The Fink’s Payload 05.15.08: WWE and TNA Collide, Part 3 of 3

Hi, everyone. My name is Andrew Clark and I have officially finished one semester of law school. It’s been a long couple of weeks with my nose in the books and my eyes on the prize, and I know what you’re thinking.

“We don’t care, Clark, just get to the damn fantasy booking.”

As you wish. This week’s column, as promised, is concerned with three things — publishing the longest entry ever received by yours truly, showing off a little bit of my ideas, and giving y’all a new topic to think about for next week. Ready? Let’s go!

Opinion #1: Matt
“MMA Didn’t Work Out So Well”

To try and spare the insane amount of space this would take up, I’m going to have all of the happenings be on Raw. Smackdown and ECW can be included on that show, but I guess call it lazy, I don’t want to write the happenings on 3 shows a week for this.

Week 1:
It starts during a Shawn Michaels and Jeff Hardy match. It’s Jeff’s return match, so they’re going pretty all out to remind everyone that Jeff is talented and can “go” with the best of them. All of a sudden, through the crowd, comes a guy. He looks pretty vanilla, bland even. He’s got a hoodie on and jeans, and he slides into the ring, right as HBK is tuning up the band for Sweet Chin Music. HBK stops and stares, and the man who slid in slaps his chest a few times and throws his arms out in a pose. HBK doesn’t hesitate, throws out a Superkick at him, but the man side steps it and HBK turns around RIGHT into a Superkick! The crowd GASPS, as not only did he steal HBK’s finisher, they still don’t know who the hell he is. He has a smirk on his face, and casually rolls out of the ring and back into the crowd before security can jump in and detain him.

The rest of the show, it’s pretty clear that JR and King are confused, and aren’t as hyped up as they normally would be. We could cut to William Regal in his dressing room from time to time, while he’s on the phone. Very heated conversations, and he’s basically foaming at the mouth, talking to whoever is on the phone to get “it” done and taken care of. Regal ushers the camera man out everytime before much else is said. HBK also gets interviewed later in the night, and is asked what happened out there. HBK just shakes his head, an ice pack on his cheek/jaw, and said he didn’t even see the Superkick coming, it was just so fast.

Week 2:
The show kicks off with London and Kendrick vs. Holly and Cody Rhodes for the Tag Titles. London and Kendrick are about to win, when two men slide in from the crowd, and have a face off with London and Kendrick, just like last week with HBK. They don’t have the time to move, though, as both men lunge forward and level them with Enziguris. They do not flee the ring this time, however, because from the crowd a SEA of bodies starts piling over the guardrail, and they slide into the ring, all wearing shirts that say “TNA” on them. A particularly big Samoan man is the first in the ring, and he forcibly grabbed a mic on his way in.

“So this is the big time, huh? The company with the grandest stage of them all? You don’t look too grand right now, do you boys? You see, these men and myself, we came here with a purpose. We get laughed at and scoffed at, just because we like to proclaim ourselves as wrestling. To say that we like to “Cross The Line”. Well guess what, fellahs? We just crossed YOUR line. For any of you people out there who don’t know who I am…. don’t know who WE are. I am Samoa Joe… this is TNA Total Non-Stop Action… and we? WE, are wrestling.”

The crowd is confused, but stay marginally quiet so they don’t miss a word.

“This title here on my shoulder? It’s the real World Title, the only one that matters. This promotion has been hard at work, trying to change the face of professional wrestling. And everytime it does, the WWE decide they don’t really want the face changed. They like things just the way they are right now. The way they think it always should be. We’re gotten a little backlash from our own fans… they think we are just a cheap carbon copy of the WWE. I’m here to say right now, that TNA, we’re not a copy of anybody. You all saw the two men who came in here and attacked Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Their names are Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin and they are the MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS. And whether you like it or not, they are the future of Tag Team Wrestling. And that guy who showed up last week? The guy who kicked your teeth down your throat, Shawn? His name’s AJ Styles, and he’s right here. You think it was just a fluke? A cheap shot? We got no problem teachin’ you differently.”

By this time, London and Kendrick are starting to walk to the back, but before they get there, a HUGE mass of people walk out from the backstage area. It’s the Raw, Smackdown and ECW rosters. And leading the pack is Randy Orton, John Cena, HBK, HHH, Batista, Edge. You get the idea, all the big time players. HHH has a mic in hand, but before he can say anything, Orton snatches it out of his hands and begins to speak.

“I don’t know who the hell you think you guys are, but you’re in our ring, in our arena, and I think I speak for everybody here when I say you better get out, before we toss you out ourselves.”

HHH rips the microphone out of his hand and Orton shoots him a glare, but HHH all but ignores him.

“I really don’t hate to be the bearer of bad news on this one… but the cops have already been called. We’d love to stick around and kick your asses, but if you’re not out of here in a few minutes, every single one of you is goin’ to jail. And last time I checked, the chick signin’ your checks? She hasn’t done too well at getting you guys money. No bail for you guys. So just tuck your tail between your legs and get the he-“

Before HHH can finish his sentence, Samoa Joe LEVELS him with a slap, sending HHH back into the row of wrestlers behind him, creating a domino effect, and everyone on the WWE Roster is sent either flying to the ground and trying to regain their balance. HHH and Samoa Joe lock eyes with the WWE guys holding HHH back and the TNA guys trying to tell Joe that they gotta get out of here. Joe finally agrees, and they all run back through the crowd and out the back door.

The rest of the broadcast is again in disarray, but the announcers make, what else, an announcement, that Vince McMahon will be there on Raw next Monday to talk about what’s been going on with and how he plans to deal with it.

Week 3:
Vince wastes no time in coming to the ring and addressing what’s been happening lately.

“Now, I’ve sat back and watched what’s went on for two weeks now. But I’m not going to do that anymore. I know for a fact the TNA roster is here. They were waiting at the entrance of the arena, waiting for ME. They said I could either let them in, or they’d break in for the third week in a row. There’s not going to be any party crashing, though. I’ve allowed them full clearance to the building, tonight. There’s no upper hand for you men tonight. So why don’t you come out here, and I’ll make sure to clear anything up between us that I can.”

The TNA roster comes out through the top of the entrance ramp. They’re led by Samoa Joe, Jeff Jarrett, Jerry Jarrett, AJ Styles, Kurt Angle, Christian, all of their main men. This time, Jeff Jarrett is the one who grabs the microphone. The camera pans to Vince, who has a look up contempt, especially at his former employees.

“Well, I’ve gotta say, I’m glad we got your approval, Vince. Not that we needed it, I think we’ve proved that already. I know the question on everyone’s mind, from the crowd, to the boys in the back, all the way up to you, Vince. Why are we here? Why are we making the effort to crash your shows? It’s simple, really. We want to take you down, cripple your company. One step at a time. And the first step? Embarrassing you, on live, national TV.”

Vince almost laughs at that statement, and pulls his microphone back up to his mouth.

“The only embarrassment I see is you, back in a WWE ring. You can buy up all of my used assets and try and call yourself competition, but let’s be honest with each other. You started this promotion with your daddy ’cause you had nowhere else to go. Then you went and employed the biggest names you could find that either couldn’t hack it in WWE to begin with, or couldn’t ever, at all. Kurt Angle? We got rid of you because you’re a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. Christian? You can choose TNA all you want. You never got to be above a certain point here. It must’ve felt GOOD beating these wastes of space for a worthless title, huh? And RHYNO? The DUDLEYS? Who are you tryin’ to fool, boys? You’re nothing more than table scraps! Sloppy seconds!”

As he’s saying this, Vince keeps switching his eyesight between the wrestlers in the ring, and the entrance ramp. Angle seems to notice this, and asks for the mic from Jeff Jarrett.

“Lookin’ for something, Vince? I hope it’s not your group of employees you try and pass off for wrestlers. They’re just a little… pre-occupied at the moment.”

The Titan Tron switches to a camera in the back, where we see a FORK LIFT in front of the wrestlers’ dressing room! Vince does his trademark gulp and looks at the sea of TNA wrestlers in front of him who he just verbally tore down. A small, almost shy, shit eating grin begins on his face, and Samoa Joe grabs the mic from Angle and walks towards Vince, getting within feet of him.

“You can talk all the trash you want, Vince, but there’s no way around it: WE are the better wrestling promotion. We are the better wrestlers. But if you don’t believe us, there’s only one way we can prove it… and it’s in this ring. We don’t like to do a bunch of talkin’. We know that’s your strong suit, but we like to speak our minds in a pro wrestling ring. So I say this to you… your next PPV is Summerslam. It’s just under 3 weeks away. Me and my boys? We want on it. We want to prove to you, and to the entire damn world that we’re more than equal with you. Take your time and think about it. You’ve got one week, Vince. And Vince… I hope you make the right choice. Ya never know what bad things could happen with the wrong decisions…”

All the wrestlers again leave through the crowd as the camera cuts out. The rest of Raw goes on without any run ins or interruptions by TNA.

Week 4:
All throughout the show, Vince is shown deliberating in his private dressing room, with various wrestlers coming in to offer advice. Normally, that would be something that would set Vince off, but tonight, he really is interested in his own wrestlers’ ideas. He takes every one to heart, and thinks them through as best he can. With half an hour left in the show, his music hits, and he makes his way solemnly down to the ring, a mic in hand. Before he can even speak a word, the TNA roster makes it’s way through the crowd. And within moments of that, the entire WWE roster makes IT’S way down to the ring from the entrance ramp, and they have a stand off, neither getting in the ring, but being on opposites sides of the ring, staring each other down.

“I’ll cut right down to it, because I have no use for rambling. I was given an ultimatum last week, and I didn’t much care for it. Never have, never will. I am not easily threatened, and the last thing I want to do is empower you….. bottom feeders, and make you think you hold the cards. But something you said… about how you wanted to prove you were the best. It got me to thinking. Just the fact that you’ve been on this television show, and eaten up our valuable airtime, it’s enough to throw doubt into the mind’s of even our biggest supporters. So I came to this conclusion: Right here, right now, we have a 5 on 5 match. You can pick your five best, and we’ll pick OUR five best. We have a match. If you win, you can go ahead and choose whatever matches you’d like with my men at Summerslam. But if we win? And we will win. When we win, you go home packing. You get the HELL out of my ring, and you never bother us again. Do we have a deal?”

The TNA wrestlers look at each other and all seem to nod in unison, as Vince gets out of the ring and starts talking to his wrestlers. Jerry Jarrett is also talking to his TNA wrestlers, and they both start choosing.

The TNA team gets up to the apron. Their members are: Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Christian, AJ Styles, Sting.

The WWE Team looks like this: John Cena, HHH, Edge, The Undertaker and Jeff Hardy.

The match, and I use that term very loosely, quickly breaks down into a brawl. Other TNA and WWE wrestlers are not allowed to interfere, only to stand back, watch, and encourage their teams. The brawling goes on about 15 minutes when in the ring, it’s Christian and Edge, squaring off, an intense stare down and neither man is moving an inch. Christian fires off the first shot, nailing Edge with a forearm, only for Edge to forearm him right back. Finally Edge gets the upper hand, and he goes to hit the ropes, but he gets nailed in the back with a chair! BY JEFF HARDY!? The crowd ERUPTS at this, booing who was once one of WWE’s biggest baby faces. The WWE roster goes ballistic, trying to chase after Jeff Hardy, only to be met by TNA’s roster, and a brawl between everyone else starts right at ringside! Inside the ring, however, Christian turns Edge over and nails the UNPRETTIER! And covers! !-2-3! The show goes off the air with everyone fighting at ringside, and Vince standing alone, away from the chaos, with a look of shock and complete and utter awe on his face.

Week 5:
Raw comes back from it’s final commercial with the TNA roster in the ring, all of them dressed in suits, looking professional. Samoa Joe has the mic, and he begins to talk.

“Hell of a show last week, Vince! Hell of a show! And to think, you REALLY thought you had a chance at getting rid of us! Your own wrestlers are turning on you! And what’d you expect!? Jeff Hardy has been treated like (BLEEP) ever since he started working for you! But it didn’t matter, did it!? You needed the money and someone to be a daredevil and get it! You went to Jeff because you KNOW he is a company man, and will do anything for you and for the company he works for! But he never got a real reward, Vince. He never got that payday he deserved. You think him selling all that merchandise should be enough? He hardly sees the royalties! But now he’s back with the locker room who shows him the respect he deserves, the respect he’s EARNED.

“There is another point of business I wanted to get to. I was going to try and save it for the end of the night, but I’m just… it’s too much to handle. What I hold here, in my hand, is a piece of paper. What’s on the paper? Well why don’t I tell you. It’s got the matches that the entire TNA promotion has agreed upon for Summerslam. That’s right! And we’re going to announce them all RIGHT NOW! And don’t worry folks, I think you’re gonna like these choices quite a lot…

“First up: TNA’s X-Division of Sonjay Dutt, Jay Lethal, Petey Williams and Frankzie Kazarian vs. WWE’s Cruiserweight Division of Chavo Guererro, Jimmy Wang Yang, Rey Mysterio Jr. and Jamie Noble! ::The crowd cheers, but not very loudly.::

“Second: TNA’s own Motor City Machine Guns, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick! ::The crowd erupts at this one.::

“Third: Jeff Hardy and Christian will be taking on… Edge and Matt Hardy. ::The crowd audibly groans, immediately remembering Edge and Matt’s long, bitter rivalry::

“Now we’re gettin’ to the big stuff, folks. Fourth: Our very own Abyss will be fighting one of your darkest creatures… The Undertaker ::The crowd explodes at that, knowing The Undertaker will do what he’s got to do to punish Abyss.::

“Fifth up: A battle of two men with egos the size of most people’s houses… Jeff Jarrett vs. HHH! ::Again the crowd explodes, starting a loud “HHH” chant::

“Chantin’ for him doesn’t mean a damn thing, people. Remember that. Sixth up is going to be a fight that I don’t think anyone thought could happen. It’s going to be WWE’s CM Punk… taking on the Wrestling Machine, KURT ANGLE!” ::The crowd gasps, knowing that Punk is far below Angle’s level. Slowly though, a “CM Punk” chant starts, and turns into an arena wide chant as everyone is loudly cheering for Punk.::

“There’s 4 matches left on this piece of paper… I don’t think you people are ready for them. The seventh match, plain and simple, is: AJ Styles vs. Shawn Michaels! ::The crowd makes it’s biggest pop yet, cheering for HBK.::

“There’s a man in TNA’s locker room who is the heart and soul of wherever he goes. He works as hard as he can, as long as he can, until he can no longer work. Some people call him the Franchise, I call him the REAL icon… at Summerslam it’s going to be John Cena… taking on STING!

“The second to last match… it’s for your WWE World Title. We thought long and hard about who we wanted to have this match. There are so many deserving men in our locker room. So many guys who bust their ass and should get this opportunity. But we did a little soul searching… and there’s a man who has never been on our roster. Never gotten to step into a TNA ring. Never known what it was like to CROSS THE LINE… until now. We signed him to a contract last night, and I don’t think anyone is going to be let down with this decision. The newest wrestler to join the TNA ranks… and Randy, a guy you happen to know quite a lot about… ROB… VAN… DAM.” ::The crowd can’t believe it, and there’s a moment of almost shock before the entire crowd of people in the arena start an “R V D” chant::

“I hate to rain on your parade, but we’ve still got one match left. It’s for MY TNA World Title. I looked up and down the WWE roster, thinking about who I could have a match with. Thinking about who I would beat, and what it would mean to TNA and myself and this belt. And then I realized, it doesn’t really matter who I fight. So ya know what I did? I called Vince up. I told him how I felt, and then I told him I was going to extend a courtesy to him. I let VINCE choose my opponent for the Main Event at Summerslam. He’s had a few days to think it over, and it’s about time he gets out here and gives me his choice.”

Vince’s music hits, and he struts out to the entrance ramp, much happier than you would think given the circumstances. He has a mic in hand and wastes no time.

“Joe… this one took a lot of pride to swallow. When you gave me the list of matches you and your people had made, it took away a lot of choices that I would have normally made for who your opponent would be. But there was one man, one man I knew was… big enough to match your size. Quick enough to match your speed. Young enough to still be hungry for a World Title. You signed RVD to challenge for our World Title… well I signed somebody too to challenge for YOUR World Title.”

Without warning, the lights in the arena go out. The microphones are still working, though, and Joe is calm as ever.

“What you think I’m afraid of The Undertaker? He’s not quick OR young anymore. And he’s already in a match! And he’s already under contract! Who the hell do you think you can sign that could intimidate m-“

The word doesn’t get out of his mouth, before the lights come back on. Standing in the middle of the ring, face to face with Samoa Joe, is BROCK LESNAR! The crowd LOSES it as Joe drops the mic in his hand and goes even closer, nose to nose, with Brock! The crowd starts up a very loud “Lesnar!” chant, and the TNA wrestlers behind Joe are staring him down, as well. No one is moving WHEN OUT FROM THE CROWD BEHIND THE TNA WRESTLERS COMES THE WWE LOCKER ROOM! The TNA guys don’t see it coming in time and they’re attacked from behind! The crowd erupts at the second huge brawl to come in two weeks, and everyone is going at it! Everyone except for Lesnar and Joe, who are still standing nose to nose and not so much as blinking as all the chaos is going on around them and the camera fades out to end Raw!

Week 6: Summerslam
This is already way too long, so I’ll be as succinct as possible while still giving the general ideas for the matches.

Dark Match: Dudleys def. Cade and Murdoch after 3-D through a table.

Match 1: Dutt, Lethal, Williams and Kazarian def. Mysterio Jr., Guererro, Yang and Noble at the 10 minute mark. Very energetic, lots of good looking spots, got the crowd into it and put the X Division over big as Jay Lethal got the pin on Chavo Guererro after a Dragon Suplex.

Backstage: Samoa Joe is shown arriving, and he walks into the arena with his gear in his bag. Before he gets to his locker room, he rounds a corner and bumps into HHH, who tells him he hasn’t forgotten about the slap from a few weeks ago. Joe just smiles and says he’ll never forget it either. He bumps HHH’s shoulder as he walks past him into the TNA locker room.

Match 2: Christian and Jeff Hardy def. Edge and Matt Hardy after Jeff low blowed his brother, Matt, setting up the Unprettier from Christian and the reverse Twist of Fate that Jeff does for the win around 13 minutes.

Match 3: Undertaker def. Abyss after giving him a Chokeslam through a table covered in Thumb Tacks. around the 11 minute mark.

Backstage: Brock Lesnar is shown arriving at the arena, with Vince next to him, both walking straight to the locker room, and before the door shuts, Vince gathers everyone in the locker room together to go over game plans for the rest of the matches.

Match 4: HHH def. Jeff Jarrett, after ducking a Guitar shot and nailing JJ with his sledgehammer, picking him up and hitting the Pedigree onto Jarrett’s guitar around the 14 minute mark.

Backstage: HBK is lacing up his boots, and the camera pans out to see Kevin Nash standing next to him. They exchange some words, and Nash goes to shake HBK’s hand. HBK stares Nash down, shakes his head, and walks out of the room.

Match 5: The Motor City Machine Guns and London and Kendrick went to a 20 minute time limit draw. Both teams were on fire and there were many, many near falls. After the match, all 4 men stared each other down, silently giving each other the respect they’d both earned from the other team.

Match 6: Kurt Angle def. CM Punk after Punk went for his Pepsi Twist clothesline, and Angle ducked it and tripped Punk down to the mat, putting on the Ankle Lock and Grapevine, causing Punk to pass out around the 18 minute mark.

Match 7: AJ Styles def. Shawn Michaels in the upset of the night, after dodging a Superkick, and hitting TWO Styles Clash’s around the 21 minute mark.

Match 8: Randy Orton def. Rob Van Dam to retain his WWE World Title after popping up and hitting an RKO on RVD in mid air as RVD was trying to hit his Frog Splash around the 17 minute mark.

Match 9: Samoa Joe def. Brock Lesnar to retain the TNA World Title after a Muscle Buster and close to 3 minutes in the choke, being inches away from grabbing the ropes, before Lesnar finally tapped out.

ONE GOOD: Buddy, you put some time into this. For some reason, the match that really stuck out for me was Angle vs. Punk. The straightedge superstar would get a hell of a lot of credit for passing out in the ankle lock, almost like Austin did at WM 13. Both men come out looking great.

ONE NOT-SO-GOOD: Brock Lesnar. I don’t wanna see his lousy mug.

Whew! Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who sent in their ideas these past three weeks. I wouldn’t have been able to fill up this space without you. And for those of you who didn’t, well, you probably saw all the great ideas coming from our wonderful readers and decided that you just couldn’t measure up to their level. Right?

Now, onto my significantly-less-detailed prediction of how the interaction could be handled.

“The Third Coming”

Between now and Summerslam, Chris Jericho continues his gradual heel turn. He meets Shawn Michaels at One Night Stand in an extreme rules match and, following several minutes of rehashing the big spots from their WMXIX encounter, Jericho takes a chair to HBK’s “injured” left leg. Y2J absolutely destroys the Showstopper’s knee and the referee eventually calls for the bell when Jericho shows zero signs of looking for a pinfall. At Night of Champions, Y2J loses the Intercontinental Championship to Mr. Kennedy when HBK makes a surprising return. The two finish their feud at Great American Bash, with Jericho defeating Michaels in a submission match.

Jericho makes a push for the WWE Championship at Summerslam. He faces off against John Cena, just like at SS ’05. The match gives way to similar results. The following night, history once again repeats itself: Y2J barges into the general manager’s office and demands a rematch while offering to put his career on the line if he loses. It’s more of the same for poor ol’ Ayatollah… he takes an F-U in the middle of the ring and says goodbye to his WWE career. On his way out of the arena, Jericho seeks out Vince McMahon to plead his case for reinstatement.

“A deal’s a deal, Jericho. You’re done here in the WWE.”

“But Vince, I’ll do anything, don’t make me leave! I… I… I’ll shine your shoes, I’ll be your personal bodyguard, I’ll do whatever you want!”

“Have some dignity, Chris. I’m sure it will all work out.”

With that, McMahon walks away and Chris Jericho, bags and gear in tow, leaves the WWE a-gain.

The usual controversy erupts on the Internet. Everybody wants to know when they are going to see Chris Jericho again. For the purposes of this dream scenario, let’s say the WWE gave him a thirty-day non-compete clause and called it a day. After all, in kayfabe terms, he was kicked out. A man should be able to go where he wants when he gets kicked out.

Flash forward to TNA’s Bound for Glory pay-per-view where TNA Champion Samoa Joe is scheduled to put his title up in a four-way Russo-inspired elimination match against Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, and a mystery opponent. The fourth competitor, of course, is none other than Chris Jericho. The match is as wild as it sounds. Joe is eliminated first, a victim of double-teaming by the former C&C Connection, and so there is no doubt that a new champion will be crowned. Cage is next. He taps out to the ankle lock while Jericho refuses to come to his aid. Finally, Jericho overcomes the odds to reverse the ankle lock into his patented Walls of Jericho and force Angle to tap out after over thirty-five minutes in the ring.

That week on Impact!, Jericho opens the show with his new belt and a speech about how he can’t believe it all happened so fast. “I’m a big fish in a small pond now,” he cries. “It took Chris Jericho one match to do what most of the jackasses in the locker room won’t do in their lifetime! Ha!” He subtly drops hints that he came here with more on his mind than just winning the championship and insinuates that at any point he might just take his shiny new belt and go home. Home… to the WWE? He never comes right out and says it because he is interrupted first by Christian Cage and then by Kurt Angle. While the two contenders argue over who will get the first title shot, Jericho simply exits the ring and walks up the ramp. He is not seen for the rest of the evening but a match is made for Genesis on Nov. 9 – Chris Jericho vs. Samoa Joe.

Over the next couple of weeks, Jericho continues to express a nonchalant attitude about being in TNA. He continues to berate the TNA locker room for not being up to his level. At the PPV, two weeks before Survivor Series, almost the entire locker room is concerned with the outcome of the main event. Can one of TNA’s homegrown stars reclaim its most prestigious honor from an outsider? After a grueling fifteen minutes or so, Chris Jericho locks Samoa Joe in the Walls of Jericho and the bell rings as soon as the move is applied. The referee is Earl Hebner! Jericho grabs his belt and is chased out of the ring. Hebner is not so lucky. Joe demolishes him in the ring to vent his frustration.

The next night on Raw, Vince McMahon is shown on his cellular phone talking to an “old acquaintance”. The person on the other end, who we cannot hear, says that he got into some trouble and he needs some help. Vince agrees and says that he knows a few people who would be “just about right” for the job.

It is announced on the next episode of Impact that Chris Jericho has been stripped of the TNA Championship and his entire reign should be erased from the record books. He has refused to accept phone calls from TNA management and has not yet returned the company’s championship belt since the dishonorable acts of Nov. 9th. Enraged, Samoa Joe vows to find Chris Jericho and regain TNA’s pride. He spends the evening scouring the backstage area for guys who might know where Y2J is hiding and, to his surprise, finds that certain former foes are more than willing to let bygones be bygones when company pride is on the line. At the end of the show, Joe goes to the ring by himself to address the situation. He says that he and his cohorts — who at this point remain unnamed — have made plans to seek out Jericho wherever he might show up next.

“That’s right…” Joe says, slowly so everyone can understand him. “We said we’re going to find him, no matter where he winds up.”

On the last Raw before Survivor Series, Vince McMahon is in the ring. “Tonight, you are all going to see something that I always knew would happen sooner or later,” he says, gleaming with pride. “Tonight, the WWE welcomes its prodigal son back into the fold. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Chris Jericho!”

It’s a stunning sight to behold, for sure: Chris Jericho, with the TNA Heavyweight Championship strapped around his waist, struts down to the ring to a thunderous ovation. He reveals that he was happy to be released from his contract so that he could go to a place where he was an instant legend from day one. The entire angle was a work from Day One, orchestrated by McMahon to sully the name of his biggest competition and show his dominance over the wrestling world. “This title, the TNA Championship, is just a stepping stone to my immortal status, but boy am I glad to be wearing it here in a WWE arena!”

Just then, a mysterious figure leaps the guardrail and makes a B-line for Jericho. He is none other than Samoa Joe, delivering on his promise to pursue Y2J to wherever he might show up next. The mystique of the moment is more important than what actually happens — the two men face off and, after some formalities are exchanged and the fans calm down, Joe challenges Jericho to a match at Survivor Series for the title that no longer belongs to him anyways. McMahon immediately demands that security remove Joe from the arena but, at that moment, four more men emerge from the crowd: Kurt Angle, Christian Cage, Rhyno, and Booker T.

The four former WWE superstars (along with Samoa Joe) create an imposing presence in the ring and drive Jericho and McMahon away. At the top of the ramp, Vince, never one to be outdone, calls out his henchmen to even the odds. With a mere wave of his hand, the chairman summons Umaga, John Morrison, M.V.P. and Mr. Kennedy to watch Jericho’s back. The episode of RAW ends with the announcement of a five-on-five match in six days for the possession of the TNA Championship belt.

At Survivor Series, the match lives up to the hype and provides a thrilling one-time-only atmosphere where the WWE heels (who will almost surely be cheered) take on TNA’s best. Readers… who do you think should win?

That’s all we have this week. I apologize to those who are looking to this column for more “feedback” and I assure you all that I will be back to old form next week. Please realize that law school exams are very, very, very difficult and I had to put priorities in order. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you all very dearly.

Next week’s homework… due Tuesday, May 27 at 11 PM.
“Legend? I’ll show you a Legend.”

The WWE recently announced that a new video game, titled “Legends of Wrestlemania,” will be released just before WM25 next year. The question is: who do you think should be included in the game? The modern video games like “SD vs. RAW” are concerned with the current (or close-to-current) WWE rosters but this game has the potential to showcase the best of WWE’s all-time superstars. Try to give me some reasoning behind your choices and please keep the roster number below fifty in order to maintain a realistic approach. If you feel like it, go crazy and book a storyline or two that you’d like to see in the game, to boot! Have fun with it!

That’s all for this edition of the Fink’s Payload! Send your ideas, thoughts, and ponderances to [email protected]!

‘Til next week, I’m Andrew Clark reminding you to stay away from slow horses and fast women. Only bad things can come of it.