Dark Pegasus Video Review: Rebellion 1999

Rebellion 1999 by J.D. Dunn This is more famous than most UK PPV events because it was the last show that Vince Russo booked for the WWF. In fact, Russo stayed behind and inked his deal with WCW while Vince and company were abroad and told them about it over the weekend. October 2, 1999 From Birmingham, England. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Michael Hayes. Jeff Jarrett picks a fan out of the crowd to demonstrate that women are only good for cleaning. She vacuums some stuff up before Jarrett shoves her down and puts her in the figure-four. Chyna makes the save. Opening Match, Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett (w/Miss Kitty) vs. D-Lo Brown. D-Lo is the European Champion, but it’s not on the line as the result of a coin flip. D-Lo storms the ring and hits Jeff with a spinebuster. Jarrett tries to bail with the title, but Brown tracks him down. Jarrett applies a sleeper, of course. D-Lo fights out of it but misses a charge and hurts his shoulder. Jarrett hits a single-arm Tornado DDT. D-Lo comes back with the Sky High. D-Lo fires off his usual – including the shakey-shakey legdrop. Jarrett blocks his top-rope move with a boot. D-Lo blocks a sunset flip for two but gets small packaged for two. Jarrett goes for the figure-four but gets kicked to the floor. Kitty distracts the ref while Jarrett nails D-Lo with the vacuum cleaner for the win at 6:01. Fast-paced and fun. **1/2 Jarrett gets on the mic and demands to finish things between Chyna and him once and for all. The Godfather (w/Hoes) vs. Gangrel. The good thing about the UK is that the outfits are allowed to be skimpier there. The bad thing about the skimpy outfits is that they’re on girls from the UK. Ewwww! I kid. I kid. Godfather refuses to offer Gangrel a ho because the fans want to see Gangrel get his ass kicked. Godfather beats Gangrel all around the ring like he owes him money, but Gangrel comes back with a DDT. Gangrel blocks the Ho Train and gets two, but he misses an elbowdrop. Ho Train, Pimp Drop (DVD), and we’re out at 4:03. Tim White gets some ho action after the match. 1/2* Chyna says there’s a such thing as “penis envy” but Jarrett has “Va-Chyna envy.” The British Bulldog randomly wanders in and tells her that no one wants to see her. They came to see him. She says he looks more like the ass end of a bulldog and walks out. Val Venis vs. Mark Henry. Val hits a few quick clotheslines but runs right into a powerslam. Val backdrops him over the top and hits a baseball slide. Back in, Val blocks a charge and hits a dropkick. He avoids another charge and drops Henry with the Russian Leg Sweep. Henry misses a swing, so Val stomps his kneecap and drops a series of elbows. That sets up the Money Shot at 3:02. This was all Val, so it was considerably better than you might expect. * In the back, the British Bulldog storms into Vince McMahon’s office and demands a title shot. Vince refuses so Davey goes into ‘roid rage and tosses a garbage can haphazardly across the room. Unfortunately, it hits Stephanie McMahon and knocks her out. Stephanie would develop amnesia and not be able to remember her fiancée Test. See, they had no idea what Russo was planning, so they had to buy time with the amnesia angle. WWF Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Tori vs. Luna vs. Jacqueline. Winner gets a last name. Ivory tricks Jackie into doing all the dirty work for her. Jackie can’t get it done, so Ivory gets in her face about it. They work in a centipede sleeper spot. Ivory nails Jackie with the belt to retain at 3:17. Blech. 1/2* In the back, Steph is loaded onto a stretcher – or as they call it in England, a stretcher – and wheeled off to the hospital. The Bulldog refuses to apologize because it was an accident. Okay. Chris Jericho (w/Mr. Hughes) vs. The Road Dogg. Jericho put Roadie out with a back injury, and this is the “big” blowoff. Road Dogg meets Jericho in the aisle and tosses him into the crowd. Jericho scurries back to the ring and knees Road Dogg on the way back in. Roadie hot shots him and whips Jericho into the tree-of-woe. He dropkicks Jericho out of it but eats a hot shot himself. He follows that up with the springboard dropkick, which allows Hughes to get in a cheapshot. Jericho slingshots into a splash for two. The crowd starts a Road Dogg chant, which is odd because the American crowds usually only pop for his catchphrase and then go on about their business. Roadie comes back and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Jericho catches him in the Walls of Jericho, but Road Dogg powers out of it. Jericho German Suplexes him but misses a Lionsault. Roadie Shake, Rattles & Rolls him but takes out the ref in the process. That allows Hughes to chairshot Road Dogg. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Roadie fires back and hits Hughes. Sadly, he turns right around into a low blow at 10:31. Just a low blow? The match was just fine, but Roadie was already a tag wrestler again, so it’s not like anyone bought him as a serious threat to Jericho. **3/4 Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett (w/Miss Kitty) vs. Chyna. Jarrett storms the ring but gets clotheslined. Jarrett comes off the second rope right into a low blow. Referee Tim White has apparently gone blind from the syphilis the hoes gave him earlier. Jarrett catapults Chyna to block a Pedigree. She gives him an Electric Chair, though. The British Bulldog runs down and powerslams Chyna at 1:37. Jarrett slaps on the figure-four to Chyna just to be a jerk. 1/2* No DQ: Big Show vs. Kane. Show actually has the balls to work in a running dropkick. It whiffs by a mile, but Kane falls over the top anyway. Kane shows him how it’s done with a slightly better dropkick. He can’t lift Show up to slam him, though. Show hits a two-fisted chokeslam, which you’d think would be even more powerful, but it only gets two. Kane hulks up and blocks a chop. Show gets two off a reverse DDT and applies a Boston Crab. Kane powers up, so Show drops the hold. Kane hits the Kanezuigiri but collapses under a bodyslam attempt. He DDTs Show and hits a flying clothesline. Show blocks the chokeslam and gets a chair. Kane boots it back into his face and slams him for the win at 8:55. This was probably the best match these two have ever had with one another. ** Michael Cole finds Triple H who delivers a remarkably generic promo. “Blah, blah, blah. I don’t care about Chyna right now. Blah, blah, blah. English people have bad teeth.” Once he became more character than caricature, Hunter ruled it. X-Pac vs. The British Bulldog. X-Pac starts with a few quick moves but gets caught and slammed. Bulldog tosses him to the floor. Bulldog controls for a while. Nothing of note. Pac comes back with the Broncobuster, but Bulldog crotches him on the top rope and finishes with the powerslam at 5:11. Short and inoffensive. Bulldog would blowoff his feud with the Rock and disappear back into the midcard follow No Mercy. * In the back, Crash Holly tries to explain to Hardcore Holly that “stones are pounds, and pounds are money” over here. #1 Contender’s Match, Elimination Rules: Edge & Christian vs. The Acolytes vs. The Hollys. E&C are already the #1 contender’s, but they’re putting that status on the line here. E&C isolate Crash for a while. The Hollys and Acolytes trade blows for a while, and Crash takes the backdrop superplex. E&C just look on as Bradshaw nails Crash with the Clothesline From Hell at 3:21. E&C team up to jump Bradshaw, hoping to eliminate him before Faarooq recovers. Christian tries to springboard off Edge, but Bradshaw catches him in mid-air and hits the Fallaway Slam. Christian plays Ricky Morton to the Acolytes power moves. Edge gets the hot tag, and E&C double dropkick Faarooq out. Edge was apparently taking cues from the Big Show, though, because he misses by a mile. Bradshaw hits a Clothesline From Hell, but Christian saves. Edge recovers and hits Bradshaw with a Tornado DDT at 9:03. Would have been better without the Hollys in there. **1/2 WWF Heavyweight Title, Cage Match: Triple H vs. The Rock. With Austin’s neck getting progressively worse, the WWF had to rely on these two to get them through the end of 1999 and early 2000. I’d say it worked. They slug it out, and Rock goes up. He gets caught coming off with a double ax-handle, though. Rocky neckbreakers HHH and climbs up again but gets yanked off and smashes his face against the buckle. Hunter goes up and gets halfway over, but Rock catches up and yanks him back in. Now, Rock goes up and gets over, but Hunter drags him back in. Hunter comes off the top rope… right into the Rock Bottom! Both guys are KO’d, and Rock is slow going up. Hunter is able to catch him and suplex him back down to the ring. Rock goes up. Hunter yanks him back down again, but Rock lands on his feet and grabs Helmsley for the Rock Bottom. Hunter elbows out and hits the Pedigree. He’s slow to crawl, so Rock is able to grab his ankle. Hunter grabs a chair, but Referee Earl Hebner keeps him from using it. Hunter knocks Earl off the steps, bumping him. A ref bump in a cage match? Rock escapes easily, but there’s no ref to validate it. Hunter escapes too, and they brawl around ringside. Rock gets on the mic and says he has a present for Triple H from the Rock and the people of Birmingham. He SMASHES Hunter with a chair, drawing blood. Rock assures us that it is not, in fact, blood, but monkey piss. Rock slams his face into the monitor and puts him through the crappy card table they’re using as an announce table. Rock rams Hunter into the cage a few times and DDTs him. Rock goes up (um, why?), but the British Bulldog catches him on the way down. Shane McMahon runs down and attacks the Bulldog for hurting Steph. Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco help out, but the Bulldog dispatches them and attacks both Rock and Hunter. Rock hits the Rock Bottom and goes for the door, but Chyna races down and smashes the cage door on his head. Hunter goes up, but Rock follows. Chyna climbs up but gets punched by the Rock. Bulldog finally recovers and pulls Rocky down, allowing Hunter to climb down for the win at 21:18. This match was actually made more interesting by all of the run-ins because otherwise it was just climb, yank ‘im down, climb, yank ‘im down. ***1/4 Vince McMahon walks down and locks the Bulldog in the cage with the Rock and then very plainly says, “Fuck you!” Rock gets some revenge with a Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow.

The 411: An interesting show because it had a storyline which ran through the PPV and actually led an angle in the regular continuity. The main event is good, as are the Jericho and Jarrett matches. Not a "must-buy" by any means, but it's a mildly diverting show. Thumbs in the middle tilting up.
Final Score:  6.5   [ Average ]