Down With The Brown: WWF In Your House #5 (12/95)

Firstly, a very Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to all of you out there and I hope the season is especially wonderful to all of you good people.

I have had to temporarily suspend my tape sale the past month due to an insanely busy period, and to be honest, I’m barely able to squeak this review out as it is. But I wanted to get one last column out before year’s end to send my fellow readers off on a happy note. (Of course, I say that, watch me get one more out before New Year’s.)

Today we are looking at a little piece of history. This is a rather famous WWF PPV for two reasons. Firstly, this show which was the December In Your House PPV stands on record as the least-watched PPV in WWF history. (Though at the rate things are going, that record may soon be surpassed.) Less people watched this than Taboo Tuesday, The Great American Bash or any of the No Way Out shows. That’s one reason.

The second reason is that this was the PPV that brought bloodshed back into the WWF. Blood had pretty much been phased out in 1992, the door being shut after Vince threw a hissy about Ric Flair blading during his match with Randy Savage DESPITE the buckets that Bret Hart bled a few matches before. For about three years, one of the key elements of drama had gone missing. But it came back. And it came back in a big way.

Briefly summarizing the period, the WWF had tried a pseudo-“adult” style, putting parental warnings and Sunny in a low cut red dress, but the product was still miles away from the “Attitude” era. The WWF and WCW were trading Monday night rating victories around this time though Nitro on average had more viewers. Vince had finally killed the Diesel push, as Kevin Nash’s reign as champion was a definite flop. And the title had been put back on Bret Hart. The problem was there were no real credible heel opponents for him. You had Diesel who was sorta heel, and that was about it. So Bret’s brother-in-law Davey Boy Smith got the title shot almost by default. The two had an incredible match at Wembley Stadium at SummerSlam 1992, but that was in England. It was becoming clear that heel British Bulldog wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire. And neither was this card for that matter.

Here we go:

We get a montage of the blood feud with clips of Bret, Stu, Bulldog, and Owen Hart. So sad that only nine years later, one of these people is still alive.

Jerry Lawler promises a big surprise for everybody.

Match #1

Razor Ramon / Marty Jannetty vs. Psycho Sid / 1-2-3 Kid

This seemed like an interesting pairing. The best built wrestler teamed with the scrawniest. Jannetty might as well have “Jobber” tattooed on his forehead as Ramon is barely acknowledging him. Ramon walks past Goldust who is sitting in the arena as a fan, and he starts touching himself when he sees Ramon. The only sight sadder than Jannetty is the old guy forced to dress up as Goldust’s usher. Actually, I trashed Marty, but at least he and Razor had matching jackets on. And only now do I realize that if I wanted to, I could watch 1-2-3 Kid have sex with Chyna. Even odder, I’d have to pay for it. Of course, the angle here is that Kid turned heel on Ramon which as Spike Dudley is showing us, little scrawny guys really don’t make good heels. What does work is Kid hiding behind Sid in the match, as Ramon has trouble getting to Kid without Sid getting in the way.

Sid blows up about three minutes in, so Kid and Jannetty get the hot tags. Jannetty busts out a Blockbuster for two. And since the last thing I want to hear is Goldust talk about Razor’s body, Todd Pettengil sticks a mike in Goldust’s face so I have to. (Kinda sad that Dustin Rhodes never really became entertaining until he got paired with Booker T (pre-Tourette’s), and once he finally got some acclaim, they let him go.) His interview goes WAY too long as he spends about three minutes just muttering. Jannetty spends a while in peril before Ramon gets the hot tag. Ramon and Sid go back and forth, but Sid gets a boot in the face and Ramon hits a top rope bulldog to get the pin completely out of nowhere. Even Vince and Lawler seem a bit surprised by it. Ramon tries to Razor’s Edge Kid but Sid pulls him out of harm’s way (though not before accidentally clotheslining Kid on the top rope on the way out.) Really bizarre booking as it appeared that the Sid/Kid combo would make a tag title run, but then they blow their first major match right out of the gate. Okay opener but the finish made no sense. Especially when you got Marty standing there BEGGING to be pinned……

BTW, it is worth noting, there are TONS of ECW shirts and signs in the crowd. Vince will tell you on the ECW DVD there were “a smattering” but the crowd is being dominated by it here. Then again, we ARE in Hershe, Pennsylvania.

One of my favorite screw-ups occurs as the ring announcer gets a little ahead of himself and announces Ahmed Johnson’s mystery opponent early and while he’s at it, screws up his name. He announces him as “Nature Boy” Buddy Rydell. Vince gets audibly pissed off as he tells us: “This guy has no idea what he is doing.” So Jerry Lawler calmly takes his mike away. It’s not THAT funny I guess, but it pretty much gives away the next twenty minutes of show.

The Return of Jeff Jarrett

This would be the first Jeff Jarrett comeback after splitting because his feud with The Roadie would “make him look bad.” Jarrett took a five month hiatus before returning to the WWF and splitting again after another three months. Lawler presents Jarrrett with a gold record to celebrate his album’s “success.” Jarrett babbles on but at least it’s only for a few minutes. Unlike today.

Match #2

Ahmed Johnson vs. Nature Boy Buddy Landell

It’s supposed to be Ahmed vs. Dean Douglas but Douglas got injured and was pretty much looking for any excuse to get out of the WWF, and this would turn out to be his swan song. Douglas comes out to ZERO reaction, even odder considering the ECW fans. Jarrett joins the two on commentary and further adds to Douglas’ heat by asking “Who IS this GUY?” Douglas takes the mike and gives his last clean promo for a long time. He says he is too injured to wrestle but he has a surprise opponent for Ahmed. And out comes Buddy Landell. In a cute touch, he comes out to Ric Flair’s old WWF music.

Buddy jumps Ahmed to start things, but Ahmed kindly no-sells everything. Ahmed hits a spinebuster and delivers the Pearl River Plunge to end things in roughly thirty seconds. And thus ends Buddy Landell’s PPV career. Ahmed paddles Dean and Douglas leaves, and that ends Shane Douglas’s five months of hell in the WWF.

Ahmed Johnson hangs around the ring waiting for something to happen, so Lawler takes that as his cue to interview him. Lawler wisely doesn’t let Ahmed talk and Jarrett instead insults Ahmed instead. Ahmed eventually grabs the mike and starts screaming about “Achy Breaky” wannabe, so Jarrett grabs his gold record and breaks it over Ahmed’s head which I believe marks the first time a trophy winner broke their own trophy. Jarrett smacks Ahmed in the head twice with the chair (the second one looking rather stiff) He starts punching away and Ahmed just stops selling again, and Jarrett runs away.

Razor Ramon is back in the AOL chatroom and he gets a note from Goldust. It makes him mad.

Match #3

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Henry Godwin (Hogpen Match)

Okay, for those of you who hate HHH, well, here’s the match for you as HHH gets to wrestle a hick in a “Loser gets dropped in mud” match. Even better, the special ref is Hillbilly Jim. It’s an anything goes match and the loser is the one who gets thrown in a hogpen set up in the arena. And it’s got pigs and everything. Hunter looks very unhappy to be in this match, and I don’t think it’s acting. Godwin throws his slop bucket but it gets all over Tony Chimel.

Considering this is an anything goes match, I fail to see why we need a special referee. The two wrestle in the ring awhile (with HHH getting a face full of slop at one point) before the two make their way down the aisle to the pen. Several near misses and HHH almost goes in, but the two inexplicably go back to the ring. Nothing of note happens as the two work their way back to the pen and HHH goes all hardcore on us as Godwin sends him crashing into the metal gate and it rips HHH’s back open. Godwin gets the Slop drop finisher, but both men are down. Hunter starts to get up, and Henry charges so Hunter backdrops him into the pen for the win. Hunter of course picks a fight with Jim so the two double team him and Hunter goes face first into the slop, and just to be an ass, Henry throws the slop on Hunter’s bloody back. Yeah, no harm can come from that.

Anyone who doesn’t say that Hunter didn’t suffer back in the day, well………..

Match #4

Diesel vs. Owen Hart

Diesel is a tweener here, not a face, not a heel, and that was pretty cutting edge for 90’s WWF. This match came from Owen injuring Shawn Michaels on a live RAW so Diesel is out for revenge. Diesel dominates from the outset, including throwing Owen from the second rope so hard, Owen about breaks his neck on the landing. Owen gets about two minutes of offense with some work on the leg, but Diesel stops selling and hits a horrible jackknife powerbomb and then puts one foot on him for the pin. But he takes the foot off at two and he shoves the ref for the inexplicable DQ. He powerbombs Owen again for the hell of it. Awful match. Ѕ* solely for Owen’s bumping. Owen was one of the few credible heels around and Diesel treated him like a jobber. And considering Owen was about to get a decent push going into WrestleMania, destroying him here made no sense.

So four matches, and one match booked decently.

And in another great piece of business, Santa Claus and Savio Vega come out to give WWF clothing to the fans in the audience. My guess is that it’s the clothing from the clearance bin. Ted DiBiase cuts the two off. He tells us that “Everybody has a price” and that he can buy anybody. Savio says he can’t be bought, he then goes into a bizarre tirade on how he believes in Santa Claus. So naturally Santa Claus attacks Savio Vega. And Vince McMahon freaks out! “That CAN’T be SANTA CLAUS!!!!!” Savio fights back and he and Santa fight back to the dressing room. Santa was ECW’s own Balls Mahoney if you care.

In an even weirder moment, Santa even got put on the roster for a few weeks, wrestling as Xanta Claus. Once January hit, I guess they realized there could be a problem sustaining heat.

Dok Hendrix comes out to shill WWF merchandise and today he’s plugging the WWF WrestleMania Arcade game for SNES, Genesis, and PlayStation. He then proceeds to give the wrong prices for all of them. (Geez, SNES games sold for $70 freakin’ dollars?!?!?)

Match #5

The Undertaker vs. King Mabel (Casket Match)

And thus ends the Mabel experiment. One of the most idiotic pushes of any wrestler. Mabel had no heat, no wrestling skills, no mike skills. He was just a big, fat guy. And he got pushed to the moon for about four or five months before the plug finally got pulled.

Undertaker is wearing the protective mask caused by when Mabel dropped a leg on his face and broke some bones (legit?) The casket is huge and covered in graffiti (oooh, what an insult.) Taker no-sells everything but Mabel gets in enough shots to blow a second rope splash. Mabel hits a pretty impressive one-handed belly-to-belly. The fans chant “Rest in Peace” and for a moment I think they are chanting “RVD.” Mabel hits a splash and Mo drags Undertaker to the casket. Mo puts Undertaker in and the heels celebrate, but since the lid wasn’t closed, the match continues. And Mabel takes so long to try to close the lid, UT comes off looking like an idiot. Taker comes back, destroys Mabel, throws him in the casket, destroys Mo too, and throws him in, and with the slam of the lid, we say goodbye to Mabel’s push. Horrible match, but it yielded positive results, so I won’t be too harsh.

Match #6

Bret Hart vs. The British Bulldog

Smith is accompanied by wife Diana who of course is Bret’s sister. She has sort of turned heel, though it’s more in support of her husband than anything else. The two trade wrestling sequences with Bret coming out ahead and working on the arm. Bulldog grabs some hair and works on Bret’s arm. Bret puts on a clinic and a small “ECW” chant breaks out. Bulldog picks up Bret by the hair, and the crowd is rather quiet at this point. Bret gets put in the tree of woe and gets a crotch shot while in it. Bulldog goes to restholds and we’re only three minutes in and that’s not a good sign. Bret does his patented “sternum into the turnbuckle” move with a nice crumpling to the canvas to give it a little more realism. That gets two. Huge backdrop follows and Bret almost lands on his feet. That gets two. Bret fights back and gets a piledriver for two.

(By the way, let me add, the camera continuously gives us shots of Diana Hart who has only one facial expression: concern. Despite that, they keep going to her. And going. And going. And her facial expression never changes.)

Bret goes for a superplex but Davey counters and crotches Bret on the top rope, and he bites it HARD. Bret splatters to the floor and Davey rams Bret’s head into the steel steps. And Bret makes history as he hits the blade. Deep. Because he hits an artery. And his face is the crimson mask in about three seconds. Davey Boy throws Bret into the post and in one disturbing visual, there is a pool of blood where Bret’s face was and footprints from where the Bulldog was walking. Bret lays on the outside and another pool is rapidly forming to the point that it’s reflecting the lights from the arena. And the crowd is buzzing now.

Bret gets a “He’s Hardcore” chant from the crowd. Bulldog piledrives Bret for two. Stalling suplex gets two, and a close-up gets Vince a little upset. “Keep the cameras WIDE!” Bret gets press slammed and Bulldog gets a diving headbutt to the kidneys for two. Davey lands awkwardly though and he comes up limping. He stalls and Bret goes for the sharpshooter but he’s too blinded to lock it in and he falls. And Bret doesn’t seem to be hemorraghing as the ring has several puddles and Bulldog’s tights are getting pretty red too. Bulldog tosses Bret to the outside. And Bulldog looks totally blown up. And Vince is asking them to stop the match due to blood loss, and I can’t say I really blame him.

Bulldog suplexes Bret back in but Bret reverses it into a belly-to-back for two. Both men hit a double clothesline, and both men are laying. Bret backdrops Bulldog to the floor and he hits a plancha for good measure. And I hate to keep harming on the blood loss, but when Bret lands on the floor he again leaves a huge blood stain. Bret tries another dive but Bulldog catches him and powerslams him on the floor. Bulldog then tries to suplex Bret on the concrete but Bret reverses it and crotches Davey on the railing. And the cut to a concerned Diana is hilarious. Bret clotheslines Davey off the railing and the fans are getting rabid now.

Back in and it’s the five moves of doom. Bret hits the top rope superplex from earlier and that gets two. Bulldog gets a quick school boy for two and Bret reverses for two. Bret backdrops Bulldog who doesn’t appear to want to go over. Looks like he was trying a sunset flip but lost Bret on the landing. Bulldog eats a blind charge and Bret wraps him in a modified crucifix for the pin. ***Ѕ and about the best possible match you could get out of Davey Boy Smith who looked tired five minutes in. The blood is not so bad by today’s standards but it had the Net buzzing back in the day as people claimed Bret had used blood capsules because nobody could bleed that much and be standing. (Eddie and Fonzie kinda proved them wrong.) But it definitely makes the match as you find yourself very concerned for Bret’s well-being.

Undertaker and Diesel have a face-off.

End of show.

I actually remember liking this PPV back in the day, I’m not terribly sure why. The main event is awesome, but the show as a whole just flat-out sucks. The Hogpen match was better than it had a right to be, but that’s about the only saving grace on this show. Unless you want to see Buddy Landell’s cup of coffee in the WWF. The IYH shows had a tendency to have a great main event and a shitty undercard and this show is no exception. But the Hart-Bulldog match is a buried gem, and I do suggest digging it up if you can find just that match.

Thumbs down, not recommended, C.

-Sydney Brown

And here’s today 10 Best list:

Ten Best IYH Shows (1995-2002)

And to clarify, yes I know, the IYH label was dropped in 1998, but you know what shows I’m talking about, any PPV that wasn’t the big five. And I’m limiting it to those years because I haven’t gotten a PPV that wasn’t the Rumble or WrestleMania since 2002.

Here we go:

1. IYH: Canadian Stampede (7/97) -Arguably the greatest WWF show ever put on, certainly the show with the best batting average. A damn near ***** 10 man tag with unreal heat, TAKA and Sasuke becoming US stars in 10 minutes and a great HHH-Mankind brawl. Only a weak Vader-UT match is its downside. But a .750 average was unreal by WWF standards.

2. Fully Loaded (7/00) -I’m biased because I was there, but the HHH-Jericho Last Man Standing remains one of the greatest live matches I’ve ever witnessed. Add to that a great Rock-Benoit match and Rikishi emulating Jimmy Snuka off of a steel cage, and you’ve got a show whose memories are buried in my skull.

3. St. Valentine Day’s Massacre (2/99) -The WWF redeems themselves from a godawful Rumble with an awesome Rock-Foley brawl and an Austin-McMahon main event that was infinitely better than it had any right to be.

4. Badd Blood (10/97) -HBK/UT HITC. I have nothing more to add.

5. Mind Games (10/96) -HBK/Mankind and a surprise appearance by the ECW roster makes this one of the few memorable PPVs of 1996.

6. Over the Edge (4/98) -One of my favorite matches from a pure fun standpoint as Dude Love wrestled Steve Austin in one of the few instances where you could tell that everybody was having a great time.

7. Armageddon (12/99) -Not a popular choice I’m aware, but the HHH-Vince match was surprisingly good, The Dudleyz finally started to get a little attention, Jericho BEATS Chyna in one of the greatest booking decisions of all time, and we get some good old-fashioned nudity.

8. No Way Out (2/00) -Hard to top the UT-Foley match, but HHH/Foley sure gave it a try. Add to that the Dudleyz singlehandedly ending the New Age Outlaws, and Angle wins the I-C title in one of the funniest celebrations you’ll ever see.

9. Armageddon (12/00) -6 Man HITC may have been a bit much, but you get Benoit winning the I-C title, a hot 6 man elimination match, and a pretty good Jericho-Kane match.

10. Final Four (2/97) -Great Final Four match and a very good Bulldog/Owen vs. Furnas/LaFon make it a buried treasure.

Merry Christmas to you all.