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I smashed my pinky just one hour ago, but I’m going to fight through the pain and do this damned report because that’s just who the hell I am!

It’s Monday…you know what that means.

Recap of last night, complete with Seth’s awesome polka-dotted insult adding to Rhodes injury.

We start RAW proper with Cody Rhodes and his adrenaline-fueled soul.

After some adulation, Cody welcomes us to RAW. A Thank You Cody chant starts, and he takes it in, says stuff like that fills his heart, but he wants to say that he saw all the tweets praising and loving for what he was able to do it. He doesn’t believe in it, simply because it is a privilege to do what he does. He will admit that tearing his pec is demoralizing, but he doesn’t want to be sad. There is a Rhodes we don’t know, yet. He has a daughter. When she is old enough, she wants her to watch that in the darkest of times, in what could have been the worst night of his career, he stood and fought against one of the best in the history of their game, Seth Rollins.

The book is closed, it’s in the archives – he is done with Seth Rollins. With that in mind, he wants to talk about what’s above him.

We scan up to two MitB briefcases. This contract has alluded him his entire career. Well…duh.

In 4 weeks, if he somehow climbs the ladder and grab the briefcase and cash in and become the WWE Undisputed Universal Champion, he’d be happy.

Rollins comes out to his music, selling last night better than Cody’s pectoral muscle.

He eventually enters the ring and grabs a mic, leaving Cody to look confused and intrigued.

Seth still does not like Cody, but after last night, he has earned Seth’s respect. The world is saying his performance was gutsy, and that’s the truth, because Cody is the toughest person he’s ever been in this ring with. He knows Seth is the last person to hear this from, but Dusty is very very proud of his baby boy right now.

Cody chokes up, bites his lip, and takes in some short cheers. Seth came out to shake his hand and return the favor Cody bestowed upon him at Mania.

They shake, Seth pulls him in and whispers something, then leaves.

Commentary chats it up a bit as Cody walks up the ramp. He turns, waves to the crowd, and…

OUT COMES SETH WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER TO CLOCK CODY ACROSS THE HEAD!!!

Seth rips Cody’s shirt open and off. Refs come out to stop Seth. Seth grabs the sledgehammer. Seth steps on the left arm of Cody, then stomps Cody across the chest! Seth pokes at the bruise with the edge of the hammer, lol.

WE COME BACK from break, and Cody is refusing help to stand and refusing the stretcher job. Finally up, Cody takes in the cheers and heads to the back in his sparkly shoes.

Match 1: Becky Lynch vs Dana Brooke
Becky punches Dana with a right hand, but here comes Akira Tozawa running down the ramp. Tamina, Truth, Reggie, and T-Bar force him int othe ring. Dana rolls up Akira for 1..2..3!!! and Dana wins the 24/7 title.

What. The. Fuck.

Becky gets a mic, says no one is winning a title in her matches anymore. She wants the 24/7 title on the line righ now, and if anyone interferes, she will smash their face in.

Winner:

Total Rating: NR
Match Time: Uh…

Match 2: 24/7 Championship Match
Becky Lynch vs Dana Brooke

Becky with a Becksploder. Asuka’s music hits, and here she comes…

Becky is fuming. She turns towards Dana, grabs her by the hair, goes for another Becksploder. She rushes towards Asuka on the apron, Dana rolls her up for 1..2.NO!!! Clothesline from Becky! Dana with a kick, another, dropkick. Whip to Becky, into the corner, Dana with aspringboard back elbow. Bulldog and a cover for 1..2.NO!!!

Dana climbs. She dives with a senton, but Becky moves! Big Boot to Dana!

She grabs Dana, Dana shoots the leg, counters with a sloppy northern lights. Cover for 1..2…ASUKA HOLDS BECKY’S LEG DOWN…3!!

Winner: Nobody. Not a single person.
Someone wrote this…like someone put this on paper and said, “Let’s put this on TV.”
Total Rating: Five Baron Corbins
Match Time: 2:06

Cena will be live next Monday.

The Miz is here, and so is Maryse!

Miz introduces the “Premiere Episode” of MizTV then lets Maryse talk. She says her and her glam team don’t even know where Green Bay is. Miz tries to shut the crowd up, but Riddle’s music hits, and out he comes on his scoot scoot.

Riddle tries to speak some French, then gives a shout out to his best bro, Randy. He hopes he comes back soon, unlike his step dad.

Miz will speak very slowly for Riddle – Orton’s career is over.

Riddle tells Miz to shut up. He brings up Reigns, and says he’s going to take Reigns title away from him. He says there si a reason why Cena is playing Peacemaker while Miz is playing Homemaker. He then says Miz has tiny balls.

Maryse says no, Miz has average balls. No, above average. Huge. Massive. Biggest in the whole world.

Riddle: “Prove i!”

Maryse then offers for Miz to fight Riddle right here, right now, even though no one was close to mentioning that.

Miz is angry, says he is in a tuxedo, and if they want a fight right here and now, the answer is no.

Tommaso comes out of nowhere to attack Riddle.

Miz then decides to have the match.

Match 3: The Miz vs Matt Riddle

We come back to Miz attacking Riddle. Riddle is able to escape, Miz rolls to the outside. Riddle to the apron, runs for a kick, but Miz slides to the other side. Riddle rips Miz’s pants, and his underwear is exposed.

TINY BALLS chant and Miz has Maryse’s purse. He swings it towards Riddle, Riddle ducks. RKO. Riddle with a cover for 1..2..3!!!!

Winner: Matt Riddle
So Maryse just carries a brick in her purse every night?
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:14

Match 3: The Street Profits vs The Usos

Dawkins starts with a surprise right hand to Jey Uso on the apron. Rollup to Jimmy for 1..2..NO!! Backslide for 1..2..NO!!! Clothesine for 1..2.NO!!!Tag to Ford. Dawkins whips Jimmy, and Ford drops him with an elbow. Cover for 1..2.NO!!! Jimmy rolls to the outside. Jey heads over to him to give him some props. They hug, and ready themselves. Jey gives Jimmy a pep talk, and Jimmy rolls in to tag in Jey. Jey and Ford circle. Kick from Jey. Shoulders in the corner. Ford with a right. Chop to the chest. Tag to Dawkins, whip from both, Dawkins flips Ford onto Jey with a splash. Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Jey rolls utside this time, and Jimmy goes to him for a pep talk.

Back in the ring, Ford with a go behind. Waist lock and a suplex. Whip to the ropes, a clothesline sends Jey over the top rope, and Ford hits the steps. He flexes, then flies with a front flip onto Jey.

We are back from break, and The Usos are hitting a spinebuster onto Dawkins. Jimmy with. Right hand. Tag to Jey and they stand Dawkins up in the corner. Jimmy hits a shoulder and Jey hops over him with a forearm to the face. Cover for 1..2..NO!!! Jey mounts, hits some rights and lefts. The usos wishbone Dawkins. Hip attack in the corner from Jimmy. Dawkins is on the apron, Jimmy talks some shit, but Dawkins hits a right. Jimmy shoots him off. Jey with a clothesline on the outside. Tag and The Usos whip Dawkins into the steps.

WE ARE BACK from another break, and Jey and Ford are in the ring. Jey gets sent to the outside. Dawkins flies over the top rope onto both Usos! Jey gets sent back ni. Ford to the top. Frogsplash! Cover for 1..2..NO!!!! Ford to the outside. Jey whips him into the barricade.

Jey flies for a splash, but Ford moves, and jey flies over the barricade! The ref is counting! Ford flies into the ring at the count of 9.98 and The Street Profits win.

Winners: The Street Profits
The match was good; but we knew that going in. I just cant sign onto the idea of a Championship Contender’s Match. It makes very little sense and causes the need for endings such as this.
Total Rating: ***
Match Time: 16:58

Recap of Seth attacking Rhodes.

Bobby Lashley is out, and we will hear from him next. Oh joy.

WE ARE BACK, and Lashley says MVP and Omos had every advantage, but it wasn’t enough. MVP made a huge mistake stabbing him in his back. How did it feel when he had MVP wrapped up in The Hurt Lock? It felt damned good. He’s wondering now what is next.

He doesn’t have to wonder long, because out comes Austin Theory. He says Lashley has stolen his spotlight, and he doesn’t know who allowed this, but this is Theory’s time. Bobby is only out here because someone helped him win his match. Theory won his match all by himself. He tells Bobby to get out of his ring. Actually, let’s take a selfie first.

Lashley does mind, this is his ring, not Theory’s ring. Why don’t we settle this like gentlemen and fight about it. Lol. Ok.

Theory says they will have a match, but first check out his bicep. Theory flexes, and Bobby shows off his bicep. Lashley points to the title around Theory’s waist. He tells “kid” to put the title on the line.

Theory, smirking, tells Lashley he doesn’t deserve a title match. He’s beaten Brock and McIntyre, but hasn’t beaten Theory.

Oh joy, another Championship Contender’s match…

We are reminded of what Veer did to Dominik Mysterio.

Veer gets a little promo time, calling Dominik a fly that he will crush in his hands as Rey watches on, with nothing to be done to stop him.

Match 4: Dominik Mysterio vs Veer Mahan

Veer with a quick go behind into a waist lock. Veer reverses and slams Mysterio down, holding on, lifting up and slammin down again. Dom rolls out of the hold. He mocks Veer with his hands in prayer mode. Veer rushes, and Dom side steps. Veer ends up outside and pissed. Dom runs out of the ing, into the ring, out, and into the ring again. Veer stops on the outside. Dom celebrates in the ring, leaves the ring yet again, runs arund it, Veer chases, hops on the apron, baseball slide from Dom. Right hands on the outside .Veer shoves him hard. He lifts Dom onto the apron, Dom kicks the chest, another kick to the chest. Flies into the ring, swing kicks into Veer. Veer to the apron, he slides in, leg drop from Dom. Dom hits the ropes. POUNCE!!! Dom is down.

Veer sends Dom into the corner, then gets a fireamnas. Dom holds onto the ropes, Veer sends Dom onto the apron, shoulder from Dom, another shoulder, Veer slams him down on the apron head first. Veer sends Dom into his father on the outside as we go to break.

We are back, and Veer has Dom on his back. Back elbow to Dom, hard right to the side. Veer trucks the corner but Dom moves and Veer hits his shoulder. Dom hits the ropes. 619 to the side of t he head of Veer INTO the ringpost! Nice. Dom to the top rope. FROGSPLASH TO VEER! Cover for 1…..NO!!!! HUGE clothesline from Veer.

Veer drops his ass on the back of Dominik then looks to lock in the hold, but Rey with a surprise attack to cause the DQ!

Winner: Veer Mahan via DQ
A match like this (save for the ending), in my opinion, does more for the character of Veer than a thousand squashes. He fell to the speed of a younger dude, but still outclassed him and was looking to end it. Rey stopping the onslaught only makes sense in the fact that he’s Dom’s father, but dude…your kid is a wrestler. Just doesn’t ring true. Anyway, I’ve talked more about this match than all of the others combined, so let’s move on.
Total Rating: **
Match Time: 8:45

All Rise for The Judgement Day!

Rhea says, control is an illusion that led Finn, Liv, and AJ to believe that they were going to win last night. Their message has spread like wild fire. Truth spoken, says Priest.

Priest tells Rhea that her destiny is to become the RAW Women’s Champion. Rhea will be one step closer tonight after she wins.

Now the adult speaks, says Edge. He’s been doin this for thirty years, so we can close our mouths. Last night, they did exactly what they said they were going to do. They stood tall. He must first publicly tell these two how proud of them he is. They have grown and blossomed under his learning tree. Look at Rhea. She is a superstar wrecking machine. Look at Priest, the way he stands. Taller, head held higher, he is oozing confidence. The reason? Because they listened. They weren’t the only ones listening, either. Someone else was hearing their message, and he was right. So tonight, he introduces the newest member of The Judgment Day…

Finn Balor?

He is out with a grin. Edge doesn’t seem surprised. Judgment Day seems acceptant. He shakes Edge’s hand. Edge tells Finn that last night, he saw the look in his eyes changed, so when Rhea and Damian told Edge that he reached out, Edge was ecstatic. Finn is one of the most talented men to step foot in this ring, so please enlighten us all. How did it come to pass?

Finn thanks Edge for the kind words. The look he saw was one of clarity. Joining them wasn’t a choice, it was a calling, one that he refuses to fight any longer. He is tired of being someone he is ont. He wants to extend a debt of gratitude to them. He saw them fight with more conviction and focus than ever before. They all chatted last night, and realized they have a lot in common. They are tired of being told what to do.

Priest tells Edge he is one of the greatest, this is why it was easy for them to follow Edge into this journey. Now, they realize that in this short time with Edge, they’ve taught them to get rid of any limitation that was holding them back. They were ready. Ready to shed the last bit of limitations holding them back…which is Edge.

Priest with a clothesline to Edge!

Finn, Priest, and Rhea stomp out Edge!!! Finn lifts Edge! He sends him into a GOOZLE from Priest, and HUGE CHOKESLAM TO EDGE!!! Finn to the top rope! Rhea and Priest drag Edge to the corner. COUP DE GRACE RIGHT TO THE FUCKING GUT!!!

Finn is announced as the newest leader. Edge stands up, tries to fight out of the corner, Finn and Priest corner him and stomp him out, kicking him out of the ring onto the floor outside. Finn sends Edge into Priest, who hits a Razor’s Edge onto the announce table!!! They all stand over the fallen Edge, looking down on Edge. Edge tries to fight back AGAIN! So Finn mounts and punches him down. They send Edge into the ring. Rhea grabs a chair. She breaks off a piece and hands it to Finn, who chokes Edge out with it! Glashow Smile to Edge! Edge looks dead.

Out comes some refs and agents, but Rhea swings a chair to hold them back. Priest grabs a chair and sets Edge up. CONCHAIRTO TO EDGE!!!

Omos has a match with Cedric Alexander. OK, it’s not so much a match as it’s Omos killing Cedric.

Before he can leave the ring completely, the music of Ziggler and Roode hit. They meet Patrick on the stage nearby the…stage. Ziggler and Roode are back and excited. MVP comes up to tell them not to interrupt them like that. Omos just Cedric in record time and

BAM! SUPERKICK!

Lol. MVP falls back into the arms of Omos as Roode and Ziggler run to the back.

Match 5: Ezekiel vs Otis

Zeke with a huge forearm, another, another, hits the ropes, Otis with a pounce, Zeke still stands, Otis with a spinning back fist. Zeke drops to his knees. Otis with a right, sends Zeke to the corner. Huge club to the chest. Otis gets sent inot the corner, breaking a hold. Riht hand from zeke. Chop. Right, kick, chop, hits the ropes, clothesline, Otis doesn’t go down.

Another clothesline, a third attempt is met with a catch, but Zeke hits a high knee then a crucifix pin for 1..2…3!!!!

Winner: Ezekiel
Giving Zeke a win back for some reason leads to more of the same…
Total Rating: NR
Match Time: 2:16

Zeke grabs a mic, calls out Owens, says you gotta move forward, then asks for a second chance. Lol. Ok. He wants a rematch next week.

Owens is here. He is feeling generous. He wants a rematch? He’s got it on one condition. Owens says he must first admit right now that he is Elias.

Zeke say ok, ya got me, “I admit it.”

Owens wants to know what he admits. Say it. Look at him when he says it.

Zeke looks him in the eyes, “I admit my name is Elias.”

Owens is excited, say he told all of us idiots. He knew it all along. He was right. Owens wins.

Zeke asks if he has the rematch. Owens says yes, sure, no problem buddy.

Zeke says wow, he didn’t think ti would be that easy. He knew Owens was thick headed but that’s embarrassing. All he did was take a page out of The Kevin Owens Playbook! He lied. He’s Ezekiel!

HIGH KNEE to Owens!

Alpha Academy run into the ring, Zeke runs out, and the invisible barrier betwixt heels and face goes up.

Match 6: Alexa Bliss vs Rhea Ripley vs Piper Niven vs Liv Morgan

Liv and Rhea go at it while Bliss hops on the back of Piper. She snapmares bliss off her back then sends Bliss into the corner. Bliss rolls outside just as Liv does the same, and Rhea and Piper go face to face. Hard right to Rhea, Rhea fires back, they go back and forth a few times, neither falling. Rhea eats a clothesline, then Piper. Rhea ducks under, kicks the chin, looks to lift Piper, but Piper elbows her head down. Piper lifts Rhea, Rhea slides over the back, hits a few blows, then the ropes, then eats an elbow. Liv and Bliss pull Piper out of the ring and send her into the apron! Liv enters the ring, wraps upp Rhea, Rhea kicks the entering Bliss, then hits a right to Liv. Liv with a jawbreaker. She rushes the corner with a knee. Rolls out, back elbow in the corner, but Rhea catches her. Back elbow from Liv, ripcord clothesline.

Rhea corners Bliss and stomps her chest in. Rhea lifts Bliss, Bliss tries to escape with kicks to the side. She waves over to Bianca, then back to Bliss. She locks the head, lifts up, Li enters the ring, kicks Rhea in the gut, and assists Bliss into a suplex. Rhea rolls to the outside, and we are left with Liv and Bliss in the ring. Bliss blocks a right, misses one of her own, flies onto Rhea on the outside, Rhea catches her, Liv runs off the apron with a dropkick to Rhea and Bliss, and here comes Piper to hit a running senton onto Liv Morgan!

We come back and Piper and Alexa are in the middle of the ring. Piper with a straight jacket hold from behind. Alexa gets one arm loose and reaches back for some offense, but Piper stands. Elbow from Bliss. Huge clothesline sends her back down and we get a cover for 1..2..NO!!! Splash in the corner. In comes Liv to send Piper’s face directly into her knees. She goes for a corner move, but Rhea hops into the ring and trucks liv down .Liv fights Rhea into the corner with a barrage of righs, kick out of the corner, rana sends Rhea flying, Bliss kicks from the 2nd rope, Liv drops Piper. Sunset Bomb from Bliss to Rhea, but here comes Piper with a low splash! Cover for 1..2.NO!! Liv breaks the pin. Enziguri from Liv to Piper. Pounce to Liv, she sets up Liv and hits a HUGE POWERBOMB! Ouch!!! Cover for 1..2…NO!!! Bliss stops the pin!

Piper with a headbutt to Bliss. Piper to the top rope. She stares Bianca down. Here is Rhea to stop her climb. She hits a bunch of right hands, then climbs the top rope and clubs the back. Rhea elbows down, tells Bianca this is for her, then locks the head. Here come Liv and Bliss, and we get a superplex to Rhea with the assist of Bliss and Liv. They do that spot way too often. Liv covers Rhea. 1…2…NO!!! Looks like Bliss had a pin, too. Rhea and Piper roll to the outside. Bliss rolsl liv up for 1..NO!!! Liv with a rollup for 1….NO!!! Cradle from Bliss, they each get a 1 then roll around the ring, giving me the weirdest level of excitement. It ends in a pin on Bliss for 1..NO!!! Kick from Bliss. DDT from Bliss! She drags Liv into the corner, and Bliss heads to the top rope. Twisted Bliss. KNEES UP!!!!! Piper enters! She sends Bliss out of the ring. Piper turns into double knees. She wants ObLIVion, but Nikki is there to hold her foot and stop the move! Bliss and Nikki hit a double clothesline on the outside. Liv side steps Piper rushing the corner and flies with a crossbody.

Piper catches Liv. Michinoku Driver! Cover for 1..2…NO!!!! Dropkick from Rhea!!!! Rhea tries for Rip Tide. HITS IT! Cover for 1..2…3!!!!!!!

Winner: Rhea Ripley
A strong main event that was only marred by the fact that there was very little intrigue or suspense with regards to who would win. Liv continues to grow as a performer, and although this started with the formulaic two (wo)men in, two out method of multi-person matches, it picked up some steam at the end, and everyone played their part incredibly well.
Total Rating: ***1/2
Match Time: 14:33

Finn and Priest come to join the sides of Rhea as she celebrates, staring down Bianca Belair.

End Show