Csonka’s WWE Raw Review 8.24.15

MONDAY NIGHT RAW 8.24.15

OFFICIAL RESULTS
– Champions New Day defeated Lucha Dragons @ 6:09 via pin [**]
– Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper @ 10:43 via DQ [**½]
– Nikki, Brie and Fox defeated Paige, Becky and Charlotte @ 14:10 via pin [*]
– Ryback, Ziggler, Cesaro and Orton defeated Rusev, Sheamus, Owens and Show @ 16:48 via pin [***¼]

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* Seth and Triple H were at WWE HQ today. Triple H informed Seth that he’s not the future anymore, but that he’s the man. Seth will get his statue later tonight, or maybe not. Triple H told him “you’ll get yours”.

* Reigns and Ambrose vs. Wyatt and Harper will be your Summerslam rematch special tonight.

BROCK & PAUL ARE PISSED: Paul ran down the finish from Summerslam, and spoke about fairy tales not coming true and that Santa and the Easter Bunny do not exist. The truth is Taker tapped and by doing so admitted that Lesnar was better than him in every way. Paul then notified us that the referee and timekeeper were safe because Lesnar did not hold them responsible. As much as I hate when WWE does “promos” which are basically telling us stuff we already know, I have to appreciate Heyman for making it feel important. It’s not just the words, it’s the way he speaks, his tone, the way he crescendos when he speaks; it is all so great. The bottom line, Lesnar wanted a rematch and wanted it NOW. Oh dear lord, here comes Bo Dallas. Bo just run away, RUN BO RUN! Bo called him “Mr. Brock” and then reminded Brock that he passed out and that he likely dreamt he defeated the Undertaker. Brock then took Bo on an all expenses paid trip to Suplex City. Brock left, but then Paul egged him on to return and deliver more punishment. He was going to leave again, but Paul had other plans and Lesnar delivered an F5.

Bo Dallas was 25

* Big E and Kofi came out, and introduced Woods, who came out playing a trombone! This led to Big E and Kofi singing “New Day” to the tune of “New York, New York”. These men are amazing; they should just end the show now.

Champions New Day vs. Lucha Dragons: The Prime Time Players are on commentary. Lucha Dragons ran wild early, including hitting dives and then they went to commercial. They came back from commercial and had some good back and forth, with Woods continuing to play the trombone. New Day hit their finish as Woods played taps. It wasn’t much of a match, but then… THE DUDLEY BOYZ ARRIVED! They cleared the ring, and then hit the WAZZUP head butt on Woods. This crowd was amazing for the segment. Woods then ate the 3D through a table. They then had a standoff with the PTP. The match was fine, Woods was great and overall this was an awesome segment. I have said that I have no issue bringing in acts like this for short runs, hell add them to the Dusty Rhodes tag tournament, make a TLC match for the next PPV, take advantage of this. This was so much fun overall.

* We get a video of John Cena granting his 500th Make-a-Wish.

* Steph and Triple H are checking out the Seth Rollins stature backstage. Rollins arrived and they hid the statue, and he’s so excited to see it. He then thanks them for everything they did for him.

Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper: This is your Summerslam rematch special for the evening. It seemed like a pretty definitive finish last night, so I am not sure why we’re having a rematch unless we’re getting a Rowan return or a turn by someone. Lets see. Ambrose and Reigns ran wild early and then they went to the commercial. Back from the break and the Wyatts were in control, getting the heat on Ambrose. The action was fine, but it lacked the aggression and crowd heat of the Summerslam match. Ambrose hit the tornado DDT and then got the hot tag. Reigns did Reigns things, had control for a bit and then it broke down with all four men in. Reigns and Ambrose got control back, and then the Wyatt’s gimmick hit, and when the lights came back on some GIANT dude in a black sheep mask arrived. Developmental talent (and former Rosebud) Braun Stowman was revealed as the man and we got a DQ. He destroyed both Reigns and Ambrose single handedly, and got “who are you” chants. And so a new Wyatt Family is born. This was a fine way to extend the feud, although the reaction was poor because no one knew who the guy was. We’ll see how it goes, but Stowman will likely be heavily protected (like Rowan was at the beginning) as he’s not worked much, only debuting in ring for NXT in December. He won the 2012 Arnold Amateur Strongman World Championships. He may or may not be Ogre’s (Revenge of the Nerds) son. I am pretty sure that he’s Vince McMahon’s birthday gift.

MIZ TV: Paige, Becky and Charlotte are the guests this week. They played up that they were unified, and then Charlotte and Miz had some back and forth. Miz tried to put a wedge in the relationship, but they came back to say that they are female athletes and that it isn’t about looks, clothes and other shit. It wasn’t really good at all, and then Team Bella arrived. They tried to talk and the crowd chanted for Sasha Banks. They had some horribly scripted back and forth, it felt so forced and then Nikki said that wins and losses don’t matter. Miz then brought it back to make it all about himself, Paige, Becky and Charlotte looked to attack him but Team Bella attacked. They cleared the ring and we’re getting a six-women tag. This died a death, was not performed well in any way and did nothing to get anyone over. Well, Sasha is over, but she’s not the one they want to feature right now. This was the first thing on the show I didn’t like.

Paige, Becky and Charlotte vs. Nikki, Brie and Fox: JIP with Becky in control. Nikki tagged in, but PCB kept control. So this was another in the series of meaningless tag team matches between the ladies. This had an alarming lack of heat as the faces controlled and cleared the ring. Charlotte hit a plancha and we worked through the break. After the break, Nikki worked the leg of Charlotte and had the advantage. I’d call it the heat, but there was none. The crowd completely rebelled, chanting for Punk and then doing the wave when Paige got the hot tag. They then chanted for themselves. I mean, shit like that annoys me, but at the same time they haven’t been given a reason to care. It’s sad, because the ladies don’t deserve it, but they have been booked horribly. Fox eventually pinned Paige to end it. They tried, but the horrible promo segment followed by yet another tag match that meant nothing because all they did was trade wins. We have been given no reason to buy into the “revolution” because it has been a complete clusterfuck with too many people involved since the night Stephanie graciously started it. There is no one to really identify with or to root for because of the poor booking. It all goes back to that night, because by her introduction it ruined any chance they had of this being an organic build. The work was ok, but the segment was a colossal failure. The shame of it all is that we saw two women put on a MOTY candidate with an amazing story and had the 13,000 plus in this same building eating out of the palms of their hands Saturday night and then we get this.

* King Barrett and Stardust came out for a tag team match, but instead of a match Stardust attacked Barrett and laid him out for losing the match last night. Neville then hit the ring and sent Stardust packing. Ok then.

* We get highlights of Jon Stewart costing Cena his match at Summerslam.

* The Dudleys will be on Smackdown this week.

Jon Stewart Explains Himself: The crowd thanked him, as Stewart noted that some were actually upset. He didn’t do it for Rollins or the Authority, he did it because he couldn’t allow Cena to tie Flair’s title record. This then brought out Flair, who said he was rooting for Cena because he respects him. Flair then told Stewart that he messed everything, and then Cena came out. Cena came out and said that he’s at peace with what Stewart did last night, because he believed in it and also says a lot of the crowd supports that. Oh give me a break man. You can’t just brush that shit off and say “you’re at peace with it”. Cena then tried to get serious and discuss how important the title was, which to me says that he isn’t that over it and not really at peace with it. Cena then gave Stewart the AA so that they can have another media moment. So you’re telling me that last night’s big match with the company’s top two titles on the line, as of now, was all so that we can get some attention via Jon Stewart? Oh, and they stayed on Stewart, who then got up and walked out with some help. Nothing like the 52-year-old former TV host just shaking that shit off. The fact that this appears to be the big payoff to last night’s angle makes it even shittier, the angle and last night’s finish. They ruined as awesome match for this? The bottom line, they took one of the marquee Summerslam matches, with two titles involved, one they spent a fuck ton of time building up, and used it to get some clips on Entertainment Tonight & SportsCenter.

* This show has gone off a cliff, they need some major shit to happen to turn it around.

* Cena says he did what he felt was right, and now plans to have a talk with Rollins later tonight.

Ryback, Ziggler, Cesaro and Orton vs. Rusev, Sheamus, Owens and Show: They did the basis beginning, faces took the advantage, they then went to the floor for a standoff and then went to the commercial. They came back and worked for a bit and then worked through another commercial break. WWE tends to do good and fun multi-man TV tags, and I liked this. It was entertaining, and allowed the eight guys (and two ladies) to have interaction without burning us out on singles matches. Big Show accidentally KO’d Sheamus, allowing Orton to hit the RKO for the win. Not a big fan of “Orton getting his win back” the next night. But at least they didn’t have him do it clean so it feels easier to accept. Post match Owens and Rusev argued with Show, Show shoved them so they kicked his ass and left. The faces then hit the ring again and Dolph superkicked Show, leading to Cesaro and Ryback pressing him into an RKO. Well then, everyone hates the Big Show. Odd having the faces attack a man that was already beaten down. I mean, that’s a dick move. I hope we don’t get another Big Show turn. Anyway, this was a fun match to continue the stuff from Summerslam along with a good tease of Owens vs. Ryback, which could also end up involving Cesaro.

* They did a bunch of replays and then did a Wyatt promo on the big screen so that they could kill the lights to hide someone under the ring or in the trophy box (a guess). Wyatt said he warned Reigns, and now Sister Abigail gave him a black sheep, Braun Stowman.

* Steph and Triple H congratulated Cena for trending on social media for his attack on Stewart. They then gave him the boot so that he couldn’t ruin Rollins’ celebration.

Seth Rollins Gets a Statue: Stephanie noted that it was Vince McMahon’s birthday today, and asked the fans to sing happy birthday. Triple H and the commentators joined in and it was as horrible as possible in the best way. Triple H then said Vince is so pissed in the back, and he’s likely right. He then put over Rollins, noting that he has stuff that no one else has like hustle, loyalty and respect. Triple H would go on to say that Rollins deserves to be immortalized as the man, and he then brought out Rollins. Rollins thanked Steph and Triple H, and put he honor over bigger than the hall of fame. He then proclaimed that after last night he is a legend due to his victory over Cena. They then unveiled the statue, only to reveal Sting was there all along! Sting ran wild and cleared Rollins from the ring. Sting then held the WWE title up and dared Rollins to return to the ring. It’s a good closing segment and a nice hook for people to tune in next week, although it’s a bit hard to give Sting a title shot when he’s had one WWE match and lost it. I get the past issues with Rollins and the Authority is the reason, but it again makes Sting’s WM loss seem silly. But hey, they are facing at Night of Champions, at least it’s a fresh match.

* End scene.

* Thanks for reading.

“Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye Felicia!”

5.0

The final score: review Not So Good

The 411

I was really excited, as Raw’s first hour was really good. Heyman’s promo, Brock killing Bo, New Day being New Day, the return of the Dudleys and the Wyatt Family angle all delivered well and I thought we were in for a great show. And then hour two hit, and the back-to-back divas segments were really bad. The Miz TV segment came off like a poorly scripted high school drama class, and then the horrible booking of the entire thing destroyed the match because no one cared. The John Cena/Jon Stewart angle wasn’t any good, and further made last night’s angle with the title match more of a joke. The eight-man tag was fun and the closing segment, while a bit long, worked fine overall. After a really strong and fun first hour the show went off a cliff and never really recovered.