wrestling / TV Reports

The Judgment Day 2005 Breakdown

May 22, 2005 | Posted by J.D. Dunn

Judgment Day — 5/22/05

  • Live from Minneapolis, Minn.
  • Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.
  • MNM (w/Melina) vs. Hardcore Holly & Charlie Haas.

    Melina gets on the mic and says we’re about to have a “brush with greatness.” Why did I not get that connection before? Maybe it’s the fur coats. Haas backflips out of an armbar and armdrags Nitro out of the ring. Haas does a nice armbar lift into an armdrag. Holly dominates Mercury and hits the dropkick. Holly goes for the Alabama Slam, but Nitro tricks Haas into distracting the ref while he superkicks Holly. MNM takes over on Holly, but he comes back with a Full Nelson slam. Haas, apparently inspired by Shelton’s success, delivers a suicide plancha onto both members of MNM. Haas hits an Exploder on Mercury, but the ref is distracted. Nitro slings Haas’ neck off the top rope, and MNM finish with the Snapshot (called so by Cole) at 8:05. **

  • Carlito Cool (w/Matt Morgan) vs. The Big Show.

    Carlito stalls a lot to start. Show finally catches him and starts laying in the chops which, according to Michael Cole, are like hitting yourself in the chest with a frying pan. Truly, you have a gift for simile, Miguel. Finally, Morgan yanks the ropes down, sending Show spilling to the floor. Show pretty much no-sells it, but the ref gets bumped off a corner whip. Carlito kicks Show in the nuts. Show no-sells that too and goes for a chokeslam. Morgan runs in and breaks it up with an F5! Holy shit! Well, when in Minneapolis, do as the Minneapolitans do. Carlito is in awe but has sense enough to cover for the win at 4:42. Match sucked. The F5 was impressive, though. 1/2*

  • Cole and Tazz hype the ECW PPV.
  • Recap of the Angle/Booker feud. They don’t bleep out “gutterslut” here. I guess there are no kids watching. Don’t squeeze the Sharmell!
  • Booker is promising Sharmell he will avenge her good name when a delivery boy brings some lingerie and handcuffs on behalf of Kurt Angle.
  • Cruiserweight Title: Paul London vs. Chavo Guerrero.

    London apparently has bad ribs coming in. They get all K-1 on each other, which doesn’t last long. Chavo gets a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. London comes back with a clothesline and a huracanrana. The dropsault sets up a 450-splash, but Chavo gets his knees up. Chavo takes over again and targets London’s injured ribs. He stretches London over the ropes and dropkicks him for two. An abdominal stretch works the ribs further. He tries to lift him into a cradle slam, but London counters to a crossbody for a surprise two. London lands on his feet off a backdrop and delivers a flying heel kick. A running enzuigiri gets two. Chavo counters a reverse rollup and grabs the ropes to tease a nearfall. London flips out of the Gorybomb and delivers a spinning wheel kick. London goes up, but Chavo heads to the outside. London cannonballs out on top of him. London landed hard on that one. Chavo recovers and hits a tope. Back in, Chavo tries a super powerbomb, but London backdrops him to the mat and finishes with the 450-splash at 10:41. The match was okay, but disappointing considering who was in there. Crowd was totally dead until the finish. **

  • Booker T searches the entire arena for Kurt Angle. What’s Kidman getting ready for? Oh right, sex with his beautiful wife.
  • Meanwhile, Kurt is in the locker room with Sharmell. He throws her on the couch, jumps on her, and tells her that he can get to her anytime he wants. He just has to dispose of her husband. Tazz: That’s…not good. Well said, Tazz.
  • Kurt Angle vs. Booker T.

    Booker seems a little upset, I think. He jumps Angle and stomps him down. Angle grabs a front chancery, but Booker shoulderblocks him up against the ropes. Angle mounts some token offense, but Booker comes back with the power of rage-o-hol. Cole starts some irritating cheerleading for Booker. Angle goes for an anklelock, but Booker shoves him away. They mill around a bit and botch a spot. Booker stretches him over the top rope and delivers the scissors kick. Angle tosses him into the ringpost to come back. Long chinlock segment once they get back in the ring. Booker makes the comeback but misses an ax kick and crotches himself on the ropes. Angle gives him a rib breaker and goes to a reverse bearhug. Booker fights out of it and gets a spinkick. He avoids something and delivers a crescent kick. Angle avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Angleslam. Booker slips out the backdoor and catches him with the Bookend. ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Angle cuts off another scissors kick attempt with a clothesline and hits the Rolling Germans. Angle tries to bull him over into a cradle, but Booker rolls him into an awkward cover for the win at 14:09. Sharmell runs down to cheer on her man. Angle attacks Booker from behind and tries to handcuff Sharmell to the ropes. Booker recovers and handcuffs Angle to the ropes! With Angle helpless, Booker beats the shit out of him. He says he’ll let Sharmell get in a few shots. I know what you’re thinking, but it doesn’t happen. Sharmell just goes ballistic on Angle and kicks him in the nuts. That’s the one ending that could have given this a satisfactory ending. I’m surprised they did it. Never rub another man’s rhubarb. As for the match, there were a lot of sloppy points, including the ending. What was here was average at best. **1/2

  • Funny moment as they can’t get Angle’s handcuffs undone so Cole and Tazz have to stall for a bit. They point out Roberto Duran in the audience and remind us of him quitting in a boxing match several years ago. Hey, and we have an “I Quit” match tonight.
  • U.S. Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich.

    That little Heidenreich strut may just get him over. He picks out a little plant girl from the audience who is way crazier than he is. About time he picked out a girl. I was starting to think this was a nod to Michael Jackson. Heidenreich comes up with the name Whole Wheat for OJ. That’s a nice way to avoid getting sued. Finally, OJ jumps Heidenreich as he’s getting in the ring. Jordan actually gets into an argument with the ten year-old girl. Heidenreich catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex. They brawl on th outside. Back in, Orlando delivers a nice backdrop suplex for two. Heidenreich hulks up by doing the Heidenreich march. OJ gets a swinging neckbreaker to work the neck further. He stops to spell “O J” to the crowd the way Bret Hart did with “W C W”. Heidenreich schoolboys him for two, but OJ comes back with a DDT for the win at 4:55. The little girl revives Heidenreich by doing the march. Seriously. Actually, the neck psychology made sense in the end. Not a great match, but they looked competent. More than I gave them credit for. *

  • John Bradshaw Layfield tells John Cena he might as well go back to his rap career or run for governor because Minnesotans will elect anyone.
  • Eddy Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio.

    Rey comes in with his ribs taped. No fancy lucha moves here, just an all-out brawl. They take it to the outside where Eddy slams Rey into the ringpost and then again down on the announce table. And again. Crowd starts an “Eddy” chant and jeers Brian Hebner when he prevents Eddy from taking the fight to the announce table. Finally, an “Eddy sucks” chant breaks out. Back in, Eddy drives Rey down on his ribs over and over again. He goes to the abdominal stretch. Rey armdrags out of it, but Eddy catches him with a facebuster. Rey kicks out of a single leg crab and delivers an enzuigiri. They tease a double countdown. Eddy charges, but Rey reverse monkey flips him. Rey springboards into a headbutt. ONE, TWO, TH-NO! Rey fires away, but Eddy dropkicks him in the knee. Eddy busts out a Liontamer then into a full Boston Crab. Rey starts to crawl to the ropes, but Eddy segues to an STF. Nice! Rey makes the ropes anyway. Eddy slings him to the outside like a bucket of slop. Eddy sets up the ringsteps for another brainbuster. Rey rams him to the ringpost and delivers the ringpost 619. Back in, they slug it out in a battle of attrition. Rey wins that with a boot and delivers a springboard crossbody for two. The springboard senton gets a close two. Rey misses a charge, ramming his shoulder into the ringpost. Rey puts him on top and delivers a SUPERPLEX. ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! They play the “Eddy can’t beat Rey” card. TRIPLE VERTICALS! Rey flips out of one and delivers a flying bodyscissors to set up the 619. Chavo Guerrero runs down to distract the ref as Eddy brings a chair in. Rey dropkicks Eddy’s knee, sending Eddy’s face into the chair. Rey sets him up and delivers the 619. The ref pushes Chavo to the back as Rey sets up for the springboard huracanrana. Eddy picks up the chair and tees off on a vulnerable Rey. That’s enough for the DQ at 18:28. After the match, Eddy attacks Rey with the chair again. As one of the few who loved their Mania match, I found this pretty disappointing. I was expecting a match filled with hatred and guttural violence. Instead, Eddy chose to play it with an aura of detached calculation. The only thing I can think of is that they didn’t want to show up the “I Quit” match. Not that it didn’t have it’s moments. In fact, I’m sure a lot of people will like this better than the Mania match. I was expecting more, though. ***1/2

  • WWE World Title, I Quit Match: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield.

    Cena rides a semi to the ring with a DJ playing his entrance. Take that, Austin. Strangely slow start to the match as they trade headlocks. Cena tries to choke him out, but that doesn’t work. JBL tries a cover. That works even less. Cena clotheslines him to the outside. They brawl into the crowd. JBL delivers a neckbreaker on the floor, and they slug it out. Cena refuses to quit, so JBL rips the belt off the timekeeper and strangles him against the ringpost. They head to the announce table. JBL is about to piledrive Cena through the table, but Cena backdrops him through the Spanish table. Cena levels JBL with a monitor shot, and they repeat the spot from the Guerrero/JBL match a year ago with JBL popping up and hitting Cena with a chairshot. Cean isn’t nearly as bloody as Guerrero, which is probably a good thing. JBL drags him back in the ring and delivers a series of clotheslines. Of course, it doesn’t do any good to knock him out, so JBL grabs Cena’s chain and starts choking him out. JBL yells for Cena to quit, but Cena is out of it. JBL calls him a “punk ass bitch”, which seems to awaken the beast. Spinning sideslam by Cena. Five knuckle shuffle. FU! Doesn’t matter, though. JBL rolls out of the ring and flips off Cena. “Ah, hell no!” says Cena. He chases him down and slams him on the hood of the limo. JBL comes back with a swinging neckbreaker on the hood of the limo. They fight over to the equipment area where JBL yanks a monitor cord and chokes Cena with it. Cena powers out and throws JBL through a gimmicked TV screen. Empowered, Cena throws JBL through a window of his own limo. JBL tries a suplex on the limo, but Cena reverses to his own and tosses JBL into the open door of the limo. JBL escapes to the flatbed, but Cena follows him and tosses him into an air tank, which then spurts everywhere. Cena still refuses, so JBL climbs the speakers and hangs Cena by a power cord. Cena pastes him with the microphone, sending JBL through a table. JBL staggers away, but Cena rips the smokestack off the semi and gives a rebel yell. JBL is slumped against the “J D” entrance panels and he simply grabs the mic and says, “I quit.” Huh? Cena retains at 22:33, but that’s not enough. He takes the smokestack and crosschecks JBL through the Plexiglas panel. They were actually doing pretty well until JBL’s rather cowardly submission. I understand what they were going for, but that doesn’t make the ending any more satisfying. ***1/2

    Final Thoughts: Most people didn’t expect much going in, so they won’t be disappointed. I was thinking they could get four really good matches here. Instead, they only delivered on two and one of those was still disappointing. On the plus side, it appears that Eddy and Chavo will continue their angle with Rey while the Kurt Angle sex fiend storyline won’t. Most importantly, Cena was able to deliver in his first “must” performance. Just not enough to save the show.

    Thumbs slightly down.

    J.D. Dunn

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    J.D. Dunn

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