Dark Pegasus Video Review: King of the Ring 1997

King of the Ring 1997 by J.D. Dunn In one of those cool examples of symmetry, I’m actually reviewing this show ten years to the day after it took place. June 8, 1997 Live from Providence, R.I.. Your hosts are Jim Ross and Vince McMahon. Opening Match, Semi-Finals: Ahmed Johnson vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna). Ahmed had stalled out thanks to a number of injuries, but he’s still the favorite to win the tournament. **cough** Hunter was actually rebuilding his career after the Blueblood thing just ran out of steam – and really, how far can you go with “he’s rich.” Hunter spends the first five minutes getting his ass kicked by the more powerful Ahmed. Finally, Ahmed misses an elbow, and Hunter is able to whip him into the steps to take over. Ahmed comes back with a half-assed scissors kick and a spinebuster. He calls for the Pearl River Plunge, but he stops to go after Chyna, allowing Hunter to knee him in the back and hit the Pedigree for the win at 7:43. In the long run, it was probably for the best, but the fans in Providence don’t appreciate it one bit. 3/4* Semi-Finals: Mankind vs. Jerry Lawler. This was during Mankind’s gradual face turn thanks to being abandoned by “Uncle Paul.” He finishes his pre-match promo with “bang bang.” Lawler stops to insult everyone he can find, so Mankind tracks him down and hammers him with right hands. Lawler comes via a foreign object. Lawler actually bites Mankind. You’d think it would be the other way around. Vince actually works in “pell mell” in reference to Mankind missing a charge and hitting his head on the steps. Remember the candy cigarettes that used to be called “pell mell?” Btw, you *can’t* tell me candy cigarettes was an ethical idea. Why not a Capri Sun heroin needle? Anyway, enough with the political rants. Lawler hits Mankind with a dropkick. Lawler hits the ugliest neckbreaker in human history and drops a fist on the ear. Lawler has been working over Mankind’s missing ear, and I’m not sure why because – well, it’s *missing.* Lawler tries a sunset flip, but Mankind grabs a Mandible Claw at 11:25. Lawler’s heat-getting tactics didn’t work, and the crowd was dead quiet as a result. At least there was some semblance of psychology. * In the back, Steve Austin interrupts a Brian Pillman interview, drags him into the bathroom and gives him a swirly. Okay, I don’t even want to know why there’s a camera pointed down at the toilet. I was kind of hoping for Austin to do the old Hollywood Blonds “roll camera” taunt, but it didn’t happen. Crush (w/the Nation of Domination) vs. Goldust (w/Marlena). Like Mankind, Goldust also turned full babyface thanks to a heartfelt, out-of-makeup interview. Goldust mounts Crush and rubs his crotch in Crush’s face. No wonder he left for the nWo. Crush comes back with a reverse chinlock. BOOOOORRRRRIIIIINNNNGGG! Ross mentions that this is the fifth-annual KOTR PPV, but that the event started all the way back in 1986. Actually, it goes back further than that, but for whatever reason, they don’t acknowledge it. Ross also starts taking little shots at Dusty Rhodes by noting Goldust will be living his “American dream.” He even works in “if you weeeel.” D’Lo Brown (still unnamed) and Clarence Mason start hitting on Marlena. Goldust goes out to save her and gets attacked from behind by Crush. Back in, Goldust finishes with the DDT at 9:56. After the match, Marlena and Goldust make out just to make sure you *know* he’s straight. Talk about overcompensating! The match was horrible. I suppose I would give it 1/8* just for D’Lo’s presence, but I don’t want to be the guy who throws the whole system into chaos. O In the back, Sid and the Legion of Doom yell at each other to get pumped up. You know, that kind of interview really should have died off with the Ultimate Warrior. Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith & Jim Neidhart vs. Sid & The Legion of Doom. Sid was on his way out again, and he really didn’t want to be there anyway, but they kept begging him to come back. Owen starts out and gets tossed around. Davey Boy hits a hanging suplex on Sid, but he no-sells and takes a swing at Neidhart. Animal plays face-in-peril for much of the match. There’s not a lot happening as Davey Boy has decided to channel his Neidhart tendencies instead of his Owen tendencies. The finish sees Hawk get the hot tag to Sid. Sid shoves Owen over and chokeslams Davey Boy, but as he’s setting Davey Boy up for the powerbomb, Owen sunset flips back in and rolls up Sid for the win at 13:41. You know it takes a lot of talent to drag a bad match out of Owen and Davey Boy in 1997, but damned if the other four guys didn’t kick it up a notch and ensure a lack of entertainment. * King of the Ring Finals: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (w/Chyna) vs. Mankind. These guys faced each other a *lot* in 1997, and this is probably their worst match. Mankind tries to generate a lot of sympathy heat by getting his ass kicked a lot. The problem is, Hunter’s offense is too calculated and methodical at this point, and he doesn’t have any big moves where the fans think Mankind is in danger of losing the match. Plus, to have that style, you really have to work one body part to generate a storyline. That ain’t happenin’ here. Chyna gives Mankind a cheapshot. Mankind gets hung up in the “hangman.” Not a whole lot comes from it, though. The fans are *really* getting grumpy here. Even the Cactus Elbow off the apron doesn’t get them into it. Back in, Mankind hits the Kobashi Driver, but Chyna has the ref distracted. Mankind backdrops out of a Pedigree and locks in the Mandible Claw. Chyna pulls him off, but the ref doesn’t catch it. It seems to reinvigorate Mankind, though, as he hits an atomic drop and clotheslines Hunter to the floor. He tries an elbow off the apron, but Chyna pulls Hunter out of the way. The ref admonishes Chyna, so Hunter pulls Mankind over the announce table and puts him through it with a Pedigree. Mick still struggles to his feet, so Chyna hits him with a scepter. Mankind *still* gets to the apron, so Hunter knees him off into one of the photographers. Back in, Mankind kicks out at two, so Hunter finishes with the Pedigree at 19:25. That fans were bored for the first 2/3 of the match, but Hunter and Mick nearly got the match over through sheer force of willpower, which is probably why they got the chance to do it over again several times in 1997 (and why Mick was the go-to guy on getting Hunter over as a main-eventer in 2000). *3/4 The Hart Foundation comes out to issue a challenge to any five American wrestlers to show up in Calgary and face his boys. I wonder if that match will be any good. Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels. This is one of those “tag champs who don’t like each other” angles that Vince Russo became famous for. The short story is that both guys hate Bret Hart, so they agreed to team up against Davey Boy and Owen and wound up winning the tag titles. This was scheduled to be Bret versus Shawn, but Bret was afraid that Shawn was too drugged up to protect his injured knee (Bret’s story) or Vince decided that the situation was too volatile (and lucrative) to have it here (the official story). A kid from the Special Olympics falls over the railing, and Shawn decides to help him out, so Austin, even the sportsman, jumps Shawn from behind. Shawn controls early with a side headlock. Austin gets pissed and calls for a test of strength and then kicks Shawn in the gut a half dozen times. Austin hits the Thesz Press and pummels Shawn. Shawn reverses, and they go into a series of nearfalls á la ECW. Shawn goes for the usual comeback sequence, but Austin actually ducks the flying forearm! See, that’s what makes great wrestles. Instead of going the usual route of “you do your stuff, and I’ll do my stuff,” they’re finding ways to work in new spots from the routine ones. The FU elbow gets two, and Austin settles into a chinlock. Shawn sends Austin to the floor drawing a chorus of boos from the males in the audience and cheers from the women. See, “Cena Heat” is nothing new. Back in, Shawn posts himself, and Austin yanks down his tights. The ref gets bumped, so Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music. Austin blocks and hits the Stunner, but there’s no ref. Austin hauls up the ref and gives the Stunner for having the audacity to be unconscious during his pinfall. Shawn waits for Austin to turn around and…SWEET CHIN MUSIC! A second ref runs down as Shawn is covering, but instead of counting, the second ref checks on the first one. That pisses of Shawn, so he superkicks the second ref! This is turning into a bloodbath. That leads senior official Earl Hebner to run down and disqualify both guys at 22:33. The fans don’t like that finish at all, and neither do Austin and Shawn who argue all the way up the ramp. *Very* different from their WrestleMania match a year later. This was also the final PPV appearance of the Austin that liked to do some actual *wrestling* in his matches instead of turning the whole damned thing into a bar fight. **** WWF Heavyweight Title: The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Faarooq (w/the Nation of Domination). Bearer is blackmailing the Undertaker into doing his bidding by threatening to reveal “a secret” about the Undertaker. That secret would be that he killed his parents and little brother when he lit that funeral home on fire, but it turned out that Kane was still alive and *he* was the one that did it, but Undertaker later confessed when he went heel, and it turned out that Kane was, in fact, the son of Paul Bearer after a tryst with Undertaker and Kane’s mom. However, we later found out that the Undertaker was not real but a character created by the WWF and played by a man named Mark Callaway who was “taking the character too seriously” when he started stalking Stephanie McMahon, but it turned out that Vince McMahon was behind his daughter being stalked and kidnapped. Oh, and Shane McMahon was in on it too, so Stephanie rebelled by sleeping with Test because dating a wrestler was a big no-no. When Triple H drugged, raped, and married her, it turned out that Test was just a “starter boyfriend,” and Steph was trading up to Triple H. Hunter and Steph went on a rampage, even feuding with all the other McMahons until Vince finally accepted Hunter as his son-in-law and double-crossed the Rock. The Rock would spend most of 2000 feuding with Hunter before leaving the WWF to shoot The Mummy Returns, which starred Brendan Fraser who was in With Honors, which co-starred Joe Pesci who was in JFK with – Kevin Bacon. So, for all of you who keep e-mailing me and saying, “Oh, JD, it’s impossible to get from Clarence Mason to Kevin Bacon,” I say nothing is impossible if you’re bored enough by a bad wrestling match. Taker goes up for the Ropewalk but decides to fly off onto the Nation of Domination instead. He tries again, but Savio rattles the ropes, crotching Taker on the top. Faarooq hits a piledriver, but it only gets two. Taker comes back with a powerslam. For whatever reason, Savio and Crush get into an argument, which would lead to the Gang Wars of 1997. Faarooq is so distracted that he stumbles around into the Tombstone at 13:44. Paul Bearer wants Taker to continue destroying Faarooq. Damn, what a crazy cracker. Undertaker is forced to oblige or have his “deep, dark secret” revealed. Ahmed Johnson runs down and tells Taker not to listen to Paul Bearer, and he’s eventually forced to give Taker the Pearl River Plunge to get him to stop. That was supposed to set up a match at Canadian Stampede, but Ahmed wound up getting injured. 3/4*

The 411:  Like most of the shows through the first six months of 1997, anything involving Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, or the Hart Foundation is Awesome (with the capital "A"), and everything else is utter dreck. Thankfully, that formula would change at the next PPV, but this was a big stinker outside of Austin vs. HBK. Thumbs down.
Final Score:  4.5   [ Poor ]