Five-Star Conversation 03.23.10: WrestleMania Predictions!

I finally realized that Netflix carries the first two seasons (or series’, in British terminology) of “Skins”, an absolutely brilliant English television program that I’ve been dying to check out for quite some time. I finished the first season yesterday and am completely blown away that each show actually exceeded my lofty expectations! Uproariously hilarious, though still grounded in its’ storytelling, the character-driven series isn’t afraid to wear its’ heart on its’ sleeve at times, either. Oh, yeah, they party a bit, too:

Skins Season 1 Montage

DJ Jenns | MySpace Video

(Sorry, that wasn’t the video I’d originally intended upon using, but anything “Skins”-related on YouTube.com has had its’ enabling deactivated. All that to say…check it out!)

Right. On to wrestling…on to…

With the 26th anniversary of The Grand Daddy of ‘em All this Sunday, this is the perfect opportunity to run through the card and run down some predictions! As I recall, my scorecard wasn’t too shabby last year. Unfortunately, last year’s WrestleMania was one of the worst in recent memory, as well. On paper, though, this one looks to be quite promising, so let’s jump right in!

Triple H versus Sheamus – I know this is considered something of an upper-mid-card match, simply because of the fact that it features a recent WWE Champion and Sonny Boy, but, because it’s the only match on the card not for a title or carrying some kind of stipulation, we’re discussing this one first. I’m actually a little concerned about this match and I’ll tell you why. I was impressed with how well Sheamus managed to step up to the proverbial plate as his WWET reign continued, especially considering he’d done very little besides squash some lower-level talent on ECW before being transferred to Raw sent to the moon.

Please bear that in mind when I say the following – I don’t mean to make it sound as if Sheamus is the wrestling equivalent of a toddler requiring daddy’s hand to walk more than a few feet on his own, but sometimes HHH tends to, shall we say, test the limits of his ring generalship, attempting to create an epic out of something merely meant to be great (the infamous Royal Rumble match against Scott Steiner comes to mind, as does the 47:30 Hell in a Cell match against Shawn Michaels at Bad Blood, that is either remembered as amazing or an extended egofest). In this case, it seems to me that HHH is thinking he can take the rookie out on the grandest stage in the industry and help him along to make the world stand up and take notice, that, despite the title run that put him on the map, this will be the match that makes the wrestling fan recognize that The Celtic Warrior is for real and in it for the long haul.

I hope this is exactly what’s going on, insofar as HHH’s intentions…what a change from the selfish, evil champion from years past who refused to put over anyone not named Shawn Michaels (I say that, tongue firmly entrenched in cheek)! This is completely the time for the old guard, HHH and his contemporaries, to be doing just that. However, I just can’t shake the nagging sense that this will ultimately end up feeling like a really solid Raw match, not the virtual coming-of-age for Sheamus I think it’s intended to be. I think it pretty much stands to reason that HHH will go over, as he should, considering the pecking order and all, Sheamus’ break-out or not. What we’re supposed to focus on is that the kid will bring his A-game and offer the veteran more than he was bargaining on having to deal with, not the actual outcome, but this will end with the old kick-wham-Pedigree.

One factor that could make an impact, in the demise of DX, it’s HBK who has become the solemn, driven soul, whereas HHH appears to be more interested in having a laugh; therefore, a factor in DX’s split that has yet to be addressed is the status of Hornswoggle. Will his association with HHH continue, even after DX? If so, will we see him here? Will there be a confrontation of “Irishmen”? There’s also the possibility of Sheamus earning HHH’s respect, and vice-versa here, such that a Sheamus face turn and possible partnership could be on the horizon, as well, considering The Draft is soon forthcoming, thus giving us the option to switch around the denominations of the heel/face ratio on each brand. In the end, though…

WINNER: Triple H

TRIPLE THREAT: Randy Orton versus Cody Rhodes versus Ted DiBiase – This seems to be one of the toughest calls on the card, mainly because, to me, at least, it seems to be one of the poorest builds. Hear me out. Obviously, considering the break-up of Legacy as a trio and leader Orton going his own face way, it seems apparent that both the young guns, DiBiase and Rhodes, could really use a win here, however, in a triple-threat situation, there can be only one winner. This dilemma leaves us having to figure out which of the two is the most likely. Considering the rumors that the WWE creative team is quite high on DiBiase (make your own joke about what else they’re high on), one might be inclined to give him the nod.

However, there’s also the danger/fear that neither man will come out of this event any better than he went into it, and that’s what I think we could end up seeing. I’ve no clue at all what McMahonagement’s intentions are where DiBiase and Rhodes are concerned, and it’s as frustrating as it is confusing. Obviously, we’re supposed to buy them as future main event threats…hello, they’re called Legacy, that can’t just be a nod to their second-generation wrestling status; they have to be interested in building upon that which their fathers created. However, just when it seems as if they’re going to be breaking away and out on their own, they get sucked back into the Orton vortex, and, even now that they’re standing up to him, even collectively, nothing feels vital or important about it…the most compelling aspect about the story is that Orton has turned face on his betrayers. That just feels completely backward to me, and it seems to me that the youngsters’ chances of benefitting from it all shrinks the louder Orton’s cheers become.

Unfortunately, much along the same lines as the HHH/Sheamus match, this contest runs the risk of coming across like a strong Raw match as opposed to something that is really WreslteMania-worthy, and that could, too, hurt those involved, especially the relative rookies, because they still have so much left to prove, both to the brass as well as the fans. Orton will be fine no matter what…let’s face it, kids care a whole lot more about who wins and loses than the almighty work-rate. That said, though, I don’t think Orton will go over here, because I don’t think this story has wrapped yet. I just have a feeling there’s more that stands to go down in this story, Act Three, eef you wee-yull, so, this won’t be a blow-off. Therefore, I have a sneaking suspicion we’re going to end up seeing Orton overwhelmed by the odds against him when Legacy unites and works him over in a united front, disqualifying themselves, giving the contest to Orton by default, while still standing tall over their common enemy.

WINNER: Randy Orton (by disqualification)

STREET FIGHT: Rey Mysterio versus CM Punk – I can’t see this going any other than one of two distinct ways: Mysterio either does what he does so well, rising against the considerable odds for the soul-stirring, heartwarming victory on the big stage with the lights on bright and that’s the end of it, or else the combined efforts of The Straight-Edge Society overwhelm Mysterio and, to the shock and horror of The WWE Universe, Mysterio is forced to join the ranks of the stable that has embarrassed, humiliated and threatened both man and family, it just depends upon how far and how long McMahonagement wants to tell this story.

There’s a very real possibility that this story could arc a lot longer than just this Sunday, along the lines of, what would happen if Mysterio were to join The Straight-Edge Society? How would he react if he were forced under the tyrannical autocracy of Punk? What would happen if/when Mysterio refused to do the bidding of The Straight-Edge Savior? Exactly how does The Society police their own, and would their tactics prove successful against Mysterio? The longer this story would go, the more hated Punk would become as a consequence and the greater the desire for the fans to want to see Mysterio rise up and take back his freedom, his free will and his self-respect, to defend the honor of his family, especially his daughter, Aaliyah, who had her birthday poisoned by Punk’s having slithered into it and humiliating her father (BTW, that little girl is a hell of a good actress…I actually wondered if they told her it was all just a sketch!).

However, despite the toxic chemistry existing between Punk and Mysterio (and I mean that in a good way!), I just don’t think I see this story going that long, not with the Mysterio (Gutiérrez) family having been brought out and put on TV the way they were. No, although the opportunity exists to really stoke the fires of this story to nuclear heat levels, I just get a greater sense of big-moment build for this Sunday, as opposed to a long-term program. Worse things could happen, especially considering the fact that we’re likely to get a HELL of a match out of these two, since their exceptional chemistry is far from limited to their verbal exchanges. The street fight factor also adds to Mysterio’s ability to capitalize on the chaos of his fast-break style, more so, even, I think, than it will help Luke Gallows and Serena to legally interfere.

WINNER: Rey Mysterio

NO HOLDS BARRED: Bret Hart versus Mister McMahon – This is the easiest to call in terms of outcome, but the most difficult to predict in terms of what we’re actually going to see, specifically. McMahon is 64 years old. Granted, he’s driven and exceptional shape for his age, but let’s be real, he’s not going to be impressing anyone with his work-rate. However, he’s never done so at WrestleMania, and still has managed to pull off some of the most entertaining, if schmozztastic, sports-entertainment moments in the 26 year history of this great event.

Likewise, Hart is 52, and, quite frankly, lucky to be mobile at all following the major stroke that sealed the deal on even a “special attraction”/”part-time” wrestling career. Therefore, it stands to reason that Hart is going to have to take it easy and, even after he made the jump to WCW, he was showing signs of slowing down considerably (check out the match against Curt Hennig on Disc Three of his 3-DVD set and compare it with the ICT match between the two on Disc Two).

In a way, Hart’s contribution to the match is going to be the real wildcard considering what are and how considerable will be his limitations. We know what to expect from McMahon, but Hart earned the moniker of The Excellence of Execution from Gorilla Monsoon; how much of that wrestling expertise will still be available to tap? We know Hart can brawl, too, though; he may see his way clear to bring McMahon’s own fight against him, confound him by employing a different strategy than McMahon is intending him to utilize…? Regardless, we know exactly how this is going to end, with McMahon twisted up in The Sharpshooter, screaming in pain, face contorted as he pounds the mat in submission, the fans going absolutely apeshit for having seen this 13 year-old grudge finally come to an end, along with Hart’s career seeing the respectful conclusion it deserves.

WINNER: Bret Hart

MONEY IN THE BANK featuring: Shelton Benjamin; Evan Bourne; Christian; Matt Hardy; Kane; Drew McIntyre; Montel Vontavious Porter; Jack Swagger; Dolph Ziggler – By the time you read this, I completely expect for Kofi Kingston to somehow have been added to this match, thereby fulfilling the rumors of a tenth contestant in this year’s $itB match (I’ll have submitted this article before I make it home to catch Raw).

Quite frankly it strikes me as odd for Kingston to be in limbo for this long in terms of having secured a spot for WrestleMania considering the meteoric rise in fan awareness and popularity he enjoyed just a scant few months ago when he was standing up to no less than Randy Orton. Unless there’s some huge master plan by which to use this glaring omission as a means to reignite Kingston’s push, this is starting to smell a whole lot like MVP’s initial push when he was first moved over to Raw…remember that and where he ended up? Now, I have it on good authority that MVP can tend to be a boorish, mouthy prick when the mood strikes him (and that whole piss cup tester story helps to fortify that notion), and may be a contributing factor as to why MVP has found himself firmly ensconced in the mid-card, but that doesn’t help to explain Kingston, unless there’s something going on about which we’ve not caught wind. It seems McMahonagement loves to give a young talent a sort of test push to see how both fans and the talent himself responds to the attention, then pulls them back, content in the knowledge that, should they end up needing to push so-and-so (as a result of a Wellness plague or an untimely injury), they can and fans will respond.

However, if they still plan on breaking their own rules to include Kingston in this year’s $itB, doesn’t it make a certain amount of sense to have started some kind of “faux viral campaign in its’ own Universe, to the effect that they plant a groundswell of “Where’s Kofi?!” posts on their message board, such that other fans follow suit and join the proverbial Kofi WrestleMania bandwagon? It seems to me that if you’re going to intentionally seemingly omit one of your rising faces, that you at least prove to him and his fans that you didn’t…FORGET about him…!

But, to the match at hand, even should Kingston find his way into the match, I have to think Drew McIntyre is a shoo-in for the win. Look at the list…aside from Kane, this entire contest is populated by virtually every young name McMahonagement has proven on at least one occasion each not to trust, or at least to have somehow fallen from favor. Oh, they trust these guys to go out and bust their asses to pull dangerous, jaw-dropping spots, because of the quality of dedicated and death-defying performers and athletes they are (for the record, I, personally, would not mind seeing any of these awesome talents walking from the ring with the briefcase), but it seems to me that McMahonagement are content with each of these guys right where they are serving just this sort of function.

Except McIntyre. We’ve discussed here how McIntyre is pretty much the Scottish version of a young Randy Orton, and I can totally get how Vince can look at him and see a star. Is it all too much too soon for this youngster? Oh, HELL yeah. We’ve also discussed here in recent weeks how the SmackDown! creative team has rushed an entire year’s worth of booking, three separate stories in McIntyre’s regard, all at once, and are rushing to “Sheamus” him at the top of The Silver & Blue (needlessly so), utilizing $itB as the means to accomplish that feat. I think it’s a mistake and that fans would accept and respect McIntyre in a much deeper and more manner if he’d have a slower burn, though with a deliberate pace to eventually reach the lofty heights at which Vince seems to want to place him. But I’m just a fat, pimply virgin writing this in my mom’s basement, so what do I know?

WINNER: DREW McINTYRE

UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLES: ShoMiz: The Big Show & The Miz versus Truth & Wisdom: John Morrison & R-Truth– I’ve discussed here in previous weeks that I just don’t buy this whole buddy-buddy thing going down between Morrison and Truth, from the mysterious and never-quite-capitalized-upon ankle injury that almost forced Morrison out of the SD! Elimination Chamber match to the Triple-Threat $itB Qualifying match where Morrison and Truth pretty much cancelled out one another, allowing Dolph Ziggler his opportunity to advance.

Something just doesn’t smell right with them and I’m predicting we’ll see a quality of miscommunication occur between them that costs them the match that will initially be chalked up to the relative inexperience of tagging together, but will be followed-up upon the next Friday where we see Morrison confront and attack Truth, effectively returning to his heel ways and setting up a program between the two. Morrison’s face turn and incredible push to the top of the card was a necessity last year, because SD! was going to be operating without its’ top hero in The Undertaker. Edge’s planned face turn was derailed, too, when he got hurt and was forced on the shelf and Mysterio was suspended for a Wellness infraction, even if just for a month. Regardless, Friday night needed a hero and so Morrison was pushed farther and faster than I think McMahonagement meant or wanted to push him.

Eventually, though, other faces evolved and found their way to SD! and Morrison’s push cooled. Now fans are naturally gravitating to the natural charisma of Truth in manner they never had with Morrison and I just have a hunch that it’s felt that Morrison is more valuable as a heel and, as a heel, can help to elevate Truth in the process.

Plus, this keeps the belts on ShoMiz, gives Show a functional role and continues to allow The Miz to gather momentum as he carries three gold belts with him everywhere he goes, allowing him the credence and the clout to talk whatever smack he wants. Besides, it makes more logistical sense for The Miz and Show to be able to appear on both shows than it does for Morrison & Truth.

WINNERS and STILL CHAMPIONS: ShoMiz

CAREER versus STREAK/FINISH by PINFALL or SUBMISSION ONLY: The Undertaker versus Shawn Michaels – We’ve talked about this match here at 5SC more than any other match on the card, about the virtues and vices implicit in HBK potentially being the man to break The Streak, or for The Undertaker to retire The ShowStopper. Some really great readers with a whole lot of vision and scope forced me to update my opinion of exactly what quality a performer should be allowed to break The Streak, if it should be broken at all at this point. I was holding fast to my belief that a relative rookie requiring that last final push to cement him to the upper echelon of the roster should be the Streak-breaker, but, as The Streak has endure and grown in prestige with each successful defense, its’ significance has evolved beyond the role of being that missing puzzle piece. No, now The Streak is a title unto itself, one that can’t be lost, only earned and only once. Therefore, it would almost have to be won by a legend the likes of Shawn Michaels.

The other side of that coin is whether or not HBK is ready to hang ‘em up for good. Quite frankly, when the majority of us looks at these names and considers which is ripest for retirement, it’s Taker, not Michaels. Of course, the thing about wrestling retirements, especially these days, is who really retires? Geez, just have a look at TNA. If Mick Foley’s learned anything from his mentor Terry Funk it’s how to un-retire more times than a cat’s got lives. And that, to me, is the real crux of the story behind what is bound to be the crown jewel of this year’s event – wrestling retirements can be unwritten and undone at the slightest of convenience; but, as I just said, Taker’s Streak can only be broken once. Therefore, it makes sense for HBK to take that final walk back up the aisle he (supposedly) sent Ric Flair down last year. I imagine he’ll be kept off WWE-TV for a good while before he eventually returns as some sort of brand authority figure, only to come back for “one last match”.

Meanwhile, I like the notion of Taker allowing himself to go __-1 at WrestleMania against a Cena or a Punk, as a couple readers suggested, a passing of the torch along the lines of Andre/Hogan, whenever taker is ready to pack it in for good.

WINNER: The Undertaker

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Chris Jericho versus Edge – We’ve discussed this match at some length there in recent weeks, too. The WWE machine is really working overtime trying to get Edge and his finisher, The Spear, over with the kiddies; whether they’re taking the bait and actually chanting “SPEAR!” without prompting is another matter, though.

And that’s exactly why I’m going to choose the outcome I’m going to choose. I’ve said before, there’s money in the chase and if WWE wants to firmly entrench Edge as a respectable face, they need to take TIME to do it right. Fans already totally dig Edge. He has that cool bad boy image and is the undisputed king of the ladder/TLC match, a badge he’s completely earned over the last decade or so. He’s just that proper balance of impropriety and restraint, such that the kids respect him but aren’t having to have their ears covered, but also appeals to the adults who are remember Litagate and can see that smirk implying that there’s a whole lot more on his mind that he’s not saying, allowing them to fill in the naughty blanks.

But McMahonagement want him to up another rung entirely on the holistic scale of stardom and if they are patient and play their cards right, this is the program to get him there, especially with champion Jericho as his foil. Jericho is a deliciously bombastic prick who loves to lord over the superiority his World Title allows him. The formula to getting Edge where they want him to be is as simple as allowing him to get the better of Jericho nine times out of ten…that tenth time being whenever the belt is on the line, the old Flair formula, time-tested and true. Fans know Edge can do it, fans want to see Jericho bested by their hero, but the stars never seem to align for Edge…until one night, the two are embroiled in yet another fantastic match, when the three-count comes down and almost takes the fans by surprise. Jericho’s kicked out or draped his foot over the rope so many times at just the crucial moment, fans almost don’t believe their eyes and ears! THAT is a truly magical moment, one for which we watch the rasslin and it’s within WWE’s grasp to make it happen.

WINNER and STILL CHAMPION: Chris Jericho

(Besides, I want to say that I have a photo of myself with The World Champion hanging on my fridge for a little while longer…!)

WORLD WRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT TITLE: Batista versus John Cena – This will be your main event and is also one of the easiest calls of the night. Look, Batista’s as hot as he’s been since he turned on Haitch-n-Naitch at Evolution’s demise and it’s a shame he can’t hold the belt for longer, but this has Cena fairytale sports entertainment WrestleMania moment written all over it. It’ll be a great match, rugged, back-and-forth, the kids will all be peeing their Spongebob underpants, but in the end, given the way this whole thing has gone down, Big Dave throwing a professional jealousy hissy-fit, Cena has to rise up and reclaim the belt that really is his. This way, the kiddies get their happy-snappy send-off after McIntyre wins $itB and Edge fails to win The WT and booking all either comes full-circle or is furthered along logically.

WINNER: John Cena

I’d love to hear your predictions! Let ‘er rip and we’ll discuss them next week once everything has all gone down. Enjoy WrestleMania!

RESPEEEEECK!!!