wrestling / Columns
The Cheers ‘n Jeers of Wrestling 10.19.08: Owen Hart, Haas, Fara D’Angelo, MVP and More!
Hi everybody! So, I want to rap a little bit about the whole Owen Hart joke thing, if that’s okay with you. I’m going to either way, but I like to feign politeness.
Anyways, I’m the kind of person who loves to tell people that don’t agree with me to “fuck off” or “eat shit” or any number of other classy and well reasoned retorts, but the thing is, the feedback that was left in contrary to my opinion that Scott Hall was very much in the right for his actions at the Iron Sheik roast made me do something I really like to do from time to time: think. Think about why the using of Owen’s death in a joke was so upsetting to me, given that I’ve been known to have a good laugh at far, far worse. Many of the things I like would be considered tasteless or vulgar by most; John Waters, who has likely never encountered a sacred cow that wasn’t worth cornholing, is probably my favorite filmmaker of all-time and the roasts on Howard Stern‘s satellite radio show, roasts that by and large feature far more vicious and mean spirited humor than anything said last weekend at Sheik’s shindig, are a show highlight and must-hear radio as far as I’m concerned. So why, really, was I so bothered?
Full disclosure: I wound up skipping out on Over The Edge in 1999, choosing instead to follow up the party I’d been at the night before with more party. I received a phone call from my best friend as soon as the show ended informing me that Owen Hart had just died in the ring. I don’t know if it was the shock, deadened insides from nearly 24 hours of hard drugging, or both, but my reaction was “Oh. That sucks, I guess. Did Undertaker win the belt?” There was a pause, followed by “Uh…yeah. He did.”. I said “Good then” and went back to whatever awful or (awfully fun) things I was doing at the time, safe in a shell of drug induced apathy that allowed me to truly feel nothing about the death of Owen Hart. Of course, I’m a human being (most of the time), and an Owen fan, so I was flush with all the grief that any other follower of wrestling would have been by the time Raw’s tribute show aired the next night. Could residual guilt over my initial, callous reaction to Owen’s passing been responsible for some of my indignation upon reading the joke from last week’s roast?
Perhaps a little, and it could certainly be a motivator to take the stance I did of defending Scott’s boorish behavior as a way of “making it up” to the two-time Slammy award winner, but it’s definitely not the whole story. I think it really comes down to the fact that we, the wrestling fans, are really the only people around who care about or memorialize a dead wrestler to begin with and it’s an unspoken duty to defend their memory when the opportunity presents itself. So it might seem (and might be) hypocritical that I feel more comfortable laughing at a tasteless joke about a Princess Di or a Paul Newman, people who are loved and praised, deservedly so, the world over, and likely always will be, than an Owen Hart or an Eddie Guerrero, whose legacies are contained within a world of their own, a world that, itself, often must be defended.
As a wrestling fan, I’ve long come to accept, and even enjoy, that the majority of society is always going to look down it’s nose at an entertainment form that I have genuine respect for. That’s fine, but it also leaves us, besides the friends and family of the deceased, as the primary guardians of the memories of these people when and if they pass away. So I absolutely think it’s fair to refuse to accept Owen Hart’s death as suitable joke fodder, especially when it’s coming from a fuckhead who couldn’t even spell his name correctly. Because if we don’t do our part to preserve that respect, who will?
I mean, besides a drunken Scott Hall.
Let’s get on with an admittedly light (but not in the loafers) edition of the Cheers…
CHEERS
to a fuckin’ great lumberjack match between Shawn Michaels and Batista on Monday Night Raw. Bonus JEERS to anybody who complained about the handshake afterwards. Have y’all forgotten that Dave killed HBK in a stretcher match at One Night Stand and thus would most likely be “over it” by now? If homeboy was still going to be holding a grudge at this point, he’d probably be turned heel pretty quick by the HBK lovin’ crowd. Though I’ve heard that a few respected wrestling psychics have seen a Dave turn in their crystal balls anyway…
All that retirement, fake injury and stretcher match stuff is water under the bridge
JEERS
to sexual harassment, specifically the sexual harassment alleged by former WWE Global Licensing Coordinator Fara D’Angelo against current Senior Director of International Consumer Products Alex Romer. Yeah, those aren’t names that mean to much me either, but the WWE probably doesn’t want to be involved with a sexual harassment imbroglio after spending the last couple of years getting it’s name in the papers for mostly all the wrong reasons. It remains to be seen if Fara’s claims that her complaints to fellow employees were met with the suggestion that she find another job will be corroborated, but all I know is that people who sexually harass are fucking assholes, as are people who make false sexual harassment claims.
CHEERS
to Smackdown for shattering the record it had set the week before for highest rated program on future television institution, MYNetwork TV. Is it a coincidence that it set and shattered this record in the same time period that the stock market shattered a few records of it’s own? Yes, I think it is. Then why mention it? It’s called topicality, motherfucker!
What meaningless or idiosyncratic record will the show break this week? Tune in to find out!
JEERS
to MVP doing the j-o-b in two minutes or less for R-Truth on this week’s Smackdown. I get that Porter is in the doghouse and I appreciate that they’ve at least turned his losing ways into an angle, with Montel being only one win away from a big, contractually obligated incentive bonus, but did he have to go down to R-Tard in 2 minutes? Personally, I see a lot more upside in Montel than I do K-Kwik Version 2.0 and his straight outta 1993 happy rapper gimmick. The bottom line is that MVP didn’t look much better than one of the jobbers Big Show ate at the top of the show and that is not cool.
Shove it, Carlito, you don’t even use that line anymore
JEERS
to Mick Foley “saying goodbye” to TNA this week. The promo was fine, naturally, but the problem is Foley’s been in TNA for two weeks, so, uh, I don’t think anybody bought for one second that Mick was actually packing up and going home. If TNA is going to pull out the Foley’s leaving card, why not wait until he’s been around for at least a few months. Of course, when the show ended, Mick promised that he’ll have a big announcement next week, and I don’t want to be a spoiler, but I bet it’s going to be that he is making his triumphant return to TNA. Hey, if you thought Mick Foley might actually be on his way out the door at the beginning of the show, be sure and leave a comment so I can make fun of you for being so fuckin’ stupid. I’m just messin’ with you, I wouldn’t do that. You can leave a comment saying you tuned into Impact expecting Foley’s last appearance and I swear I won’t make fun of you. *wink, wink*
CHEERS
to John Morrison, legitimate renaissance man, for making this movie:
Obviously we do not live in a fair and just world, but if we did, Morrison’s mini masterpiece would be racking up best short of the year nominations at every film festival in it.
JEERS
to there having been no ‘Worth Your Wealth’ column for the last couple of PPVs, right here, at 411mania. I may not have agreed with the math all the time but I was really digging those and they made for terrific day after PPV reads. Hey, guy who writes them, bring them back, okay? How horribly insensitive this is if that guy died in a freak accident I’m unaware of.
*CHEERS* of the week
To Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling! Honestly, it wasn’t the most compelling hour of television I’ve ever seen, or even seen today, but I like that it mostly eschewed the typical reality show format in favor of a decidedly more “wrestling show” feel, providing an interesting look at the business and something that will kinda, sorta, almost make for an alternative to the other guys for the duration of it’s run. My girlfriend loves watching shitty reality shows (more full disclosure: I do too), so it also gives me a wrestling show that we can watch together, which is always nice. Plus, anytime that little walking powder keg of a Napolean complex Danny Bonadouche is around, the trainwreck potential goes up exponentially, so this has win written all over it.
We won’t know ’til the ratings come in, but this guy could potentially become a bigger wrestling star than Sting! Thumbs up, indeed.
*JEERS* of the week
to Lance Cade for getting trounced from the WWE just as finally he seemed to be on the cusp of going on to big things for a mysterious, possibly (but completely assumed at this point) drug offence. In continuing with the theme of possible insensitivity on my part, I’m aware that this seizure episode may not be related to drugs at all, but Ross alluded to bad decisions and there are certainly a lot of drugs (and combinations of drugs) that will induce a seizure, meth and ecstasy chief among them, and both are substances that leave the body within a day or two and thus would be undetected in a piss test unless they had been ingested very recently, so he very well may have partying down without incurring an official wellness violation.
Of course, this is all speculation and it would be grossly hypocritical of me to harp on Cade for dabbling with anything like that, but I’m also not a wrestler, wrestling for the biggest game in town that has made it quite clear that they don’t tolerate any drug related hanky pinky at this particular juncture. Honestly, in the 4 or 5 years that he’s been around I never saw a whole lot in Cade, but obviously the powers that be did and Lance has got to be feeling pretty stupid right about now. As JR noted in his blog, there are second chances aplenty in the world of professional wrestling, so we may not have seen the last of Lance. If a wake up call is needed, hopefully this was it.
Lance Cade: dumber than this guy looks
So I don’t need to tell you, it’s been a pretty slow news week in the wrestling world and while I enjoyed all the shows, ‘cept maybe for Smackdown, there wasn’t a whole lot I saw that elicited a cheer or a jeer from this guy, so let’s see if we can’t waste a little time.
People compare and measure up wrestlers all the time but who has the balls to put themself up on the chopping block? Me, that’s who! So I present to you what may become an infrequent feature here when I need crap for aforementioned slow news weeks, where I will compare myself to the superstars and see how I stack up. First up, straight edge superstar and former world heavyweight champion CM Punk.
CM Punk: Doesn’t drink or do drugs.
Michael O: Gets high on the regular and has been known to enjoy an adult beverage from time to time.
Advantage: Push. (Who know who’s right on this one)
CM Punk: Has cleanly beaten JBL
Michael O: Has also cleanly beaten JBL…while using CM Punk in the last SDVR game.
Advantage: CM Punk
CM Punk: Was one of the top dogs of ECW last year, even holding the resurrected company’s heavyweight championship.
Michael O: Watched ECW twice last year, and one of those times was by accident.
Advantage: Michael O
CM Punk: Will most likely be watching Cyber Sunday live and in person, possibly even competing in a match.
Michael O: Will most likely be watching Cyber Sunday drunk and slumped over at home, possibly even passing out during some match.
Advantage: CM Punk
Verdict: CM Punk wins…this time.
What’s good in the hood or this is what I read on 411 today:
THE ONLY NEWS REPORT FOCUSED SOLELY ON THE BUSINESS OF WRESTLING
So is that it? Yeah, that’s it. Check out Stephen Randle later tonight. He doesn’t like The Great Khali, but we’re a forgiving sort, so we won’t hold that against him. In the meantime, I’ll advise you to stay out of trouble. It’s what Robocop would want.
