The Genesis 2011 Breakdown

Genesis 2011 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 January 9, 2011 Live from Orlando, Fla. Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz. Opening Match, X-Division Title: Jay Lethal vs. Kazarian. Immortal, who is Bischoff and Hogan’s regime and is in cahoots with Fourtune, who is Ric Flair’s version of both Evolution and the Four Horsemen, used Abyss to attack Lethal on Impact just before this. If you have to mangle grammar that badly to explain the permutations of the angle, it’s too convoluted. Go ahead and diagram it. Jay shows no signs of Abyss’s attack, chasing Kazarian around and pounding on him until Kazarian knocks him silly with a spinebuster. Lethal comes back with the handspring elbow. Kazarian slingshots Lethal into the Ace Crusher. That’s a cool spot. Lethal fights off a superplex, though, and counters to a sunset bomb. Kazarian survives a Lethal combination and slingshots into a DDT for two. Lethal goes up top, but Kazarian hits a high kick and bumps referee Earl Hebner (wrestling’s go-to shady ref). That sets up the belly-to-back piledriver at 11:35. Not a bad start, but nothing exceptional about it. **3/4 Ric Flair explains to Eric Bischoff that AJ Styles is injured and can’t wrestle. Bischoff: “So you’re telling me [massive amount of awkward expository dialogue]?!” TNA Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James. Man, Mickie escaped LayCool calling her fat only to wind up going against the Beautiful People. See kids. It doesn’t get better. I’m just kidding. It actually does. Just not in wrestling. This. Is. Horrible. By the way. The early offense seems to amount to “running into each other awkwardly.” On the plus side, Madison has adopted Vickie Guerrero’s Shriek of Death. Mickie blocks the Skullfucker, exposing the move as excessively silly by using the Thesz method of putting her arms down in front of her to block. We. Are. Wrestling. Mickie makes the big comeback, but Tara comes out to distract her. Mickie, like an idiot, walks out of the ring to swipe at her. Madison uses the opportunity to load up her glove. Back in, boom goes the dynamite upside Mickie’s head. Madison gets the pin at 10:30. I remember when the Knockout division was some of the best women’s wrestling in the world. Now, they have the WWE’s old 2006 crew. * Speaking of… Bischoff announces Abyss will take AJ’s place, but RVD’s opponent will remain a mystery. Probably should have stayed that way. TNA World Tag Titles: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money. The video package is pretty good, and it tells a story that’s a wrestling classic. The Guns are athletic pretty boys, but they’re soft. Beer Money is a pair of roughneck bullies. Shelley outwrestles Roode early. Nice moment as he hits a dropkick and, as he covers, he grinds his forearm against Roode’s face. Storm tags in but gets more of the same. The Guns hit the AWA Special on the arm. Storm blocks Sliced Bread and drags Shelley to the BM corner after the Northern Lariat… probably could use a different abbreviation. Shelley plays face-in-peril as we glide through every little bit of the tag formula. Storm spits at Sabin to draw him in, allowing more cheating behind the ref’s back. Check. Roode yanks Sabin off the apron to prevent a hot tag. Check. Shelley fights out of a weardown hold only to get cut off as the crowd roots him on. Check. A heel doubleteam backfires, and Shelley enzuigiris Storm. HOT TAG TO SABIN! Sabin cleans house, snap suplexing Storm on Roode. He tosses Shelley into a DDT on Roode, but Storm makes the save. Sabin rolls Roode up, but Roode’s kickout sends him towards Storm, who gives him a faceful of stuff. Stuff, in this case, being beer. That sets up a spinebuster. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Roode can’t believe it. The Guns hit flying kicks and the Skull and Bones. ONE, TWO, THR-Storm pulls the referee out. A superkick sends Shelley to the floor, allowing Beer Money to hit the DWI. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Back in, a babyface doubleteam backfires as Sabin knocks Shelley silly with a high kick. That sets up a schoolboy with a handful of tights, and Beer Money picks up the tag titles at 18:00. Good stuff throughout. Now they just need to reestablish some other tag teams. ***3/4 Christy Hemme asks Devon about Bully Ray. Devon says they’ve been kicking the crap out of each other for years. I guess it must be personal this time. Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon. Are you Johnny Ray? Are you Slim Ray? Are you Paid Ray? Who wants to know? Who wants to know?! Bully Ray grabs SoCal Val, but she slaps him and runs off. Way to intimidate, House of Pain. The match finally starts after five minutes of brawling, and Bully begs off. Of course, he tries a low blow, but Devon is one step ahead of him. Yes, Devon is the smart one in the family. Thesz press by Devon. AH HELL… wait… ::gasp:: ::gasp:: ::gasp:: AH HELL YEAH! To the outside, Devon beats Bully to death with fans’ shoes. Tenay: “A little Nike justice, right there.” Settle down, Matt Striker. Back in the ring, Devon dives right into the Bully Cutter. The Bionic Elbow misses, and Bubba eats a spinebuster. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Devon goes up and gets crotched. CHOPS! Ouch. That sets up the superplex for two. Bully wraps a chain around his fist, but that backfires as Devon ducks and knocks him around. Devon grabs the chain and whips Bully with it, drawing the DQ at 8:48. This was better than it had any right to be, actually. These two are about a decade past relevance, but they did the best they had with what they still have, and the crowd appreciated it. **1/2 After the match, Devon continues the punishment before TNA officials pull him off. Bully uses that opportunity to kick him in the “yam bag.” Jeff Jarrett puts up $100,000 against Kurt Angle. Three two-minute rounds. All grappling. No wife-stealies-backsies. TNA Television Title: Douglas Williams vs. Abyss. Doug Williams is coming in with an injured hand thanks to AJ Styles. Unlike Abyss’s attack on Lethal, this injury actually has consequences as Williams can’t perform many of his early moves, including a sunset flip. Abyss tosses the champ into the post and takes over. It’s a bit of a stalemate as Williams can’t do anything with his injured hand, but he can block Abyss’s deadliest offense with his wrestling acumen. PSYCHOLOGY~! Williams uses his legs to mount an offense and hits a belly-to-back suplex. FLYING KNEEEEEEEE! That gets two. Abyss catches him charging and hits a wicked chokeslam. ONE, TWO, THR-hand on the ropes. Abyss goes out to get his barbed-wire board Janice. Oh. My. Gawd! That’s enough distraction for AJ Styles to limp down and nail Williams with the belt. The Black Hole Slam gets the pin at 9:50. This was hampered by bad chemistry, but the story around the injured hand was interesting. **1/4 So Immortal and Fourtune (a division of Immortal International Industries) control all the titles. All they have to do is keep the big one. In the back, Rob Van Dam complains that he wants Hardy. Bischoff says if wants Hardy, he’ll get Hardy. Oh, RVD wants Hardy. Rob Van Dam vs. A Mystery Opponent. Shockingly, the Hardy that Bischoff was referring to was not World Champion Jeff Hardy, but rather Matt “I whip my hair back and forth” Hardy. Rob is shocked – so shocked that he refuses a handshake. Matt punches him down and mocks the RVD pose. RVD jump kicks him and hits an Asai Moonsault. Guy in the audience: “Come on, Raven!” Back in, Matt heel trips Rob into the bottom turnbuckle. Matt actually hits the Skull-Crushing Finale on RVD, but this is TNA, so it’s the Skull-Crushing Setup Move. The Side Effect gets two. Van Dam comes back with kicks for two. Flying kick sets up Rolling Thunder. FIVE-STAR FROGSPLASH! ONE, TWO—Matt’s hand is under the ropes. RVD stops to argue with the ref, and Matt is able to catch his wind enough to hit the Twist of Ten Years Too Late at 11:50. Not what you’d call a stellar debut. Matt looked sluggish and… well, like he did when he left the WWE. *1/4 Hemme says Jarrett is questioning Kurt Angle’s stamina, so Angle responds that Jarrett should ask his wife. Nice to see everyone’s being mature about the situation. MMA Exhibition: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle. Round One: Jarrett stalls for a good minute before Angle just lays down for him, daring Jarrett to try something. Finally, Angle gets up and goes after Jarrett, so Jeff grabs onto the ropes for dear life. Angle yanks him back into the rear naked choke as the round expires. Round Two: Angle offers up his leg for Jarrett to shoot on, but Jeff is hesitant. He finally shoots in but winds up in a keylock. Angle lets it go. Jeff charges again and gets taken down into a headlock. Kurt drops it in favor of the jujigatame, but he lets that go too. Finally, he locks in the Anglelock, but time expires. Round Three: Jarrett spits on Angle in between rounds. Jarrett’s crew puts some sort of substance on Jarrett’s arm, and he uses it to blind Angle during a lockup. Jarrett throws a few punches, drawing the DQ. Nice shot of Angle fumbling with the blade after cutting himself open. More angle than match [N/R] Jarrett retires from MMA undefeated and invites a bloody Kurt to his retirement party on Impact. Jeff Hardy says he’ll be watching the next match extremely close (sic). He also says anything can happen because it’s “Chapter: Genesis.” #1 Contender’s Match: Matt Morgan vs. Mr. Anderson. Tenay says Anderson keeps a picture of the TNA World Title on his nightstand so it’s the last thing he sees before he falls asleep. Yeah, and his last words as slumber comes: “Man, that belt looks fucking stupid.” Morgan dominates with his size and power early, but Anderson avoids the Carbon Footprint and sends Morgan to the floor. Anderson goes after him but gets rammed into the post. Back in, Morgan hits back elbows, but Anderson clips his leg. That leads to the half-crab. Morgan makes the ropes and catches Anderson with a Showstopper chokeslam. He tries a discus clothesline but gets Mic Checked. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! They slug it out, and Anderson eats a Carbon Footprint. That gets two. Anderson catches him with the Mic Check again for two. He tries again, but Morgan fights out of it. Anderson ducks a swing, and they knock heads. Morgan is so staggered that Anderson is able to small package him for the win at 15:25. Morgan is boned, which is too bad because he has the potential to be TNA’s version of Batista. You’ll rarely hear this, but this is a guy who really needs to sell less. That said, the crowd was firmly behind Anderson. **1/2 Eric Bischoff walks out and says he’s not going to jerk Anderson around. He’s going to get his title shot tonight. TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson. If Jeff retains, which is a foregone conclusion according to everyone else, Immortal holds all the gold. Jeff doesn’t even bother to come dressed to wrestle. We know he’s taking this lightly because he’s smoking on his way to the ring. Man, he’s so full of hate! Tenay and Taz think this might not last long. That’s all she wrote. Sayonara. Pack it up. Smack it on the bing-bong. Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for two. And another for two more. Anderson yanks Hardy to the floor, but Earl Hebner won’t let Anderson follow him out. Not sure why, but it allows Morgan to knock Hardy’s block off with the discus punch. Anderson gets to and unleashes a flurry of offense for two more. Jeff blocks a charge and hits the Whisper in the Wind. Hardy grabs a chair, but Mick Foley runs down and takes it away from him. Ric Flair tries to get at Foley, but security holds him back. Hardy fights Anderson off the top and hits the Swanton. ONE, TWO, TH-NO! Anderson hits the Finlay Roll out of nowhere, but Jeff bails and calls for Matt Hardy. Matt wiggles down to ringside like the penguin from Happy Feet, but Rob Van Dam keeps him from interfering. So that’s five people interfering in the match. Bischoff returns with a chair (that’s six), but Anderson sees him coming and Mic Checks him. Hardy tries another Twist of Hate, but Anderson counters to the Mic Check at 9:06. I know that they’re going for the anti-hero vibe with Anderson, but I have a hard time feeling sympathy for his plight because he is such a… well, asshole. If they had a monster heel in there against him, it would have been different, but this is how they booked it so this is what they’re stuck with. The match, in between the tangled interlopers, was okay but it was mostly them hitting their signature moves and waiting for the next booking spot to kick in. Good for Mr. Anderson, though. **1/2

The 411: The Guns vs. Beer Money is a standout match, and Mr. Anderson finally becoming a world champion lends some historical value to the show. Nothing big in the way of “gotta-see-it” wrestling, but nothing too offensive either. Mild thumbs up.