wrestling / TV Reports
The No Mercy 2004 Breakdown
My, how the mighty have fallen. Jindrak was victorious over Scotty II Hottie on Heat. They fight over a lockup to start, and Reigns gets a clothesline. Eddy goes to the eyes to counter. Eddy tries a shoulderblock, but it’s like running into a brick wall. Eddy hits an awkward dropkick. Looks like Jindrak was supposed to grab Eddy’s leg there. Reigns gets a press slam for two. He goes to a bearhug, then a chinlock, then a surfboard. Eddy knees out of a backbreaker stretch but takes a tumble to the outside. Jindrak gets a few cheapshots in on the outside. Reigns grabs another backbreaker stretch. He delivers a sort of modified Emerald Frosion for two. Eddy counters the Roll the Dice move by walking up the ropes into a reverse DDT. Eddy flurries back and delivers the Triple Verticals. Luther tosses Eddy across the ring, so Eddy heads outside. Eddy steals a baton from one of the security guards and hides it in his boot. He misses a frogsplash, but while the ref is distracted by Jindrak, Eddy wallops Reigns with the baton and finishes with another frogsplash at 13:24. **Ѕ
Nunzio beat Spike on Smackdown to set this up. Spike hits Nunzio in the gut, but gets hiptossed. Spike heads outside to think things over. Back inside, Spike flips out of a backdrop suplex, but collapses on a slam attempt for two. Nunzio gets two more off an Oklahoma Roll. Spike applies a hammerlock, but Nunzio sends him flying out. Nunzio delivers a pescado. HIGHSPOTS~! Bubba distracts Referee Charles Robinson while D-Von shoves Nunzio off the top rope. Spike takes over from there with a Full Nelson. Maybe it’s just me, but cruiserweights shouldn’t wrestle like Billy Jack Haynes. Spike goes up, but Nunzio Schoolboy Slams him to the mat. Spike takes the face first bump to the corner. Nunzio delivers the Sicilian Slice! ONE, TWO, TH—foot on the ropes. Spike tosses Nunzio but misses a double stomp to the outside. Nunzio backdrops him on the outside. Sick. Back in, Nunzio gets two off a backslide. D-Von and Johnny the Bull get into a fracas on the outside, distracting the ref long enough for Bubba to crotch Spike on the ringpost. Spike hurries over and coves for the three at 8:48. Popcorn match. **ј
Hey! It’s Paul Roma! Oh, that’s Kidman in a new homosexual jacket. London delivers a sliding dropkick to start. He snapmares Kidman over and delivers a spiffy Kawada kick to his back. He’s got Kawada boots on too! London leaps over Kidman and hits him with a jumping thrust kick. London sends Kidman out and springboard backflips onto him. Crowd likes that. London slingshot splashes back in for two. Kidman rakes the eyes to turn things around. He punts London in the face and tosses him into the ringpost gut-first. GOOCHED! Kidman slows things down with a surfboard. London tries to slip over Kidman but gets caught. Kidman delivers a press gutbuster. PSYCHOLOGY~! Kidman locks him in an abdominal stretch and pounds on his ribs. Kidman is a vicious little bastard! I love it! London comes back with a forearm and a spinning wheel kick. He counters Kidman’s springboard bulldog and delivers the enzuigiri. That gets two. London goes for a powerbomb, but Kidman reverses to a facebuster for two. London of all people should know better. London counters the Rydien Bomb to a huracanrana for a sloppy two. London goes for a clothesline, but Kidman nails him with a dropkick. Kidman thinks about walking out on the match, but returns at 8. London counters a backdrop and goes up for the SSP. KIDMAN GETS THE KNEES UP! Now Kidman is going up. He hesitates for a moment and then HITS THE SSP! ONE, TWO, THREE! (10:37) Well, that’s really the only ending that would make sense. After the match, London starts coughing up blood. Kidman gets on the mic and lays the blame on the crowd. The EMTs strap London to a stretcher. Kidman gets pissed and delivers ANOTHER SSP to a helpless London! From start to finish, this was the best segment the WWE has done in months. **** for the whole thing.
Before the match, Kenzo sings “Born in the U.S.A..” It’s so bad that they won’t have to pay royalties, though. Van Dam starts with Dupree. Van Dam counters a powerbomb attempt to a backdrop, and they go into a spiffy little avoidance sequence. The faces doubleteam Dupree Rockers-style. Suzuki tags in but takes dropkick from Rey. Rey tosses a charging Dupree out as well. The faces hit stereo somersault planchas on the heels. RVD goes for the Five Star Frogsplash on Suzuki, but Dupree sneaks in and pushes him to the floor. Dupree busts out the Curt Hennig flipping neckbreaker. RVD delivers a kick to Suzuki’s face and makes the hot tag to Rey. Rey comes in with a springboard clothesline and a Tornado DDT. Suzuki chops Rey into next week. Dupree breaks up the 619, but the faces doubleteam him into oblivion. Rey finally gets the 619 on Suzuki, but Dupree breaks up the springboard legdrop. RVD somersaults onto Dupree, but the damage is done. Suzuki stacks Rey up and grabs a handful of rope for the win at 9:13. The faces carried the match, and it wound up alright. **ѕ
Bald Big Show looks like King Kong Bundy’s evil twin. Show overpowers Angle and threatens him. Cole apologizes for Big Show’s language. It’s PPV! Naughty Amateurs 7 is on just a few channels away! Besides, he’s no Amy Weber. Kurt tries a go-behind, but Show rams him into the turnbuckle. Cole works the “raping Big Show of his dignity” for the 1 millionth time. Show press slams Angle, so Angle takes a walk. Angle gets counted out?! Thankfully, Teddy Long interrupts and tells Angle that he’ll never wrestle on Smackdown again unless he returns. Long’s decree: There must be a winner. If Angle doesn’t make it back to the ring by ten, he’s fired.
Angle trips on the way back to the ring, just to add to the suspense. Cute. Show backs him into the corner and delivers a pair of openhanded chops. Angle hit’s the ringpost off a whip. Angle grabs a chair, but Big Show punches it right back into his face. Angle tries to come off the second rope, but Show catches him and slams him. Show goes for the Chokeslam. Angle reverses to the Anglelock. Show kicks Angle right into the ref. Angle goes out and gets another chair. He smashes it into Big Show’s knee. Angle locks a leglock on Show while hanging off the apron. That’s a new one. Angle gets back in and works the knee even further with a spinning toehold. This is like some psychotic WWE version of Jack Brisco vs. Giant Baba. Big Show hits Angle with a clothesline to turn things around. Angle avoids a big boot attempt and delivers the Angle Slam. ONE, TWO, TH–Show rolls the shoulder. Angle gets desperate and gets the tranq gun from under the ring. Show takes it away from him and tosses it aside. Show tosses Angle with the Overhead Facefirst Powerbomb and finishes Angle with the SUPER CHOKESLAM at 15:05. Angle had his workboots on, and Show was more than game. The result is better than I thought it could be. ***
Cena goes for quick falls off of shoulderblocks. Booker T tries to slow things down with a front facelock but gets clotheslined over the top. Sign in the audience, “Use Booker T’s head like a mop.” Let Perry Saturn have sex with it? Booker pounds away, but Cena explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Booker spinebusters Cena to take over. He follows Cena out, but it’s a mistake because he gets whipped into the ring steps. Back in, Cena delivers a flying crossbody for two. Cena reverses a suplex to one of his own. He charges, but Booker counters to a flapjack for two. Cena avoids Booker’s jumping side kick, and Booker crotches himself. Cena delivers a flying shoulderblock for two. A bulldog sets up the Five Knuckle Shuffle for two. Pump! Pump! Pump! Booker counters the FU to the Bookend. ONE, TWO, THR–NO! Cena kicks out. Booker grabs a chair, but Charles Robinson threatens to disqualify him. Booker drops the chair and goes for the Axe Kick. Cena avoids for a nearfall. The FU finishes Booker moments later at 10:02. Just about on par with the rest of their matches. **ј
This was a last minute addition that started on Smackdown. Dawn has a “Charlie loves Dawn Marie” tank top on. Nice touch. No, I mean it would be nice to touch it. Bubba pretends to start with Haas, but it’s a distraction so D-Von can jump him from behind. Dawn Marie tags in and comforts Haas. Jackie makes the blind tag and rips Dawn’s shirt off. Bubba grabs a handful of Jackie’s hair to cut off her “offense.” He closes his eyes and asks her for a kiss, but she tags Rico who is more than happy to oblige. Bubba rinses his mouth out and walks out on the match. Rico rolls up D-Von for two. He goes up, but Bubba returns and crotches Rico on the top rope. Crowd gets bored and chants for tables. Bubba the Incredible Portly Homophobe tags in and destroys Rico. Rico plants Bubba with a DDT. Haas gets the hot tag and cleans house. Exploder on Bubba. Dropkick on D-Von. German Suplex to Bubba. He gets distracted by Dawn Marie, and D-Von jumps him from behind. Rico gets a blind tag, but Dawn Marie breaks up a cover. The Dudleyz set up for the “Whazzup Drop,” but Rico begs for it. Haas pushes D-Von off the top. Jackie hits Dawn with the spear. In all the chaos, Haas delivers the twisting ax-handle for two, and Rico finishes D-Von with a moonsault. 8:45. Another good popcorn match. **ј
A rare production gaffe screws up the video package and Undertaker’s music. If the numerous signs in the audience are any indication, the crowd is actually hot for this match. My favorite is “JBL, Try a Salad!” How do you think he got the title in the first place? JBL jumps Taker immediately, but Taker no-sells and comes back with a flurry. Taker hits Old School to put JBL down. JBL counters a backdrop to a clubbing blow. Taker no-sells and delivers a chokeslam. Taker drapes him over the apron and delivers a legdrop. Cole spins the crowd’s silence as “stunned.” Yeah, as in “Holy shit! I just realized I paid to watch this match! I’m stunned!” Taker preps the Spanish Announce Table, but JBL takes that opportunity to ram the ringsteps into his head. That woke up the crowd a little. They fight into the aisle, and Bradshaw hits Taker with the steps again. JBL is about to put him in the hearse, but Taker fights back. They fight back to the ring, and JBL goes up. Republican out of control shoulderblock!!!! Taker grabs a Triangle Sleeper variation to put Bradshaw out. They head to the outside. JBL reverses a whip into the ring steps. Bradshaw tries a piledriver on the ring steps, but Taker reverses to a backdrop. Taker then delivers a Tombstone on the steel steps! JBL is busted open and bleeding all over everything. He grabs a chair and tags Undertaker with a wicked shot. JBL is about to deliver another one on the announce table, but Taker grabs him and chokeslams him through the Spanish Table. Taker carries him to the hearse, but HEIDENREICH pops out of the back and smothers Taker with ether! Are you kidding me? Heidenreich puts Taker in the hearse and sends him on his way. But wait! Taker sits up and kicks his way out of the hearse. He fights off both guys until Bradshaw levels him with the Clothesline from Hell. The heels put Taker in the hearse, and it drives out of the arena to end the match at 21:05. Geez, Taker must be getting soft. It only took two guys to beat him. Match was nothing without a few spots in the middle. In fact, it was deadly boring in the beginning. *ѕ
Final Thoughts: What an awful end to a PPV. Taker is dead…again. Just like he was with Kane, and Kamala, and Mabel, and Yokozuna, and the Million Dollar Man, and Mankind. The PPV was not nearly as bad as the expectations for it. I still can’t recommend it. The only match worth recommending is Kidman vs. London, but it’s not so great that you should buy the replay. Overall, just a blah show where we expected crap.
Recommendation to avoid.
J.D. Dunn.
