The Cult Of Personality Heat Report 11.23.07

Before we get started this week, I just wanted to get some recent ROH-related thoughts off my chest. First, I wanted to comment on something I saw recently in Buy Or Sell about Roderick Strong and whether he’s ready to be pushed as a true main eventer in ROH. On the one hand, Strong’s had some great matches in ROH, but look who some of them have been against: Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, and Austin Aries, all of whom are pros at carrying those less capable to great matches. When he’s in there with anyone lower down than that in terms of skills, the matches tend to get a little repetitive and boring, especially when he gets thrown in there with Jack Evans. They have some pretty spots, but you can tell that both guys still need to be carried, and it’s even more glaringly obvious when they’re in there with each other. Also, his promo skills are nonexistent, and when he talks it makes it really hard to take him seriously. He’s got stiff enough backbreakers and chops, but everything else in his repertoire is pretty generic, and he’s put the crowd to sleep at most of the last few shows I’ve been to, especially his PPV match with Aries in New Jersey last month where the crowd was chanting stuff to amuse themselves because Strong couldn’t, and I know it was Strong that was killing the crowd because they lit right back up when Aries was on offense. Why’s that? Because the crowd cares about Aries and they don’t care about Strong, and despite more than two years of build to try and mold Strong into a legit main eventer, it hasn’t worked, and at this point I have to wonder what will and, if nothing does, what that means for Strong long term.

The other thing I want to bring up is the recent Philadelphia-New York doubleshot weekend. I really have to say, I was kind of embarrassed when the crowd started chanting for a refund after the Briscoes and Age Of The Fall went to a double DQ in like ten seconds in New York, and I felt that way for a few reasons. Number one, I don’t think many people bought a ticket to see that match, they were there to see Misawa, or Danielson-Morishima, both of which were promoted as the headlining matches. But more than that, they made it up to the crowd by doing the match no DQ to close the show, and it was a great match, so ROH had a plan to tease the crowd and then make it up to them at the end of the night, yet the ROH fans in typical fashion couldn’t see beyond the end of their nose and got all whiny because what amounted to a mid show match was a non-match. Kids, when has ROH ever let you down, can I ask you that? Do you really think that they’re going to book a match with a build like that and a finish like that and have no payoff whatsoever in their number one market? This is just like when people found out Danielson-Nigel from Philadelphia wasn’t going to be on the DVD and they’d have to wait for the PPV and they threw a little fit over it. Grow the fuck up guys, this is ROH, not WWE. They care about pleasing their fans and not just taking their money, so have a little faith.

The final thing I want to rant on today is Misawa. While I wasn’t banging for a refund after seeing Misawa wrestle, I have to say I was TOTALLY disappointed in his performances in Philly and New York. I have to admit I did have some warning ahead of time to not expect too much out of the old man, but I was under the impression it was because he didn’t put in a big effort unless he was in front of a huge crowd at a major show, not because he was broken down beyond the point of even being worth making fun of. Unfortunately, the second one turned out to be true. Flat out, Misawa’s performances in both cities was beyond pathetic, and actually sad to watch. He tagged into the match in Philly about four or five times through the entire half hour, and did at most thirty seconds of work each time, and blew up each time, so all the fans paid to come see the Japanese legend stand on the apron for almost a half hour before tagging in FIFTEEN SECONDS before the time limit expired to clean house. He pulled out a little more than that when we got to New York since I guess he was saving himself, but that match was mostly KENTA selling his ass off for his boss and working his ass off to make the old cripple look like a million bucks, and it didn’t work. I never thought I’d see a guy so old and broken down that he would actually make Joe vs Kobashi look good, but here it is. Now, it might seem like I’m just being disrespectful and not appreciating just having Misawa perform live in front of my eyes, but I really don’t agree with the line of thinking that I should just be happy to have a legend perform regardless of match quality, and here’s why. I, as an ROH fan, have been conditioned to expect consistently good ringwork with guys busting their ass on a nightly basis for my entertainment, so when somebody who appears not just unwilling but actually incapable of holding up to that standard makes an appearance, and a heavily hyped one at that, it really sticks out. Believe you me, I have all the respect in the world for Misawa and everything he’s accomplished and his standing in Japan and all that, but if the guy can’t hang anymore, what’s the point in booking him? Ten years ago he might have been watchable, but not now. I mean, if Harley Race hobbled down to the ROH ring in tights, it’d be nice to be able to say “I saw Harley Race wrestle live in 2007” and all that, but we all would have to admit that the match would suck and we’d just be applauding the match out of respect, and that’s really where I feel all the (unwarranted) praise Misawa got that weekend came from. At least Flair still puts in an effort. I appreciate the gesture of getting Misawa to perform for us, but he really fell far short of expectations.

So now with that rant out of the way, the U62 Telethon…I mean, WWE Heat is ON THE AIR!!

Brian Kendrick & Paul London vs The Highlanders

Oh boy, time to watch London and Kendrick carry the Highlanders through another punch-and-kickfest. London takes a waistlock on Rory to start, but Rory reverses to a hammerlock. London flips through and reverses to a hammerlock of his own. Rory breaks free and looks indignant. London with another hammerlock, Rory picks the leg, but misses an elbowdrop and London gets an armdrag into an armbar. Tag out to Kendrick, who comes off the top with an elbow to Rory’s arm, wristlock and tag out to London who comes off the top with a stomp to Rory’s arm. Flying mare gets two for London, and then he goes back to the armbar. Rory backs London into his corner and tags out to Robbie, who does his usual punching and kicking. Irish (Scottish?) whip, but London with a flying shoulder tackle and another armdrag, then a tag out to Kendrick for a double Japanese armdrag for two. Kendrick goes back to the arm again and tags back out to London for another shot off the top to Robbie’s arm for a two count. Another tag to Kendrick who comes in with a sunset flip over the top for two and then back to the arm! Kendrick keeps working over the arm, but Robbie with a punch and picks Kendrick up for a suplex, but hangs him on the top rope and kicks him to the floor as we go to commercial.

Commercial: Buy stuff at WWESHOP.COM because Vince needs more money.

Back to the match, and Robbie has a kneeling surfboard on Kendrick. Kendrick gets to his feet, but Robbie headbutts him in the back of the head for two. Robbie with a slam and tags out to Rory. Quebecer slam on Kendrick for two. Rory stomps away at Kendrick, and Robbie with a double axhandle from the outside. Kendrick back in the ring and Rory pounds away on Kendrick some more. Rory with what is kind of like a Dragon Sleeper except with a crossface, and Kendrick tries to fight out, but Rory smacks him back down and rams him into the corner. Rory tags to Robbie, and rams Robbie shoulderfirst into Kendrick in the corner. Robbie with a European uppercut and distracts the ref while Rory chokes Kendrick in the corner. Robbie with a vertical suplex for two. Robbie rams Kendrick into the corner and tags to Rory and they try the corner ram again, but Kendrick leapfrogs Robbie and sunset flips Rory for two. Rory goes outside on a miscue and Kendrick makes the tag and London comes in and cleans house. London with a backflip over Rory, an inverted atomic drop, and a Frankensteiner, then he goes after Robbie on the outside. London leapfrogs Rory on a charge in the corner, sweeps the leg, and a standing shooting star press for two. Robbie is in and goes for a really cool inverted slingshot suplex, but Kendrick makes the saves and takes Robbie to the outside, allowing London to hit the Mushroom Stomp to Rory for the win. Great match.

Winners: Paul London & Brian Kendrick

Commercial: Go buy the John Cena: My Life DVD and you can see Cena’s car collection and listen to his friends talk about stuff!

Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs Afa Jr

They didn’t call him Afa Jr, but that’s who he is and I didn’t catch his name, so I’ll just call him Afa. Coach wonders if he’s related to Umaga. Anyway, Duggan, who’s been fighting these Pacific Islanders for like centirues now, gets backed to the ropes and takes a cheapshot, and Afa pounds away. Duggan reverses a whip and gets a hiptoss and a series of clotheslines on Afa. Duggan’s starting to look a little like Jimmy Valiant these days. Afa catches him from behind while Duggan’s playing to the crowd and chokes him on the ropes, then takes a top wristlock on Duggan. Duggan tries to fight out, but Afa gets a hair yank for two. Afa with a headbutt and goes back to the top wristlock. Hey, you know Duggan loves the restholds. Duggan fights out and starts punching Afa in the head, which never works with Samoans, and indeed Afa pounds right back and gets two, then goes back to the top wristlock. Duggan tries to fight out again and Afa goes back to work on him, but Duggan blocks a ram into the corner and rams Afa into the corner, which amazingly works on a Samoan for the first time in history. Afa still fights back, but Duggan reverses a cross corner whip and gets the three point stance for three. Looks like Afa Jr should go back to robbing conveninence stores.

Winner: Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Commercial: Buy Rey Mysterio: The Biggest Little Man, because it’s not the size of the dick in the chick, it’s the size of the chick with the dick!

The World’s Greatest Tag Team vs World Tag Team Champions Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch

Coach explains Shelton’s appearance by saying that even though he made the jump to ECW, he was still contractually bound to appear for this last match. I might actually watch ECW now that both Punk and Shelton are there. That’s a classic feud waiting to happen. But he’s here now, and the match may or may not be for the title, so let’s get this over with and get Shelton off to somewhere useful. Shelton and Cade start with a big lockup, and Shelton takes a side headlock. Cade whips him into the ropes, but Shelton takes him down with a shoulderblock. Cade comes back with a hiptoss and an armdrag, but Shelton slides under the bottom rope to avoid further punishment. Haas is all like “Come on, let’s get this going!” and Shelton’s like “Fuck this, I’m outta here.” Shelton gets back in and jaws with the ref for a bit, then gets a cheap slap on Murdoch, who tags in just in time to see Shelton tag out to Haas, who comes in and starts working Murdoch over. Murdoch rams Haas into the corner a couple of times, gets backdropped to the outside on a corner charge, but gets a crossbody off the top for two. That’s a big guy to be doing that. Murdoch with a kick to Charlie’s face, then suckerpunches Shelton on the apron. Tag out to Cade and a double hiptoss. Tag back out to Murdoch for the atomic legdrop, and that gets two. Haas tries a corner charge, but Murdoch gets the elbow up. Haas turns it around and chokes Murdoch on the ropes, setting him up for a big kick to the face from Shelton. Haas stomps away at Murdoch in the ring, then starts pounding away and tags out to Shelton. Shelton continues working over Murdoch and gets two. Shelton takes a neck vice on Murdoch, then drops an elbow to the head and tags out to Haas, who comes in with a kneedrop, and a flying mare sets up a kick to the back of Murdoch. Haas just stands on Murdoch’s head, and that’s just a dick move. Haas with a cool inverted chinlock, almost a side Mutalock, but Murdoch comes back with a few shots, but Haas shuts him down again and tags out to Shelton, who continues pounding on Murdoch. Murdoch tries fighting back again, but Shelton with a neckbreaker to the knee for two, then takes a rear chinlock with a bodyscissors. Murdoch bites his way out of the hold, but Shelton tags out to Haas who just barely cuts Murdoch off, and continues pounding away on Murdoch, then goes back to the neck vice. Murdoch with a chinbreaker to escape the hold and dives for the tag, gets cut off by Haas, dives again, but gets cut off by Shelton, kicks Shelton off, and finally makes the tag to Cade, who cleans house! Dropkick gets two, and Cade starts working Shelton over in the corner. Shelton reverses a whip but misses a charge and Cade gets a big lariat for two. All four men in the ring, but Trevor sends Haas to the outside and gets a crossbody over the top, leaving Cade and Shelton alone in the ring. Cade goes for a vertical suplex, but Shelton lands on his feet and gets a neckbreaker for two. Shelton goes for the superkick, Cade catches the foot, ducks the spinkick counter, and gets a chokebomb for three. Bye Shelton, it was nice having you here for like three weeks.

Winner: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch

Really good episode this week with some great tag team wrestling. Shelton’s off to ECW now, and I really have to wonder what this is going to mean for Charlie Haas, and hopefully it won’t mean another release, even as much as I’d like to see him back in Jersey All Pro. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you all next week!