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Acero’s WWE Raw Review 5.20.24
Image Credit: WWE
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Michael Ornelas drops knowledge on the oh so famous “PF Changs!” What do you think PF stands for? Wrong answers only.
I just got back from raw-dogging the gym with no headphones and let me tell you….worst. thing. Ever.
We start with the arrival of the ladies in the semi-finals of the QotR then head to the ring where Sami Zayn is making his entrance.
Sami welcomes us to RAW, then brings up his triple threat match. He was asked earlier why he chose to be in a triple threat. He’ll try and explain. He has two very different issues and wants to deal with them both at the same time. What’s going on between him and Gable? That’s personal. You don’t German Suplex a man out of his wife’s arms in his hometown in front of his 78 year old father. Gable has an ass-kicking coming his way. The other issue, with Reed, isn’t personal. Reed doesn’t care about anything but the title. This is a fight of mind, body, soul. Mind is Gable, body is the strength of Reed, and the soul is Sami Zayn. If he’s putting his money on that triple threat, he’s betting on soul every single time. It’s that soul and passion that is why he is holding the title right now. He beat the longest reigning champion because of it, and it’s why he will walk out of KotR still the Intercontinental Champion.
Chad Gable comes out in a fighter’s robe, donned by his Academy. They look a bit nervous as Gable questions being called manipulative. He coached Sami, selflessly, into winning that title. That’s his problem, he’s figured it out: he’s too damned nice. He was too nice to Sami and he’s been way too nice to the three clowns behind him. Take Maxxine behind him. She should be in the finals this Saturday, but she won’t be because she blew her opportunity. FAILURE!
Tozawa? He did zero percent of the damage he asked for against Reed. FAILURE!
And Otis? He proved last week why he is the biggest disappointment on the planet.
Sami says that’s enough, we’ve heard enough. Wait, no, he has a question, for the Academy. How much longer are they going to deal with Gable’s crap?
Gable yells for Sami to stop, he doesn’t speak to them, he does. He’s the brains, right? They have all rededicated themselves to him. He is sick and tired of listening to Sami talk about his heart and soul. It’s pathetic. In Saudi, Gable doesn’t have to pin Sami to win the title, but he’s going to.
YOU SUCK chant.
Awww, Angle would be proud.
Sami says Saudi isn’t for another 5 days, but tonight they’re in North Cackalacky, so let’s do it here and now.
Gable disrobes and heads into the ring.
Chad Gable vs Sami Zayn
Gable tries to get the upperhand before the break, but can’t quite catch it. Sami is able to send him outside where The Alpha Academy helps him up, only for Gable to shove them away, claiming he’s got this.
We’ re back from break and Gable is in control. He hits a suplex then heads to the top rope for a dive. The headbutt misses as Sami rolls out the way. Gable with a fist to the face, tries for the ropes, but Sami grabs the tights, tries for Blue Thunder Bomb but Gable counters, pops the hips, suplex to Sami! He chokes Sami up on the middle rope. Gable distracts the ref and Maxxine is there to presumably slap Sami in the face. But she hesitates and can’t do it, her morality getting in the way. Gable yells at her, saying she never listens, then runs into a back elbow from Sami. Sami with a high kick. Clotheline to Sami. Sami corners Gable and hits a few punches while the crowd counts along. Gable slinks down and out of the ring, but Gable puts Maxxine in front of him and runs back into the ring. Sami slides in and Gable stomps him while he enters. Gable chokes Sami up again, this time with the boot. This time Akira has the chance to attack Sami, but Akira hesitates also. Sami turns, pleads a bit, and Akira backs away. Gable calls him and Maxxine failures again, then ejects them to the back. Lol.
Sami with a Blue Thunder Bomb! Pin! 1…2…NO!!! Gable rolls out of the ring while we get a sick replay with a QR code.
We are BACK and Gable has a waist lock. He hits a German. Hits another. Goes for a third but Sami hits some elbows! Switches! German from Sami! Another from Sami! Gable elbows out this time, breaking the hold. He misses a third, spins into a Michinoku Driver, Sami with a pin! 1.2…NO!!!! Gabel pulls himself up, Sami shoots for the Helluva Kick, but Gable picks. The leg and gets an Ankle Lock in! Sami breaks the hold after some time, and his leg is hurting. Gable sends him outside where Sami cannot stand. Ref holds back Gable as Otis walks slowly to Sami. Otis seems conflicted. Sami to his looks up and is stunned that Otis isn’t making a move. Gable runs out of the ring and tosses Sami into the ring then heads to Otis to yell at him. He screams then slaps Otis across the face, hard.
Gable grabs the IC, runs into the ring, and gets hit with an Exploder. Otis on the apron as the ref takes the title from Gable.
Otis with a clothesline to Sami!!!! The ref shoots the title out of the ring. Gable locks up Sami from behind. CHAOS THEORY!!! Pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Chad Gable
That was fun and did what it needed to do all WHILE having high-quality wrestling. Good shit.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 16:06
OMG A YOU SUCK CHANT to Gable’s music! Something may have just happened…
Somewhere in Philly, Angle is crying tears of joy.
Bron Breakker makes his RAW debut next.
Backstage, Chad Gable is asked if using Otis is his master plan.
But some raucous in the background causes Jackie Redmond to leave the interview and run up on The LWO running to check on Cruz Del Toro who was attacked by some unknown assailant.
Bron Breakker vs Kale Dixon
Bron talks to his demons in the corner, which only serves to piss him off. He turns and hits a huge spear to Dixon. Bron shoots Dixon to the outside then leaves the ring to runs around the ring for another spear. Bron sends him back into the ring.
The ref checks on Dixon, then tells the timekeeper that he cannot continue. There’s some hesitation but eventually the bell rings, and that’s the end of the match.
Winner: Bron Breakker
-insert obnoxious male bark-
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 1:50
Bron stares at the hard cam, seemingly frustrated and pissed. He runs the ropes about four times then spears the Dix off of Dixon.
Dixon rolls outside. Bron follows, grabs some steps for more damage, but refs and agents come down to stop him. Bron turns to grab a chair and walks over to Dixon, who for no good reason, places his head onto the dangerously organized steps. Bron smashes the chair onto the head of Kale then finally leaves.
Bron hates Kale. Got it.
Backstage, Kale is still twitching on a stretcher, and being taken into an ambulance.
Here comes Bron. Pearce yells at him. Bron tells him that he cant control him! He didn’t book him in KotR, and that’s on Pearce.
Yeesh, that was a lot of third-person pronouns, my bad.
Queen of the Ring Semifinals Match
Lyra Valkyria vs Iyo Sky
Lyra shows fatigue, favoring her leg a bit, while Iyo backflip somersaults just to show off. Lyra tries for a rollup and gets a 2. Side headlock from her immediately. Iyo escapes, hits the corner, Lyra with a cartwheel then a rollup for 1..2.NO!! Lyra hops to the 2nd rope and dives off with a crossbody, showing her leg isn’t all that bad.
We are BACK and Iyo hangs Lyra up on the ropes from the outside. Iyo rolls into the ring and attacks the back with some rights. She slams Lyra to the mat then covers for 1..2.NO!! Iyo sends Lyra into the corner, stomps a bit, then chokes her up with both boots. She then swings with some knees as the ref hits 4. Iyo covers for 1..2..NO!!! Iyo locks up from behind for a German. Lyra drops the hips, back elbow misses, knee from Iyo, double underhook, for a backbreaker and a pin for 1..2…NO!!! Iyo sits on the back and pulls back on both arms, turns her then pins for 1..NO! Again! 1…NO! Suplex from Lyra! Enzigurl from Lyra! She hits the ropes as Iyo rolls outside! She dives through the ropes for a dropkick to Iyo! Lyra rolls her back in. To the top rope! Crossbody off the top! Hooks the leg, Fisherman’s! over! 1..2..NO!!!
Iyo locks up from behind, switch from Lyra, to the ropes, roll through, sits onto a pin for 1..2NO!! Iyo kicks out. Lyra locks the legs, spins around, still holding onto the legs, pulls back on the arms! We got a submission! She swings Iyo a bit, but Iyo won’t quite! Lyra turns it into a pin for 1..2NO!!1 CROSSFACE FROM IYO!!!! She breaks the hold, rushes the corner, gets tossed to tha pron. Lands on her feet. Right hand from Iyo! Springboard dropkick to Iyo!!! Knees to the back! Iyo calls it! She hops up top! But Lyra is up and pulls her leg! She locks the head, runs the ropes for a tornado DDT but Iyo shoots her off onto the apron. Iyo to the apron! Kick to Lyra! ASAI MOONSAULT ONTO LYRA!!!!
We are back to Iyo rolling up Lyra, releasing, then hitting a big stomp to the gut. Cover for 1`..2.NO!!! Iyo in the corner, frustrated. She rushes the corner for some double knees, but Lyra moves, locks the head, tornado DDT!!!! Iyo’s nose is bleeding. Fisherman’s Suplex! Cover! 1..2…NO!!! Lyra grabs iyo by the head, to the shoulders, Iyo slinks down and locks the waist. German! With a release! Iyo up in the conrer, rushes with the double knees to the face! Iyo to the top rope! LYRA IS UP AGAIN! She holds the boot. Lyra climbs and attacks the back. Iyo turns, and Lyra gets her to the shoulders! Iyo slips down, powerbomb to Lyra!!!! Iyo is too tired to cover! Both girls down!
Iyo to the top! Moonsault attempt! Lands on her feet, Lyra with a fireman’s! Iyo slides down the back, tries for a sunset flip, but Lyra sits down into the pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Winner: Lyra Valkyria
That was nearly twenty minutes of bad assery! It could have gone either way, and although my personal preference would have been Iyo even if based solely on how good this thing was, Lyra winning was ok,too. I’d argue a more concrete win would have been great, but good on her for advancing and a great match.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 19:16
Jackie is in the ring with Lyra. She wants to talk to her, but Iyo grabs the mic and says something angrily in Japanese, then leaves.
Jackie asks Lyra if she could have imagined how far she has gone when she was drafted.
She says no, says three weeks ago, she couldn’t imagine beating a former WWE Women’s Champion. The trick is believing that you can get the job done. She is now one Nightwing away from becoming Queen of the Ring.
Backstage, R-Truth speaks to New Catch Republic about the intricacies of The Hokey Pokey, and all that it is about. Here comes Miz to tell him to focus on their title defense tonight.
Truth says he spoke to Andre the Giant, and he’ll be there to help them tonight. Miz tells him that Andre passed away thirty years ago. Truth says, “Passed away what?” Truth tells Miz to trust him, then walks away. Miz speaks to the ghost of Andre, saying they could actually use his help, and Truth comes back into frame to ask Miz who he’s talking to. And they call Miz crazy…
Further backstage, Ilja Dragunov is frustarated but there is no shame in losing to someone they call “The Main Event.” He brings up Gunther and tells Jey…
Ah, he can’t finish his shot because Ricochet comes by to say that just because Ilja got the best of him one time,
Ricochet doesn’t get to finish his expression of AAVE because Bron Breakker runs into frame to spear the turtleneck off of him.
Gunther gets a pre-recorded empty arena promo giving props to Jey, saying all the seats will be filled with thousands of people throwing their hands in the air and chanting his name and filling the room with hope and illusion. The bad news is he is in the business of taking hope away and bringing reality back to people. Tonight, it won’t be about the more exciting act on his way to the ring, it’s about who is the better professional wrestler. Jey may be the most exciting showman, but in that ring, Gunther is superior, and after that final bell, all the people will embrace him.
Backstage, The Judgment Day are talking it up. Damien Priest checks on Finn and JD then turns to Carlito. Priest heard what he did to Cruz, and he’ll be out for a while. The LWO will be pissed and coming after Carlito. Carlito says that’s why he attacked first. Priest wonders if Carlito thinks they’re the APA, they’re not here to protect him.
Everyone leaves but Finn Balor who tells Priest that he wishes it was him and Priest out there tonight, but he gets it – Priest is the champ.
Carlito is left alone with Priest and asks him if he saw the Knicks game. Priest asks what’s wrong with him and leaves.
Backstage, Shayna Baszler and Zoey Stark are getting ready.
Buuuuut Sonya Deville is here!!!! She wants to talk to them about something, but Sonya stops Zoey and says no, there’s nothing Sonya is selling that they want.
WWE World Tag Team Championship Match
The Awesome Truth vs The Judgment Day
LOOOOOCKKKKUPP!!! Finn and Miz to start. Miz escapes a wrist lock with a flip and reverses it. Finn send Miz into the corner. Tag to JD who stomps away at miz in the corner. Whip to Miz. Reversed, high knee from Miz. Tag to Truth. Snapmare, Miz kicks JD, Truth hits the ropes and hits JD with a leg drop. Truth hits the splits, then the corner, big splash in the corner. Tag to Miz .Miz with a kick to the chest. Another kick to the chest. Another. Clothesine in the conrer from Miz. Boot from Miz to Finn. Rollup for 1..2.NO!!! Tries for the finish, but JD shoots him off. Dom distracts and Finn cheap shots Miz. JD with a kick and they pose.
We are BACK to Miz trying to tag Truh in. JD shoots him to the heel corner so he knocks Finn off the apron. He rushes the center of the ring, and both men collide, falling to the mat. Tag to truth. Tag to Finn. Truth with a tackle off the ropes, another, Protobomb! Balor kicks before the fist drop, so Truth hits a drop toe hold then an STF! JD in to stop the submission, Miz in to send him outside, but JD reverses and sends miz outside. Truth sends JD out, then Finn rollsup for 1..2..NO!! SLingblade by Balor! Tag ot JD. Whip to Truth, Truth kicks, protobomb to JD! IN comes Miz. One for Finn! Truth and Miz stand tall, hold their hands up. Five Knuckle Shuffle from both men!
Carlito runs down, Miz knocks him off the apron. Miz flies out to Finn! JD pins Truth for 1..2.NO!!! Lie Detector to JD! Cover! 1.2..NO!! Carlito puts his boot on the bottom rope! Carlito pulls JD out of the ring. Dom hops on the apron to distract, Carlito hops up on the apron but…
Braun Strowman runs down! He shoves Carlito into the barricade then chases JD around the ring. JD rolls into the ring. FU! Cover! 1..2…3!!!
Winners: The Awesome Truth
Oh Truth…what a joy. This was fun.
Total Rating: **1/2
Match Time: 9:36
Backstage, Lyra Valkyria is talking with Becky Lynch, who congratulates her on the win then leaves. In comes Liv Morgan who is surprised Lyra didn’t use Becky’s help. She then tricks Lyra into looking away for a split second only to punch her in the face and walk away laughing.
Bronson Reed walks into Sami’s locker room to tell him to worry more about him than Gable. He is only worried about money, and he makes money by being violent. This Saturday, he’ll get his biggest payday yet.
Reed leaves, and Otis enters.
Sami expected better from Otis. He thought Otis was better than that. Is he proud of himself?
Otis stops Sami from leaving and apologizes, saying he really is sorry.
Sami says he knows. He is a good guy. Chad is not. Sami has been there before. Take it from him: the sooner you stop listening to Gable and start listening to the fans, he’ll be a lot better.
Sami walks away as the crowd chants for Otis.
Becky Lynch comes out to talk about her upcoming match with Liv. They have a lot of history, but Liv has never once beaten her. This is a different Liv , though. She is hellbent on revenge and she’s hitting people from behind.
Out comes Liv Morgan to tell Becky to stop gaslighting the crowd. Becky punches her in her face, and Liv retaliates, and she is the bad guy? Then she leaves as Becky is getting attacked because it’s none of her business, and she’s “afraid to fight?” No, she doesn’t care about the other woman, and barely cares about Becky. All she’s here to do is finish her revenge tour.
Becky says Liv finally figured out, after 10 years, what she is doing here. She knew when she was 15. She wrote a book about it. She wanted equality, to change the game, and she did. She wants to make sure that whne she leaves, it’s better than how she found it, but Liv’s purpose is revenge. Ok, so if she gets it, what happens next?
Liv calls Becky delusional, then mocks Becky for what she thinks about herself. Becky is the most selfish person in this entire company. Becky doesn’t care about us or this place. All she’s ever cared about is herself.
What? What? What? They can’t hear her because their heads are shoved so far up Becky’s ass right now.
What’s next? After ten long, hard years in the WWE, she’ll finally sit where she belongs, which is at the top of this division.
Becky says we know she’s lying, because she knows we cant be tricked. She gives her best for us. She wants to fight now, so let’s go.
Liv pretends to do so, but says she will wait till Saturday.
Backstage, Priest is upset as Finn and JD come in with Dom and Carlito.
Priest tells JD to ask for a match with Braun next week. Priest says they need to get back on track, he doesn’t even recognize them anymore, and leaves.
Finn says he’s right, the wheels have fallen off. JD needs to talk to Pearce now.
Backstage, a doctor is checking on Xavier Woods’ knee. He gives Woods the good-to-go, and Kofi Kingston says he’s going to ask Pearce for a shot.
In comes Karrion Cross to tell Woods that there is always more time to turn things around.
WWE Women’s Tag Team Number One Contender’s Match
Damage CTRL vs Kayden Carter and Kitana Chance vs Shayna Baszler and Zoey Stark vs Ivy Nile and Maxxine
Ivy and Kairi to start, but Zoey and Shyan enter the ring to choke out Katyden and hit a high knee to Dakota. Maxxine in, grabs Shayna, but Kairi shoves her away and in comes Ivy to hit a delayed suplex farrrr too early in this match. In come Kitana and Kayden to superkick Ivy out of the ring. Keg stand to all the girls on the outside from K&K. Carter sends Zoey into the ring as they are legal, and Kayden covers for 1..NO!
We are back in time to see Ivy hitting a german on Dakota! Tag to Maxxine and one for Kairi. Maxxine with knees over and over, whip to the rope, high knee and a leg lariat to Sane. She hooks the leg, Fisherman’s with a release. Kip up! She grabs Sane, whips to the corner, hits the ropes, taf form Carter, bulldog to Sane, but Carter in with a dropkick. Chance in to send Shayna and Zoey off the apron. Maxxine sends Chance out of the ring, turns and misses an enziguri, Carter with a arm capture, then a Sister Abigail like move. Chance ot t top rope, tag from Dakota! Chance doesn’t realize it. After Party to Maxxine. Cover for 1..2NO!!! Shayna in to breaka it up. Zoey sends Xarter outside, Sane and Kai sit Shayna up on the top rope. They walk up to double team as Zoey grabs Carter’s head on the corner across from them. In comes Ivy to hit the double powerbomb superplex combo. Over on the other side, Zoey is on the shoulders of Carter, so Chance hits her with a rana off the shoulders. Maxxine drags Carter out of the ring. She sends Carter into the barricade then gets into the ring to see Dakota laid out. She calls for the worm, hits it, including the elbow, and a cover for 1..2.NO!!! Ankle Lock immediatel! But Sane gets to the top rope and dives off with an elbow! Sane gets a tag, pronouncing the legality with authority. But Shayna with a clutch from behind! Zoey with a tag! Rollup from Maxxine! 1.2…NO!!!
Kick to Maxxine! Locksup for a powerbomb, but tosses Maxxine into a knee from Shayna and they get the pin fro 1..2…3!!
Winners: Shayna Baszler and Zoey Stark
The appearance of Sonya kinda led me to believe they were going to take this, but it certainly had its moments where it wasn’t pretty.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 9:14
Backstage, Ludwig Kaiser is asked if he thinks Gunther has a chance tonight. Kaiser brings up Sheamus, says last time Sheamus used his fist was to pound down on his keyboard. The truth about Sheamus is that his career is either over at home to protect his legacy, or he’ll come back just for Kaiser to put him down like Old Yeller.
He leaves, but here comes Drew McIntyre. Adam has required him to be here, but no time for him to speak his mind, but screw that. Let’s talk about Priest. Nobody gets one over on him. Drew got what he wanted, a rematch. He’s playing chess, and Priest is just playing with his guyliner. He tells Priest to focus on the title, not all the other crap he has going on. He’ll be champion soon.
Backtage, Chad Gable is talking to The Creed Brothers until Otis comes up to tell him that he apologized to Sami. Gable says oh, he gets it, he’s tuggin on the heartstrings. Ok, well they got this come Saudi. He makes Otis say, “No matter what.”
Jey Uso cuts a Jey Uso promo then we follow him from backstage to Gorilla to the ring.
King of the Ring Semi Finals Match
Gunther vs Jey Uso
Gunther is quick to corner Jey with some heavy cohps. Jey fires back wit some of his own, then some mounted punches in the corner. A few rights in the middle of the ring, then he lays the Smackdown. Gunther eventually gets Jey to the outside and sends him into the steps. Gunther sends him into the barricade now, shoulder first. Gunther, focusing on the arm, is sent into the ringpost now. Gunther breaks the count then lifts Jey up and drops him onto the barricade arm first. He tosses Jey into the timekeeper area and runs back into the ring.
We are back and Gunther is continuing his attack on the arm. He kicks the chest and Jey gets to his knees. Another kick to the chest. Gunther keeps it up with the chops. Jey’s right hand is dead. He blocks with. His left and gives Gunther another chop then asks for one. He fights back with a right, a left, a kick, it’s caught, enziguri! Jey tries for a superkick, but Gunther grabs the boot, stops it, chop, hits the ropes, SUPERKICK! COVER! 1..2…NO!!! Gunther with a shotgun dropkick out the corner! POWERBOMB! Stacked pin! 1.2…NO!! Gunther works the right arm, pulling it back with Jey on his stomach. Jey rolls out of the hod, hits the ropes, runs into a kick, Gunther chops the BACK OF JEY! Holy fuck! Gunther locks in a sleeper! Jey turns it into a pin! 1.2..NO!! Kick to the throat, and a German from Gunther. Gunther is beatin that ass! Gunther to the top rope! He flies off with a splash! Cover! 1.2…NO!!! Big clothesline from Gunther. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Gunther pulls Jey up by the head. HUGE chop to Jey. Jey drops to his knee then collapses. Gunther punks him with a few foot scrapes. Lifts up again, another chop! HOLY FUCK! Gunther lifts Jey up again. JEy with a slap! Another chop from Gunther! Again, again, in the corner, chop chop chop chop ref holds him back at 4. Gunther shoots Jey to the center of the ring. SPEAR!!! Jey to th top rope! The ref took a bump! SPLASH!!!! Ref is struggling. Delayed over! 1..2….NO!!!!!!
Gunther with a chop chop chop over and over!~ SLEEPER to JEY! Legs wrapped around Jey! Jey is out! Ref holds the hand up. It’s over!!! Gunther wins!
Winner: Gunther
And the world rejoices as The Ring General beats some ass! In all honesty, Jey took that beating like a champion, and did just enough to give everyone doubt that this was Gunther’s. Solid main event.
Total Rating: ***3/4
Match Time: 17:35
End Show
