Random Network Reviews: WrestleMania VII

WrestleMania VII
March 24th, 1991 | Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena | Attendance: 16,158

How about that? I pull the rare WrestleMania that I’ve never seen start to finish. I was only a year old when it aired, but have seen the majority of the card over the years. This show has some historical value as it marks the beginning of the Undertaker’s infamous WrestleMania streak. We also see a retirement match between Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage, while Sgt. Slaughter was in the midst of a turncoat angle that was highly controversial. This is one of those old school 14 match cards, so things should move fast.

We open to a classic promo for the main event that is kept short and sweet. Willie Nelson sings the National Anthem before we go to Gorilla Monsoon on commentary. He introduces “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan to do commentary with him for the first match at least. He is in the most patriotic getup ever.

The Rockers vs. Barbarian and Haku w/ Bobby Heenan
Sean Mooney interviews the Rockers before the match, which is standard stuff, while their opponents get the jobber entrance. The crowd is hot as hell for the Rockers. I worry about the start as Haku applies an early bearhug, but he breaks it quickly so it doesn’t get boring. The future HBK shows off some athleticism to take down Haku. The Rockers do a double hip toss followed by a double elbow and stereo nip ups, only to run into a big clothesline from the Barbarian. They end up taking him out with a double superkick as they look crisp here. Marty wow with an assisted hurricanrana. They go for it again, but the heels are ready and take out Marty with a clothesline/hot shot combo. After that, Marty plays the face in peril for a while. He tries a second rope move but is caught in a big powerslam. Shawn gets the hot tag eventually, and does what you would expect. The Rockers double dropkick Barbarian out of the ring, before a missile dropkick and cross body gets them the win.

Winners: The Rockers in 10:32
Really fun opening contest here. The crowd was red hot throughout it all, the heels played their roles perfectly and the Rockers were great as high flying underdogs. Perfect start for the show. The only real problem was having to listen to Jim Duggan on commentary. ***½

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews our celebrity hosts. Regis Philbin is one and Alex Trebek is another, but I completely zoned out when the female was introduced. Going into the next match, Bobby Heenan has taken over for Duggan on commentary, which is such a vast improvement.

Dino Bravo w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Texas Tornado
This starts fast as Texas Tornado is knocked outside before he can even get his jacket off. It is crazy that Tornado was allowed to have the gear he has when it looks so similar to what Ultimate Warrior wore. As things go inside, Dino does his powerful offense. Tornado kicks out of a side slam, which commentary sells as kind of a big deal. Dino hits an ugly axe handle or something from the second rope. From out of nowhere, Tornado applies the claw. Dino seems to lose consciousness, so Tornado hits the ropes with the tornado punch, wrapping this up.

Winner: Texas Tornado in 3:11
Standard fare stuff. With a fourteen match card, you figure that some matches will be short and nothing special. That’s what we got here. Filler. *¼

British Bulldog vs. The Warlord w/ Slick
Despite being a pretty poor promo throughout his career, British Bulldog’s pre-match interview is actually really solid here. Gorilla Monsoon tells us this will be a battle of power, which is what we get. It takes about five shoulder blocks but Bulldog is able to knock down the Warlord. They trade shots until Warlord busts out a belly to belly suplex. Slick is pretty entertaining at ringside. He moves to a chinlock while having the ugliest look on his face. Bulldog rallies out behind the crowd, getting in some shots to the BREAD BASKET! Gotta love Gorilla. Old school spot with ten had smashes to the turnbuckle and a cross body earns two. Each guys counters one another a few times, leading to some near falls. Warlord hits a big boot and applies his full nelson which Bulldog mentioned in his interview. Warlord believes that Bulldog can’t break it, so of course, Bulldog does indeed break it. He moves into the running powerslam and earns the win.

Winner: British Bulldog in 8:13
Better than I expected. British Bulldog was just starting his singles run and this was a good starting point. The power battle was fun, while the story of who has the better finisher was well done. **¾

WWF Tag Team Championship
The Hart Foundation (c) vs. The Nasty Boys w/ Jimmy Hart
Interesting note for tonight as it marks the final WrestleMania tag matches for both Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. The Nasty Boys were relatively new to the WWF after jumping from WCW. Bret starts with Jerry Saggs, just outwrestling and outsmarting him. The crowd is hot as Anvil gets tagged and pounds away on Brian Knobbs. He sends both heels packing. Anvil was good at playing the powerhouse role. The Foundation are just kicking the Nasty Boys around until Knobbs gets in a cheap shot to turn the tide. They work the heat on Bret for a while though it is rather dull. I mean, they do four camel clutch like moves in the span of about four minutes. The Harts give us a few false hot tags before Jim Neidhart is officially in and cleans house. They hit the Hart Attack but a distraction allows a cheap shot with the Nasty Boys helmet, and the three count on Neidhart for the upset.

Winners and New WWF Tag Team Champions: The Nasty Boys in 12:08
Pretty good match here except for the boring and sluggish middle portion. At the time, this was a pretty shocking result, adding to the overall match. Seriously though, if we were just counting the beginning and end, this would be much higher. **¾

Blindfold Match
Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel
Here we have a rather infamous match that a ton of people hate. This had been building for a really long time, which I appreciate. The crowd is very into it, trying to guide Jake Roberts to Rick Martel. The psychology here is pretty good early on actually. Obviously there isn’t much action as it’s all about Roberts trying to find Martel. In present day, this wouldn’t work as the crowd would crap on it, but the audience was totally into this. Finally, Jake is able to hit the DDT and pick up the victory.

Winner: Jake Roberts in 8:33
I didn’t hate that the way a lot of folks do. Granted, it had little to no action, but I found it rather fun to watch Jake Roberts use the crowd to find Rick Martel. Speaking of the crowd, they play a big part here in helping make this fun. *½

After the match, Jake Roberts puts the snake on Rick Martel, causing him to run scared. Damien is a pretty huge snake. We go to Marla Maples backstage. I guess she was the celebrity chick from earlier that I missed. She tries to interview the Nasty Boys but it’s just debauchery as all of the Jimmy Hart clients celebrate with champagne.

Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer
Gorilla Monsoon calls Jimmy Snuka the “Phenom” before we start, which is interesting. It’s crazy to think this was at a time where Undertaker was only four months into his run. I expect standard early 90’s Undertaker stuff. As a character he was incredible but for the most part, he moved like a zombie in the ring. He shuts me up a bit with a nice leaping clothesline. Snuka tries to rally but is knocked outside and suplexed back in. Snuka makes a big mistake when trying to springboard at Undertaker. He gets caught, leading to a Tombstone and the Streak begins.

Winner: The Undertaker in 4:19
Historic match considering it is the start of the infamous Streak. However, the match itself isn’t very good. Jimmy Snuka was way past his prime and the Undertaker wasn’t at a point where he put on great matches yet. *

Retirement Match
Macho King w/ Queen Sherri vs. The Ultimate Warrior
Before the entrances, Elizabeth is spotted in the audience. Ultimate Warrior and Macho King trade stuff early, with Warrior using his power to gain an advantage. Sherri continually tries to get involved and it fails. Things get personal as Warrior slaps Macho right in the face, causing him to step outside and regroup. The crowd being on the edge of their seats is not just a saying here, it is absolutely true. A cheap shot from Sherri followed by a double axe handle on the outside swings this in Macho’s favor. They do so much with little things like their looks and mannerisms. Warrior’s face pain is pretty much completely gone at this point. We get the classic double clothesline spot and both guys are down. Warrior gets a small package but Sherri distracts the referee. As he complains, Macho drives his knee into Warrior, which then leads to a ref bump. Sherri leaps from the top with her shoe but hits Macho instead. The referee is up rather quickly and Macho is back in control just as soon which is odd. Macho hits FIVE ELBOW DROPS IN A ROW but somehow Warrior kicks out! Warrior begins to hulk up and hits the press slam/splash finish. Savage is able to get his shoulder up though! The crowd is losing their damn minds right now. Savage now wants to do a double axe handle while Warrior is on the guardrail but he moves and the Macho King crashes and burns. Inside, Warrior hits three shoulder blocks to finally end Savage.

Winner: Ultimate Warrior in 20:46
Excellent match right here. Best match in Warrior’s career and one of the greatest in WrestleMania history to this day. The drama, in-ring work, storytelling, build, near falls and everything was tremendously done. *****

Queen Sherri is pissed after the match and begins to yell at Macho King. She even gets in some kicks on the fallen and now retired Superstar. Elizabeth sees enough and hops the guardrail to make the save. She pulls Sherri off by the hair and throws her out of the ring before checking on Savage, who thinks it’s still Sherri. He finally notices who it is, as the crowd is waiting in anticipation. They see the tears in Elizabeth’s eyes and they want it. They get it as they hug! The moment is incredible. There are tons of fans bawling their eyes out, telling you how great this storytelling is. They reenact the WrestleMania IV pose and Savage even holds the ropes for her to exit, which is the opposite of how they would do it when he was a heel.

We get a series of interviews conducted by Alex Trebek and Regis Philbin. It’s like an intermission of sorts.

Demolition w/ Mr. Fuji vs. Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kaito
This is not the same Demolition that was awesome in the late 80’s. They no longer have the awesome theme music and this is the bastardized version featuring Crush. The crowd doesn’t seem to care much for them either, though most are still in the bathroom or on line to get food. The match is nothing special as the two teams seem unenthused and most of the moves look sloppy. The best thing is hearing Bobby and Gorilla’s exchange over the names of the Japanese wrestlers. A powerbomb earns the win for the foreigners, sending Demolition into obscurity.

Winners: Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kaito in 4:41
Not very good but at least it was kept short. Both teams seemed to be going through the motions and just looking to collect a paycheck. *

Interviews come for Big Bossman and Mr. Perfect. Bossman’s is fine work as he is intense and still pissed about Rick Rude disrespecting his mother. Perfect is…well…perfect. He absolutely nailed that gimmick.

WWF Intercontinental Championship
Mr. Perfect (c) w/ Bobby Heenan vs. Big Bossman
Bossman had run through every member of the Heenan Family and the Intercontinental Champion was the crown jewel at the finish line. Bossman slaps Perfect, who oversells, before getting tossed around the ring for a bit. Perfect weathers the hot start by the agile Bossman. I miss the little heel tactics that guys would use, like Perfect does when he uses the ropes for leverage on a simple chinlock. The crowd bites on a near fall as Bossman counters the Perfecplex into a small package. Perfect does a neck snap that looks like it could have hurt Bossman. Bossman comes back and pulls Perfect crotch first into the ring post. The momentum swings again when Bossman is sent into the steel steps and Heenan gets in some cheap stomps. Andre the Giant walks out to even the odds. He’s moving much better than expected for this time period in his life. He grabs the IC Title so Perfect complains to the referee. Bossman gets a near fall, leading to the Heenan Family coming out and causing the disqualification.

Winner via disqualification: Big Bossman in 10:26
Solid outing here. I thought both guys worked hard for the duration until the end. The finishing sequence was kind of just Perfect standing around and Bossman on his back. That ending hurt the score, but still not bad. **¾

Big Bossman and Andre the Giant send the Heenan Family packing so the fans aren’t upset.

Earthquake w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Greg Valentine
During the entrances, Mean Gene shows us the celebrities in the crowd including Donald Trump, Chuck Norris, Lou Ferrigno and Henry Winkler. As for the match, I’m seriously disinterested in it. Earthquake squashes him with an early slam but only gets two. It’s basically a squash match as Hammer only gets in a few offensive moves before Earthquake puts him down.

Winner: Earthquake in 3:16
An extended squash match. I guess they used it as a placeholder match but it was pretty pointless. ¼*

The Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory
This is the WrestleMania debut for the Legion of Doom. They had recently finished off Demolition in a feud and beat Power and Glory here in less than a damn minute with the Doomsday Device.

Winners: The Legion of Doom in 0:58
I can’t really give this a score because it is far too short. NO RATING.

Ted Dibiase vs. Virgil w/ Roddy Piper
At the Royal Rumble, Virgil turned on his former master to a MASSIVE ovation. Roddy Piper is limping due to a motorcycle accident that Heenan classically calls a tricycle accident because his skirt got stuck in the bike chain. Virgil starts hot and does an odd handshake with Piper that they clearly never planned. Dibiase stalls a lot to avoid Virgil’s offense. Dibiase knocks Piper out of the chair and its hilarious how he struggles to get up. Unfortunately, the cameramen focus far too much on Piper, which takes away from the match. Dibiase ends up jawing with Piper a bit too much outside and gets counted out.

Winner via countout: Virgil in 7:35
I get that they were holding this off until SummerSlam, but shouldn’t the blow off be at WrestleMania? Anyway, the match was rather dull and I wasn’t a fan. *½

After the match, Ted Dibiase locks the Million Dollar Dream on Virgil until Roddy Piper intervenes. This brings out Sensational Sherri, who aligns herself with Dibiase and they take out Piper.

The Mountie w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana
Can you believe that the Mountie character would be Intercontinental Champion, even for a few days, in under a year? Tito Santana was nearing the end of his run before turning into El Matador. They do some short sequences before Mountie uses the shocker on Tito and steals a quick win.

Winner: The Mountie in 1:21
Much like the Earthquake match, this was just a squash. It gets a new heel over a relatively established face and does it quickly. *

WWF Championship
Sgt. Slaughter (c) w/ General Adnan vs. Hulk Hogan
The heat here is insane as this was a very controversial angle. As one would expect, Hulk Hogan starts hot because, AMERICA! Adnan tries to get involved several times, but Hogan knocks him down each time because he sucks so badly. Hogan is just beating Slaughter from pillar to post right now. He makes the mistake of going up top and takes the Flair bump to turn the tide. Slaughter pounds on Hogan with a steel chair and chokes him with cables outside but Earl Hebner isn’t calling for the bell. He continues to beat on Hogan, even applying the Boston crab. Adnan tries to heel it up and assist but he just holds Slaughter’s head in an odd way. Slaughter hits Hogan right in the head with a chair, leading to one of the more obvious blade jobs in history. I have no idea why the referee hasn’t called a DQ. The camel clutch gets locked in, which looks cooler with Hogan’s bloody face. Hogan won’t quit so Slaughter ends up trying a pin with the Iraq flag but Hogan kicks out and rips it in half. It’s HULK UP time. You know what comes next and we have a new champion.

Winner and New WWF Champion: Hulk Hogan in 20:22
Another match that exceeded my expectations. Granted, it wasn’t great but it was pretty solid. Hulk Hogan did what he was supposed to early before giving Slaughter a good chunk of offense and making the comeback for America. Basic but the atmosphere bumps it up a notch. ***

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

When a show has fourteen matches, I don’t have high hopes. However, this was rather enjoyable. It moved briskly despite clocking in at over three hours. The Retirement match is an absolute must see classic, while the WWF Title and a few other matches are good stuff. If this was cut down by three or four matches it really could have been something special. Instead it’s a good but not great WrestleMania.