411’s WWE Raw Report 10.08.07

We’re kicking things off with Mr. McMahon making his way to the ring. He’s clearly in a good mood tonight. He’s a man of his word and he proved it at No Mercy last night. He guaranteed that there’d be a new champion, and there is. We had 3 WWE Championship matches and history was made. The fans here think Vince sucks. We see clips of what went down last night with Triple H beating Orton, then Umaga, only for Orton to regain the gold at the end of the night in a tremendous Last Man Standing match.

Vince says history was made at No Mercy. However, he guarantees that history will be made right here tonight if for no other reason, he’s demanding every WWE Superstar on the roster come out at the same time because they will shake the hand of, and show respect to the new WWE Champion, Randy Orton.

The next time the title will be defended will be at Cyber Sunday. The power will be in the fans hands as they vote on wwe.com. They make the matches and the stipulations which is why…

“TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!”

Triple H is here. He’s all patched up after last night’s war against Orton. Vince tells him to calm down as the fans chant “Triple H!” Trips tells Vince to shut up. He talks about who’s got the power to make decisions. The people don’t care about Cyber Sunday right now, they care about tonight. So with that in mind, just like Randy Orton did last night, he is invoking his rematch clause. He wants Orton for the WWE Championship and he wants it tonight. Vince says be careful what you wish for. Vince doesn’t think it’s the right thing to do but tonight it’ll be Triple vs. Randy Orton!

Vince leaves, then stops. It’ll be Triple H vs. Orton and… Umaga!

JR and King put over No Mercy.

6 Diva Tag Team Match – Beth Phoenix, Melina and Jilian Hall vs. Candice Michelle, Mickie James and Maria

Melina cheap shots Kanellis early but Maria comes back with a head scissors. Mickie in and comes down across the arm. Snapmare and low dropkick to the face of Melina. Melina tries going up top but gets crotched. Mickie goes up but Phoenix cheap shots her and Melina regains control. Phoenix in now and nails a back breaker. Jilian in now with shots and stretches the legs of James. Double team by Hall and Melina, goes for a cover, gets 2. Melina grabs an overhead wristlock but gets kicked off by Mickie. Misses an enziguri and a tag to Jilian now. They both get kicked off and hot tag to Candice. She cleans house with clotheslines on Hall, gets reversed, northern lights suplex with bridge by Michelle gets 2. Phoenix gets taken out by Maria and Mickie. In the ring, Hall runs into a victory roll from Candice and that’s it! *

Winners – Maria, Mickie James and Candice Michelle

Backstage Coach and Regal discuss things. Regal’s been redecorating the office. Coach doesn’t feel sorry for Cena after what he did to him a few weeks ago. Regal has photos of George Michael, Elton John and The Queen. Coach says they’re all queens. Vince is here. He wants to make sure Regal is looking after Hornswoggle. Regal says he’s warn out and is taking a nap. He calls him a precious little thing. Regal tells Coach it’s going to be his job to look after Hornswoggle. Regal sends Coach in the closet where Hornswoggle is. Coach goes but he’s not there. Regal blames Coach and sends him on his way. You cretin!

JR and King hype Cyber Sunday on October 28th. We get an ad for it including clips from past shows – Trish and Stacy dressed as school girls FTW.

Tonight, we will here from John Cena!

Santino Marella vs. Val Venis

Venis has a limp after the beatdown received by Marella last week during Marella at the Movies. Marella bails as Val enters the ring. He grabs a Lilian and a mic. He introduces Lilian Garcia. I think he called Venis a mangitate. Marella hits on Garcia. He forgot he had to fight Val tonight – he has another engagement. Santino has a new opponent for Val – Snitsky. “Sorry.”

Snitsky vs. Val Venis

Tie-up, kicks to Val’s knee. Snitsky stomps away at the knee and slams it against the ring apron. He boots the knee caps of Val then tosses him into the corner.

Breaking News – The Cyber Sunday Raw main event will be announced at noon tomorrow on wwe.com.

Val fights back but eats a big boot to the face. Snitsky locks in a double underhook and tosses Val around. KILLS him with a clothesline as JR busts out the bowling shoes. Pumphandle slam gets 3. DUD.

Winner – Snitsky

We see clips of Evander Holyfield knocking MVP on his ass at Saturday Night’s Main Event a few months ago. This is just a way to promote Holyfield. He’s looking to become WBO Heavyweight Champion for the 5th time this Saturday on PPV.

They show last week’s beat down on John Cena at the hands of Randy Orton. Cena’s interview is up next.

SaveUs.222.

John Cena is with us via satellite. He’s in a sling, as you’d expect. JR asks how long he’ll be out. Cena says the wound is fresh and it could be anywhere between 7 and 12 months. Cena puts over Triple H. He’s not thinking about the injury, he just wants to get better and get back in the ring. King brings up Orton’s comments directed at him from last night – Cena says it’s better to fight and lose then to not fight at all. Cena says Orton’s head is getting bigger, and he should worry about EVERY WWE Superstar who is going to shake his hand tonight, all of whom would love a shot at the title.

Randy Orton and Umaga vs. Triple H

This is tornado rules – all 3 guys in there at once. Triple H goes after Umaga, fires off on Orton but the numbers game catches up. FACEBUSTER to Umaga. RKO countered and Orton accidentally sends Umaga to the floor. DDT on Orton but Umaga pulls The Game off the cover. Umaga tosses Triple H ribs-first into the guardrail and then ring apron. Umaga beats down Triple H on the floor then tosses him back in the ring. Garvin stomps by the champion and headbutts from Umaga to the ribs. Mounted punches by Orton now. Umaga and Orton with measured shots to the gut and now Triple H is busted open. Orton stretches The Game out and there’s a headbutt to the gut by Umaga. They beat him down in the corner now. Standing dropkick by Orton knocks Triple H on his ass. Orton holds The Game and Umaga pummels him. SAMOAN DROP by Umaga crushes the ribs of The Game. Orton tells Umaga to head up to the top rope. Orton holds Triple H’s legs but The Game shoves him into the corner which crotches Umaga who falls. Rights to Orton, FACEBUSTER! Kick, Pedigr-NO! Umaga from behind. He charges but gets sent to the floor. SPINEBISTER ON ORTON! Kick, Pedi-CHAIR SHOT BY UMAGA! Triple H goes down and there’s the bell. *** for pure entertainment.

Winner – Triple H by DQ

Umaga continues the assault with a Banzai drop. Umaga holds Triple H up – RKO! Ortons gets in Triple H’s face now. Orton leaves but Umaga isn’t quite finished yet. He drags Triple H to the corner as Orton walks out. ASSALANCHE! And again! Umaga picks him up, throws him across the ring. Umaga to the top rope – SAMOAN SPLASH CONNECTS! Umaga pulls him to his feet again – SAMOAN SPIKE! Triple H is all but dead. “Bullshit” chants! Umaga finally leaves.

Referees attend to The Game as the crowd starts a nice “Triple H” chant! Somehow, Triple H manages to walk out, and even refuses the aid of the referees. Oh no, he falls flat on his face. Dumb fuck.

Back from the break and Triple H is still being helped out, with the aid of referees. We get replays of what just went down. We cut backstage with Triple H being helped. Vince didn’t see what happened out there. He tells Triple H not use this as an excuse to not shake Orton’s hand. He tells him he’ll be the first to shake Orton’s hand.

Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. The Highlanders

London and Rory start. Collar and elbow, into the corner and no clean break. London fights out of the corner and nails a kick to the back of the head. Kendrick and Robbie in but the faces clean house. DOUBLE PLANCHA TO THE FLOOR! Takes out both Highlanders! Back in and London gets distracted by Robbie and Rory takes advantage. Robbie in legally now and he picks apart London with clubbing blows and an axe handle for a near fall. Rory in and a double headbutt from the Highlanders. Posted reverse chinlock by Rory now as the fans get behind London who arm drags his way out of it. Tag both sides and Kendrick in like a house on fire. Clothesline, dropkick, back elbow, dropkick, leg lariat but the cover is broken up by Rory. Rory gets low bridged to the floor. London over the top onto Rory. Kendrick goes for a corner splash but gets low blowed. Robbie stacks him up and uses the ropes for the 3! *¾

Winners- The Highlanders

WWE Divas Search stuff. It’s a load of rubbish. Vote now on wwe.com.

Coach asks a production guy if he’s seen Hornswoggle. Apparently not. Cody Rhodes hasn’t seen him either. Regal is here and want’s to know if he’s found Hornswoggle. Regal tells him to try harder.

Tonight – Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy

Lilian Garcia, looking stunning, and her band perform the title track from the album Quiero Vivir, available tomorrow. She’s got a great voice and her band don’t appear to be too bad either. Of course, I can barely understand a word of it as it’s all in Spanish but that’s besides the point. Hell, if you’re into that kind of thing I say give it a listen and buy the CD. LOL at Lilian getting’ her freak on and rockin’ out like a crazy chick.

Santino is back out. Bravo! Bravo! He says that was amazing, but do him a favour – scramola! He has a song of his own. You want to hear some real music. HIT IT!

THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME WATCH THE CONDEMNED BUT I SAID, NO, NO, NO!

STONE COLD HANG OUT IN BARS, I GIVE HIS MOVIE ZERO STARS!

THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME WATCH THE CONDEMNED BUT I SAID NO! NO! NO!

Jesus Christ, Santino is awesome.

I think I missed something about Rhodes vs. Holly again next week, I don’t now as the commercials cut into the show. Anyway…

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Big “Hardy” chants. Collar and elbow, side headlock attempt by Kennedy but Jeff doesn’t let him get it. Go behind by Hardy – Kennedy counters and gets a shoulder knock down. Now Hardy returns the favour. Hardy misses a senton but gets an atomic drop and leg drop to the abdomen for 2. Kennedy fires off and nails a Northern lights and bridges for 2. They slug it out and Hardy gets slapped, so he spears Kennedy and himself all the way to the floor. Kennedy with a knee to the gut, shot to the back and sends Hardy back in. Jeff with a baseball slide knocks Kennedy back down. Hardy up top – DIVES ONTO THE GUARDRAIL! Kennedy moved! We’re going to another commercial break.

We’re back as Hardy kicks out of a pin attempt. Kennedy applies a half Boston crab as the fans get behind the Rainbow-haired warrior. Kennedy has to relinquish the hold but goes back on the attack and whips Hardy into the turnbuckle. CLOTHESLINE by Hardy turns the tide. Jeff to the top rope – Kennedy dropkicks Hardy’s leg out from under him and Jeff crashes and burns. Kennedy covers for 2. Kennedy goes back to the Boston crab but Jeff gets to the ropes this time. Kennedy uses the ropes to hang up Hardy’s leg and drop all his weight down on it. Kennedy gets sent to the floor and Hardy shoves him into the guardrail. Kennedy slides back in and chop blocks Hardy. Cover gets 2.

Hardy tries to come back with rights, that fails. Sit-out jaw breaker! Clothesline by Hardy, but Kennedy goes back to the knee. Kennedy goes for a backslide and gets his feet on the ropes, only for Hardy to kick out anyway. Side Russian legsweep by Hardy. Pinning combination gets a long 2 count. Kick, Twist of Fate countered, Green Bay Bomb countered – sit-out Brainbuster by Hardy! Jeff to the top – SWANTON BOMB – KENNEDY MOVED! Kennedy crawls across and gets the pin but Hardy kicks out, roles through and gets the 3! ***¼

Winner – Jeff Hardy

Vince tells Regal he wants all the Raw roster out in the ring soon, including hornswoggle. Regal says he’s still taking a nap. Coach is here and gives the game away. Hornswoggle pops out of an ample case. “Hello, sunshine! There ya go, put your hat on!” Regal makes this show worthwhile. Hornswoggle attacks Coach with a shillelagh.

The Raw roster begins filing out and lining up on the entrance way as we await the WWE Champion.

Vince is out now. We’re about to witness history. Every single one of those Superstars are going to shake hands with the new champion, Randy Orton. I’d say now would be a hell of a time for Chris Jericho to show up.

Vince brings out the new WWE Champion, Randy Orton. Tonight, Orton has gone for a swank black jacket over black T-shirt attire, complete with black pants. The no-longer spinning-spinner title compliments it nicely. Orton has his own little podium to stand on. Big boos for Orton as you’d expect. Vince shakes his hand and congratulates him. Orton thanks him. “You suck!” As he stands in this ring he can tell you that there is one absolute ruth: nobody deserves to be WWE Champion as much as him. No one in the WWE has such God-given talent. He’s the perfect combination of size, speed, strength and skill. He looks to the stage and sees jealous faces and despair. They all realize that this one-man dynasty has just begun and he will be WWE Champion for a long, long time. He wants them to put a smile on their face, walk to the ring, shake his hand and say “Good luck, Randy…” no… say “good luck, champ!”

Vince wants to start with Triple h but he’s not here. Vince tells someone in the back to bring Triple H out here. We don’t have all night. Amen to that. Vince tells Orton to go get him if Triple H doesn’t come. Orton starts making his way to the back.

“OOH, OOH, SHAWN!”

Holy shit!

Michaels is on the stage! They stare down on the ramp way. The place just went fucking bananas! Orton is backing off! This is awesome! In the ring and Michaels spears down Orton. SWEET CHIN MUSIC! SUCK IT!

Michaels celebrates, I mark out, and this has been Monday Night Raw!