411’s WWE Raw Report 05.05.08

Welcome to the Raw Report. I’m Dan Wilcox and I’ll be joining the Raw coverage rotation along with Larry and Arnold. Let’s get on with it.

This program contains strobe lighting effects~!

We get a video package highlighting William Regal’s coronation featuring the return of Mr. Kennedy, which resulted in the two brawling. Then later in the show, Regal pulled the main event of Randy Orton vs. Triple H off the air mid-match, in case you hadn’t heard. Regal wants respect, is the general message.

Vince McMahon is at the top of the ramp. He gets no music. He says last week, Regal did something no one has ever done. He pulled the plug in the middle of a championship match. Because of that, many people protested and want a response. Vince says those actions were reprehensible. But he also finds his actions to be innovative, daring, and visionary. Regal reminds Vince of himself. Shocking. Vince is endorsing Regal as King and General Manager. He wants us to show Regal the same respect we have for him. No problem.

We’re in Toronto, Canada with Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

William Regal is out and has new music, though he might have had it last week. He gets to the ring and takes a mic. We may not like him, but we’ll respect him. He is prepared to turn out the lights again. “Regal sucks” – Toronto. “So be it” – Regal. Lights out on Regal’s request. Apparently, Regal still sucks. Regal has them turned back on again. This show will continue, but we may not be able to see it. He’s willing to have the show in darkness. He won’t tolerate disrespect…

Kennedy! Kennedy gets a massive pop for the interruption. Kennedy chants from the Toronto crowd. He says if Regal wants respect, then all he has to do is go one-on-one with him, tonight. Regal says Kennedy doesn’t get it. Kennedy doesn’t know his place because Regal is his superior. Kennedy tells him to prove it. Regal intends to… Kennedy is in the main event against ECW Champion Kane… and the WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison and Miz… and the Money in the Bank winner CM Punk… and the former ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero… and his bodyguard Bam Neely… and the rest of the ECW roster. It’s a part of the arrangement he has with Armando Estrada in exchange for promoting tomorrow night’s 100th episode of ECW…

Time to play The Game! Another massive pop for Hunter. Triple H asks for Regal’s pardon and he means no disrespect. He wanted to congratulate Regal on his new found position of power. He wants to offer Regal some advice. If he wants to stay in that position, he needs to not make mistakes… for example, last week. He turned the lights out on Triple H’s match… mistake. After the show, he came out and ended the match… a mistake. He disrespected The Game. That was a mistake. If he wants to maintain his position, you do not want to go to war with The Game.

Regal says he wouldn’t want to do that… Triple H is far too busy. He has the cage match in 2 weeks but tonight’s it’s going to be ECW vs. Kennedy and Triple H! Mistake?

Up next – Women’s Championship Lumberjack match!

Women’s Championship Lumberjack Match – Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix

Your Lumberjacks are the 10 chicks who have been involved in those 12 man tags that aren’t named Mickie or Beth. Maria looks stunning tonight. Seriously, it’s ridiculous. Mickie gets a big pop. No super special ring announcing here. They lock up and go to the corner. Clean break. Lock up again and Mickie gets shoved to the mat. She ducks a clothesline and grabs a waistlock but goes down to a shoulder tackle for 2. Mickie gets tossed outside where the heels put a beating on her. The face Divas make the save as Victoria rolls Mickie back in and Beth gets a 2 count. Mickie fights back with a forearm, reverses a hip toss and hits a neckbreaker for just 1. Mickie gets tripped and goes to the floor to take out Jillian. It’s breaking down on the floor as we go to break with Beth covering for 2. These chicks just love to get on each other. I’m not complaining. We come back with Phoenix in control using a bow and arrow like move. We get an awesome shot of Maria’s cleavage. What? It’s a rest hold. Mickie refuses to give up and gets to her feet and counters with two feet to the face. Beth misses an elbow and almost gets caught with a roll-up. She pulls Mickie up but eats a dropkick. They exchange forearms and Mickie gets a kick, and another. Mickie goes to the top but gets pulled down. She fights them off and hits a Thez press and gets 2. Mickie hits another kick, another is blocked and she nails an enziguri. On the floor, the faces beat down Beth and toss her in. Maria gets dragged in causing a distraction. Melina’s in the ring with the title, swings, misses and nails Beth! Mickie tosses Melina and rolls up Beth for the 3!

Winner – And STILL Women’s Champion, Mickie James!
They worked the Lumberjack dynamic well, but the commercial in the middle hurt it. This was pretty standard stuff from these two and I just wonder where Mickie (and Beth for that matter) go from here. *3/4

The replay shows that Melina hit Beth with her boot, not the title belt like I first thought.

Backstage, Chris Jericho is with Regal. Last week, Jericho insinuated that Shawn faked the knee injury. Jericho says that’s what Michaels does. Tonight, it’s Jericho and Michaels vs. Miz and Morrison. Regal says Jericho has nothing to worry about!

Wow, how awesome could that match be?

Back from a break, and Trevor Murdoch is singing again. Trish Stratus is here! Huge pop! She’s not impressed. Ron Simmons is back! Thoughts? DAMN! Best segment ever.

We get a video package of Ron Simmons being inducted into the College Hall of Fall.

Tonight – Mr. Kennedy and Triple H vs. ECW

Todd Grisham is with Randy Orton. Orton says The Game would have us believe that he had the match won, but he didn’t. Regal is the GM and King, so Orton respects him. Tonight, CM Punk will see the gold, hard reality of what will happen if Punk decides to cash in Money in the Bank on him, because Orton will win the gold back at Judgment Day and the Age of Orton will resume.

Paul Burchill and the lovely Miss Katie Lea vs. John Cutler

Cutler’s from Toronto. Guess who’s winning. William Regal is here and turns off Jim Ross’ microphone. To call this next match… Mike Adamle! He gets major heel heat! Awesome. Jim Ross is pissed and walks around the announcing area. Katie shoves Cutler. Purchill takes Cutler down and stomps him. He hits a couple of forearms. Lea boots the boots to the kid. “We don’t know much about Cutler except that his name rhymes with butler.” True, Mike, true. Why do we have a chinlock in a squash? Adamle says it’s not a handicap match. Burchill keeps booting Cutler. Cutler gets a hold of Lea but gets nailed from behind. Burchill applies a surfboard and Lea comes off the top with a double stomp! Sick! She might have hurt her knee on that. The curb stomp finishes. Lea gets the pin.

Winners – Katie Lea and Paul Burchill
I really like these two, but squashes like this are no good to anyone. It took too long for them to get the win, Cutler got offence in and they had to work rest holds. That surfboard/double stomp combo could develop into a tremendous double team but Katie didn’t look comfortable doing it, though she seemed to be OK. *

JR is sat at ringside with his legs crossed. He looks bored.

Jericho tells Michaels to have his back tonight. Shawn says he’s hurt but he’ll do his best.

Jim Ross is back on commentary and puts over the WWE Tag Champs in a big way. Good to hear. Unfortunately, calling them the “future of tag team wrestling in WWE” implies that there is any sort of future for tag team wrestling in WWE.

Tickets for the Great American Bash go on Saturday at 10AM.

It’s Canada, so Michaels gets major heel heat. He’s limping to the ring. JR mocks Canadians for not being able to get over Montreal. I wonder if he means it when he calls Bret Hart a “legitimate” Canadian hero.

John Morrison and The Miz vs. Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho

Miz and Jericho start us off. They work a few waistlock reversals and Miz eats a back elbow from Jericho, followed up by a vertical suplex. He hits a few forearms and connects with a dropkick. Morrison in and takes a hip lock for 1. Morrison avoids a charge and hits a kick. Sunset flip reversed into a Walls of Jericho try. Miz tries a cheap shot but takes a springboard dropkick. Morrison connects with his springboard leg lariat though. Miz back in. Jericho fights out of a chin lock but gets caught by a clothesline in the corner. Morrison in and nails European uppercut, and another. Jericho tries for a tag but gets dumped in the other corner. Morrison charges into a boot and hits his bulldog. Walls on Miz! Morrison breaks it up with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head. Morrison cheap shots Michaels. Morrison wants his neckbreak but Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music! The Lionsault gets the 3!

Winners – Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels
They tried hard but they didn’t have enough time to get anything going. The booking is pretty good though and I guess the tag champs didn’t come off looking too bad, which believe it or not, is important. **

Tonight – Mr. Kennedy and Triple H vs. ECW

Up next – Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

I told you it was next. Orton gets a good-sized pop in the same place he won his first World Championship from Chris Benoit. He was popular then, too. Orton looks angry, like someone woke him up too early or something. Punk gets a good reaction, too. I believe this is the first meeting between these two. King points out that Punk is turning up on all three brands because of the MITB contract.

Orton grabs a side headlock and gets the first knock down with a shoulder block. Side headlock again by Orton, and another knock down. Punk comes back with a number of kicks and clotheslines Orton to the floor. Punk tries a plancha, Orton moves and Punk lands on the apron, but Orton yanks him off and Punk takes a nasty flat back bump on the floor. Back in and Orton gets 2. Orton connects with those measured stomps to the knees and ankles and head of Punk. Punk avoids the knee drop and knots up the thighs off Orton. Orton ducks a springboard reverse cross body and gets two. Orton applies the chin lock now, believe it or not. Punk comes back with a knee to the gut of Orton, a roundhouse kick, high knee in the corner and a bulldog! That all gets 2! Punk takes Orton down… and Regal is here. Lights out. Great. Forgive me if I don’t recap this part. Oh, this match is officially over.

Winner – Um, Regal?
Well, that was progressing along nicely until the ending. Punk was doing a great job of selling the back; it’s just a shame Orton didn’t take advantage and target it. **1/4

Backstage, Orton wants to know what’s going on. It’s been two weeks in a row and he’s going to Regal’s office, right now! Big pop for that.

Carlito is here with his Cabana. What happened last week between Santino and Roddy The Piper was not cool. Carlito introduces Rowdy Roddy Piper. Carlito welcomes Piper. He knows how annoying Santino can be, but Piper went too far. Piper says he’s been taking it too far all his life. He beat Mr. T and Hulk Hogan and doesn’t have time to play “nice nice” to the Super Mario Brother. His name is Rowdy Roddy Piper and he did it his way, with a slap. Carlito says they are future tag champions. Carlito says he would have slapped him back. Piper says he is lucky he didn’t bring a seagull to beat him up and make a nest in that thing he calls a hair do. Santino is here, apparently no longer under the influence. Santino says Piper is all his. Rodney the Piper says he’s so tough. Santino says it took him 8 years to become Intercontinental Champion doing it [Piper’s] way whereas Santino won the gold on his first night. Piper says Santino needs to get a designated driver! Winner! Business is about to pick up when Cody Rhodes turns up. This is not how you treat a legend. Carlito says Cody’s boyfriend Hardcore isn’t here. Buy Cody has more back up in the form of Cryme Tyme. Rhodes and Cryme Tyme hit the ring. They chill in the Cabana and Santino and Marella bail. Tonight, it ain’t about that money, money… it’s about that Rowdy, Rowdy, yeah, yeah! Piper dancing is a disturbing sight.

That was glorious.

Judgment Day looks like this:
Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Triple H vs. Randy Orton
JBL vs. John Cena

In the back, JBL says none of us could know what it is like to be him. He’s going to take us for a ride in his stretch limo. There’s plenty of legroom, a bar and a full internet connection. Cena likes cars, but JBL rides in the back. At Judgment Day, Cena’s going to be in a car crash. JBL wants to give us a preview of Judgment Day. JBL runs down DH Smith and Canada. He says Davey Boy, nor Bret nor God can help him right now.

JBL vs. DH Smith

Clubbing blows, a knee, a big boot. Another big boot. JBL with a clothesline. And a lariat. JBL connects with a couple of elbow drops before nailing the Clothesline From Hell for the win.

Winner – JBL
It served its purpose N/A.

JBL slaps Smith around after the match. He connects with right hand after right hand in the corner and the fans want Cena. Still, no Cena.

In the back, William Regal informs the ECW roster to put their differences aside in order to make a statement. He says he won’t turn out the lights or the power but he expects a victory. Kane gets in Regal’s face before leaving. Apparently, when Orton went to Regal’s office earlier, he took the scenic route.

The SmackDown Rebound features Vickie Guerero stripping The Undertaker of the World Championship.

In a nice touch, John Morrison comes out selling Sweet Chin Music from earlier. I wonder if Punk will continue that excellent sell job he was doing earlier. Kane is the only ECW guy with his own entrance, which is a nice touch considering he is the champion.

Triple H and Mr. Kennedy vs. ECW

Elijah Burke starts off for ECW with Mr. Kennedy. They lock up and Burke gets a side headlock. Kennedy gets taken down but blocks a hip toss to clothesline Elijah Burke. Game in now and boots Burke. He wrenches the arm but gets caught with a thumb to the eye. Striker in and take a high knee. Kennedy back in now and connects with some rights and tosses Striker into the corner. Mike Knox is in now but Kennedy fights him off. Kennedy gets nailed from behind and takes a clothesline. Chavo in now and gets 2 off of a back suplex. Kofi in and gets 2 off a roll-up. Tommy Dreamer in now and suplexes Kennedy and follows up with an elbow drop. Kofi Kingston back in and he applies a side headlock. Shelton Benjamin gets the blind tag but Kofi inadvertently takes him out wit h a flying forearm. Kennedy ducks a clothesline and hits a back suplex on Benjamin. Nunzio in now and he puts the boots to Kenney. Green Bay Plunge! Chavo in and stops the tag, but Triple H is in anyway and takes out a bunch of ECW guys before getting nailed by a kick from Benjamin. Kennedy takes out Striker but takes a chokeslam by Kane. Kane stops Chavo coming off the top, but Bam Neely takes out Kane. Chavo hits the Frog Splash for 3!

Winners – ECW
Yeah, because winning a 14 on 2 match gives you a huge rub. It was fine for what it was, but it wasn’t great booking in the first place. It was nowhere near as good to the similar match from a few weeks ago. **

A brawl breaks out after the bell and Mike Knox gets offence on The Game. It breaks down to heels vs. faces as opposed to ECW vs. The Game and Kennedy. Triple H goes crazy with a chair and even takes out Punk. He gets Mike Knox twice. Lights out. Lights on… RKO! Orton stands over The Game as we go off the air.