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Reviewing The Rumbles: 2004
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2004: The Voldemort
Ah, it’s the year WWE will always try its hardest not to mention, and we all know why; no reason to go into that. 2004 saw WWE fully into the Ruthless Aggression era, but it was also something of a bridge year. We hadn’t quite started the dominant runs of John Cena, Rando Orton, and Batista, but the Attitude Era stars were pretty much all gone. In between, we had the year where WWE said “Ah, screw it”, and decided to give some of those vanilla midgets the fans liked so much a shot. Clearly, this would be a historic Rumble that WWE would still talk about to this day.
Participants
1. Chris Benoit
2. Randy Orton
3. Mark Henry
4. Tajiri
5. Bradshaw (who is still in the APA at this point, apparently? He’s gone to the lighter hair color, but still has the APA tights and music)
6. Rhyno
7. Matt Hardy
8. Scott Steiner
9. Matt Morgan
10. The Hurricane
11. Booker T
12. Kane
13. Spike Dudley
14. Rikishi (wow… he was still going in 2004?)
15. Rene Dupree
16. A-Train (another guy who had a surprisingly long tenure)
17. Shelton Benjamin
18. Ernest “The Cat” Miller (Irrationally, one of my very favorite wrestlers of the late 90’s. When everyone else was watching WCW because of Goldberg and the nWo… I was watching for The Cat and Norman Smiley)
19. Kurt Angle
20. Rico
21. Test Mick Foley
22. Christian
23. Nunzio
24. The Big Show (…sigh)
25. Chris Jericho
26. Charlie Haas
27. Billy Gunn
28. John Cena
29. Rob Van Dam
30. Goldberg
Final Four
4th – Chris Jericho (eliminated by Big Show)
3rd – Kurt Angle (eliminated by Big Show)
2nd – The Big Show (eliminated by Chris Benoit)
WINNER – Chris Benoit (I was going to scratch his name out and write “REDACTED” or something, but we all get it at this point. So little blood left in that stone)
Notes/Thoughts
-Hey, we’re in the Bischoff era here! Eric leads off the Rumble by grabbing a mic and bashing Paul Heyman (the Smackdown GM) to the Philadelphia crowd. Heyman, usually so timid and soft-spoken, comes out to defend himself, and their squabbling leads to Sheriff Austin appearing. There’s a comical “Who started it?” bit with Heyman and Bischoff each heaping blame on the other (Austin actually does demand “WHO STARTED IT?”), but Austin stuns them both regardless.
-This is not one of the most drama-filled Rumbles, as the pre-match video all-but asks “WHO WILL IT BE? Chris Benoit, who drew #1? Or Goldberg, who drew #30?” Numbers 2 through 29 are treated simply as obstacles for Benoit to overcome.
-The Raw vs. Smackdown aspect of the Brand Split is MUCH more pronounced this year, as the commentary crew is one Smackdown announcer (Tazz) and one Raw announcer (Ross). And the referees outside the ring are two from Raw and two from Smackdown.
-Bradshaw, who had to be closing in on his singles push by now, is not only the first guy in the match eliminated, but is tossed before the next guy out is even called. Weird, given that he usually did pretty well in these when he was just a tag team guy.
-He ends up calming down around the midpoint of the match, but early on, Tazz is as bad at “WHO’S NEXT? WHO’S NEXT?!” when the countdown starts as Vince used to be at “He’s out! no he’s not”.
-I don’t remember Matt Morgan from this era at all, but he seemed like they were aiming at the moon with him. Tazz and Ross gush over him, and he is booked pretty strong during his tenure in the Rumble.
-Kane, in typical “Kane enters the Rumble to a filled ring” fashion, starts decimating guys upon his arrival. One-by-one, every guy in the match eats either a chokeslam or a sidewalk slam or a big boot. As he’s gearing up to start tossing limp bodies, The Undertaker’s gong hits when the buzer sounds for #13. Kane freaks out and is distracted enough for Booker T to toss. When Spike Dudley is shown as the actual 13th entrant, Kane beats the holy hell out of him as if it was all his doing (which it really should have been… that would have been great. Oh, the Spike Dudley/Kane feud we never got).
-Also, you need a fucking encyclopedia to keep track of when Kane and Taker were enemies, friends, and indifferent to each other.
-One of the best aspects of this match is the booking of Benoit. Instead of hiding and lying down most of the match, he remains strong and active and prevalent throughout. When he pitches Morgan, there is a big pop.
-Orton and Benoit reset the match to the beginning, but knock each other out in the process, allowing a terrific moment where Ernest Miller comes out (with his announcer/manager… some guy with an afro wig) and just… dances. He makes no moves on the fallen competitors and just does some Cat-Bo for us. Needless to say, he’s out swiftly when Benoit and Orton come to, but still… it was worth it, Cat!
-Another funny, subtle moment later when Angle emerges and goes to work on Benoit. Orton is resting in the corner, and when Angle looks at him, Orton raises his hands then waves him off as if to say “No, none for me thanks. Keep at what you’re doing”.
-Okay, so #21 buzzes, and no one comes out. The camera shows that backstage, Test is KO’ed with referees around him. Sheriff Austin appears, asks what happened, and one of the refs says, I-swear-to-god, “He fell down”. Just… so matter-of-factly as if that ref was watching Test head to the ring, but he tripped over a Hot Wheel or something and just face-planted himself unconscious. I legitimately chuckled at that. Of course, Austin doesn’t buy it, and looks around a corner to see a mystery person. He orders them to take Test’s place, and it ends up being Mick Foley. Foley storms the ring, takes out himself and Orton with a clothesline, and then the two of them beat the snot out of each other for a while.
-Nunzio just decides this whole “Royal Rumble” nonsense isn’t for him, so he just comes down at his turn and sits against the ring barricade, laying in wait. It isn’t until Cena comes out, five guys later, that he is noticed, thrown in the ring, and then tossed back out.
-It’s Philly, so Rob Van Dam gets one of the biggest roars of the night when he comes out.
-Goldberg hits the ring like a hurricane, but after a minute or so of destruction, Brock Lesnar comes down and hits him with the F5, allowing Angle to dump him. So… there went one of the two guys we were supposed to think could win, meaning…
-GREAT booking for Big Show, who wasn’t entirely played out by this point, as he looks like a true monster and fights off entire throngs of superstars converging on him multiple times. It ends up making Benoit look a billion dollars for being able to get him out all by himself.
-The Final Four portion of the match is great, and is probably still to this day a top 5 Final Four segment (I would say at THIS point in history, it was likely the very best). Jericho, Angle, and Benoit all have mini-segments against Show, all look good against him, all manage to lock in their submission finisher to force Show to tap, but none can get him over. After Show eliminates Jericho and Angle, things look bleak for Benoit, but he does manage to pull Show over the top from a reverse headlock position. Again, credit to the booking for not just having Benoit win via Idiot Charge; this finish makes him look much more powerful, tenacious, and deserving.
Rankings
1. 2001 (Austin III) – 10/10
2. 2004 (Benoit) – 9/10
3. 1992 (Flair) – 9/10
4. 1998 (Austin II) – 8/10
5. 1997 (Austin I) – 8/10
6. 2002 (HHH I) – 7/10
7. 2003 (Lesnar) -5/10
8. 1989 (Studd) – 5/10
9. 1996 (Michaels II) – 5/10
10. 1999 (McMahon) 5/10
11. 1993 (Yokozuna) – 4/10
12. 1990 (Hogan I) – 4/10
13. 1994 (Hart/Luger) – 4/10
14. 1991 (Hogan II) – 3/10
15. 2000 (The Rock) – 3/10
16. 1995 (Michaels I) – 2/10
17. 1988 (Duggan) – 2/10
