wrestling / Video Reviews

Down With The Brown: Jake “The Snake”Roberts (1987)

October 7, 2005 | Posted by Sydney Brown

Well, with a bit of free time on my hands, you my friends, are all rewarded. I’m still craving 80’s stuff so I’m dipping one more time into the Coliseum vault, and this one seems especially appropriate, what with the Jake Roberts DVD coming out in a matter of weeks. And odds are, once I get that, I may have little use for this tape anymore.

Boy, if there’s one guy who had the heel persona down, it was Jake Roberts. In a way, it was almost a waste that for the six years Jake was in the WWF, he wasn’t a heel for even two of them. The guy never had any four star epics, but what he did have was a killer attitude, and he knew how to draw. His feuds with Steamboat, Savage and Rick Rude all rank among the finest WWF angles of the 80’s and early ‘90s. Though this tape only looks at Jake’s first full year in the WWF, so perhaps I should concentrate on that. And concentrate I shall.

Your hosts are Craig DeGeorge and Johnny V. Craig being the trendsetter for young broadcasters who knew nothing about wrestling and Johnny V. being the trendsetter for B-level managers.

Here we go:

Match #1

Jake Roberts vs. Scott McGhee

Scott McGhee was a star in Florida wrestling who McMahon picked up basically so no one else could have him, as he spent his year in the WWF getting killed by everybody. Scotty having a height disadvantage just never had a chance. This is about a month in to Jake’s tenure, a few weeks after WrestleMania 2 where George Wells sold the snake like a champ, foaming at the mouth for no particular reason.

Jake dominates from the outset with some stiff offense, but Scotty retaliates and comes about a few inches from dropping Jake on his head with an almost botched gutwrench suplex. Scott continues to mount offense as he threatens to kick Jake in the crotch, and Jake becomes the only guy in wrestling history to actually attempt to block it. So he gets kicked in the gut instead. This is really early in Jake’s tenure as the short-arm clothesline doesn’t lead to the DDT. Though a failed roll-up by Scotty does lead to one.

And this leads to the extracurricular activities as a HUGE snake comes out of the bag, scaring the hell out of Finkel, who gives about the fastest announcement possible and gets out of the ring. Jake’s in no hurry and poor Scotty has to have the snake on top of him for two minutes, though to show us how harmless the creature is, Jake lets it crawl towards him as he lays spreadeagled against the ropes. Such a nice visual. Okay match, it serves its purpose.

Match #2

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

Now here is one killer angle from SNME. It took that show a while to get the big time angles going, mostly it was along of the lines of “Piper insults the Hillbillies” or “Studd attacks Andre Part XII.” Though the show really started hitting the angles when Bundy destroyed Hogan prior to WrestleMania 2, and that was followed by this great piece of business.

Steamboat comes out and waves to the fans on the ring apron. Jake clotheslines him to the floor and follows it with a DDT on the concrete. And the story goes that Steamboat really was knocked loopy by it, and I don’t doubt it as you can clearly see his head bounce off the concrete. We also get some classic Heenan as he asks “I smell something. Is that pineapple juice?” Jake dumps the snake (a more regular sized one) on Steamboat, jamming the snake into Steamboat’s face (though not into his mouth as McMahon claims on commentary.) And a host of officials come out to get Roberts out of the ring, including Blackjack Lanza and a recently retired Jerry Brisco. And matches like this make me miss Vince on commentary sometimes as he does an awesome job going nuts, and not in the JR “DAMN HIM” way. Vince goes ballistic on the replay as they show Jake putting Damien’s face on Steamboat as McMahon screams (with his phlegm violently vibrating with every word):

“And then look, HE STUCK IT RIGHT IN HIS MOUTH!!!! THAT’S THE WORST THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!”

TNT with Jake Roberts

Tuesday Night Titans was an easy show to criticize but put the right guy on, and it was good TV. This segment was one of the highlights of the waning days of the program as Jake brings several snakes to give Okerlund and Hayes a little lesson on his pets. Jake pisses off the diamondback who tries to bite Jake, though all are caged. Jake gets off a great line as he pulls out a cobra from a box:

Okerlund: Well, you’re poking him.

Jake: Sure, I’m poking him. I poked Steamboat too.
Jake then goes on to cut an awesome promo on how all his snakes remind him of his opponents. The big, fat, lazy one reminds him of Hogan. The snake that’s got his head upside down for no reason reminds him of Steamboat because of how stupid he is. Very good stuff.

Match #3

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is the third of five matches these two had that were televised (2 SNMEs, an MSG, the Big Event, and this one.) We are in the Boston Garden, and Steamboat is sporting a red headband that he claimed he would wear until he had gotten his revenge. And Jake’s popularity was growing even here as he gets a pretty decent crowd reaction. I love the storytelling here as Jake finds a way to block Steamboat’s karate chops, forcing Ricky to resort to other tactics. Amazing as almost five minutes go by before anybody really hits a move, it’s all defense.

Steamboat takes over but pays a heavy price when he aims for Jake’s head with a chop and hits the steel post instead. Jake then finds many creative ways to destroy Ricky’s arm and wrist that I’m sure hurt like hell for real. Steamboat comes back, but leaves his arm exposed and Jake takes full advantage. Steamboat eventually roars back with a vengeance as Jake gets rammed into the guardrail and eats a faceful of table

Very good match that gets marred by a somewhat dopey ending designed to make both guys save face. Steamboat eats a DDT after the match with Dick Slater and Ted Arcidi making the save before Steamboat gets Damien on him. ***1/4.

BTW, check out the little boy who almost ruins the entire match by screaming “JAKE THE SNAKE!!!” every five seconds for the first half of the match. I can’t tell if he likes him or if he’s taunting him or what, but it’s annoying as hell.

Jake Roberts Interview

I miss the old baby blue background with the WWF symbols where the interviews took place. The golden days kinda ended when the green screens came around. This revolves around the fans turning Jake face and Okerlund asking him point blank: “Jake, where are you goin’, man?”

Jake cuts a nice tweener interview: “Doon’t walk in front of me if I’m driving a car, I’ll be the first to tap ya.”

Match #4

Jake Roberts vs. Junkyard Dog

This was a dark match off of a WWF TV taping, and it’s one of the last heel Jake matches. This is a weird pairing as both guys were two of Bill Watts’ bigger names in the early and mid ‘80s and this I believe is the only time these two ever met in the WWF. This is a REAL dark match as there is no commentary and DeGeorge and V end up doing it themselves which is not exactly music to the ears.

DeGeorge is especially awful as V goes on a tangent, and Craig clearly isn’t paying attention, and makes things worse as he tells us the “fans are going wild” over a shot of the crowd who seem to be at a funeral. At this point, JYD was great for a two minute squash, doing his funkiness, doing his powerslam and dancing with the kids. But when it came to actual matches, he was only as good as his opponent made him. And Jake doesn’t do him many favors here. Pretty dull match with a non-finish. *.

Match #5

Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy

This is another weird combination as even though Jake had turned face, the match was made before hand. Actually, there’s a three month period where heel Jake wrestled Bundy, Randy Savage, and Paul Orndorff all on a semi-regular basis which was very weird booking as far as the WWF went.

This is from the pre-WMIII MSG show with Jake firmly a face now, and Bundy getting ready to pound some midget Beaver at said show. There’s a cool recurring theme here as Jake’s bag has a hole in it and Damien keeps sticking his head out of the bag. Jimmy Hart serves as color man to scout out Jake for Honky Tonk Man. Funny to see how Monsoon was all disturbed by the snakes three matches prior, now he loves them. Tons of stalling and we end up with a bunch of shots of the bag, and a great shot of a freaked out timekeeper too.

Not much to say about this match either, Bundy and Jake fight on the floor, Jake pulls out the snake, and Bobby Heenan shows either bravery or stupidity and runs interference so Bundy can escape, and almost gets covered in Damien. *1/2.

Match #6

Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy
So, that match sucked, and we get a rematch? This is from SNME a few weeks before WM III, and I’m hoping since this one aired nationally, there will be more effort put forth here. Better pacing to start, as Bundy works on Jake’s wrist and controls from the outset. Heenan makes his first of three attempts of stealing animals by swiping Damien and running to the back with him (he’d try similar attempts with Matilda and Frankie the bird), which conveniently happen right around the commercial break.

When we return Jake has his snake back and Heenan is nowhere to be found. Jake takes control but he gets too preoccupied with letting Damien out, and Bundy keeps getting the advantage. Finally Jake gets the bag open, but the ref blocks it and Jake knees him, and Mr. Hypocrite Vince McMahon throws a fit because the ref was trying to save Bundy. Jake gets a DDT, but Heenan returns and somehow forges some superhuman strength as he pulls Bundy out of harm’s way. And Vince’s tune has certainly changed: “I wanted to see Damien all over SOMEBODY!!”
And leave it to Jesse to deflate him: “Then you go in there.” Average match, better than the MSG one, though it isn’t saying much.

The Snake Pit

Jake cuts a promo on the Honky Tonk Man, interspersed with clips from Honky’s interview on The Snake Pit where Honky bashed Jake in the head and with an unrigged guitar and did permanent damage to Jake’s neck. (Jake’s disappearing act in 1989 was due to him getting his spine fused due to that injury.) As to why we don’t get the whole Honky segment, I don’t know.

Match #7

Jake Roberts vs. The Honky Tonk Man

This is the WMIII match with the WTF? ending as every man, woman, and child in the Pontiac Silverdome knew Honky was gonna die, and not only did he win, he ended up with the damn I-C title a few months later. I’ll give him credit, Honky was a master at annoying the hell out of people. Honky grabs the ropes for the cheap win, and Jake responds by coming about 1/10th of a second away from destroying Honky’s head with his own guitar as it shatters against a ring post instead. Sadly, we don’t get the real fun of the match which is Jimmy Hart and Alice Cooper competing to see who has the scrawnier physique.

Match #8

Jake Roberts vs. Kamala

And for our big finish, one more match from SNME, as Roberts takes on Kamala, a guy who went from main eventer to nobody in about six months (one of the three major guys to miss the WMIII card.) Kamala freaks out by the snake, though you’d figure if he was truly a jungle warrior, he’d be trying to eat it. It looks even more pitiful when ref Joey Marella calmly holds the bag so Jake can put Damien back in the bag. Jake apparently forgot his Boy Scout training as he spends about five minutes tying the bag so Kamala jumps him. Kamala controls with chops and a bearhug, which is one more move than I thought he could do. Vince spends way too much time talking about Kim Chee just so he can lay down that Sledgehammer of Plot for us. Even spelling it out by saying “THIS” Kimchee really wants Jake to go down.” I really hate when announcers do that.

Jake goes for the DDT, but Fuji distracts allowing Kim Chee to sneak in and hit Outback Jack’s finisher the boomerang, and Kamala splashes for a totally inexplicable pin. This helps no one as Jake jobs to a guy who would be jobbing to Powers and Roma a few weeks later. But wait a minute……that’s not Kim Chee…….THAT’S THE HONKY TONK MAN!!!!! Yes, Honky Tonk in a clever bit disguised himself as Kim Chee not only so he could attack Jake but so smart ass interneters can answer the question “Who was Kim Chee?” by answering “Honky Tonk Man.” Interesting that Honky would wear his regular attire under the Kim Chee suit, meaning he had to have been sweating like a bastard the whole time. Okay match, nothing special.

End of tape.

Clips of future WWF tapes including The Ken Patera Story featuring Patera vs. Honky in a match where the mat is soaked in pools of blood. In case you ever wondered, it was from Hulk Hogan gigging like a mofo for Harley Race. It always bugged me why it was there. Just in case it bugged you.

Well, there’s a half hour of excellence on here, the Steamboat-Roberts stuff is wonderful stuff, unfortunately you pay a price with an hour of crap. The JYD, Bundy, and Kamala matches are all pretty terrible, and it says a lot when a Scott McGhee squash is the second best match on the tape. Odds are you can find the SNME with ease, the Boston match is worth looking for, but you’re better off with that card rather than this tape. Still, it’s got a great start, I just can’t thumb it up this time.

Mildly not recommended, thumb slightly leaning in the downward position, C+.

-Sydney Brown

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Sydney Brown

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