wrestling / TV Reports
The Backlash 2009 Breakdown
April 29, 2009 | Posted by
| Backlash 2009 By J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Brightkite.com/jddunn411 Swagger, the illegitimate love child of Kurt Angle and Thomas F. Wilson, take it to the mat early. How smart was it to pair him up against Christian, considering Christian spent much of his TNA career wrestling Angle, who has a similar hybrid style to Swagger? Swagger presses Christian over the top to the floor, which is all well and good but let’s see him do that in a Royal Rumble instead of slamming the guy in the ring. The great thing about this match is how creative they are. Christian goes for that pendulum slingshot kick that’s so en vogue now, but Swagger catches him and just stomps him into the mat. That would be the x-factor between the guys who are fun to watch and the bathroom-break guys. But then, Jim Cornette has a whole rant about that subject. Swagger busts out the teased-German off the apron, but Christian blocks and flips him back into the ring. Cool finish as Swagger gets caught ripping off the turnbuckle pad, so Christian does the same in the opposite corner. Swagger charges haphazardly and gets sent into the buckle. That staggers Swagger enough for Christian to hit the Killswitch (Unprettier) at 11:00. Huge pop for Christian’s win. Excellent opener and incredibly hot crowd, considering these are two guys who live at the ass-end of the WWE Universe. ***1/2 Steamer still looks good. Not regular-wrestler good, but better than most old-timers. He busts out all the old tricks. RICKY THE ARMDRAGON! This goes exactly how it should have. Ricky never actually dominates the match, but he uses his cunning and resourcefulness to stay in the match. Jericho goes for that bulldog off the rebound, but Steamer shoves him into the buckle. Ricky gets a few hot nearfalls as he reverses the Walls of Jericho to the small package and again with a flying crossbody. His figure-four is… let’s call it “interesting,” and that’s the lone blight on the match. Jericho catches him coming off the top and hits the Codebreaker. ONE, TWO, THRE-foot on the ropes. Oh, but the Walls of Jericho gets the submission at 12:30. Steamboat gets a big ovation in the loss. I still think Steamboat vs. Shawn Michaels could be a good match. Even if they just did something at this level, I’d be happy. *** Hey, remember when these two were tag partners last year? No? Well, there’s a reason. Punk spends most of the match working Kane’s shoulder, which would be fine, but Kane’s all, “Nah, I can drive.” Once Kane takes over on offense, it’s, not surprisingly, sluggish. Punk takes a cue from Steamboat and just hits a move here and there to stay in it. Nice DDT counter of the chokeslam. Punk hits a springboard clothesline, but Kane uppercuts him on a second try. Kane survives the reverse armbar and a series of kicks. He blocks the last one and hits a chokeslam at 9:24. Presumably, there is method to this madness. I suppose they could be going for the “negative push” that works once every time Comet Kohoutek enters the solar system. Thank you, Dennis Miller. Remember how HHH *didn’t* job to X-Pac at Backlash when they were leading up to his title win? There’s something to be said for bandwagonism in wrestling. **1/4 This is one of those matches where behind-the-scenes rumors just ruin everything. Matt should be the evilest of heels, given his actions, but it’s really tough to have sympathy for Jeff. It’s like knowing an actor is having a contract dispute, so you just keep waiting for them to get killed off. Hopefully, Sandy Duncan is on standby. It doesn’t help that they do some stupid things like Matt tapping out, but see, it doesn’t count because you actually have to say “I Quit.” That’s almost (but not quite) as stupid as when Norman Smiley couldn’t say “I Quit” because his throat was injured. I’m not sure what Matt was thinking on the first Twist of Fate either. It was more like the Twist of I’ll Just Fall on My Own, Thank You. At least Lawler and J.R. entertain me by blatantly ignoring Michael Cole’s interjections. The finish sees Jeff tie Matt to a table, which takes forever. He sets up for a big legdrop off the ladder. Matt begs for mercy and apologizes for all his sins. He quits to avoid the legdrop, but Jeff puts him through the table anyway (18:53). I actually like the ending as Matt was appropriately sniveling. The lead-up to the finish was forgettable. **3/4 Beth is out, so Santina covers her and gets the win at 0:03. Khali tries to extract some white-hot monkey love from Santina, and we get A TIT SHOT FROM SANTINA! She runs up the ramp screaming and covering her bosom. [N/R] Thankfully, the rules add a little bit of intrigue because this is usually one of the dumber stipulations in wrestling. I was actually hoping for Shane McMahon to double-cross his team, especially since it was set up so that he could easily do so. Snicker-worthy moment: Cole describes Batista & Shane as a “well-oiled unit.” The faces storm the heels, and Hunter beats Orton all the way to the back, turning it into a three-on-two. Big Dave yanks the Code Dogg into the ring and knocks his well-oiled unit in the dirt. Hunter and Shane team up for the Hart Attack on Ted. The faces are cruising until Orton returns and jumps Dave from behind. Batista plays face-in-peril as HHH gets more frustrated at not being able to control his own fate. Shane gets the hot tag, and HHH is still stuck on the apron. Not to worry because Simba destroys Dibiase and Rhodes. Priceless looks more like Hapless. Orton tags in and jumps Shane. Sure, it may bury Priceless to have them get their asses kicked so often, but Orton looks like friggin’ Thor in comparison, so I guess there’s a silver lining. HHH eventually gets the hot tag and opens a can of the Ass-whip. Shane gets knocked silly by a chairshot. Batista takes the chair away and intends to use it, but Hunter realizes that risks disqualification, so he stops his Pedigree and grabs the chair away from Dave. That allows Randy to hit the RKO. That only gets two… allegedly, so Randy punts HHH in the head for the win and the title at 22:48. Nicely structured match with HHH being stuck on the apron and forced to watch as Batista and Shane defended his title. It would have been nice if Dibiase and Rhodes weren’t the new version of the Conquistadors, but Randy came out of the match with a relatively clean title win. ***3/4 The big point of interest here is that Cena took a Conchairto to the head so now he is more vulnerable to head trauma. They tease finishers early, and Edge gets an Edge-o-Matic. Edge tries to put him out with a sleeper. Good idea. Doesn’t work. Cena comes back with shoulderblocks but falls victim to the Sharpshooter. The announcers speculate about the effectiveness, apparently haven’t forgotten Steve Austin passing out from it. But then, he lost a lot of blood too. Cena staggers to his feet on the apron, so Edge knocks him off into the announce table. Cena gets up again. Edge tosses him into the steps and dropkicks them into Cena’s ribs. Cena is up again, so Edge charge. Cena backdrops him over. Cena one-ups him by grabbing the steps and TOSSING THEM ON EDGE! Edge makes it up, and they slug it out. They trade counters until Edge hits the Edge-o-Matic. He mocks Cena but winds up in the meaningless STF. Edge spears him and goes up, but Cena catches him with the Super Attitude Adjustment. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE—NO! Cena comes off the top… right into a spear. To the floor, Edge goes for the Edgecution on the table, but Cena counters to the Attitude Adjustment into the The 411: Hey, can’t go wrong here. The show finished strong, which is always a positive. The opening two matches went above and beyond the call of duty. Add in a little comedy in the middle, and this is an easy call. The Hardyz match was a little disappointing, and we’ll have to wait and see what develops out of the Punk loss, but those remain the two blemishes on an otherwise fine PPV. Thumbs up! |
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