Zen Arcade Reviews: WWE No Mercy 2017

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Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Booker T.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz © vs. Jason Jordan
I don’t really know where to start here. First off, I think Jason Jordan’s career as a serious wrestler is in real trouble with this Kurt Angle bastard business. There’s nothing an audience hates worse than having their intelligence insulted, and this Jason Jordan debacle does that with as much subtlety as a nuclear bomb. The Miz has cooled off signifcantly since leaving Smackdown as well, and a cold heel is only going to serve to hurt Jordan’s chances worse as this storyline wears on.

Jordan sends Miz packing early with a Fireman’s Carry, and in an awesome spot, he counters a Sunset Flip by heaving Miz up into a suplex. He follows with a Northern Lights for a two count, but Axel and Dallas distract him just long enough to let Miz recover. He hits his Lita DDT in the ring for a two count. He shitcans Jordan, who comes back in with a flying clothesline for two. Miz tries the Daniel Bryan kicks, but Jordan catches the last one and tosses Miz back with another suplex. The crowd is openly mocking Jordan with the Angle chants as he hits a pair of Northern Lights Suplexes on Miz for a nearfall. The Miztourage regroups on the outside, so Jordan interrupts the party and suplexes Bo Dallas on top of everybody before locking in a Crossface on Miz in the ring. Miz teases tapping, but he manages to get the rope. Miz dodges a corner spear from Jordan, but Jordan catches a corner clothesline and tosses Miz back with another Belly-to-Belly… only for Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel to interfere. Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz the win in 10 minutes. **1/4 A slightly above average RAW match and not much more, complete with the cop-out finish. The only way Jordan gets out of this alive is if he turns it on in the ring and they started on that track here, but it wasn’t enough to push it past the Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling benchmark.

Renee Young interviews poor Jason after the match as the crowd boos him, and it’s probably the worst possible interview he could have given under those circumstances. With all the intensity of a heroin addict, he asks Miz for a rematch and says he really does suck. I can’t imagine why this guy isn’t getting over.

Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor
Kind of hard to provide much in the way of exposition for a Bray Wyatt feud at this stage. It’s all kind of cut and paste with him these days, really. But credit where it’s due, I’ve found this last run of TV with he, Balor and Goldust to be a fun little bit of midcard storytelling. Bray has an actual engdame in mind – trying to prove Finn is nothing without the paintjob – and he used Goldust to get that over. It wasn’t enough to get me to legitimately care about a Bray Wyatt match, but it’s the kind of simple psychology WWE seems fundamentally unable to provide 90% of the time. Plus, who isn’t down for a MAN vs. MAN~! match?

Finn has a pretty swank looking gray getup on tonight. Or blue. My vision sucks, sue me. Bray jumps him before the bell and gives him a Uranage on the announce table. Referees crowd Finn and try to carry him off to the back, selling his ribs. Bray takes the mic and says that the man Finn was set to face tonight was actually a God. He calls Finn a coward, and Finn takes the jacket off and storms the ring. He cleans house on Bray and dropkicks him into the dasherboards, but Bray cuts him off at the passs when he tries the Coup De Grace and gives him a Superplex. Finn starts trying to build his comeback, but Bray superkicks him and shitcans him again. He tries following him, but Finn traps him inside the apron and stomps him out, followed by a PK from the apron. Finn tries the Coup De Grace again, but Bray does the spooky crab walk thing and stops him in his tracks. Uranage and Senton score for Bray, but only for a nearfall. Finn counters a Sister Abigail and hits a standing double stomp for a 2 of his own. Finn hits the Coup De Grace to the back of the head, but Bray kicks out as he wasn’t on his back when it hit. Finn tries to follow up but runs right into a SWEET lariat from Bray for 2. He just chucks Finn across the ring in lieu of a suplex, the poor bastard. Bray postures a bit too much, and a pair of Shotgun Dropkicks set Balor up for the Coup De Grace, and that’s it in 12 minutes. *** Not too much negative to say about this match, really. Bray had his working snakeskins on tonight and was a great foil to an equally game Balor, who knows how to work a WWE-style midcard sprint if nothing else. When either man works with a purpose, their matches usually end up being really solid affairs and this is no different. Good stuff.

Asuka debuts at TLC on October 22. I hope it’s a STAIRS match.

Raw Tag Titles: Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins © vs. Sheamus & Cesaro
I talked about WWE and their lack of simple storytelling chops earlier in the Balor/Wyatt open, but I’ll admit once more that this is another hit for the creative team in my opinion. Ambrose and Rollins getting back together after three years of being at odds is a tricky line to tow, and I think WWE as a whole has done a great job of helping them along without insulting the intelligence of their audience along the way. Could it have been built up a little longer? Sure, but you can say that for pretty much anything in wrestling regardless of the promotion doing it. I think the company has done the tag division a solid with Ambrose and Rollins getting back together, and they have solid chemistry with Cesaro and Sheamus, so what’s not to be hyped for here?

Cesaro actually tries to distract Ambrose right off the bat, giving his partner the upperhand as he starts with Ambrose. That allows them to eventually dispose of Rollins, using that to isolate Ambrose. Cesaro swings Dean into the steps, sliding him in for a one count. Ambrose’s ridiculously cartoonishly delayed sell there was delightful. Cesaro goes to work on Dean’s arm from there, taking a break to send him tumbling with a big boot. Rollins gets an early hot tag and starts cleaning house and Cesaro is bleeding pretty bad from the mouth. It’s no Adam Cole from BITW 2012 or anything, but it’s gnarly. At least his partner wasn’t responsible this time. Cesaro cuts Seth off and tags out, letting Sheamus take Seth apart in the ring with a pair of backbreakers. A replay shows that Cesaro lost his two front teeth on a catapult spot, and it’s naaaasty. Cesaro tags back in and boots Ambrose to the floor for it, and Sheamus pops Seth up into Swiss Death for a two count. Rollins is able to dispose of Cesaro again, with just enough time to get the tag to Ambrose. Dean cleans house on everyone this time, and he takes out Sheamus with a Tope Suicida all the while selling his shoulder. PSYCHOLOGY~! Sheamus meets him up top, but Ambrose cuts him off and hits the elbow for a two count, with Cesaro stopping the pin. Rollins interrupts a double Doctor Bomb, but he’s disposed of and Ambrose finds himself in a Cesaro Sharpshooter. Ambrose nearly gets the ropes, so Cesaro puts in a Crossface. Sheamus and Cesaro finally hit the double Razor’s Edge, but Ambrose is able to kick out. Ambrose and Dean slug it out in the ring until Dean manages to hit the Rebound Lariat. Ambrose can’t find Rollins on the apron, but Seth tries giving Cesaro a rana into Sheamus ala Summerslam… but Cesaro sandbags and lets Sheamus hit Ambrose with White Noise before he SUPERBOMBS ROLLINS ONTO AMBROSE~! DEAN KICKS OUT~! Rollins crawls to the corner from the apron, but Cesaro double stomps him as Sheamus looks for a Brogue Kick.. but Dean collapses… and plays possum into a Small Package! RAIN TRIGGER! DIRTY DEEDS! Ambrose and Rollins retain in 15 minutes. ***3/4 This match is a shining example of why great tag team wrestling is such a necessary part of wrestling shows. It will rarely ever main event – at least in a WWE sense – but if you have two teams who can tear the house down, it can dramatically boost your midcard quality. The Usos vs. New Day feud is the only thing keeping the Smackdown midcard afloat, for instance. And when you have two legitimate top stars in Ambrose and Rollins who can actually add some credibility to the tag division? You’re home free, because not only do you have awesome matches, you have the crowds to add to it. And it’s not like these guys were doing anything all that novel either. They worked the same tag formula you see all the time. They had the same mad scramble to the finish they had last month. But the reason they work the formula is because it works, right? Sheamus and Cesaro are a fantastic heel hoss team, so their systematic destruction of Dean Ambrose – who was just fabulous as the face in peril – was as compelling as you’ll find these days. But at the same time they’re also GREAT bases for guys like Rollins who thrive on the explosiveness of their style, so every guy in this match was properly represented and had their moments of greatness. Add that on with the drama of Cesaro getting his teeth knocked out and an awesome finish, and you have a worthy sequel to their equally great match at Summerslam.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss © vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley vs. Sasha Banks vs. Emma
I know WWE women’s wrestling is in a much better place than it used to be, but this nonstop barrage of multi-women title matches kills the division. Multi-persons are a great tool to use every once in a while. It worked wonders for the Summerslam main event, for instance. But when they’re consistently used as lazy plot devices because the creative team can’t actually write a singles feud, it really makes you wonder why anyone would possibly invest themselves in the wrestlers when they’re all thrusted into filler roles. I really hate coming off so jaded but it’s just tiresome after a while. I like being invested in the wrestling I watch, ya know?

It’s a pier sixer early of course, and Nia starts off by accidentally Avalanching poor Alexa Bliss. Emma, Bayley, and Sasha shitcan Nia and fight amongst themselves until Sasha and Bayley decide to rid the ring of Emma. Nia recovers and goes after Bayley, and she splats Emma with a Spinebuster. Alexa blindsides her, so Nia throws her around a bit too. Nia hits a double Samoan Drop on Sasha and Alexa, but Bayley breaks up the pin. Bayley locks in a guillotine on Nia in a great callback to their NXT matches, and all four women help Bayley get Nia to the floor. Nia tries to suplex Emma out of the ring, but Emma slips under and Bayley helps her powerbomb Jax to the floor! This is actually a damn fun little match, all things considered. Alexa hits the double knees, but somersaults right into a Bayley Exploder. Bayley turns around into a Butterfly Suplex from Emma, followed by a sliding crossbody in the corner for 2. Alexa clocks Sasha with a punch to the face, but Sasha slips behind and puts in the Banks Statement. Bayley breaks the hold and tries to steal the pin on Alexa before hitting her with the Bayley-to-Belly, and Sasha tries to steal the pin this time. Nia lumbers in again and leg drops Sasha, but Emma breaks up the pin. She charges at Alexa, who sends her into the post. Alexa DDT’s Bayley and retains the belt in 10 minutes. *** Bringing Bayley back and pinning her clean immediately is the sort of idiotic booking I expect from this company, but everything else about this match over-delivered in a major way. It was put together almost perfectly and unlike many women’s matches with good agenting, it had the execution to back it up. They worked it simple despite the five deep crowd in the ring, and mainly worked around the size of Nia Jax rather than just trading moves for the hell of it. I mean they did trade moves, but it was done within the context of either winning or getting Nia the hell out of there so they could actually have a chance. Nia even looked like a decent pro wrestler in this match with all the power spots she did and how well they were timed. This was an entertaining little sprint with some solid psychology to boot, an overachievement if there ever was one.

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns
For what it’s worth, the buildup to this has at least been interesting. Part of me really thinks the pandering shoot comments are a bit too goofy for me to really get invested in… but the other part certainly acknowledges the fact that WWE at least experimented a bit. The segments these two were involved in definitely got buzz, so my personal opinion on the matter doesn’t carry much weight after a while. And it’s not like I disliked the segments either; I just thought they consistently made Roman Reigns look like a complete goof who was out of his league, which is the exact opposite idea I’m sure WWE was looking to project. But then again, they’ve done such a great job with Roman the past three years that I’m not even sure they understand the difference. But either way, this should be a really good match and I’m excited for it regardless.

Cena acts a fool early, and the crowd urges him to walk out. Cena acquiesces, but Reigns chases him down and takes him right back into the ring. Reigns hits the Proto Plex early, which none of the announcers even mention as Reigns gets a two count. Reigns takes a bit too much time working over Cena on the outside, so Cena reverses him and whips him into the stairs. Roman battles right back though and hits Cena with the Drive By. Reigns is working heel in this match and you can tell how much more suited to it he is than being the babyface. Dude’s a natural. The crowd jumps on Reigns immediately with a “Boring” chant as he grabs a chinlock. Cena tries to build up a comeback with the Five Moves, but Roman swats him out of the air with a Corporate Kane. Cena finally hits the last shoulderblock and the ProtoPlex, but upon trying the Five Knuckle Shuffle, he runs into a Samoan Drop for 2. Cena finally manages the Shuffle, but Reigns avoids the AA and boots Cena to the mat. Reigns measures for the Superman Punch, but Cena catches him in the STF. Reigns turns over and counters into a ONE HANDED LIGERBOMB for a two count. Reigns tries another Superman Punch, but Cena catches him and hits the AA, only for Reigns to kick out. It’s not like he’s Baron Corbin, guys. Cena goes up top for the leg drop, but Roman catches him with a Powerbomb! He catches Cena clean with a Superman Punch, but Cena kicks out. Roman telegraphs the Spear, but Cena ends up posting him instead. Cena hits the Super AA, but Roman kicks out again. I feel like I’ve seen this all before. Cena now tries to AA Roman through an announce table, but Reigns wiggles out and spears Cena through it instead! Roman Misawa’d himself baaad on that landing, yikes. He appears to be okay though. That gets 2 as they get back into the ring. Reigns measures for another Spear, but Cena hits TWO AA’S! ROMAN KICKS OUT! That’s what put away AJ Styles at the Rumble, mind you. Reigns hits a flash Superman Punch and gets the win with a Spear in 22 minutes. *** …Meh? I don’t know how the reaction to this match is going to shake out around me, but from where I’m sitting, this was the same match I’ve seen John Cena have for years and years. It was so mechanical and predictable the entire way that there was really no sense of urgency, suspense, or gravitas to the match. Wow, John Cena did an AA 12 minutes into a main event style match. I wonder how that’s going to go. Roman kicked out of a super AA? So did AJ Styles. So did Kevin Owens. I’ve seen it before and it doesn’t have any effect on me now. Maybe if there were some spots, counters, psychology or timing to these false finishes? Then we’d be talking about the epic John Cena vs. Roman Reigns match from No Mercy. But in reality, it just felt like a formality of nearfalls and finisher spam until the match just decided to end. No build, no intensity, no reason to be invested. It just bored me, I guess. However, I will acknowledge that the crowd was very into the nearfalls here, and really the match as a whole. They were into both men in some form and bought their hope spots and different peaks and valleys. After all, they’re not working the match for just me and I think it’s only fair to recognize that this match DID work for a lot of people. That’s why I’ve given it a solid rating, because that’s what good work is. They had the crowd in the palm of their hands and delivered what they wanted, and that’s all that matters. But for me personally, this was one of the least memorable John Cena matches I’ve seen this decade.

John Cena endorses Roman after the match. Neat. The crowd gives Cena a standing ovation after the match, probably teasing a retirement just like they did at Summerslam last year.

Miz tells Kurt he wants to do Miz TV with Roman on RAW. Kurt thinks it’s a great idea, and he even asks Miz to kick off the show with it.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville © vs. Enzo Amore
Neville is great. Enzo is not. Don’t really know how to open this up guys, sorry.

Enzo cuts his customary promo on Neville before the match, but it’s nothing special. Neville toys with Enzo early, letting him go in a wristlock just to show him he can. Enzo tries to do some Lucha things, but Neville kicks his leg out of his leg and necks Enzo. Enzo tries a flying DDT, but Neville catches him and just little brother’s him into the corner for some more stomps. Enzo struggles into the ring after getting thrown around outside, and the crowd boos him. No idea what they’re trying to accomplish here. Neville sets up for Red Arrow, but postures too much and ends up missing a Phoenix Splash instead. Enzo heads up top for a sweet diving DDT, but Neville kicks out. Enzo runs into an enzuigiri on the apron from Neville, and the Brit chucks him into the timekeeper’s area to look for the countout. Enzo grabs Neville’s title and poses with it to try and piss Neville off, and he succeeds. He acts like he’s going to hit Neville with it, and he kicks Neville low instead to win the belt. Awesome. DUD Horrendous match, horrendous booking, and one of the most insulting finishes I’ve seen all year. Only reason I didn’t dip into the negative stars was because it’s a Cruiserweight match involving Enzo Amore and there’s no reason to worry about it that much. I hope they’re paying Neville some serious coin, at least.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar © vs. Braun Strowman
If there’s one thing WWE knows how to do correctly, it’s build up a match between two cartoonishly large, badass dudes, and boy have they done that here.

Strowman isn’t about that wrestling bullshit early, as he just effortlessly stuffs a Lesnar takedown and tosses him around at will. Brock hits a German, but Braun POPS UP AND CHOKESLAMS HIM~! Braun follows up with a Powerslam, but Lesnar kicks out! Lesnar tries an F5, but Braun’s just too damn big and chucks Lesnar out casually. Brock dodges a running Strowman and tries a flying Kimura, and Lesnar finally gets Strowman off of his feet with it! Strowman actually has to reach for the ropes, but he pops up and gives Lesnar a Spinebuster! Lesnar himself pops up and gives Braun a huge barrage of suplexes. Braun counters out of an F5 and hits the Powerslam, but his arm is too wrecked to actually cover Brock. He hits another one, but Brock kicks out again. Brock finally hits Strowman with the F5, and that’s it in 9 minutes. *** I don’t think this was intense and balls to the wall as people (and myself, admittedly) wanted, but it was still a damn fun little hoss fight. I think it told a great story, which is what saved it for being underwhelming for me. You see, Brock Lesnar used to be a legitimate MMA superstar, beating some equally legitimate guys on the way. The way he dismantled Randy Couture and Frank Mir give you an idea, I’d imagine. He has more skills in his arsenal than Braun has. Braun gets by on crazy strength and raw power, rather than having to use technique and tact to win his matches. Brock’s like that too, but he has a lot of things to fall back on when he meets his match. Strowman hasn’t dealt with someone like Brock before, so when Brock put on that Kimura, he was about as lost as we’ve ever seen him. He actually couldn’t power out of it, instead resorting to grabbing the rope to stop the pain. And from there, Brock finally got his groove and put Braun away. Is it a little anticlimactic? Sure. I’d have loved a few more minutes of craziness to really hammer the match home, but I wouldn’t call it a disappointment on my end. I really love psychology when it’s used correctly and this is about as solid an example as you’ll ever find for that. I do resign myself to the fact that a lot of people will find this disappointing, and I get it completely. I won’t argue that with you a bit. But that’s the beauty of wrestling, right?

7.0

The final score: review Good

The 411

After a couple months of mediocre PPV outings, WWE rebounds with a fun little show. Nothing here was overly memorable but for a three hour PPV, I'm having a hard time thinking that I wasted my time. The PPV was littered with consistently good matches from front to back and only had one legitimate down point, and even that was rather short and didn't really drag the event down with it. I don't know if I'd tell you that this show was great or something you should go out of your way to see, but it was good. Sometimes you have to take what you can get, and what we got was a GOOD show.