Down With The Brown: WWF’s Most Embarrassing Moments (1987)

A faithful reader sent this to me, and in all honesty, I only wanted this for one segment, and I really wasn’t even sure if it would be on it, though thankfully, it was. I’ve always considered it to be the greatest heel moment in WWF history, and even the man involved has admitted to this DAY, he still has people asking him about it.

Real brief, to touch base on a world event, because as I write this, I feel possibly more disturbed than I have in a long time. A few of you know that out in the real world, I work in television news, and as such, I often get to see some of the more odd and more bizarre moments in the world of news, much of which you the public never see.

I think you know where I am going with this.

At about 3:30 EDT Tuesday afternoon, the network sent down the unedited video featuring the beheading of Nick Berg. I was uneasy about watching it, but being the curious type, and I guess, because I wanted to, I watched as the feed came down. And every one of my co-workers did too. You watch a lot of movies, and you see violent acts, and you think you are prepared to see an actual “snuff” film. I will admit, I was expecting a Kill Bill-like moment. What I got was maybe the most unpleasant visual I have ever seen in my life. I know by saying that, I am probably encouraging you to seek it out, which in a way, I’m not. I think we as Americans and simply as humans have no need to see such a barbaric act, demonstrated in the most primitive of ways. I, for one, never want to see something like that again. And it’s not so much the act, though it’s so revolting, even the audio on its own is terrifying. It’s the power of seeing how much a group of people HATE us, HATE our way of life, HATE who we are.

I’m not here to make any political statements. I am not a Republican. I am not a Democrat. I was not in favor of the Iraq war, and until today, I felt we had no business being there. Right now, I don’t know what to think. I just hope what I witnessed never happens again, because no man deserves that fate. Though I know it will. Sigh……..

Okay, let’s try to build myself back up again with a little wrestling……

I hope Vince McMahon does that right thing and has Eddie completely destroy Bradshaw at Judgement Day. The ONLY people who are going to buy this show are big time Eddie and Undertaker fans (and we all know UT’s going over.) Making Bradshaw look like a legit threat is going to do WAY more harm to Guerrero than help Bradshaw. Just put Eddie over and move on to the Eddie-RVD series I want (What with RVD’s chronic tendencies, it shouldn’t be hard to find a reason for these guys to develop animosity.)

On to the review:

We are going to 1987 with this one as we take a look back at some of the more embarrassing moments in the lives of WWF superstars. Basically, this is a sequel to the original Bloopers, Bleeps, and Bodyslams. Let’s get right to it.

Your host is Mean Gene Okerlund. He tells us how flawless he is, then we cut to a Gene segment where he forgets what a dropkick is.

-Ted DiBiase throws money to the crowd at a house show. (And aside from vignettes, THIS is how to get new guys over quickly. Give them something to do at house shows and show it to a national TV audience later. You not only get new talent over without wrestling anybody, you make people realize that something may actually HAPPEN at a house show. Case in point: What little interest I have in the Bradshaw match is from that house show angle.)

Match #1

Ted DiBiase vs. Chris Curtis

Ted DiBiase decides that wrestling Curtis isn’t worth his time, but it is worth his money, so he announces that he’s bought another wrestler to wrestle the match for him. He pays a man named Arthur Washington $5,000 to wrestle the match. A rather pudgy short guy enters the ring, and his eyes pop out to see so much money. The whole angle reeks slightly of racial overtones as DiBiase calls him “boy.” (For you see, Mr. Washington is black.) The bell rings and Curtis proceeds to completely obliterate Washington, squashing him in about two minutes, winning with a backbreaker of all finishes.

DiBiase is understandably displeased that his money bought him a loss. So DiBiase takes his money back and bitchslaps Washington. DiBiase and Virgil take turns stomping on him, making Mr. Washington one of the few jobbers to lose twice in about five minutes. (Aside from Rick Hunter wrestling a jobber match, then showing up in the next match as “The Gladiator.”)

-Lord Alfred Hayes has difficulty saying the word “resilience.”

Match #2

Jesse “The Body” Ventura vs. Steve Lombardi

Ventura squashes the Brawler in about a minute, winning with an elbowdrop. We then cut to a TNT interview where Jesse keeps calling Vince “Jack McMahon.” Vince keeps correcting Jesse and Jesse responds with “I don’t worry about the trivial people out there.”

-Clips of Hulk Hogan beating Randy Savage to a bloody pulp in MSG. You can read the review in the Randy Savage tape in the archives.

-Vince McMahon interviews a woman dressed as a witch on TNT. She attacks Hayes with her broom.

-Hulk Hogan’s “python powder” shake makes Lord Al Hayes throw up. So is seeing this clip on yet ANOTHER Coliseum tape.

-Clip of Gorilla Monsoon beating up Superstar Billy Graham while serving as guest referee during a match between Graham and Bruno Sammartino.

-Clip of Swede Hanson going one better as he slams Don Muraco while serving as guest referee so Rocky Johnson can pin him in a match at the Spectrum.

-Clip of Gene Okerlund as Hulk Hogan’s tag team partner. I already reviewed that one three weeks ago. Moving on.

-Now we come to Vince bloopers, as Vince can’t even remember the names of his own Coliseum releases, letting out a “God damn” in frustration. Kinda surprised it isn’t bleeped. It’s kinda interesting watching Vince do these as you can tell right when he’s about to screw up, because he smirks about three seconds before he does it.

-Terry Funk cuts a memorable promo where he hacks his tobacco juice right into the camera lens.

-Terry Funk beats up Mel Philips. Little did we know what a favor he was doing us.

Match #3

Terry Funk vs. Junkyard Dog

This is from SNME, but before we get to that, we get a clip from MSG when Funk destroyed JYD with his branding iron. To the match, and Funk bumps like a man possessed for JYD, getting bounced all over the place before getting crotched on the top rope. Funk takes a breather but its short lived as JYD picks Funk up for a slam and slams him from the ring to the concrete. Funk’s so dazed he almost pops Jimmy Hart in the face, thinking he’s the Dog.

Back in, Funk gets slammed, headbutted, and Funk bails again. Back in, and Hart grabs Dog’s foot, and JYD chases after him. Funk tries to sneak attack but Dog backdrops Funk on the concrete. Back in the ring again, and Funk finally takes control with right hands. He applies the sleeper as the crowd chants for the Dog. Dog makes the ropes, and he puts on his own sleeperhold. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron, and Dog throws him in. But the megaphone comes in too, which Funk uses to pop Dog in the head and get the pin.

Well, Sydney, you might say…..that’s not very embarassing. Why is this match on here? Well, the post-match shenanigans is the reason. Funk tries to brand JYD, but Dog fights him off. Dog then pulls off Jimmy Hart’s pants, and brands his ass in maybe one of the more memorable sequences of the first year of SNME. I’ve always had a soft spot for any Terry Funk match from his 80’s WWF tenure. Sure he was more comical then evil, but you could tell he was having a great time.

-More Al Hayes screw-ups as he gets tongue-tied talking about Bret Hart.

-Time for another Ted DiBiase vignette as DiBiase pays off the hotel receptionist to get the best suite there despite the fact that somebody is already in it. The receptionist is cute, but she has the misfortune of having one of those god-awful unisex 1987 haircuts. I miss the 80’s until I remember what we looked like back then. Ever notice that when “everybody had their price” in these pieces that everybody’s price was $300?

-Lanny Poffo gives a rebuttal to the spots by calling DiBiase a “Million Dollar Jerk.” Oddly, the real embarrassment of the segment, where DiBiase decimates Poffo is not shown.

-A spot from Best of the WWF Vol. 2 where Andre the Giant rips off The Black Demon’s mask. Oddly The Black Demon has blue tights and pink boots. Only thing black about him is his mask.

-Adrian Adonis attacks Hulk Hogan after a match with Randy Savage in Boston, but Hogan gets the last laugh by ripping Adonis’ shirt off and revealing a stuffed bra. I REALLY could have done without that segment. Hogan tries on Adonis’s curly wig.

-Another Hayes blooper that goes on rather long. The word “ball” sends Hays into hysterics.

The Saga of Bobby Heenan and Paul Orndorff

Okay, I never understood this at all. When Roddy Piper came into the WWF, he did so as the manager of David Schultz and Paul Orndorff. And when WrestleMania came along, Orndorff was still alligned with Piper. But here it is after WrestleMania, and suddenly Orndorff is managed by Bobby Heenan. When did THAT happen? Did Orndorff stay heel after WrestleMania and join up with Heenan? Or was the initial face turn not working for Paul, so they gave them a second chance to turn face by siding with Heenan so he could quickly dump him?

Anyway, Heenan is on TNT with Paul, saying that he discussed the game plan with Piper and that Orndorff screwed up. Orndorff is upset because nobody ever gave him a game plan, so he didn’t know what he was supposed to do in the match. Heenan starts to get in Orndorff’s face, so Orndorff fires him. Heenan doesn’t take it well. So this started the feud where Orndorff was feuding with not only Piper and Orton, but Studd and Bundy as well.

Flash forward to two years later as heel Orndorff is being interviewed with Heenan, but all Heenan wants to do is talk about his new protege, Ravishing Rick Rude. Orndorff says that he’s not impressed with Rude, and if Heenan’s so happy with Rude, he can have him, because he’s fired. Again. And to further rub it in, Orndorff hires a new manager on the spot, the short-lived Oliver Humperdink.

-Vince is so nervous cutting a Coliseum opening that he forgets who he is.

Match #4

“King” Harley Race vs. George “The Animal” Steele

Gene Okerlund says that this may be the WWF’s most embarrassing match. Nice double meaning there. Race pounds away at Steele’s mid-section, but Steele no-sells everything and Race ends up flying over the top rope to the concrete. Race gets somersaulted back into the ring, and he punches Race in the face. And he legit hits him, because you can hear the sound of fist on face. Race comes back with his own punches and Steele ends up on the floor. Race makes the mistake of going after him and Steele rams Race into the steel post. Race gets tired of Steele’s offense and just kicks him in the crotch. Animal responds by biting Race’s arm, and the two end up back on the concrete floor. Animal eats the post, and that only makes him mad as he starts throwing chairs from ringside into the ring. So Race gladly grabs one and hits Steele in the face with it. And Steele won’t sell THAT either. He chases Race off and puts on his crown to the delight of the crowd. Ugh. 1/4*.

-Gene Okerlund notices the All-American Wrestling crew is playing with the effects, because the video is starting to tilt. So Okerlund tells them they can go “F**k themselves. I’m not kidding. It gets bleeped, but I’m still shocked as hell it’s on the tape considering the kid-friendly audience at the time.

Match #5

Dynamite Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff

This is from the 1985 Wrestling Classic. Volkoff decides to keep talking after singing the Russian National Anthem. So Kid gives him a top rope dropkick and he pins him in seven seconds. Pretty funny stuff. Even funnier as the instant reply consists of the entire match.

The Introduction of Bam Bam Bigleow

For weeks, all of the heel managers had announced that they had signed the next big monster to rule the WWF, Bam Bam Bigelow. All we knew was that he had a tattooed head and that he snarled a lot. Well, week by week, Bam Bam would drop managers, until there was only one left, Slick. Slick, figuring that since nobody had told him he wasn’t the new manager, it must mean that he WAS the new manager. So he set up an interview with himself and Nikolai Volkoff to welcome Bigelow into the fold. But Oliver Humperdink, who had just signed Paul Orndorff, drops his own news by saying that HE was Bam Bam’s manager. And to prove it, he brings him out. Bam Bam tells Slick “You will NEVER be my manager! You and your commie friend better get out of my face NOW!” Volkoff interjects, so Bam Bam punches him off the platform.

Man, people forget. Bam Bam was HUGE in 1987. I really thought he could have been the next big thing. But knee injuries, and getting jobbed out at WMIV hurt him badly, and he never did come back from the mega push he got.

Piper’s Pit in MSG

This is a weird little segment from 1985 as Piper pulls two people from ringside and verbally assaults them in the ring. He trashes one woman because she thinks Paul Orndorff is better looking than Roddy Piper. And considering how ugly Orndorff is, I’d be insulted too. The male fan says his favorite wrestler is Hulk Hogan, so Piper shoves him. I’m guessing this is all scripted, but the guy doesn’t seem like he was prepared for the shove.

This sets up Roddy Piper interviewing Bruno Sammartino. Bruno refuses to be on Piper’s Pit unless Orton leaves. Orton won’t, so Bruno offers to get back-up. Piper makes Orton leave. “Are you a HAPPY person now?” Piper asks why Bruno is considered a living legend, Bruno replies: “Because I took big mouthed people like you and shut them up.” He tells Piper that he could beat him 15 years ago in his prime, and that he could beat him now. Piper calls him a “stupid wop” and Bruno shoves Piper backwards over his folding chair and splats on the mat. Bruno threatens to beat Piper up, but throws his hands in disgust and starts to leave. Piper responds by smashing Bruno in the head with a chair. He grinds the chair into Bruno’s neck, then bashes him with the microphone. He starts to take off his belt, but Bruno recovers, and he sends Piper scurrying.

-Clip of Bruno / Orndorff vs. Piper / Orton where Orndorff pulls Piper’s trunks down exposing his ass, and Piper forgets to pull them back up.

-Vince has more problems talking.

-WrestleMania III moment as Greg Valentine ditches Brutus Beefcake after their tag win over The Rogueaus. Somehow that made Valentine the heel.

(Yeah, I make jokes now, I used to be a Brutus Beefcake fan. Granted, he sucked, but sometimes when he put forth the right effort he really did have some good matches. His 1989 series with both Rick Rude and Randy Savage were definitely underrated, and he wasn’t being carried either.)

Match #6

Brutus Beefcake vs. Johnny V.

Beefcake was SUPPOSED to start into a feud with Adrian Adonis after WMIII, but then Adonis had to go and get himself fired, and ruining the Brutus Beefcake push. So they transferred the animosity to his former manager as we get the first appearance of the Barber gimmick. Beefcake destroys Valiant, then locks him in the sleeper. Johnny goes to sleep, and Beefcake goes to work on Johnny’s hair. (Why is it when Beefcake massacred somebody’s hair, nobody ever tried to fix it? They’d just leave it messed up.) Beefcake turns Johnny into a modified Road Warrior Animal.

-Slammy highlights taken directly from Best of the WWF Vol. 7. Check the archives.

-Jesse Ventura interviews Andre the Giant on The Body Shop. Andre has come back after a tour of Japan and he’s ready for action. So he starts messing with Jesse’s boa. Rather nothing interview.

-Ted DiBiase is out again. And he’s here to prove that everybody has a price. And what’s that in Virgil’s hand? Why, it’s a basketball!!!!!!

Say what you will about Ted DiBiase, he turned from heel to HEEL with this segment, one of the all-time great segments of 1980’s WWF. Ted DiBiase has $500 and he’s willing to give it to anybody who can dribble a basketball. He thinks it such an easy task, he picks a small child who looks scared as hell. His name is Shawn, and he proceeds to bounce the basketball ten times. The crowd roars in approval. DiBiase tells the kid that if he can dribble the basketball fifteen times, he will pay him $500. “And I could tell just by looking at you, that you could use a LOT more than $500.” He gives Shawn the ball, and he starts bouncing. The crowd chants along as Shawn hits 10…..11……12……13…….14……..

At 14, DiBiase kicks the ball away…….”whoops.” And Shawn looks like he’s about to cry. DiBiase taunts him to add insult to injury. “You didn’t get to 15, Shawn. You didn’t get to 15.” And Shawn walks away dejected into his mother’s arms.

DiBiase admitted years later in his autobio that Shawn got so nervous by the crowd that he forgot what was supposed to happen, and that when he started crying, he REALLY did. Though he did actually get the money later.

Absolutely AWESOME angle, one that turned DiBiase from greedy egotist to complete asshole.

-Gene Okerlund celebrates 4 years of All-American Wrestling by getting a cake in the face. Well, it’s supposed to be, but the producer completely misses and just grazes his chin instead.. Gene gets his revenge by threatening everybody else with the leftover cake. Whipped cream gets involved as well.

-Okerlund bids us a fond adieu and we pan down to see that his fly is open.

End of tape.

Well, the glaring problem with this tape is that half of it can be found on other Coliseum videos. Coliseum often got lazy with their releases, putting out a lot of tapes that were just rehashes of other releases (Grand Slams, Villains of the Squared Circle) and while this isn’t as blatant as those, too much of this was not only stuff I had seen, but was stuff I had already owned.

That’s not to say there isn’t good stuff on here. The DiBiase segments are classics as are the Piper bits. And there are some choice good moments with Terry Funk and Paul Orndorff, but it’s little moments.

If you’re unlike me, and are unfamiliar with the Coliseum releases or are unfamiliar with the WWF circa 1985-1987, then this is a good place to start. It’s worth a glance. But hell, the Basketball angle was worth the whole tape for me, so I’m not gonna pan it. It’s a good tape, just not particularly great.

Thumb in the middle slightly leaning up, sorta recommended, B-.

-Sydney Brown