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Kevin’s Random Reviews: WWE Extreme Rules 2009
Loading...WWE Extreme Rules 2009
June 7th, 2009 | New Orleans Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana | Attendance: 9,124
In 2009, WWE started toying around with the idea of themed Pay-Per-Views. Gone were shows like Judgment Day and Unforgiven, and in its place were things like Breaking Point (submissions) and Hell in a Cell (duh). It all started here, with Extreme Rules, a show where every match was contest under a different special stipulation. The entire night was basically one big No DQ battle. This was the first Extreme Rules Pay-Per-View.
The opening video package focused on the major matches and how tonight would be handled under Extreme Rules. I forgot that the theme song for this show was “You’re Going Down” by Sick Puppies. Great song. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler were on commentary for Raw, with Jim Ross and Todd Grisham on Smackdown.
WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston [c] vs. Matt Hardy vs. MVP vs. William Regal
Holy crap. I have zero recollection of this ever happening. To set the scene, Kofi had just won the title from MVP on Raw, Matt was in his post-Jeff Hardy feud heel run, and Regal cozied up to Vickie Guerrero to get into this match. You’d think the heels would team up and then get mad when one tried to win. It’s a multi-man match trope that WWE goes to often. Thankfully, they didn’t do it here, with Regal kind of going right after Matt. From there, it seemed like they were trying to rush through everything. It nearly cost them when they flubbed a big tower of doom spot that nearly injured MVP and Regal. Something similar happened when Regal caught Trouble in Paradise and threw Kofi into Matt. It all looked very dangerous. Regal made the bonehead move of trying to throw Kofi outside when they were all alone. Kofi bounced off the ropes and hit Trouble in Paradise to retain in 6:42. A lot happened in this match and yet so little did. They clearly rushed to get stuff done in the short time and it cost them on multiple spots. Nothing had time to breathe, hurting the quality and nearly the competitors. [**¼]
Big Show was interviewed on his personal bus about facing John Cena in a Submissions Match. My god. How will John Cena ever overcome these odds?
WWE Intercontinental Championship No Holds Barred Match: Rey Mysterio [c] vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho cut a promo during his entrance from the merchandise stand all the way to the ring. It was fantastic. This feud revolved around Jericho going after Rey’s mask. Evil villain Jericho was great. That put this on a much more personal level than the matches they had in the past. Rey came out more aggressive than usual, but it’s not his comfort zone and he played right into Jericho’s hands. When Rey rallied and it became a more even match, we were treated to some great counters. It was clear that they knew each other well. Down the stretch, Jericho went for the mask and nearly got it off. That caused more aggression from Rey. It may have cost him when Jericho avoided the 619 with a ridiculous spinning backbreaker. Rey ended up hitting the 619 to the back of Jericho’s head, but he had his springboard splash countered into a mid-air Codebreaker! He took too long to cover, so Rey kicked out and Jericho got frustrated. A chair came into play, adding to the intensity of the final stretch. Rey went for the 619 again, only for Jericho to unmask him MIDMOVE! Rey scrambled to cover his face and Jericho rolled him up to win his ninth IC Title in 14:39. Awesome. The action was great, but it was building the story around Rey’s mask that took this to the next level. I appreciated it not being a hardcore No DQ match, as there would be a lot of those on this show. Instead, it focused on intensity and hatred. Some of the near falls and counters were great, with the finish being outstanding. [****¼]
The uncool Josh Matthews interviewed the always cool Batista and showed a video package of Randy Orton punting Ric Flair in the head on Raw in front of Batista while locked in a Steel Cage. Batista threatened the hell out of Orton and his entire Legacy. Get it? Because of Cody and Ted.
Samoan Strap Match: CM Punk vs. Umaga
Is it only Samoan because of Umaga? Like how it was Caribbean because of Savio Vega? This followed the “touch four corners” rules variation of the match. They even provide us dumb fans with a helpful graphic in the upper right corner to tell us about the corners sequence. Umaga spent the match either in firm control or cutting off Punk’s momentum. For example, Punk hit the three turnbuckles, only for Umaga to pull him into a vicious uranage. Punk hit the GTS on a recent Smackdown, but his back gave out due to pain when he tried it here. In the end, Umaga tried interrupting Punk’s sequence, but got pulled into the GTS. Punk fell into the final turnbuckle to nab the victory in 8:59. I preferred their match at Judgement Day. This was hampered by the stipulation, but they tried their best with it.[**¾]
Josh Matthews and Matt Striker took over on commentary for some ECW action. Gregory Helms interviewed Christian about defending the ECW Title in a Triple Threat match. He said it could be Tommy Dreamer’s last night if he loses and though they’re friends, he’s leaving with the title. Dreamer showed up and got in Christian’s face. The third man, Jack Swagger, also did, but they ignored him and left.
ECW Championship Hardcore Match: Christian [c] vs. Jack Swagger vs. Tommy Dreamer
I remember people being disappointed that Christian returned to work ECW, but his run there was outstanding. Tommy got a one day contract extension so he could compete here. Early on, Dreamer and Christian worked together to shut up the annoying heel. It wasn’t until the weapons came into play that the match really got going, though. There was a subtle moment that felt significant to me. Dreamer went for a baseball slide into a trash can into Swagger and did his “ECW” chant beforehand. Christian tripped him and did his own “ECW” chant, which I took as a changing of the guard of sorts. Even if Dreamer stuck around, Christian was now everything about ECW. They rehashed the tower of doom spot from the opener, except this one went properly and Dreamer took a superplex onto garbage cans. The finish came when Swagger went for a Gutwrench Powerbomb on Christian, only for Dreamer to hit him with a crutch. Another shot and a DDT later and Dreamer was ECW Champion again at 9:35. A fun Triple Threat match. Several cool spots, good action, and a feel good moment to cap it all off. [***]
Backstage, Chavo wore a pig nose and got punched by Vickie Guerrero.
Hog Pen Match: Chavo and Vickie Guerrero vs. Santina Marella
Jerry Lawler before the bell: This match is going to stink. Ain’t that the truth? Also, screw WWE for rehashing Rico’s awesome theme for Santina. This wasn’t scheduled to be a handicap match, but Vickie threw Chavo to the wolves, I mean pigs, at the last moment. The rules of this just saw them wrestle in the filthy pen. Both Guerreros took the slop bucket. The Godwinns would be proud. Santina pinned Vickie to win back the Miss WrestleMania crown in 2:43. Absolute trash. The only reason it didn’t reach negative stars is because at least it ended quickly. This is the kind of thing that Vince probably found hilarious. [DUD]
Backstage, Goldust was doing his stuttering gimmick and said the Guerreros smelled like shitake mushrooms. Ha. Edge met with Vickie in her office. She was so pissed that he didn’t help her that she said he’ll go out in the main event by himself.
WWE Championship Steel Cage Match: Randy Orton [c] vs. Batista
Orton attempted to bail as soon as the bell rang. The feud was a personal one and Batista was out to kick his ass, so that strategy made sense. Batista spent most of the early portions of the match beating Orton from pillar to post. Even when Orton got something going, Batista was there to cut him off. At times, it felt like a glorified squash. Orton missed the Punt and RKO, before being thrown into the cage and hitting the Batista Bomb to win the title in 7:03. What? They built up this big heated feud just to have the match be boring, lifeless, and short. [*½]
Submissions Match: Big Show vs. John Cena
Has this combination of wrestlers ever been good together? The story here is that Show is too big to get into a submission, so a Cena win would be impossible. This would’ve been an okay story to tell, except that it’s the same story they tell every single time these two wrestle. CAN CENA OVERCOME THE ODDS? HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY LEFT BIG SHOW OR DO THINGS TO A MAN OF HIS SIZE? Show dominated with plodding offense as Cena struggled to do things like pick him up or get anything going. Of course, Cena FEARS NOTHING AND REGRETS LESS, so he refused to submit to any of Show’s massive submission moves. In the end, he tied Show’s feet into the ropes and put on the STF, causing him to tap out in 19:01. Giving this 19 minutes was a travesty, especially when they cut a Steel Cage match short that needed more time. This was slow and boring, with a dumb finish as Show’s feet were getting loose when he gave up. [¾*]
World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match: Edge [c] vs. Jeff Hardy
I absolutely love the video package for this match. Seek it out on YouTube if you can. Jim Ross informed us that neither man had ever lost at Extreme Rules, which is moot since this was the first Extreme Rules event. The story told in this one was that both guys were famous for ladder matches. Jeff was because of his highlights, while Edge was because he always won them. That came into play when Jeff tried to wow the fans with a spot and crashed leg first into the ladder. Edge targeted it, even applying a Sharpshooter with Jeff’s leg brutally trapped in a ladder. Even with the bad leg, Jeff brought highlights, like hanging from the title and hitting Whisper in the Winds off a ladder. We got the big spot where both men fell off a ladder and through another one. It’s a bit hard to watch Edge fall on his spine when you remember how his career would end less than two years later. They called back to their past, as Edge went for a variation of his famous Mania ladder Spear, only for Jeff to counter in midair into a Twist of Fate. Shortly after that, they fought to get near the belt. Edge knocked Jeff off the ladder, but the challenge grabbed his leg and pulled him through the rungs. That trapped Edge in position to helplessly watch Jeff pull down the title in 20:07. Great main event and a perfect capper to their history. It was the right gimmick match and their characters shined through. The opportunist against the daredevil. It got a bit spot heavy at points, but they made up for it with a cool, creative finish. [****¼]
Jeff Hardy celebrated with the title as Jim Ross entered the ring to interview him. Just then, CM Punk’s theme hit as Mr. Money in the Bank ran out to cash in.
World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Hardy [c] vs. CM Punk
Hardy could barely stand. He did kick out of a Go to Sleep and nearly upset Punk with an inside cradle. The second GTS was enough to kick off Punk’s heel run and second time as champion. [NR]
Punk’s celebration to a chorus of boos was fantastic.
