The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 12.04.08

Plenty o’ feedback from last week’s Small-For-All . Let’s get crackin’ with it in a segment I would like to call…

If anyone could make me a real banner, that would be greatly appreciated.

From blueoyster, “Please explain how Kenny Dykstra is a headcase, I NEVER hear anything on this site other than “his attitude sucks” or “he’s randy orton style head-case”…”

Ask and ye shall receive. According to the Wrestling Observer and various other fine dirtsheets, Kenny’s been a headcase throughout his whole career in the E. And really, are you that surprised? The guy’s been told that he would be the second coming of Randall K Orton since he began wrestling for OVW at age 17. The wrestling industry has always been about paying your dues and I don’t think many wrestlers liked the checks that Kenny was cashing. Anyway, here’s a list of bad things Dykstra has done:

Poor backstage attitude even when he was in OVW. According to the Observer in an article dated from March 2006, “Ken Doane, who is one of the Spirit Squad members, has an incredible amount of heat down in Ohio Valley Wrestling among the wrestlers. The OVW wrestlers do things like let the air out of his tires, even in front of him. Recently, several wrestlers confronted him to shape up because he has all the talent in the world, and they’re tired of dealing with him. His reaction to the wrestlers confronting him was, “Yeah, whatever.” That reply got him even more heat.”

Had an incident with a fan during his OVW days. From wikipedia, “In early July 2006, a man named James Wilson claimed that Doane and his then-fiancee, Mickie James were in a car when he approached them for an autograph. According to Wilson, James was friendly and signed his poster but Doane grabbed it and sped off, tearing the poster and causing him to fall and injure his shoulder. As a result, Doane was charged with assault, battery, and vandalism.[25] WWE officials offered Wilson autographs, but he refused and said that he wanted money from Doane.”

He ate all the skin off of the fried chicken bucket that the Great Khali ordered three weeks ago!

In an Observer from a few weeks back (which went into detail regarding recent releases), it mentioned how Doane has failed wrestler’s court many times. In fact, “He was known for constantly acting goofy and getting noticed for negative things, including a high school like attitude when his relationship with Mickie James ended.”

His recent MySpace post declaring his freedom from the tyrannical WWE. Here’s an excerpt:

Believe it or not i actually am happy to be gone from wwe. I dont have to do things around their schedule and i dont have to answer to anybody. i have never fealt so free in my entire life… i did have fun with wwe but the creative side never used me properly or really gave me an opportunity to get over. it sucks when you know your better than the majority and your only used to make people look good… wwe kinda puts a bad taste in your mouth after all the politics and garbage that can go on… as for wwe i am glad to be gone. i thank them for everything and wish them the best too. take care. Kenn Doane

Blueoyster, I hope this takes care of your question. In the future, I would rather you wait until I answer it then try to start a silly feud with a guy named Homie. Seriously, it’s Thanksgiving and the two of you are fighting over Kenny fucking Dykstra. Get over yourselves.

Next up, a few people had issues with me stating that marijuana is addicting. Perhaps that’s because I define “addiction” as “Psychological or emotional dependence on the effects of a drug” (cite: PBS). Currently, I have a roommate I would say is addicted to marijuana. Sure, watching him toke up before and immediately after dinner isn’t as harmful as snorting coke, but he’s clearly addicted.

As for why I think Kendrick is a douchebag, it has nothing to do with the fact that he smokes. Rather, it’s because he has placed marijuana on this high pedestal that not even his profession matters as much. Look, if your employer does not want you to smoke marijuana and tries to send you the hint by constantly drug testing you and scaling back your responsibilities, you might want to perhaps drop your habit. But maybe that’s just me.

From Hawkeye, “You mean like how they “punished” Ted DiBiase’s DUI by bringing him up to the main roster and immediately giving him the tag titles? Or how they “punished” Santino’s DUI by giving him an angle (Glamerella) and eventually the IC title? Their priorities for what deserves a punishment (and apparently their very definition of “punishment”) need some serious work.”

No, Hawkeye, you are absolutely correct in stating that there’s a double standard with the WWE’s punishment. Remember, myself and Meehan, are just messengers; we don’t make the rules.

Lastly from Big Fat F@g, “DOES KHALI EAT TURKEYS OR ONLY CHICKENS?”

Very good question. Normally, Khali sticks to a chicken-only diet. However, on Thanksgiving, he makes an exception: four chickens, two turkeys. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

With that said, let’s get on with the show.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Keep waiting…

Yes, Yes…

WHAMMY!!!!!

In today’s edition of the Small-For-All, we gossip on Batista’s latest conquest, look at the latest WWE creative cut, discuss the upcoming Tribute to the Troops special, and delve into TNA salaries. BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

From prowrestling.net, “Batista revealed during an interview with the WJFK radio morning show on Monday that he dated Kelly Kelly a few months ago. “She’s just a young girl,” he said. “She was a little immature for a 21 year-old.” He cited their age difference as the reason the relationship didn’t last.”

Wow, immature for a 21 year old. Remember Dave, you are going to be 40 in January. When you were 21, you probably dated girls that wore flannel, shoulderpads, and had greasy long hair. Personally, I think Kelly Kelly’s fine ass is a step-up, but regardless, no fucking shit, she’s probably immature. The girl is known for first placing in a “Best Butt on the Beach” contest a few years back and now has the luxury of working in the seedy world of professional wrestling. Plus, she dated Test. That dude was probably more immature than she is.

Regardless, Batista got to spear Kelly Kelly. Good for him. It’s really hard not to like Big Dave. He fucks a Diva and moves on to the next one. When someone says no, he has them fired. See Batista’s smart: the only thing he’s addicted to is poon, which is a-ok in the WWE!

Over on the infamous 411 Message Boards, there is a great thread entitled “Who’s tapped that?” I suggest you all take a look at that page once you finish with this gossip rag. But in the meantime, I’m going to take a page (or seven) from the thread by posting some of the “not-so-secret” wrestling relationships.

Angelina Love needs a little Super Eric in her life.

Ariel said no to Batista and yes to unemployment.

Ashley Massaro has done the dirty-dirty with the Miz, Matt Hardy, and Paul London.

Christy Hemme fucked Joey Mercury.

Chyna has shown her she-penis to Triple H and X-Pac.

Dawn Marie was with Simon Diamond and rumored to have had a relationship with Kurt Angle.

Debra’s cookies have been eaten by Stone Cold and Mongo McMichael.

Elizabeth married the Macho Man.

Gail Kim has been linked with Doug Basham.

Hiroki loved America and Kenzo Suzuki.

Jackie Gayda married Charlie Haas.

Jazz thugs and bugs with Rodney Mack.

Jillian Hall married James Dick.

The Kat divorced Jerry “The King” Lawler after having an affair with Russ Haas.

Kelly Kelly has been linked with Batista and Test

Kristal Marshall has been linked with Bobby Lashley and Matt Striker

Lita has fucked everyone

Melina has been linked with Batista and John Morrison

Michelle McCool has been linked to the Undertaker

Mickie James has been linked with John Cena, Kenny Dykstra, CM Punk, and Joey Mercury

Missy Hyatt… oh jesus.

Maria has been linked with Carlito, CM Punk, and Santino Marella

Ryan Shamrock liked her brother Ken a little too much.

Sable has been with Marc Mero, Brock Lesnar, and even Vince McMahon

Stacy Kiebler has been with David Flair and Test

Stephanie McMahon married Triple H and presumably messed around with Macho Man Randy Savage. Oh yeah!

Sunny married Chris Candido, fucked Shawn Michaels, had “Sunny Days” with Bret Hary, Ahmed Johnson, and various other wrestlers for drugs.

Terri Runnels married Goldust.

Torrie Wilson has been married to Billy Kidman and is currently dating Nicky

Trish Stratus was close friends with Lillian Garcia

Tracy Brooks has been seen with CM Punk.

Velvet Sky is currently being tapped by Gregory Helms.

Nitro Girl Whisper was involved with husband HBK’s storyline with Chris Jericho.

Ahem, I know I’m missing many more. Feel free to discuss in the comment section and most importantly, contribute to the thread in the forums.

While many wrestlers have found romance with WWE Divas, others try to do things the normal way: pick chicks up at the bar. Case in point:

Horny Hayes indeed!

The following is sponsored by “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey.

In shocking news, the WWE released longtime creative member Bruce Prichard. According to Figure4Weekly, “Prichard was not at TV the past two weeks and people were told he was on vacation. Stephanie had been negative on Prichard in recent years as she saw him as Vince McMahon’s biggest yes-man. She’s buried him in the past, sometimes in front of others at creative team meetings, believing he was not paying attention and/or giving non-committal answers. She made the official call to cut him loose. With Prichard being a senior member in WWE, he had a large contract that Stephanie could justify cutting – although he often complained about taking a pay cut when he moved from Head of Talent Relations to creative.”

Rumor has it that since Stephanie has returned from pregnancy leave, she has wanted to shake things up on the Raw brand. Firing Prichard definitely shows that every member of the creative team is not safe, which can ultimately lead to a wake-up call for some creative writers. One day, Stephanie will be in charge of the company, so I’m glad to see her “spread her wings” so to speak. If she needs to take charge and make the tough decisions to help get the WWE out of a funk, then so be it.

In addition, Prichard has had a history of questionable decisions (since 2004, the WWE tests him weekly for drugs due to past drug abuses) which has led to him being overlooked on many job promotions. While he was a Vince yes-man, at some point, he should be held accountable for his actions.

Don’t feel too bad for Prichard as he is good friends with Jeff Jarrett. TNA could sure use another ex-WWE employee!

STRIPES!

Lots of information has been leaked regarding this year’s Tribute to the Troops special. News include:

WWE superstars include John Cena, Batista, Lillian Garcia, Kelly Kelly, Maria, Mickie James, Eve Torres, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, the Miz, Cryme Tyme, Jeff Hardy, Alicia Fox, and Heidenreich.

Hulk Hogan has once again turned down Vince’s offer to be a part of the Tribute to the Troops show. This time, he cited his ongoing divorce as the main reason why he cannot attend the show. In the past, his reasons weren’t as good.

The one-hour special will open with a taped message from President George W. Bush.

There’s no chance that the following will happen this year (NSFW).

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

TNA Wrestler Salaries

Hey kids, do you ever wish to one day be a TNA Superstar? Ever wonder how much does your favorite Superstar get paid? Ever wonder what kind of perks there are to be sleeping with Dixie Carter? Well, it’s time to stop wondering and start knowing the truth.

Two weeks ago, I was searching various message boards to find some news for my column and I landed on a whopper: TNA wrestler’s salaries. Of course, I do not have a complete source with this, which might mean its fake; however, I’m still going to post it and advise you all to take it with a grain of salt. Except for you, Jimmy Rave, you might need to lay off the salt and invest your money in the stock market (WHAMMY).

Abyss-$350,000
AJ Styles-$350,000
Alex Shelley-$150,000
Andrew Thomas-$75,000
Angelina Love-$60,000
Awesome Kong-$100,000
BG James-$250,000
Black Reign-$200,000
Booker T-$450,000
Brother Devon-$300,000
Brother Ray-$300,000
Chris Sabin-$150,000
Christian Cage-$450,000
Christy Hemme-$75,000
Consequences(Austin Creed)-$75,000
Curry Man(Christopher Daniels)-$300,000
David Penzer-$75,000
Don West-$150,000
Earl Hebner-$150,000
Eric Young-$200,000
Frank Trigg-$200,000
Gail Kim-$100,000
Hector Guerrero-$100,000
Hernandez-$200,000
Homicide-$200,000
Jacqueline-$75,000
James Storm-$200,000
Jay Lethal-$150,000
Jeff Jarrett-$750,000(vice-president of TNA)
Jeremy Borash-$200,000
Jim Cornette-$250,000
Jimmy Rave-$75,000
Johnny Devine-$100,000
Kaz-$200,000
Karen angle-$100,000
Kevin Nash-$450,000
Kip James-$250,000
Kurt Angle-$650,000
Lance Hoyt-$150,000
Matt Morgan-$200,000
Mike Tenay-$200,000
ODB-$75,000
Petey Williams-$150,000
Raisha Saeed-$50,000
Rhaka Khan-$50,000
Rhino-$350,000
Robert Roode-$250,000
Roxxi Laveaux-$60,000
Rudy Charles-$100,000
Salinas-$50,000
Samoa Joe-$350,000
Scott Steiner-$350,000
Shark Boy-$100,000
Sharmell-$75,000
So Cal Val-$60,000
Sonjay Dutt-$100,000
Sting-$500,000 (Has to make 12 Impact,8 PPV and 8 House show appearances)
Tomko-$300,000
Traci Brooks-$100,000
Velvet Sky-$50,000
Willie Urbina-$75,000

Lessons to be learned

1. Even a low-carder is making good bank in TNA.

Unlike in the WWE where there’s a large variance between a jobber and a main eventer, in TNA, there’s a lot more parity. Outside of Jimmy Rave, all of the other male roster members make at least six figures. Now I’m not surprised why many wrestlers want to work in TNA.

2. Christian Cage made at least $54,000 by jumping to TNA.

Three years ago, Christian was earning $396,000 in the WWE. While $54,000 might not seem like too much when he moved to TNA, think of all the money he saved due to reduced travel costs and an easier schedule. Now I definitely know why ex-WWE wrestlers want to sign with TNA. (Kenny, look at what your future holds.)

3. TNA really needs to trim their roster down.

Looking over this list, one thing is definitely apparent: TNA really needs a roster cut as they drastically overspend on wrestlers’ salaries. There’s no reason why TNA is spending $300,000 on nothing more than a comedy character (Curry Man). How the fuck is Frank Trigg making $200,000 when he has only had one PPV match? And no wonder why Gail Kim wanted to leave TNA when she made the same amount as Karen Angle! If TNA really wants to succeed as a profitable business, they really should maximize the performance out of their higher paid superstars and cut the underperformers.

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Tune in next week when I have a little more motivation to write a news report. Perhaps I might even bring back the Khali-For-All! Until then…

Meehan’s in tomorrow.

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I’m Jeff Small… and you’re not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!