The SmarKdown Rant – January 8 2004

The SmarKdown Rant – January 8, 2004

– Taped from Huntsville, AL.

– Your hosts are Cole & Tazz, who spend the whole show sniping at each other in funny fashion. Heel Tazz = GOOD.

– Opening interview: Kurt Angle brings out Chavo Guerrero and wants him to apologize for slapping Eddie last week. He doesn’t quite see the point, when he was only showing tough love. “They don’t call it tough love because it’s easy”. Wow, that’s, like, deep, man. Eddy joins us, but Angle steps in and immediately plays peacemaker. That drags on forever as Angle tries to calm him down. Finally the Guerreros shake hands, but it seems to be uneasy.

– Chris Benoit comes out for a match, but Paul Heyman (sporting a finger cast from last week) changes things up and books a mini-Rumble. Benoit starts with Johnny Stamboli and gets a snap suplex and whips him into the corner, but can’t push him over the top. They fight in another corner and Stamboli tries to push him out, but no go. Benoit takes him down into the Sharpshooter as Tazz stresses that Benoit has never won the big one, and Palumbo is #3 and saves. Palumbo tries a slam, but Benoit hits him with a german suplex. The Bull attacks from behind but gets suplexed on the top rope. Palumbo prevents him from being pushed to the floor, however. Benoit dodges Palumbo and baseball slides Stamboli to the floor to eliminate him, but Palumbo gets a backdrop suplex and tries something out of a fireman’s carry. Benoit takes him down with a crossface and he taps, but there’s no submissions. Nunzio is the last guy in, and Benoit releases to go after him with chops. The FBI double-teams him in the corner and Palumbo charges him, but Benoit pulls down the ropes and Nunzio ends up going out as a result. Palumbo tries a powerbomb, but Benoit turns it into a rana. Palumbo comes back with a samoan drop and tries the Jungle Kick, but Benoit dumps him over the top to win it at 6:20. They’re certainly pushing Benoit’s chances of winning hard. **

– Smackdown tag titles: The Bashams v. Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi. The Bashams attack the challengers and lay them out before the bell, and keep beating them down, but now Kurt Angle interrupts and challenges the Bashams on behalf of Los Guerreros. What is he, their manager?

– Smackdown tag titles: The Bashams v. Los Guerreros. Eddie starts with Danny but runs into a shoulder tackle. Danny grabs a headlock, but gets taken into the Guerrero corner and worked over by Chavo. Chavo slams him into the slingshot senton from Eddie, and that gets two. Double elbow gets two for Chavo. Small package gets two. Doug comes in and pounds on Chavo, but he comes back with a dropkick and Eddie chokes him out in the corner. The Guerreros trade off and pound on Doug and Eddie chops him in the other corner and gets a backdrop suplex, but the Bashams bail and regroup. Doug comes back in and misses an elbow, but Danny pulls down the top rope and Eddie hits the floor, thus making him YOUR stereotype-in-peril as we take a break. We return as they work him over with a half-crab and switch off on it. Double slingshot suplex and Doug calmly stomps on him, but Eddie slugs back. He can’t make it to the corner, however, and Danny knocks Chavo off the apron for good measure. Eddie hits him with a headscissors, but Doug cuts off a tag again and works the back over for two. The crowd starts chanting for Chavo, and Eddie rolls up Doug for two, but the kickout puts him against the ropes and Shaniqua gets her licks in. Danny gets a rollup for two. Eddie hits him with a backdrop suplex, but Doug cuts off the tag again and gets a powerbomb for two. Danny stays on the back with a surfboard, but Eddie finally comes back with a dropkick and dives for the tag…but Doug cuts him off. Another lunge, and Chavo is in. Ah, good old tag team wrestling. He cleans house and gets a tornado DDT on Doug for two. He goes up with a high cross on Doug for two, but Danny saves. Danny hits him with a backdrop suplex and knocks Eddie off the apron, but he comes back and trips Danny up, and joins in with Chavo on a double dropkick to Doug. Stereo pescados follow and Chavo brings Doug back in for a sunset flip, but Doug grabs the ropes for the pin at 16:00. Just good old fashioned “face gets bootfucked by the heels for 10 minutes and then makes the hot tag” wrestling action. ***1/2 The Bashams kick the crap out of Eddie afterwards, and Chavo chooses not to take action, sitting at ringside. Maybe he’s just really tired? He finally comes in to help Eddie up after the Bashams are done with him, and then turns on him and lays him out. BIG heel heat for that. He even busts Eddie open. And then steals the lowrider. Now that’s a heel turn. Now they’ve gotta do something with Chavo to build up anticipation for the feud, because if you treat him like a second-rate midcard card guy and then have Eddie get the blowoff win, no one is helped.

– A-Train v. John Cena. Train overpowers him to start, but charges and hits elbow. Cena goes for the F-U, but can’t get him up, and Train punches him down. Train slugs away in the corner and chokes him out, and the butterfly suplex gets two. Train goes to a chinlock and then chokes him out on the ropes. Cena slugs back and gets a backdrop suplex, then goes up with a big elbow to the neck. Five-Knuckle Shuffle and F-U finish at 2:49. I can’t believe that a shuffling fistdrop is his setup move. They put Cena over REALLY strong here, the kind of way they should have been doing a long time ago. *

– Elsewhere, Angle thinks he might be responsible for Eddie’s pain and suffering somehow. Gee, you THINK?

– Rey Mysterio v. Akio. Rey gets an armdrag to start and grabs a headlock, but Akio sends him into the corner and stomps away. Rey slides under him and comes back with a carpet muncher for two. He tries a rana, but gets powerbombed into the turnbuckle and Akio chokes him out. He grabs a sleeper and Sakoda trips up Rey, as Akio gets two. Akio hangs him in the Tree of Woe, but baseball slides and crotches himself on the post as a result. Rey comes back and slugs away, and crossbody gets two. Akio comes back with a sideslam attempt, but Rey shifts his weight and turns it into an inverted DDT for two. He charges in and goes up, but Akio spinkicks him on the way down for two. Rey backdrops him and takes out Sakoda, setting up both of them for the 619. Very cool. West Coast Pop and it’s over at 4:38. Quite the peppy little match. **1/2

– Billy Gunn has his own segment now, the Best of Billy Gunn Countdown. That’s like something out of a drunken binge nightmare. Moment #3: Billy and Bart win their first tag titles from 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly in 1995. It’s pretty clear that he’s coming back as a self-deluded heel.

– Elsewhere, Bob Holly is ready for the street fight tonight.

– Elsewhere, Nidia calls Jamie Noble, but he’s not there. Heyman swoops in to point out that he’s gonna miss his match, and if Noble doesn’t show up in time, she’ll have to take his place against Tajiri. Well, she DID win Tough Enough.

– Tajiri v. Nidia. I don’t think those glasses are regulation. Tajiri takes her down a couple of times and armdrags her. Legsweep finishes at 1:04. Hey, if Zach Gowen can wrestle with one leg, why not Nidia with no sight? She’s an inspiration to blind trailer park trash everywhere. DUD Rey saves Nidia from any further damage, but a tearful Noble returns from wherever he was and attacks Rey for trying to steal his girl.

– Street fight: Hardcore Holly v. Big Show. NEWSFLASH! Big Show finally defended the US title, TWICE, at house shows last week, although it didn’t happen on TV, so it doesn’t count. Still, we’re coming closer to actually SEEING him defend the title that they brought out of mothballs for no reason. Baby steps. Brock is on color for this match, trying to convince us that anyone cares about Holly as a challenger. Show loads up the plunder before Holly makes his entrance. They brawl outside to start and Show tosses him in the ring and headbutts him down. Holly comes back and breaks a broom over his back, but gets tossed out again. Holly slugs away on him and then goes after Brock, but gets posted by Show as a result. Back in, Holly uses a road sign, but gets pounded down by Show. Holly comes back and clips him, then uses the trash can to put him down. That gets two. Holly goes for the full-nelson, which is kind of stupid, really. Show easily shrugs him off and headbutts him down, but Holly sprays something in his face and chairs him, then chokes him down with a chair in a silly visual, which somehow causes Show to tap at 4:56. Slow-paced garbage match that wasn’t any better or worse than the first 8 million of them that we’ve seen. *1/2

The Bottom Line:

No point in further harping on how stupid and ill-advised this Holly push is, because obviously they’re not listening to anyone, including the apathetic fans.

The Chavo turn took forever, but it was executed really well, and at the end of a really good match, too. The rest of the show is still really scattershot and with no focus, though.