to Morrison. He hooks Morriso up on the shoulders and slams him right back down hard. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Morrison drags Priest to the outside and there go Mace and T-Bar and Cedric to beat him down some. Viking Raiders run to stop the onslaught, but Priest is sent back into the ring. Morrison laughs it off, looks to finish the match, grabs the head nd stands Priest up. Right hand to the face by Priest. Again. Morrison whips Priest, and he flies over the top rope onto mace and T-Bar!!! Cedric is on one side of the ring and sees Shelton, then flies into the ring through the ropes to attack Shelton!!1 They go at it, and all the Lumberjacks try to stpp the fight. Bell clap by Priest, both up to the top rope. Morrison looks to want the Spanish Fly. Priest hooks the head, they go for a supelx onto all of the Lumberjacks on the outside!
Ivar sends Priest into the ring while Titus O’Neil sends in Morrison. Morrison is dead. Priest with the Goozle!! Morrison blocks, hits a right hand into the corner, Morrison misses a punch, Priest hits one and they are seated on the top rope.
Priest with a hurricanrana off the top rope!!! He grabs Morrison. Hit the Lights. Pin for 1..2..3!!!
Winner: Damian Priest
While I can appreciate the big suplex spot, and enjoy the fact that Cedric didn’t give two shits about Lumberjacking, and instead wanted to get his hands on Shelton, I still never have and likely never will like or enjoy Lumberjack matches. This one was one of the better ones, with Priest picking up a good win.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 12:05
Priest says it’s time to move on. He tells this to Sarah at the top of the ramp. Miz and Morrison are in the past. What’s in the future? Well, Priest says maybe tonight he’ll be accepting the open challenge. Maybe his next moment is becoming the WWE Champion.
Shelton gets some mic time backstage, saying he wants to talk about challenging Bobby Lashley.
In comes Cedric, says he aint here to fight, even though he attacked him earlier. Cedric says he’s proud of Shelton for finally challenging Lashley. Cedric calls his win last week a fluke, saying Shelton needs to remember that there is a reason why everyone around him ends up abandoning him; you always are and always will be worthless.
Shelton gets a hard right to the neck of Cedric.
WE RETURN and Lashley is in the ring with MVP, awaiting their challenger.
After some hesitation, it’s the music of The New Day that answers the call. Woods says it’s Kofi that wants it. Kofi slides into the ring, Lashley calls him crazy. Looks like it’s going down.
Before it starts, MVP has an announcement. MVP says he never said anything about a championship match. Lashley never did either. Pearce ain’t making it one. Let’s be real, Kofi isn’t even worthy. Good luck, though.
Match 8: WWE Championship Match
Kofi Kingston vs Bobby Lashley
SPINEBUSTER TO KOFI!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Lashley lifts Kofi by the braids, locks the head, and hits a delayed s—no, Kofi hit a knee to the top of the head. Kick to the chin. Lashley rushes, hits the ropes, kick to Lashley, and he flies ot the apron. Kofi with a dropkick to Lashley, sending him to the mat. Baseball slide into Laslhey!!1 Suicide dive over the top rope onto Lashley!
We return, and Lashley sends Kofi into the corner hard then hits some right hands. Fist to the forehead, boot to the chin. Lashley with hard dshoulders in the corner. He locks the head in the center of the ring and lifts up for another delayed suplex. Lands it. Lashley covers for 1..2…NO!!! Lashley tries for another cover. 1..2…NO!!! Lashley hooks up from behind. Cinches the waist. DDT from Kofi! Cover for 1..2..NO!! BOOM DROP!!! Lashley no sells it, grabs the head, goes for a Flatliner type move! Cover for 1..2..N!O!! Lashley gets kOfi to the top rope. Woods distracts with the horn, Kofi flies off the top rope, hanging Lashley onto the ropes! Kofi in the ring. He locks up;. SO—NO!!! Lashley lifts Kofi and slams him down. Lashley rabs Kofi and sends him to the outside. Lashley leaves the ring, grabs Kofi, lifts him up in a firemans, and sends Kofi into the ring post head first. Lashley gets Kofi on the shoulders, trying for the post again, but Woods pulls kofi off. The ref wants Woods to head to the back. Lashley rolls Kofi into the ring. MVP looks to swing his cane into the face of Kofi.
Drew McIntyre is here to rip the cane out of the hands of MVP! He clocks Lashley with it! Rollup from Kofi. 1..2….3!!!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
I just…I don’t know what the hell they’re doing anymore…
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 10:52
End Show
