The SmarK RAW Rant – May 3 2004

The SmarK RAW Rant – May 3 2004

– Live from Phoenix, AZ

– Your hosts are JR & King.

– Opening match: HHH, Randy Orton & Batista v. Shelton Benjamin, Tajiri & Edge. Holy cow, booking continuity and stuff. Truly a new day is dawning. Ya see, all the faces have issues with Evolution in some form or another, so you book a six-man with the young guns against the heels. Very old-school of them. If this is “long match night”, I’ll have no complaints about it. Benjamin hits Orton with a few armdrags and gets a clothesline, as Orton smartly avoids an early Dragon Whip in a subtle spot. Tajiri comes in with his own armdrag and takes Orton down into an armbar, but HHH tags in to break that up. Tajiri dropkicks him and Edge wants a piece, but HHH backs off. Ah, so there’s our June match. HHH takes him down with a headlock and gets countered. Back up and the same thing happens again. Third time’s not the charm for HHH, and he backs off to the corner. This time, he eschews the subtle approach and pounds Edge down, then brings in Orton for some choking in the corner. Edge hits him with a clothesline out of the corner, however, forcing Orton to go to the eyes. Batista comes in and pounds the broken wrist, setting up a powerslam for two. Into the corner for some shenanigans (although not offbeat ones) and HHH posts the arm for good measure. HHH goes to work on it with knees and brings in Batista for some shoulderblocks in the corner. HHH & Edge slug it out, which Edge wins, but he puts his head down and gets hit with a facecrusher for two. Edge comes back with a leg lariat and both guys are out. Hot tag Tajiri, and he hits HHH with the handspring elbow and cleans house with kicks, then blocks a blind charge with a tornado DDT. HHH counters, so Tajiri gets a regular one for two. Batista breaks it up and then blocks a handspring with a wicked forearm to the back of the head, and we take a break. We return with Orton getting the standing dropkick on Tajiri (admittedly not as impressive on a guy that short) for two. Batista uses the CLUBBING FOREARMS to the back and HHH adds a cheapshot. Batista gets two. HHH tries a suplex, but it’s reversed to a backslide for two. Back to the corner , where Orton pounds him into the mat and hits the chinlock. Tajiri fights out and comes back with a sunset flip which Orton blocks, but Tajiri knocks him out with the Big Kick and makes the hot tag to Edge. DDT for HHH and he tosses Batista. Atomic drop for Orton and Edge goes up with a double clothesline on HHH & Orton, setting up the spear, but he runs into Batista. It’s BONZO GONZO as Benjamin brawls with Batista, which causes the ref to protest, but Benjamin dumps Batista anyway, and then stupidly walks into a HHH ambush. Orton goes for the RKO on a woozy Edge, but Tajiri sacrifices himself to break it up. Edge gets dumped anyway and the demon bomb looks to finish, but Tajiri mists Batista. Orton dumps him for that and goes to attend to Batista, but it’s spear time and Edge gets the pin at 17:31. Super-hot opener that hit all the right notes and both protected Batista’s monster act while allowing Tajiri to get believable offense on the bigger heels. ***3/4 Now I’m not sure which guy they’re grooming for the feud with Orton, but that’s okay, because either one is fine.

– Meanwhile, Coach & Cade bump into Vince McMahon, who puts Benoit over bigtime and hypes the main event.

– Meanwhile, Evolution bitches to Uncle Eric, so it’s Batista v. Tajiri next week, as well as HHH v. Benjamin and Orton v. Edge. Orton’s less thrilled than he thought he’d be, however. Next week, next week, next week. THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT!

– Rob Conway v. Hurricane. Conway elbows him down and goes for the arm to start. They fight over a backslide and Hurricane goes into a criss-cross, and gets caught with an atomic drop. Neckbreaker from Conway gets two. Conway wrenches the neck and they slug it out, but Hurricane comes back with a clothesline and a neckbreaker for two. Shining Wizard misses and Conway hotshots him, then drapes him on the top rope and finishes with a falling neckbreaker at 3:09. Not quite as impressive without the double-team, but still nice. Hurricane must be flattered to be used as a job guy building up to the retard. * Still, again, NEXT WEEK. Keep building the next show, week after week.

– Kane v. Stevie Richards. Poor Stevie. Kane destroys him with a big boot and corner clothesline, and the chokeslam finishes at 0:31. Dude was better off dressed in pink and being Victoria’s bitch. DUD

– Highlight Reel time. Jericho puts over the title match tonight (and points out that he’s been out of the title picture too long) and challenges the winner (pointing out that it’s not HHH doing the challenging for once). That’s another good step – having guys ACKNOWLEDGE the title instead of just ignoring it outside of the main event feuds. Your guest: Matt Hardy. Matt facts! He believes in karma, and isn’t afraid of pain. How zen. He’s here to talk about Lita, however, and he calls her out. She appears on the screen, however, denying she ever loved Matt, obviously with Kane pulling the strings off-camera. However, she gives his cunning plan away, and Matt has to charge off to the rescue. Yeah, I’m not giving him good odds on that one, but at least he doesn’t fear pain. That was pretty Russoriffic. However, with Matt gone, Christian and his entourage head out and Jericho brawls with Tyson Tomko, the least intimidating name for a bodyguard heard in quite some time. Jericho gets destroyed, of course. Some may note that Jericho accidentally gave away Shawn winning the title in his promo, but Shawn still owes Benoit a singles job, and we all know that Shawn ALWAYS honors his jobs, right?

– During the break, Matt finds Lita, but Kane is gone. Dig that crazy acting.

– Gail Kim (from KOREA!) v. Victoria. Why haven’t the sound guys noticed that Gail and Victoria’s music sound nearly identical? Gail attacks to start and gets an elbow in the corner, into a short-arm clothesline for two. Victoria comes back with a press-slam that they completely botch, and Victoria gets the standing moonsault for two. Molly breaks up the pin and Kim dropkicks her and drops an elbow. That gets two. Gail tosses her and Molly gets her cheapshot in, and Gail gets a legdrop for two. She stomps away and drives a knee into the back of her head, then goes to the chinlock. That goes on for a while. Victoria fights out, but Gail gets a back elbow and lays in the kicks. Back to a sleeper, but Victoria fights out again, and Molly trips her up again. Gail charges and Victoria backdrops her and pulls her off the ropes. We then get the single worst slugfest sequence I’ve ever seen, as Gail falls down WELL before each punch, which looked embarrassing and ridiculous to say the last. Gail catches her with the flying armbar, however, and takes her down to the mat for the surprising clean submission at 6:05. I understood the point here, but Gail Kim is SOOOO bad at this point that it’s counterproductive to be using her in that role. Ѕ*

– Back at the training facility, William Regal tries to teach Eugene to wrestle, promising a torture session, but Eugene turns out to be able to give back everything Regal does. I can’t believe they actually GET how to do this character – idiot outside the ring, but savant wrestling machine inside. There may be hope for Eugene yet. Plus this video had all sorts of hilarious little jokes, like a HHH water bottle and “Ride of the Valkries” in the background and stuff. Tremendous, no sarcasm intended.

– Uncle Eric joins us to announce, in addition to all the other stuff, Christian v. Jericho in a cage match. You think it’s sweeps month or something?

– RAW World title: Chris Benoit v. Shawn Michaels. Lockup to start and they fight into the corner a couple of times, no clean breaks, and a shoving match results. They exchange chops and Shawn takes him down with a headlock, but Benoit powers out, so Shawn takes him down and goes back to the headlock. Shawn takes him into the corner and throws a chop, but charges and hits boot, allowing Benoit to get the clothesline and a backdrop. He clotheslines Shawn to the floor and teases a highspot, but just brings him back in for a snap suplex instead. Backbreaker gets two. Nasty one, too. Shawn comes back with a neckbreaker. It appears to be “attack the surgically repaired area” night. Shawn drops an elbow on the neck and they slug it out, but Shawn gets the forearm and kips up. Benoit blocks the atomic drop with a crossface, but Shawn rolls out with a counter. Benoit goes back to it, but Shawn rolls out again and sledges him down. And we take a sudden break. Back with, well, nothing really going on. Shawn gets a suplex for two. He stays on the back and they slug it out in the corner, and that results in Benoit getting whipped into the corner. Shawn gets two off that. Backdrop suplex gets two. Benoit snaps off a small package for two. I love how he does stuff like that, just out of nowhere. Backslide gets two. Rolling cradle gets two. Shawn comes back with an atomic drop to break up the momentum and clotheslines him down again. Shawn slams him a couple of times and goes up with the flying elbow, and that sets up the superkick. Benoit ducks it and hits the rolling germans, just suplexing the shit out of Michaels, and it’s HIS turn to fly. Shawn starts to get up, so Benoit opts for ANOTHER german suplex and goes up again, but misses the headbutt. Apparently four isn’t enough to keep Shawn down. It’s a double count, and Shawn rolls over for two. Back up to the top, but Benoit slugs him off and then kills him with chops until he drops to the apron. Crazy. Benoit keeps hammering on the apron and tries a suplex, but Shawn blocks and gets his own, suplexing Benoit over the top and to the floor. He goes up and follows with a moonsault, smashing his knees into Benoit’s head. Ouch. Back in, Benoit tries to post Shawn, but gets sent into it himself. Crowd’s pretty split between both guys, and Benoit starts bleeding, as we take ANOTHER break. That’s a little excessive. OK, so back again, and Shawn gets a standing dropkick for two. Another backdrop suplex gets two. Benoit fires off knees into another german for two, however. They exchange chops, but Shawn trips him into a Liontamer (Walls of Jericho, whatever) and does it better than Jericho. Benoit makes the ropes. Shawn drops an elbow on the back and throws more chops in the corner, but Benoit whips him into the corner to set up another crossface, and this one Shawn doesn’t just roll out of. Shawn is made of sterner stuff, however, and makes the ropes. Benoit goes right back to it, but Shawn makes the ropes again. Shawn tries a quick superkick, but Benoit is quicker, catching the foot and taking him down for a Sharpshooter, but Shawn scurries to the ropes. Benoit jerks him back to the middle and tries again, but Shawn counters and bumps the ref. The fans look for the run in. That’s the danger of that stuff. Both guys make it up and Shawn fires off the superkick first (with Benoit doing his usual great sell), but it’s the prescribed HHH run-in, as it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE for Shawn. And I had such hopes for him behaving himself lately. Benoit crawls over and gets the pin at 28:28, since the Pedigree kills you dead for hours, of course. Me no likee the finish, especially since they’re supposed to be making Benoit look like he can stand on his own. Still, everything from the first break onwards was awesome stuff. ****1/4 Not quite the Match of the Year contender hyped in the buildup in a year with Benoit v. Michaels v. HHH, but still a great TV main event.

The Bottom Line:

RAW continues to smoke as of late, with two fabulous matches and sudden hope for the Eugene angle evident, and a hot show already lined up for next week. Just like the McDonalds commercials, I’m loving it.