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November 25, 2021 | Posted by Andrew Cazer
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– Happy Thanksgiving! Impact is fresh off their Turning Point live special. Moose successfully retained the Impact championship in Full Metal Mayhem and Josh Alexander saw a new foe enter the Impact zone. Jonah has joined Impact and his sights are set directly on the former Impact Champion. Tonight we will likely follow up on these events but Impact’s Thanksgiving episodes are famous for wonderful content. Whether it’s the Angle Thanksgiving feasts or the sometimes fun Feast or Fired gimmick Impact always tries to make Thanksgiving memorable. With the return of Wrestlehouse Impact is looking to keep things simple yet fun this Thanksgiving. I wonder if we’ll see the return of the dreaded Turkey suit. I personally haven’t seen the first Wrestlehouse so I have no idea what to expect but i’m game for some fun so let’s get into it.

TNA iMPACT! #178 (2007)

– Before the Impact: Chris Bey picks up the victory over Fallah Bahh in a decent little singles match.

-James Mitchell does the voiceover and explains to everyone what’s going on for this years Thanksgiving Impact special. He tells us about last years Wrestlehouse special and everything people like me missed. They did a sweet job breaking down the last special telling us the entire storyline. We get a break down of why this special is happening off the heels of the closing of Swinger’s palace.

– We flashback a week ago. The Swingerellas ask what the hell this is and Crazy Steve says it’s Wrestlehouse! Alisha calls it the best wrestling reality show ever. Kaleb is excited to be on a reality show but has to fake it. They ask why they’re not at the real Wrestlehouse in Chattanooga and Rosemary says they don’t have the power to teleport that far. Swinger says Wrestlehouse is the worst reality show ever and wants to leave but Rosemary reminds him that’s not possible.

Kaleb and Madison Rayne explain they don’t want to be on a reality show and ask how long they’ll be here. Rosemary says as long as it takes but Hernandez says no if they’re stuck there because of a spell they need answers. Rosemary say’s they’re here as long as it takes to make Swinger happy again. Alisha asks if they’re supposed to believe they’re here for that alone and Rosemary says of course. Rosemary says in her defense they were mislead and that they thought Swinger would be happy upon arrival. Madison asks if anyone here even really likes Swinger. No-one seems to say they do and Rosemary recognizes that she thought they had one more mortal with them.

Chris Sabin gets a sexy entrance and all of the ladies start to go crazy. Sabin asks Riley about her cat’s diabetes and Rosemary asks where he’s been. He said he got here early and claimed a room he was in the shower. Alisha rushes to get a room but Sabin says he’s pretty sure there’s room for everybody. Everyone starts to find rooms and Kaleb asks whos house this is. Bravo tells Rosemary he appreciates them doing this even it’s going to cost them his soul.

– We’re back and everyone is deliberating over how to make Swinger happy and they discuss his former love interests. One of the swingerellas comes out of the bathroom and runs into Kaleb. Kaleb asks if she’s ever modeled before. Kaleb says he loves reality shows and hands her a card. Sabin walks into the room and it’s steamin wherever he goes. Kaleb accidentally runs into Sabin and blames it on Sabin walking around with fog and in slow motion. Kaleb says Sabin is trolling him because he’s moist. Sabin says he didn’t come here to embarrass him but if he wants to he can and we go to our first match. Sabin says I love this match and Alisha says that’s it and we teleport to our first match as Swinger asks everyone to keep it down.

Chris Sabin vs. Kaleb

Hey this is at the FSW arena in Las Vegas sweet. Sinn Bodhi is here to help James Mitchell on commentary. Sabin with some armdrags to drop Kaleb about five or six straight. Mitchell asks the doctor on commentary what that move is going to do to the shoulder socket. He says it’s gonna do some damage. Sabin tries to steal it with a roll up but only gets a two count. Kaleb locks in a submission and tries to take a selfie at the same time but Sabin rolls it into a pinfall for two. Sabin lifts Kaleb up and nails him with cradle shock for the three count victory.
Rating: N/A
Review: It was a match. Short little squash cool that they utilized the FSW arena.
Post match: More Sabin steam and Kaleb asks if everyone is trolling him.

– Back from the break and Black Taurus is reading a book at the table. Everyone else is messing around in the kitchen and Madison asks what’s going on here. Kaleb asks what the awful smell is and The Swingerella says its been here the whole time but she doesn’t mind. Madison asks if she’s the only one with a sense of urgency to get them out of here. She slams Taurus’ book and we cut away to him saying no-one respects the classics anymore. The Decay discuss how they’re leaving for their match at Turning Point. Everyone is pissed they get to leave and they say hey if you had a match we’d let you go and we get more Sabin slow mo steam as they let us know he’s allowed to leave for his match too. Kaleb hands him a shirt and says no more excuses. Sabin says thanks it’s all he really wanted and Kaleb sells the neck.

– Sabin puts on a downtown Daddy Brown. Madison and Alisha do an interview and say they’re the only ones who care about Swinger. Madison says she just wants to get out of here. They come back and run down their plan to cheer up Swinger. John E Bravo puts in a tape and we get a throwback to IWPF with Downtown Daddy Brown taking on Julian. It’s a recap from IWPF. A Swingerella asks who they are and Steve says it looks like the Karate man and she says ‘You can see that’ he explains he heard it. Madison tells us that we have to reunite Swinger with the other guy Downtown Daddy Brown. Hernandez says how can they make this happen if they can’t leave. Madison tells them to ask Rosemary to teleport him here to reunite them. Everyone breaks and Kaleb says don’t search #SwingerReunion because you won’t like what you see.

– Bravo gets Swinger to come but he doesn’t want to get pants on initially. They bring swinger to the living room to see Downtown Daddy Brown. Both men are in the Livingroom with blindfolds and they’re mad. Brown calls him a bitch and Swinger tells him to give it a rest old timer. They go back and forth and Downtown Daddy Brown says he’ll come out of retirement to fight Swinger. The Swingerella says really a Downtown Daddy Brown in 2021 no way. Swinger says they can’t wait till 2021 we’re doing it tonight. Sabin pops up and says I LOVE THIS MATCHHH! Looks like we’re getting Swinger vs. Downtown Daddy Brown after the break.

Johnny Swinger vs. Downtown Daddy Brown

Daddy Brown sends Swinger into the ropes scared multiple times and James Mitchell asks if Dr. Ross did DDB’s hip surgery he says he has and hopes to do his next few. Swinger gets DDB into the ropes and goes for a right but eats one of his own instead. DDB smacks Swinger with a few more and drops him with some strikes in the ropes. Bravo calls DDB Willie, weird. Bravo gets in between them and tells Swinger he’s gotta block. Mitchell says this proves elderly abuse is up at an all time high but looks like so much fun. Weird. Swinger with a low kick to the midsection up to the top for a pump handle slam but DDB gets him right in the bread basket. DDB smashes Swingers face into the top turnbuckle ten times and locks in a sleeper on Swinger. Swinger sends DDB into the ref and DDB checks on him. Swinger grabs a cane and drops DDB with a shot to the chest and covers for the close two count. Swinger argues with Bravo befor going to the corner. He’s ripping at something and Bravo says you can’t use that. DDB to his feet and he headbutts Swinger and drops on him with a splash. Downtown Daddy Brown covers Swinger for the three count and yells about his hip post match.
Rating: **
Review: This was more fun than the last one but started off kinda weak. It wasn’t a barn burner but it was fun and plays into the story.
Post match: Swingerella checks on him and makes sure he’s ok.

– We go back to the House and Swinger is heated. Alisha tells him the only reason they’re stuck here is to make him happy. Swinger says his life may be in the toilet but all these mizzarks are stuck here with him. He says he’s never going to cheer up and never going to be thankful. He spits on the floor. Mitchell back with the voiceover and explains this is how the Swingman stole Thanksgiving.

– Back at wrestlehouse and now Sabin is playing the piano even i’m falling for the guy. All of the ladies are going gaga but Alisha asks if they’re really going to be stuck here forever. Madison says this is all her fault. Rosemary says if they didn’t blab they’d be fine. Alisha asks why they couldn’t tell him. Madison says they’re not stuck here because of Swinger they’re stuck here because of Rosemary. Rosemary says they agreed to be here and they’re here as long as it takes. Madison says that a deal with the devil can be renegotiated and tells Kaleb to put a strip of tape down. Kaleb puts the tape down and Madison says if they want to go come on her side of the tape. Hernandez, Alisha, Kaleb and Madison stand on that side. Sabin teases joining them and doesn’t Madison is mad but Sabin says he loved Swingers palace so he owes him. Bravo decides to stick around as well. Sabin says its up to you to the swingerella #2. Kaleb says they’d never reject her. Damn callback to Sabin at Swingers palace. Alisha sets up a match and says if they’re going to have a match they have to make it even and let Eddie here. Alisha says if they want them to be pleasant here they need to let family come and Eddie Edwards gets teleported here. Alisha asks where he is. They say they teleported him to the other room so he could make an entrance.

– The members of wrestlehouse sing Eddie’s theme as he walks in. Madison says that was fun and welcome to Wrestlehouse Eddie. She wants to wrestle her way out of here so can we get to the match please. Sabin obliges and says I LOVE THIS MATCH.

Sabin, Taurus, Crazzy Steve, Rosemary, & Havok vs. Alisha, Madison, Hernandez, Kaleb and Eddie Edwards

Decay spend the first few moments beating down Alisha. Edwards tags in Madison and she stands face to face with Havok but she startles her by screaming in her face. Madison with a forearm and goes to toss Havok into the ropes but Havok isn’t budging. Havok tosses Madison into the ropes and drops her. Havok tags in Steve and he lifts Madison up but she tosses him into the corner and tags in Eddie. Steve takes control and tags in Sabin. Sabin with some weird taunts and locks in a wristlock of his own. James Mitchell says this is like a roman orgy. Ok. Bravo on the outside talking to the Swingerella and they seem excited to stay. Kaleb tags in at the same time as Black Taurus. Taurus drops Sabin with a shoulderblock and tags in Rosemary they go for a double team move but Alisha tags in. Alisha gos for a suplexx but Rosemary counters. Havok and Madison both get in looking for a double suplex. Bodhi asks how many will get into the ring for the multiperson suplex. Everyone gets in and attempts it but team Sabin just settles for biting their opponents faces. Rosemary with a spear on Alisha and an ugly pinfall attempt for the three count.
Review: Looks like everyone is staying in the wrestlehouse. Can’t be great when Sinn Bodhi thinks you’re weird.
Post match: Kaleb flirts with Swingerella.

– Post match Madison and Kaleb argue but Kaleb discusses his affinity for reality shows. Back to the house and Alisha explains to Eddie what’s going on. He says he didn’t watch Wrestlehouse 1 because it was too much gaga. Same. Rosemary talks to Swingerella #1 and asks if she has feelings for Swinger. She says she does but she can’t act on them because he doesn’t feel the same. Rosemary has a plan and says we have to speak to the lord of the manor as we go to commercial.

– Back from break and Rosemary has Swingerella #1 with her. They talk to the lord of the manor. We go to the living room and Edwards is discussing everything thats happened with everyone. Rosemary walks up with Havok and Swingerella #1. Swinger walks up in his gear with a fanny pack on interrupting everyone. They shove Swingerella #1 out of the room and she pretends to walk in with her new boyfriend. She introduces Lawrence and he walks in with a slow mo pan.

Kaleb is mad he got a full body pan in slo mo. Swingerella #1 says Lawrence sure looks handsome today. He sprays some nasty cologne on himself. Swinger walks up and Swingerella asks if he knows who Lawence D is, she says she doesn’t know what the D stands for. They say great job bringing him here accomplished nothing. Rosemary says this is his house. Crazzy Steve says him being here means they can finally play the Wrestlehouse 2 opening theme song because the whole cast is here.

– After the whole theme plays Bravo tells Swingerella #2 and Lawrence they don’t have to fake date anymore. Madison says it’s never going to work but Havok says it’s not true they just have to find someone that can get through to him. Steve says he thinks he knows just the right person as we go to break.

– We come back to lockeroom talk with Madison Rayne and Johnny Swinger. Madison tells Swinger to get into the holiday spirit. She asks what he’s thankful for. He says his life is in ruins it aint easy being Johnny Parizi. She says who’s that and he says exactly and don’t say it again unless you want a letter from Mcdevit. Madison says he’s been in a slump but his next guest will turn everything around for him. She welcomes the lead singer of kiss Gene Simmons to Lockerroom talk. Madison asks Gene to have a seat he says noone has asked him to sit down in this before. Swinger says he can’t believe he’s really here. He says there’s an impersonator around her faking it as him. He says he fell for it for a bit but he’s sharp ask Madison. Gene asks if he caught the guys name and he says yeah his name was The Demon. Gene says The Demon was alright. Madison gives him a chance to ask questions of his own and he tries to ask how many women he’s slept with but Madison interrupts him. Gene lectures him about his lifestyle and says he needs too find a woman who cares about him and that it’s the rarest thing in the world. Swinger says that means a lot coming from Gene Simmons so he has places to go. Madison thanks the Demon and says that may have actually worked. Darn it wasn’t Gene.

– Alisha asks Steve when they’ll know if his idea worked. Kaleb asks if they are even trying to make it work no-one is even using the confessional. Eddie and Alisha Edwards go into the confessional and start making out. They ask Kaleb why he even wants to stay and ask if he pretended to hate it for Madison. He says he doesn’t care what Madison says as she walks up and he says he was possessed. Madison interrupts him and says Steve’s idea worked. Swinger walks in in a great mood. He says he was haunted by the ghosts of rizzats past but Gene Simmons cocked his lovegun and shot Swinger full of wisdom. He doesn’t need to party all night to be happy all he needs is his love. He says Swingerella #1 was named that because she’s his number one. He tries to tell his love for her but Lawrence is mad he says that’s  a Lawrence girl you’re talking to. Rosemary tries to calm down Lawrence but Swinger says don’t worry about it he’s a man who will fight for her honor. Rosemary says there’s no need to fight Lawrence is a lover not a fight. Lawrence says she’s right but sometimes you have to fight for what you love. Sabin rolls over the coffee table and says looks like you love the same woman and I LOVEE THIS MATCH!

Johnny Swinger vs. Lawrence D

Lawrence starts this off with a kick to the midsection and removes his suit jacket. Swinger with a kick of his own and we get a lockup. They exchange strikes out of the corner and Swinger rakes the eyes of Lawrence. Swinger winds up for a punch but Lawrence with the shot to the throat. Lawrence with a backbreaker to Swinger as the members of Wrestlehouse try to will him on. Lawrence asks if they smell that, you can smell the love in the air. Lawrence to the top and drops down on a boot to the face from swinger. Lawrence falls on his face, both men slow to get up. Swinger ducks a right and a left and hits Lawrence with a combination of hiss own. He tries to get Lawrence in the corner but the ref gets in the way. Lawrence hits Swinger with the cologne in the corner. Lawrence covers and has a three but Bravo refuses to count because he can smell the ring rust. Lawrence argues with John E Bravo and Bravo finds the spray. Commentary says it smells like sports entertainment. Ha. Swinger with the finish for the three count on Lawrence.
Rating: **
Review: Awh yeah daddy Swinger with the victory and he’s got his love what more could you want. Match was what it was. 
Post match: Swingerella #1 gets into the ring with Swinger, he opens the ropes for her like a gentleman. He gets down on one knee and opens up his fanny pack. He starts tossing items out of his fanny pack and pulls out a ring he says there’s only one question all of these ham and eggers want to no is it no or is it yes. She says yes and the crowd starts chanting for Swinger to kiss her. Alisha says she’s so excited for both of them and Madison says she’s excited to finally get out of here but then says she guesses it’s kind of cute, just don’t tell anyone she said that. Rosemary says that noone is going anywhere until they get to the alter.

– Back from commercial and Eddie is talking to Alisha about getting out of here. Alisha says it’s a huge deal for Swingerella #1. Swinger says he’s so nervous he’s got the runs. Alisha says he doesnt have a good history with weddings Doesn’t he remember what he did at the last wedding. Eddie says it’s Ace Austins fault and she says prove it and behave at this one. Swinger says Hernandez is just the mexicool he was looking for, he asks Hernandez to be the best man. Edwards says sweet they can plan the bachelor party. Swinger says no bachelor party hes a changed man plus he’s already had seven in the past. Hernandez is sketched out by the wedding but Alisha blows it off and says lets get him a suit.

– Swingerella #1 is talking to Swingerella #2 and they discuss the wedding. Swingerella #2 says she’s going with Kaleb

– Bravo is talking to Rosemary and they get interrupted by Hernandez he says he’s not letting it happen but he is. Looks like we’re getting a match even tho noone said the word.

Hernandez vs. Black Taurus

Hernandez says when he gets back to the house he’s snitching on all of them. Hernandez tries to walk away but he gets corned by everyone. He says this is how it’s going down huh. They ring the bell and Hernandez takes off his suit but is caught by Black Taurus from behind. Taurus stomps away at Hernandez and chokes him on the rope. Hernandez fights back with a clotheslines in the corner. He lifts Taurus up and catches him with a lowblow. Hernandez with a shoulderblock and he drops Taurus with a chop. Hernandez tosses Taurus into the corner with a splash and then drops a senton on him in the center of the ring for a two count. Hernandez lifts Taurus up for a powerbomb but he fights out with an enziguri. Taurus runs into a big boot. Hernandez lifts Black Taurus ups for border toss but he fights out. Hernandez is distracted which gives Taurus time to get to his feet and chopblock Hernandez ripping his pants. Taurus rolls up Hernandez for the three count.
Rating: *
Review: I get it this is a throwaway episode but Black Taurus really should still be getting a lot more legitimate offense in a match against Hernandez. 
Post match: Hernandez asks if Rosemary had to ruin his pants, she says only if he didn’t ruin their plans. Rosemary wipes Hernandez memory. She talks to Hernandez and asks if he thinks anything is up, he says Team 3D is up to something and he has to find Homicide and Konan.

– Alisha runs into Hernandez and asks him about the wedding. He walks off chanting ECW. Bravo comes up and talks to Alisha she says he put all of this together. Bravo says yep everything that happens here is all because of him.\

– Rosemary and Bravo meet up in the hallway and he says this might not go how she expected. She tells him it better happen or she’ll seal his fate. Edwards is listening and he says he knew it Hernandez was right. She puts her hands to his face and it messes Eddie up as well.

– Kaleb meets up with Swingerella #2 and Madison walks up asking what he was doing. He says he’s just taking a selfie, she says ok take it and lets go. He walks away leaving Swingerella #2 behind. She says I thought you’d never reject me. Sabin comes up and says Riley he’s a happily married man but what if they go together as friends. Hernandez says he’s going to need a new suit and Bravo says he’s got one for him. THE TURKEY SUIT IS BACK LETS GOOOOO. Some things never die!

– Everyone is in the living room for the wedding and they summon James Mitchell. He asks where the bride and groom are and Sabin gets on the piano playing Swingerella #1 in. Swinger shows up second and has on American Flag overalls. Damn is he fresh. Mitchell runs down the wedding and makes some random harassment comment he’s been on a roll tonight. He skips the opportunity to object and goes to the vows. Swinger does his vows and runs down the women he’s been with but the past is the past and tells her his name is Swinger and hers will be too. He asks what her real name is and she tells him but he says lets just keep it Swingerella #1. She says she has something to confess too. Eddie Edwards stumbles into the living room trying to break up the wedding but he’s messed up. Alisha is very disappointed in him. She says she’s pissed but she wants to talk to Eddie. He mumbles to Alisha but she can’t understand. Hernandez says what he’s trying to say is Rosemary is trying to kill Bravo, if this wedding goes through Bravo dies.

Rosemary says what can we say oops we did it again. Kaleb says free Brittney. Sabin says she doesn’t need a conservatorship it doesn’t make any sense. A bit behind but ok. Rosemary says she did this for his virgin blood. Bravo says if she wants it for his virgin blood she needs a time machine because he’s not a virgin anymore. Swingerella says they can’t get married because she’s the one who has been sleeping with Bravo. Bravo says he doesn’t want him to be mad and he’s sorry. Swinger says don’t worry about it because the second rule of being a wrestler is don’t fall for a rizzat. Bravo says maybe he can Swingerella can make a love together and gets on his knee and asks her if she will marry him. She says what else can I say besides, I love this match. Sabin says I love this match too. James Mitchell pronounces them Bravo and Bravoella and says he may now kiss the bride.

– Mitchell does the voiceover and says that the warmth comes from Mr. and Mrs. Bravo. He says the forecast is wrong it’s not chilly in the least at this thanksgiving celebration. He says some got what they wanted and others got what they deserved. Madison says the meal is fine but she wants to spend Thanksgiving with her family will they ever get out of here. Swinger gives a toast to Bravo and says he saved him from the ghost of rizzat’s past so he’s the most thankful man alive. Pretty hilarious he’s burying the idea of marrying Swingerella #1 just after Bravo married her. She says she’s thankful she made the right choice. Alisha asks if that was a happy ending and Sabin says yeah I think so.

– Decay say let them enjoy their feast. They’ll leave together after. They ask where Taurus is and he’s in the confessional. Kaleb tries to join him but he gets scared off.

– Back to the dinner table and it starts snowing as Santa makes his way into the room. Swingerella #2 says this is like Survivor Series 93. James Mitchell closes it out and that’s wrestlehouse for us.

– Thanks for joining me this week folks for an unconventional episode of Impact at the very least. I hope everyone enjoyed the show and enjoys the rest of the holiday weekend with their friends and family!

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Impact Wrestling, Andrew Cazer