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Kevin’s Random Reviews: WCW The Great American Bash 2000

December 27, 2017 | Posted by Kevin Pantoja
WCW The Great American Bash 2000
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Kevin’s Random Reviews: WCW The Great American Bash 2000  

WCW The Great American Bash 2000
June 11th, 2000 | Baltimore Arena in Baltimore, Maryland | Attendance: 7,031

I randomly pick these reviews and this was one I dreaded for a while. I have no recollection of the show, but have heard nothing but horrible things. Like, to the point where someone saying it was just “bad” would be a surprising positive. This attendance number was alarmingly low for an arena that WCW frequented. Their longtime fans weren’t into the new direction, especially after how bad things were over the past year or so. This would be the 14th and final Great American Bash under the WCW banner.

The show opened with a recap of Goldberg’s return on Nitro two weeks ago, when he helped Kevin Nash. It all led to him being arrested after Thunder and there’s no word if Goldberg will be at this show. Why not run the arrest angle ON THE PPV? That way people will pay to see him. The opening video package was basic and hyped the card, which didn’t sound good. Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Scott Hudson hosted.

WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Lt. Loco (c) w/ Misfits in Action vs. Disco Inferno w/ The Filthy Animals
The MIA were a horrible group of midcarders with some of the worst names ever. Lt. Loco was surprisingly one of the better names. Disco was the “tries too hard to be cool” member of the Filthy Animals, even though nobody in the group came across as cool. Oddly enough, everyone is technically heel, so the crowd have nobody to root for. The two stables got involved outside and it didn’t lead anywhere. Some old dude (apparently the grandfather of Gen. Rection) came out to hit on Tygress and Rey shoved him down. I think he died, because he instantly stopped moving. The distracted ref missed Juvi hitting a People’s Elbow on Disco. The distraction was long enough for Corporal Cajun to sneak in with his own cheap shot to give Loco the win in 4:54. The match was nothing and there was too much going on to focus. [*]

Post-match, Major Gunns ripped off her top and gave the old man mouth to mouth. In the one funny bit so far, he saw who was reviving him and pretended to be out cold again for more mouth to mouth.

Backstage, security guaranteed Eric Bischoff that he was safe for his announcement later. Then, Mean Gene interviewed the Mamalukes about their upcoming match. There was tension over who the real Hardcore Champion was. Gene ended it with a horrible impression of an Italian man.

Kronik vs. The Mamalukes
Bryan Clarke should’ve kept the name Wrath. Give Adams something similar (something like Crush) and they would’ve sounded tougher. They were running through competition at this point, yet surprisingly ran into trouble here against a bickering team. Again, I’m not sure who the faces and heels are. I know WCW didn’t define that a ton in this era, but still. Johnny took a lengthy heat segment that the crowd didn’t get behind. Vito was more focused on the Hardcore Title. When he finally got in, it was taken off him as he took a beating. Vito tagged out to shine the title, leaving Johnny to lose to a double chokeslam in a LONG 9:20. This should’ve been quick and easy. Instead, they dragged it out forever and hammered us over the head with the “Vito loves the title more than his partner” angle. [*¼]

Ambulance Match: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome
This stemmed from Awesome “killing” Kanyon’s career. Kanyon, DDP’s buddy, was wheeled out by the entrance. DDP went right after Awesome, only to get beat up by his larger opponent. Despite there being a Tables match on this show, Awesome busted out a table. I can’t remember any relevant Awesome match to not have one. He Awesome Bombed DDP through it, which led the EMTs to carry DDP onto the stretcher. Ah, so this was more of a stretcher match. Of course, that didn’t it, so Awesome started hitting frog splashes. Kimberly came out and hit DDP, bringing out Ms. Hancock to fight her to the back. DDP hit Awesome with a super Diamond Cutter and the EMTs carted Awesome to the ambulance. Eric Bischoff arrived to hit Kanyon with a chair, but DDP cut him off. Kanyon stood from the wheelchair and hit a Diamond Cutter off the stage on DDP. So, Kimberly, David Arquette and now Kanyon have all turned on DDP in the past few months. SWERVE, BRO. He helped them put DDP in the ambulance to end it at 9:41. Lots of useless brawling and a stupid heel turn. Awesome JUST threw Kanyon off the Triple Cage last month. Still, somehow the best thing on the show so far. [*½]

Boot Camp Match: GI Bro vs. Shawn Stasiak
For those unaware, GI Bro was the MIA version of Booker T. For absolutely no reason, Booker zip-linned to the ring from the rafters, like Owen Hart didn’t die a year earlier. Like, Bret Hart is still on payroll, guys. And it was done with no build or meaning. Just thrown in. A Boot Camp match is just a Last Man Standing match, but both were in camo gear. Tons of punching, kicking and brawling around the ring. Even when they tried something that might be worthy of this kind of match (a suplex on the ramp), Booker bumped with his feet and it looked like shit. Several “boring” chants came as Stasiak worked a sleeper. It would be a sound strategy, if it wasn’t, like, the best move he did. Booker rallied until Chuck Palumbo (Shawn’s partner) showed up. They beat on him for a bit, but he fired up and took them both out, before hitting Stasiak with the Lex Flexor to win in 13:58. Way too long for Stasiak at this point. His offense was so dull and the crowd died a slow death here. [*½]

Kenyon was interviewed backstage, where he said Eric Bischoff visited him more than anyone else in the hospital. Oh, so that’s reason enough to join the people who threw you off a cage. They showed DDP still walking in the parking lot and there’s a conveniently timed shot of Goldberg’s monster truck arriving.

Tables Match: Shane Douglas vs. The Wall
Shane Douglas cut a pre-match promo where he insulted Hogan and Flair and changed this to a “Best of Five” Tables match. Mathematically, that would mean the first to put their opponent through THREE tables. Commentary and Douglas both get it wrong at different points, saying you must go through five tables. This company. Lots of mindless brawling until Wall chokeslammed Douglas through one table and then back dropped him through another. Hudson said, “We’re getting word it’s officially Best of Three,” because commentary knows nothing. With more tables to come and not a lot of time, Douglas had to basically no sell and get right up. They fought to the entrance, where there’s a conveniently placed ladder next to two tables. Douglas knocked Wall off it and sent him through two tables. And won. Even though it wasn’t three ladders or even five broken in the match. That was 8:12 I’ll never get back. Commentary acted like it was three tables and this did a whole lot of nothing. [DUD]

“Hollywood” Hulk Hogan arrived, super late, in complete ruffles and everything.

WCW United States Championship Asylum Match: Scott Steiner (c) vs. Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott
Remember when Russo wanted to put the title on Tank? And then Tank held a knife to Big Al’s throat at SuperBrawl? Anyway, they brawled and it was announced that Rick would be added as Tank’s partner to level the playing field because this is Scott’s “signature” match. The Asylum was a tiny circular cage that fit INSIDE the already small WCW ring. There’s no room to do anything. Scott got pounded on for a bit, until Tank got a chain. Rick stopped him from using it for some reason, then held Scott in place to get hit with it, then Tank seemed to accidentally hit Rick with it. Commentary sold it like Rick sacrificed himself for Scott, but it didn’t come across like that. Scott then made Tank tap to the Steiner Recliner to retain in 3:46. What the hell was that? None of it made sense, the match was stupid and the finish was dumber. I didn’t know so much stupid could happen in under four minutes. [-*½]

Ric Flair arrived with his family. I’d say they were mad they missed most of the show so far, but they’re probably happy about that.

Mean Gene interviewed Hogan, who was wearing black and white, but the promo was clear red and yellow Hogan. The best line was, “Blood is thicker than NEW BLOOD, brother.” Hogan looked quite pleased with himself for that one.

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan
Hulk’s crooked nephew Horace was the guest referee. Hogan beat Kidman at Slamboree, Kidman gained nothing back between then and now, so this match was rather pointless. Hogan called Kidman a “flea market champion”, which is Cena levels of making your opponent sound like nothing. Kidman bumped around for Hogan, who had no qualms choking him a bunch. If that wasn’t enough, Hogan used the weight belt for further damage. Completely seriously, Hudson called Kidman “Hogan’s toughest test” and “flea market champion” within minutes of each other. Kidman’s offense had little to no effect on Hogan, yet we still got the “Hulk up” spot. After Hogan hip tossed him through the announce table, Torrie Wilson came down. She got on the apron to hand Hulk brass knuckles. Kidman stole them, used them and still couldn’t win. Kidman got annoyed with Horace being a fair ref and laid him out, only for Torrie to low blow him. Hogan used the knuckles on Kidman and won a title shot at the next PPV in 11:39. Why did Horace no-sell Kidman’s shot? This was an extended squash, where Kidman was made to look like a joke and Hogan got to whip him for ten minutes. No DUD rating because at least Kidman tried with some of his bumps. [¼*]

Horace and Hulk reunited, because we needed more people turning on this show. Backstage, Bischoff complained on the phone and to security about the show.

Shoutout to Tony Schiavone on commentary for wearing Nike sneakers instead of shoes with his outfit. He really didn’t give a damn. Also, he literally said “swerve” when discussing the last match.

David Flair w/ Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair
If Ric loses, his career ends. Both guys got pre-match promos and Ric looked fired up. Flair’s family had front row seats, including Reid and the future Charlotte. This feud stemmed from David saying Ric wasn’t there for him growing up. Ric was game to bump for his son and clearly led him through this. David can’t even do the basics right, though. Russo got in cheap shots and handcuffed Ric. Somehow, that’s not a DQ. However, the ref stopped David from using the ropes for leverage on his shitty figure four. Logic. Reid hopped the guardrail and hit Russo with a low blow, stealing the keys. Charlotte also got to do a run-in, handcuffing Russo. THE NATURE GIRL! Russo yelling “BITCH” as she left was priceless. Ric then finished David with a good figure four at 10:16. Probably the best match David’s ever had. Ric carried him through this and made it watchable. Plus, the run-ins by his kids was kind of cool. [**]

Post-match, Vince Russo called Flair’s kids bitches and said he’d retire Ric himself tomorrow on Nitro. Ric and his kids crotch chopped him in response.

Human Torch Match: Sting vs. Vampiro
To win, you must set your opponent on fire. Sting appeared atop the tron with a torch and told Vampiro to meet him up there if he wanted to torch him. THEN, for no reason, Sting rappelled down to the floor. WHAT? They fought in the ring, but the crowd can’t get invested because they know the match can only end atop the tron, where the torch remained. Finally, they made it to climbing the tron and Sting took a bump off the side. He got up within seconds, because why not? They made it to the top and, for no reason, the lighting began to flicker and there were thunder sound effects. Like when it rains, not the bad Thursday night show. The lights eventually went out completely, only so Sting could be replaced with a stuntman. His hair is a different length and he’s a fair amount heavier. He got set on fire and fell from the tron to lose in 7:23. Well, that sucked. If you need to hire trained stuntmen for a spot, you probably shouldn’t book it. This match was either nothing interesting, brawling with bad lighting or a horrible finish. Commentary sold it like Owen Hart’s death, which is rather distasteful. [-**½]

Not concerned with what just happened and more worried with Goldberg, Eric Bischoff decided there would be no “big surprise” tonight. Thanks, paying customers.

WCW World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Kevin Nash
They went the Over the Edge 1998 route of stacking the odds, with Ernest Miller adding special timekeepers and such. He put the Filthy Animals in that spot, because that’s what people wanted to see. They did a lot of punch/kick offense to start. Everyone stopped and looked around, so the crowd chanted “Goldberg.” He didn’t show up and they just started up again. Huh? They brawled through the crowd to kill time, before Jarrett targeted the knee with a chair. That went on forever, until Nash got free, only to eat a ring bell shot from Konnan. Nash survived and nearly won, but Disco Inferno hit the ref. The Cat took over as referee and put Jeff over Nash, but even a fast count couldn’t do it. Nash kicked out of the Stroke and hit the Jackknife and we got the old “heel ref has something in his eye” spot, so Nash planted Cat with one. Rick Steiner (I guess he didn’t turn) and Abbott ran in, but Scott also showed up and took Tank to the back. The Animals and Rick jumped Nash, leading to a monster truck revving. The Goldberg truck pulled in and THE MAN came out. BUT WAIT! Goldberg speared Nash to give everyone the heel turn nobody wanted. SWERVE, BRO. Jarrett covered to retain at 17:22. An overbooked mess. Nash got lay around for like, ten minutes before there was a ton of interference and run-ins. It all led to a lousy heel turn that made no sense. [DUD]

Goldberg hugged Russo and Bischoff to cement himself as part of the New Blood. So, Goldberg had been gone for months and the crowd loved him. He was a WCW made star. He should’ve come back here (after Jarrett retained) and taken out the New Blood to give fans hope. If you wanted to drag this out, you could’ve had him run through New Blood guys until finally getting his hands on Jarrett and the title at a later PPV. Give the fans something, someone to root for. Instead, they did this.

1.0
The final score: review Extremely Horrendous
The 411
I’ve now reviewed half the WCW PPVs in 2000 and the highest score one has gotten was 3.5/10. This was rough. When the best match involves David Flair, you know your show is in trouble. Two DUDs and two matches went into negative stars. That’s never a good thing. Not only was the wrestling bad, but nothing made sense. There were random turns for reason (Goldberg and Kanyon), stupid stunts (Sting and Booker), overbooking, a lame circle cage match and stipulations that were wrongly done (Tables match). A giant mess.
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