wrestling / TV Reports

411’s WWE RAW Report 2.8.16

February 8, 2016 | Posted by Tony Acero

It’s a sad day in wrestling fandom, as it appears the goat-faced, veggie-loving, bearded one is going to announce his retirement tonight. Is it a work? Is it real? One can never truly tell in the WWE, but rest assured it will be an emotional moment.

Thanks for not burning Csonka at the stake last week! I’m back tonight, and ready to recap the beast known as RAW! I’ll try and put some of Bryan’s best moments within the report as we go along.


WE start the show immediately with a video package highlighting Bryan’s career, and already the feels are at full power. We get the tweet that he’ll elaborate tonight, and a black screen just before the opening of the show.

Stephanie McMahon is already in the middle of the ring to start the show. She welcomes us to RAW, claiming that we are moments away for the official contract signing for the main event of Fastlane. A DANIELBRYAN chant cuts her off, and it’s loud as hell. Steph pauses for it, allowing the fans to chant. Steph says that they are always confused in Seattle, and the winner at Fastlane will NOT be facing Daniel Bryan, but will be facing HHH. Massive boos. Nicely done, Steph.

Steph nickname drops the three involved in the main event then begins to say something of no importance before being interrupted by Dean Ambrose.

The Intercontinental Champion heads out. He says he wants to cut to the chase, please. He has some unfinished business with the overgrown ape, Brock Lesnar, so how about we just bring his big ass out right now. Crowd is pretty hot for that as well.

Steph says that Dean doesn’t make the decisions here, and there will be no physicality whatsoever. Steph makes the introductions – and she gets cut off.

Roman Reigns’ music hits. He bumps fists on the way down to the ring. A funny looking older woman is hilariously holding fans back like Reigns is The Biebs.

Reigns wants to know what the hold up is. Steph then says it’s interesting how whenever Dean has a moment, Roman comes and steals his spotlight. She quickly then goes to introduce Brock Lesnar.

Heyman is about to do his little intro, but Steph cuts his balls off and says let’s get this started. ean is first to sign. He does so, while staring down Brock Lesnar. Reigns is next. Brock, lastly, heads towards the table and gives it a sign. He tosses it over to Steph. Steph says her business here is done, and heads out of the ring.

Heyman calls Dean “Little brother” and says that maybe he ought to ask the Samoan Badass the difference between a beat down by The Authority, and an authoratative beatdown at t he hands of Brock Lesnar…

Heyman backs up a bit as a SUPLEX CITY chant hits. Ambrose heads around the table and gets in Brock’s face. Brock quickly sends Dean over the table INTO Reigns! He then grabs the table and LAUNCHES IT INTO ROMAN REIGNS!!! F5 to Roman Reigns!!!!! Holy shit!

Brock leaves the ring and smiles his ass off when The Game’s music hits! He comes out at the top of the ramp with the title on his shoulder. Steph claps beside him. He makes eye contact with Brock Lesnar as Heyman holds Lesnar back. Reigns stands in the ring above the fallen Ambrose. Dean’s selling the F5 as the msot shocking thing to happen in 2016 is awesome.

Cole brings up the tweet Bryan sent out, followed by numerous tweets from other superstars, making me feel relatively choked up.

Backstage, Ambrose is expressing anger with his brother Roman Reigns. He swears to Daniel Bryan that before this night is over, he’s going to get Brock Lesnar.

Cole claims that Owens is “renewing” his rivalry with Dolph tonight….believe me, Cole, that shit is ongoing.

Match 1: Kevin Owens vs Dolph Ziggler
Owens rushes in with a clothesline while Dolph is talking to the ref. He tosses Ziggler in the corner then hits a running cannonball. Pin for 1..2..NO! Kicks to the face, then he sends Dolph into the corner and hangs him between the bottome and middle rope. Forearm to the face. Owens with a right hand to the head. Owens tells Michael Cole to shut up. Another forearm to the back. Kick to the gut. Owens steps on Ziggler and uses the ropes. Owens mocks the crowd. Ziggler with a surprise roll up for 1..2..NO! Owens is up with an elbow, knocking Ziggler back down to the mat. Owens talks more shit to Cole, then hits a right fist to the face of Ziggler. Owens whips Ziggler into the corner hard. Owens with a cover. 1..2..NO! Owens goads Ziggler on, lifts him, goes for a body slam, but Ziggler floats over. Sleeper hold on Owens Owens backs Ziggler into the corner once, twice, then shoots himself through the ropes to break the hold on the outside.

Back from a break, and we got a side headlock on Ziggler, down on the mat. Ziggler tries to fight out of it, does so with a jawbreaker. Owens runs right into an elbow, then Ziggler does the same. Owens hits the corner. Running senton to Ziggler. Pin for 1…2..NO! Owens waits for Ziggler to stand up in the corner. He runs forward. BOOT to the face! Owens with a right hand. Whip to the corner, he runs, but Ziggler moves, and Owens hits the post (barely) with a shoulder. Ziggler rushes forward with a clothesline. Another. Splash in the corner. Neckbreaker to Owens. Ziggler calls for the elbow. He hits it! Cover for 1..2…NO! Ziggler flies forward for a DDT, but Owens shoves him off. SUPERKICK from Owens! Pin for 1…2…..NO! So close! Owens stands, grabs Ziggler by the head, sends hi into the ropes, goes for the pop up, but Ziggler goes for a Superkick, but Owens reverses, rolls up Ziggler. 1….HE HAS THE TIGHTS……2….NO!!! Ziggler is up. DDT to Owens! Owens rolls towards the ropes so that he cannot get pinned. Ziggler is on the outside. Owens’ head is hanging out of the ring. Ziggler heads towards the stairs…he slowly gets to the other side while the ref counts. At the count of 7, Ziggler hits a FAMEASSER to Owens from the apron to the floor!!! The ref gets to 8, and Owens rushes into the ring, noticeably bewildered. Ziggler rushes in at 9!! Both men are loopy. Owens is up in the corner. Ziggler goes for a splash in the corner! Owens moves!!! Owens goes for the cannonball, but Ziggler moves!!

Owens flips forward, hitting corner and nothing more! Ziggler pins Owens, holding down the legs! ZIGGLER’S FEET ARE ON THE ROPES! PIN FOR 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: Dolph Ziggler
Great opening contest!
Rating: ***

Owens is NOT happy with the result of the match. He heads to the announce booth and goes crazy. He tosses Cole’s surface and paperwork at Cole. He flips the steps and heads towards the ramp.

Backstage, The Usos are having a brotherly moment. The Dudley Boyz walk in and confuse the two brothers. D-Von says people confuse him and Bubba all the time, too. D-Von says they’ve been going after New Day since Day 1, and if anyone deserves a tables match with New Day, it should be Dudley Boyz. They’re known for putting people throguh tables. The Usos says they respect The Dudley Boyz, but tonight it’s their match. Bubba and D-Von say that this is THEIR match. Bubba says that no one can stand The New Day, so how about The Dudleys AND The Usos team up to take on New Day in a tables match. They’re down.

Bubba and D-Von head out as Jimmy and Jey nod in agreement.

Ringside, Byron Saxton has a nerdgasm.

For no real reason, we get a video package for Goldberg Ryback as if we were watching Main Event on Youtube…

Match 2: Charlotte vs Alicia Fox
Brie Bella is not ringside, as she is backstage supporting her husband according to Cole. Lockup to start into a side headlock by Charlotte. Alicia shoes Charlotte into the ropes and gets hit by a dropkick. Kip Up by Charlotte, much to t he happiness of her father. Alicia with a go behind. Charlotte locks the legs and drops Alicia down. She goes for the Figure Four, but Alicia kicks Charlotte away, and both women are Dropkick by Alicia, followed by Northern Lights. Pin for 1..2..NO! Charlotte backs up in the corner. Aklicia mocks the strut, heads to the corner, lifts her legs, but Charlotte swings Alicia and hits a neckbreaker. Pin for 1…2..NO!

Charlotte stomps Alicia, then gets rolled up out of the corner for 1..2..NO! WE WANT SASHA chant. Charlotte knocks Alicia down and gets in the crowd’s face. Cover again for 1..2..NO! Charlotte grabs Alicia’s hair and smacks her down on the mat. Again. Charlotte steps on the head of Alicia, pressing it against the bottom rope, then hits a side headlock. Alicia tries to elbow out of the hold, but Charlotte isn’t having it. She gets a leg scissors on Alicia’s head and slams her down a few times, then locks in the submission. Charlotte drags Alicia into the middle of the ring. Alicia turns this into a pin for 1..2..NO! Charlotte tosses Alicia with the legs. Both women up. Alicia with a dropkick to Charlotte. Again. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Pin for 1..2..NO! Alicia runs into a move, but turns it into a pin for 1….NO!

Charlotte presses her off, then hits a sloppy Spear to Alicia. Charlotte locks in the Figure Four. She turns it into the Figure Eight. Alicia taps.
Official Result: Charlotte
Just an uninteresting match…
Rating: *1/2

WHERE DO I LOOK?!

I love how when The Miz is quiet for the crowd to say “MIZ TV,” there are only about seven people that say it.

Anyways, Miz has something to say before MizTV starts. Usually, it’s a place where guests get things off their chest, but last week it was none of those things. We see a recap of Styles beating Miz’s ass like he slept with his first girlfriend.

Miz calls last week’s happenings disgusting. He offered to take the Redneck Rookie to Hollywood, and that’s the thanks he gets? He is The Miz, and Styles needs to understand that. He is a main eventer, he has the most must see WWE Talk show….

Jericho shuts The Miz up with fireworks. He’s out all smiles. He says we’ve got some crazy people here tonight. He calls Miz’s introduction wonderful, despite not mentioning Jericho’s name or being entertaining at all. Miz tries to talk, but Jericho asks him to please shut the hell up. He then says that he doesn’t think people want to watch MizTV, but would rather watch The Highlight Reel. Jericho asks for the Jeritron to be lowered. We get some stagehands remove the chairs for MizTV, and change the carpet for a bluer color. Shit took like 2 seconds. Damn. We are now officially welcomed to The Highlight Reel.

Jericho welcomes us to RAW is Jericho as Miz scours on in the corner. Tonight, Jericho’s guest The Miz…

Miz is livid. Jericho brings up Smackdown where Miz lost his tooth, and we get a twitter photo of it. Jericho calls MIz stupid looking, and we get a YOU LOOK STUPID chant. Miz says last week, he had a major audition with Spielberg, and if not for the hard work of his team of celebrity dentists, the WWE Universe may have lost its resident matinee artist permanently. Jericho is laughing it off. He says he can’t stop thinking of the Chipmunks, and their famous song “All I Want For Christmas.” The crowd continues it. Miz is bothered by everyone thinking this is funny.

YES! chant. Miz hilariously raises one hand. He says he has a microphone, and he can be louder than each and every one of the audience members. What he thinks is funny is the fact that he wasn’t the only one upstaged by the so-called Phenomenal One. He asks the monkeys to roll the clip. We get the ending of the Jericho vs Styles match from Monday. Miz says that the small fish Styles beat the big shark Chris Jericho on his debut match on Monday Night RAW, and deep down it’s eating Jericho alive.

Jericho says Miz is right, he hasn’t stopped thinking about it for two weeks. Jericho reiterates that we all know Styles is good, but is he great? Can he beat Chris Jericho twice? Jericho says we’ll find out on Smackdown, but he wouldn’t bet on it because he is going to remind Stlyes that Jericho is the best in the world at what he does.

Cue Styles, and his bad ass theme music.

Styles makes his entrance. Jericho looks on. Miz attacks Jericho for no good reason from behind. He stomps Jericho in the corner. Styles runs into the ring and fights The Miz. He tosses Miz right into a clothesline from Jericho. They go head to head. Miz enters the ring and they both just send his ass back outside. Styles looks towards the crowd, and Jericho shoves him a bit with the shoulder. They go face to face again. Styles tries to Fingerpoke of Doom. It’s ineffective. Jericho smacks his hand away. Styles with a few rights. Miz pulls Jericho’s leg out from under him and pulls him out of the ring. Jericho shoves Miz atop the announce table and turns back to Styles. Jericho is about to enter the ring again, but thinks twice and heads to the back.

The Wyatt Family is in the middle of the ring. We get a recap of their recent destruction of old wrestlers before the music of Ryback hits.

Ryback has added a weightlifting belt to his ensemble. He’s looking more and more WCW by the week.

Match 3: Ryback vs Bray Wyatt
Lockup to start. Kick to the gut, and an uppercut from Wyatt as the GOLDBERG chants start. Wyatt sends Ryback to the outside. Rybck rushes right back in and hits a big boot. He sends Wyatt into the corner. Shoulder into the gut. Clothesline. He tosses Wyatt into the center of the ring. Ryback up top, hops off. Lands on his feet. Shoulder tackle to Wyatt. Body slam and a pin for 1..2…NO! Ryback goes to the top rope yet again, but drops down due to the Wyatt Family being nearby. He turns their attention to them, allowing Wyatt to hit a clothesline. We go to commercial just as a jackass yells for one of the Wyatts to “Show YER FAYCE” as if we’ve never seen how ugly they all are…

Back from the break, and Wyatt hits the ropes. Clothesline to Ryback. Ryback struggles in the corner. Wyatt awaits in the corner. He rushes forward and hits the post shoulder first. Ryback takes a breath, then hits a running high knee. He backs up and hits another one, then a shoulder, another shoulder. A few more. Whip to the corner, reversed. Ryback hops over, hits the ropes, ducks a clothesline. Flying crossbody!! Spinebuster from Ryback! Pin for 1..2…NO!

FEEDMEMORE. Ryback wants the Meathook. He is about to hit it, but runs RIGHT INTO A SISTER ABIGAIL!!!! PIN FOR 1..2…..3!!!!
Official Result:
Ryback continues to impress me.
Rating: **

Immediately, the entire Wyatt Family enter the ring. Wyatt screams, “His heart still beats!” He barks orders to the family. Ryback becomes aware of what’s going to happen, so he tries for the offense. It’s short-lived. Rowan with a Full Nelson Slam, making Ryback actually look little. Rowan holds up Ryback, then shoves him into a discus clothesline by Harper. Strowman sends Ryback to the outside.

The Big Show’s music hits for some reason, but is cut off. Ryback is sent into the apron, then the steps. Boots to the face. Rowan and Braun hold Ryback up until Wyatt comes and hits Sister Abigail one more time at the bottom of the ramp.

Wyatt talks nonsense atop of Ryback, telling us to pray that they show us mercy. Wyatt wonders if we feel it.

Backstage, Big E is…”workin on a table!”

Renee Young comes by to see if they have found a partner. Woods has a calculator and tosses it down. Big E says they haven’t found a partner yet, but they will. Kofi says they’re like the Broncos…they’re champions and everyone loves them. Big E, Kofi, and Woods continue to….work on the table.

Further backstage, Dean Ambrose is frustrated. Reigns heads up and shakes his head. Ambrose doesn’t care if Brock gives him an F5 or a F-150. Reigns says “That fool hit me with a table.” hahahaha Reigns is down to help. Ambrose says he doesn’t need Reigns help. Tonight, Brock is just Ambrose’s. Please. Reigns says ok, tells Ambrose to give him hell but save him some.

Social Outcasts are here. Slater says they’re taking Monday Night RAW viral. Just like last night, millions and millions of people watch the Broncos beat down the Panthers, but tonight – Rose says – the top trending topic will be how the Florida Gator gets mutilated by the Radical Mongoose. Axel calls this nickname the worst nickname he’s ever heard. Bo says this is just like the universe giving him three best friend. Titus is going to find out how best friends make best trends….

Match 4: Titus O’Neil vs Adam Rose
Rose ducks under, then slaps Titus right in the face. Bad idea, as Titus tosses Rose across the ring with one freakin hand. Chop to the chest. Another. Titus gives him another. Rose hits an elbow. Titus hits the corner with his shoulder. Dropkick by Rose. Pin for 1..NO! Rose clips the leg. He waits for Titus to stand…bad idea. Kick to the head of Titus. Cover for 1..2..NO! Sleeper hold from Rose. Titus fights out with elbows until Rose hits a few rights then clips the leg again. Rose whips Titus – or tries to. Titus won’t allow it. He then tosses Rose across the ring with one hand one more time. Shoulder tackle. Again.Ropes but Rose kicks, then runs right into the clutches of the big man. Backbreaker to Rose. One more. Again! He tosses Rose across the ring one more time. Crowd is loving Titus right now. Barks in the corner, Titus rushes the corner, but Heath, Bo, and Axel remove Rose from the ring. Titus heads to the outside and trucks down everyone!!!

Titus grabs Rose, sends him back in the ring. Heath on the apron. Titus with a clothesline. Rose with a rollup for 1..2….3!!!!
Official Result: Adam Rose
I almost forgot that Rose wrestles…
Rating: *

Titus clotheslines Rose out of the ring immediately, pissed at the loss.

Dean Ambrose is out here, calling the F5 earlier tonight “an F2, F3?” He thought it was supposed to keep him down. Ambrose says Brock can’t get the job done. He tells Brock to come out again, and this time put some stank on it. Ambrose says maybe Suplex City is going soft. Brock Lesnar has gone soft. Sounds like a personal problem. What’s the matter, Brock? Can’t get it up for the big fight?

Ambrose turns his back in the ring, paces around a bit, then says he guesses Paul E didn’t give Brock any permission. Ambrose knew Heyman was his advocate, but didn’t know that Heyman was required to hold Brock’s balls.

Finally, Brock’s music hits…

Brock makes his way down. Ambrose doesn’t wait. He heads out of the ring and hops onto Brock! It doesn’t last long before Brock beats his ass. He sends Ambrose into the apron and hits a bunch of knees, then tosses Ambrose into the barricade. Brock sends Dean into the ring. Brock follows. Clothesline to Ambrose. Ambrose stands, using the ropes for leverage. Brock with another clothesline. Ambrose isn’t done. He crawls towards Brock, holding his midsection. Ambrose stands up. Brock has him on his shoulders. F5!

Ambrose is struggling, but he gets up a bit. He looks towards Brock, who is heading up the ramp, and gives him a finger, begging for more. Brock returns to the ring, is about to grab the head of Ambrose, but Roman Reigns’ music hits. He heads out from the back this time, not the audience. Reigns heads down the ramp. Brock stares him down.

From behind, Ambrose hits a low blow!!!! Ambrose rolls out of the ring. He turns to Reigns. “I told you, I had it.” Ambrose stumbles near the ramp. He falls. Reigns calls him crazy, smiling. haha. I kinda like that.

Looks like Sin Cara is back.

Match 5: The Lucha Dragons vs The League of Extra-Ordinary Gentlemen
Rusev and Cara start the match. Sin Cara with a roll up as Rusev tries to attack Kalisto. Cara with the kicks ot the thighs. Chop to the chest. Another. Rusev shoves Cara, who hits a springboard moonsault and a cover for 1..2..NO! Rusesends Cara up and over, but Cara hits a kick to t he head, then goes for a Sunset Flip. Del Rio gets a tag, and runs in with a kick to the face of…Cara. haa. Anyway, snap suplex from Del RIo and a cover for 1..2..NO! Rusev is tagged in. Stomps to Cara. WE WANT LANA chant. Rusev with a short clothesline and a cover for 1..2.NO! Rusev grabs the head of Sin Cara and cinches the shoulders. Rusev lets go, hits a hard kick to Sin Cara, and covers for 1..2..NO! Tag to Del Rio. Del Rio hops off the corner and hits a right hand to the back of the head. Cover for 1.2…NO! Cravat from behind. Cara hits the ropes then runs into a German Suplex. Looked good. Pin for 1..2..NO! Del Rio runs to Kalisto to hit him, but Kalisto hops off the apron. Tag to Rusev. Rusev hits the ropes and drops an elbow. Rusev locks the head. Suplex to Cara, no! Sin Cara hits a knee to the head and Rusev drops him, stopping the suplex. Tag to Del RIo. Tag to Kalisto. Kalisto with a kick off the apron. Springboard seated senton. He hits the ropes. Springboard super spinning burrito!! Hurricanrana slam and a pin for 1..2..NO! Rusev is there to interrupt. Sin Cara with a dropkick to Rusev, sending him outside. Suicide Dive by Sin Cara! In the ring, Kalisto goes for Salida Del Sol, but Del Rio tosses him into the ring post. On the corner, Del RIo elbows out. Kalisto is about to hit something, but Barret is on the apron.

High enziguri to the back of the head of Kalisto. Del RIo gets on the top rope, and he hits the double stomp to the chest. Pin for 1..2..3!
Official Result: Alberto Del Rio

Rating: **

Earlier today, R-Truth was chatting with someone on his celly cell. He wants to check out the Hendrix Exhibit. He hangs up, and Goldust is nearby dressed up as Hendrix. He sings a bit for Truth. Truth says his name ain’t Joe, it’s truth. Goldust wants to kiss the sky. Truth nods his head a bit, then asks what the hell Goldust is doing. Goldust calls Truth “R-Trizzle.” Goldust is just trying to show Truth what he’s capable of. He then slams his electric guitar into a cement wall. Truth says this is a bad call. Truth, “You bout to have a ‘It’s my bad’ Moment.” This wasn’t funny, in my opinion.

Thankfully, Sasha Banks is here to save me and she is looking…..holy….

She is ringside for the following match. She is out her to assure that Becky knows more than an arm drag. She says Tamina and Naomi are no joke.

Tamina’s entrance music sounds like the beginning of an Oompa Loompa song from Johnny Depp’s version of Willy Wonka…

Match 6: Tamina vs Becky Lynch
Go behind by Becky as Sasha calls herself the Beyonce of the group. Tamina with a shoulder tackle to Becky. Cover, but Becky bridges out of it and hits a right hand, a kick, another right and kicks. Whip is stopped and reversed by Tamina. Tamina misses a clothesline, vatches Becky for a body slam, but Sasha turns it into a Sleeper hold. Tamina backs Becky into the corner then misses a splash. Becky with a springboard kick. Naomi hops on the apron to distract. Tamina hits a clothesline. Tamina sends Becky’s head into the mat a few times then covers for 1..2..NO! Tamina grabs Becky by the head, and chokes her up on the ropes. Naomi with a cheap shot, slapping Becky as she hangs over the ropes. Tamina with a stomp. Right hands and Becky hits the ropes, but Tamina trucks her down and covers for 1..2..NO! Tamina crunches the head of Becky. The crowd helps Becky to stand up and turn into it. Knee to the gut, but Tamina hits a hard headbutt. Tamina mad dogs Sasha, asks what her problem is. Sasha gets up off the table. She yells at Tamina. Naomi is creeping nearby. She runs and drills Sasha in the face then sends her into the steps, backfirst!

In the ring, Becky hits a heel kick to Tamina. She heads to the outside and attacks Naomi. Exploder Suplex on the outside!!! Becky runs back into the ring as the ref counts. Tamina with a Superkick! Pin for 1..2…3!!!!
Official Result: Tamina

Rating: *

Tamina heads to the outside to grab Naomi and help her to the back.

Backstage, New Day is speaking to someone we do not see quite yet. They call him a lady’s man, saying this person brings about the power of positivity. We see a huge hand grab a unicorn horn. It’s Mark Henry. Henry says he’ll tag with them on one condition….that he’s allowed to play Francesca.

Woods, hesitantly hands it over. Henry plays it a bit. Big E says the music is good, but it’s nothing without the moves. Woods wipes the mouthpiece, then plays a bit as Big E gyrates. Henry tells New Day they forgot who they’re talking to, he was doing this 20 years ago! Big E says he ain’t got it, but Henry, very obviously, has it…

Henry is YOUR WORLD’S STRONGEST UNICORN! He’s here to get jiggy with it.

Tag Team Tables Match
Match 7: New Day and Mark Henry vs The Usos and The Dudley Boyz

Everyone kind of just goes buck wild until Dudleyz and Usos send all of New Day outside of the ring and team up against Henry. The Usos with a superkick, send Henry to the outside. Jey and Jimmy then hop over the ropes, landing on The New Day outside. Loud chant for tables.

Back after a break, and New Day send one of The Usos right into the arms of Henry for a World’s Strongest Slam. New Day get a bit too big for their britches and piss Henry off. He decides to leave the team and head to the back. New Day all scream at him, then turn around into some clotheslines. Bubba and one of The Usos hit body slams, and it looks like we’ll be getting double wazzzzup drops. Get the tables, guys. They do. Loud chants for the tables. D-Von sends a table in the ring, but Kofi runs up the steps and kicks D-Von right in the head. Big E with a belly to belly to Bubba. We get a double superkick by The Usos to Big E. Kofi goes for Trouble in Paradise, but The Usos hit another superkick to Kofi. Woods hits shoulder to both The Usos, but they hit ANOTHER Double Superkick! The Usos set up a table. They lift Woods. Jey is up top. Big E is there to send him flying off, though.

Jimmy goes for an Enziguri. The DUdleyz are up! Big E turns. 3D!!!
Official Result: The Usos and The Dudleyz
Kind of craptastic
Rating: *

Jey is selling a knee injury while Bubba calls for more of The New Day. The Usos and The Dudley celebrate until….

Bubba attacks Jimmy! D-Von with a clothesline to Jey Uso!!! Bubba Ray sets up a table. 3D to Jimmy!! The crowd wants ONE MORE TIME! Bubba talks shit to Jey, but Jey hits an uppercut!!! D-Von sets up another table. Bubba gets on the top rope. D-Von sets up Jey. POWEROMB THROUGH THE TABLE!!!

A Daniel Bryan video package one more time, this one more extensive and wonderful.

It’s 8:01 and Daniel Bryan is officially welcomed to RAW by Lillian Garcia. The Yes Man is here with a fresh haircut and beard trim. He is already tearing up. Oh dear…

Cole shills Bryan’s interview for tomorrow on ESPN. I don’t know why I didn’t like that, but I didn’t.

Bryan is smiling, but just barely. Bryan smirks then laughs, with his eyes closed. Daniel Bryan chant starts. Bryan stands mid-ring, still with his eyes closed. He finally opens them up, and stares at the massive crowd chanting his name. Bryan rubs his trimmed beard and mustache, then chuckles a bit.

What follows is an attempt at a word for word transcript of Bryan’s speech. I felt it warranted the validity.

“So, just now, I was able to close my eyes and FEEL that. Like, literally FEEL it in a way that I’ve never gotten to feel it before, because when we are here we always have to keep our eyes open. But just that experience, I’m literally never going to forget it.

But now, but now it is time for me to address the giant elephant in the room. I know, I know…I didn’t want to shave my beard either. But the thing is, is that I wanted to cut my hair, and once I cut my hair, I looked really silly with this giant beard, and this is just my one cheap plug – is that I cut my hair for an organization called “Wigs for Kids,” and one of the nice things about them is that they make wigs for kids who have had cancer, and they don’t charge the families at all for that, so um, if there is anything worthwhile that comes out of what I’m saying tonight, that’s it right there.

But now to some less fun stuff…So (NO CHANTS). Trust me, I don’t want to do this anymore than you don’t want me to be doing this. The truth is, I’ve been wrestling since I was 18 years old, and within the first five months of my wrestling career, I already had three concussions. For years after that, I would get a concussion here or there, and it gets to a point when you’ve been wrestling for 16 years, it adds up to a lot of concussions. It gets to a point where they tell you that you can’t wrestle anymore. For a long time, I fought that. I had gotten EEGs and brain MRIs, and evaluations that all said I was fine and I could come back and I could wrestler. I trained like I was coming back, and I was ready to come back and wrestle.

Because this, I have loved this in a way that I have never loved anything else.”

THANK YOU, DANIEL chant

“But a week and a half ago, I took a test that said maybe my brain isn’t as ok as I thought it was, and I have a family to think about, and my wife and I want to start having kids soon (YES CHANT). That’s what Brie says allll the time!!! (hahaha THATS WHAT SHE SAID chant).

So, it is with a heavier heart, and the utmost sadness that I officially announce my retirement. But, if there’s one thing…so I’ve gone through all these complex emotions in this last little bit. I’ve been angry, sad, frustrated, all of that. Today when I woke up this morning, I felt nothing but gratitude, because I have gotten to do what I love for nearly 16 years. Let me tell you a few of the things that I love, ok:

Nobody outside this arena, or this city cares about this, but I love The Seahawks. Here’s another thing that I love; right before my music hits – and it makes that weird sound right before it comes on, and when you guys react, every single time, even if I’m tired as hell or I’m hurting, every time, I get this weird little smirk on my face, and it gives joy to my heart, and I love it every single time.

Do you know what else do I love? I love hitting the ropes and diving…right here (he gets between ropes). It has made me feel like superman, and your guys’ reaction to that made me feel like Superman. I love that.

Here’s another thing that I love. I have wrestled in the parking lots of gas stations AND I have wrestled in front of 70,000+ in New Orleans.

Here’s another thing that I love. I have gotten to meet the most amazing people on this planet, such as…. somebody who looks like a monster, but is the smartest man I know, like Kane. I have gotten to meet a man who has been my mentor and friend for over 16 years in William Regal. I have gotten to meet children that are stronger than I ever though anybody could be, like Conor.

Grateful. I am very grateful. And I’m grateful because wrestling doesn’t owe me, or anyone back there, anything. WWE doesn’t owe us anything. You guys don’t owe us anything. We do this because we love to do this. And then, it was strange – because I did this because I love to do this, then all of a sudden, you guys just got behind me in a way that I never thought was possible. In a way that fans shouldn’t necessarily get behind a guy who is 5’8” and 190 lbs. You guys got behind me in a way that made me feel that i was more than just me, and for that, I’m grateful.

I am grateful because a little over two years ago, in this very arena, you guys hijacked RAW, and they were trying to do a big championship coronation between Orton and Cena. They were combining the belts, and they had all the former champions out here, and this was going to be the most important match in WWE History, and you guys just wouldn’t stop chanting “DANIEL BRYAN.”
(Obvious chant starts).

But that’s not why I’m grateful. Uh, my dad was sitting right over there, where the guy with the goat mask, with the Daniel Bryan sign is standing right now, and my dad got to see that. His son getting that kind of reaction from all of you people (Bryan chokes up) and that was the last time my dad ever got to see me wrestle, and you guys made it special for him and for me and for my entire family. I am grateful.

I am grateful because of wrestling, I got to meet the most wonderful woman in the world, who is beautiful, she is smart, and she completes me in a way that I didn’t even think was possible, and that’s because of wrestling. I am grateful.

I am grateful because i get to come out here, in front of what I feel is my hometown fans. I get to announce my retirement in front of a bunch of people who love me, right? That special moment that I had with my dad…I get to share this moment with my mom, with my sister, with my family, with my friends. I get to share that with them, with you, with my wife in the back, with all of these wonderful human beings that I have spent the last 15 years of my life with, I am grateful.

Now, tomorrow morning, I start a new life – a life where I am no longer a wrestler. But that is tomorrow, and that is not tonight, and by damn, I have one more night to feel this energy and to feel this crowd, so if I could just get one last YES Chant, I would really appreciate it.”

Daniel Bryan Yes’s his heart out along with the crowd.

Brie comes down the ramp to join her husband. They kiss in the middle of the ring.

Bryan heads to his mother and gives her a hug.

End Show

article topics :

411's WWE RAW Report, Tony Acero