Random Network Reviews: Judgment Day 2004

Judgment Day 2004
May 16th, 2004 – Staples Center in Los Angeles, California – Attendance: 18,722

Well, here goes my first ever review of a 2004 show. I personally thought this was a good year as I remember enjoying a bunch of these shows. One thing I don’t remember though is this show. I know the double main event is JBL/Eddie Guerrero and Booker T/Undertaker. The rest of the card sounds…interesting. Some good, but some strange like an Intergender Cruiserweight Championship match. This also is a Smackdown exclusive Pay-Per-View.

The commentary team is Michael Cole and Tazz. Cole mentions that the Lakers sold out the arena the night before, but didn’t have 18,000+. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that a wrestling event holds more fans than a basketball game.

The Dudley Boyz vs. Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam
By this point, the Dudley Boyz were pretty damn stale. Bubba Ray Dudley’s shorts are far too short. Rob Van Dam starts and gets worked over by the veteran tag team. Even with how stale they had become, the Dudley Boyz chemistry was and always will be fantastic. RVD snaps off some kicks and even monkey flips Bubba. He knocks them outside and hits a big front flip onto Bubba, before Rey Mysterio dives onto D-Von. As we calm down inside, Bubba clubs RVD to stop his Rolling Thunder attempt but RVD overcomes them and knocks Bubba outside. As he bounces off the ropes, Bubba goes old school heel and pulls the top rope down on him. Rey gets the relatively hot tag and does his trademark high flying stuff. However, D-Von trips him when he tries 619. He does try the West Coast Pop, but Bubba catches him with the biggest EDDIE GILBERT hot shot ever! The Dudley Boyz work basic stuff on Rey, like the DREADED chin lock until RVD gets the tag but good ‘ol Nick Patrick misses it and sends him back outside. Rey gets hung up in the tree of woe, leading Michael Cole to say “he’s in a world of woe.” Really Michael? Rey gets free and hits a moonsault for two. Finally the hot tag comes to RVD, who has managed to stay uber popular since his WWE debut in 2011. He cleans house and nails Rolling Thunder this time but it only gets two. The Dudley Boyz goes for the WASSSSUUUUP headbutt, but it’s stopped. Rey hits Bubba with the bronco buster as RVD places D-Von on the top. Rey runs at RVD, who catapults him onto D-Von and he hits a top rope hurricanrana! The pin is broken which surprised me as I thought for sure that was it. They plan 3D, but it’s broken up and Rey hits both guys with the 619. Five Star Frog Splash connects on D-Von and that’s all folks.

Winners: Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam in 15:19
Surprised to see this go fifteen minutes, but actually rather glad. They impressed me and I appreciate tag matches getting good time on PPVs, especially when there is no title at stake. Both teams looked good and even, which made for a very fun bout. ***¼

Josh Matthews and his pre-teen look tries to interview Booker T but Booker just shouts at him. He says he’s the biggest star on Smackdown. He has a pouch with him and claims that’s where his power lies. So, it’s like his urn?

Kurt Angle’s theme hits as Luther Reigns is pushing a giant square thing out with a curtain over it. Rising from the middle of that square is General Manager Kurt Angle in his wheelchair. This was a strange time. He runs down Los Angeles and Kobe Bryant, before saying that he expects the fans in LA to riot when JBL beats Eddie Guerrero. He blames Torrie Wilson for being in the wheelchair and calls her out, which gets a huge pop. He tells Torrie that if she loses, she will be fired, leading to some bad acting from Torrie.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson
Dawn Marie is looking fantastic tonight and Torrie Wilson is no slouch herself. They actually try a collar and elbow tie up, so A for effort there. She hits a snapmare and dropkick for two. Torrie climbs up top and misses a cross body. These girls are seriously trying their hardest. Dawn now does totally generic heel work like chokes to kill time. Cole thinks that Torrie won’t answer the ten count outside at one point, even though she’s to her feet by the count of four. Torrie rallies with kicks and tries a rollup with a handful of tights. Dawn kicks out but her tights rip, exposing her thong. Great stuff. Dawn hits a facebuster for two and Torrie wins with a backslide.

Winner: Torrie Wilson in 6:14
This got way more time than I expected and they tried hard. I nearly gave this five stars for the ass, but decided against it. *

John “Bradshaw” Layfield cuts a promo against Mexicans on welfare with greasy kids and how people in JBL’s America all speak English. He was such a great dick heel.

Mordecai vs. Scotty 2 Hotty
Ah, the Mordecai experiment. Spoiler alert; it doesn’t last long and within two years, he becomes a vampire named Kevin Thorn. Right at the bell Mordecai is aggressive and throws Scotty into the corner. He wraps Scotty’s arm around the post and squeezes his head, which I have never seen before. He is just pounding away on Scotty, though the master of the WORM does hit a superkick. Facebuster connects, but Mordecai pulls him down before he can show off his WORM. Mordecai hits a crucifix Razor’s Edge like move to win.

Winner: Mordecai in 3:01
A squash like I expected. The Mordecai character would end before the next Pay-Per-View if I remember right. SQUASH.

Backstage, Chavo Guerrero is talking to the great Chavo Classic. Jacqueline comes in with a present for Chavo, which is bra and panties that she wants Chavo to wear to the ring while they wrestle. Chavo badmouths her while his dad picks up the underwear and seems to really like them.

WWE Tag Team Championship
Charlie Haas and Rico (c) w/ Miss Jackie vs. Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly
The fact that Charlie Haas and Rico worked so well together and found success was great. Side note, Charlie would go on to marry Miss Jackie. As for their challengers, it’s as if Billy Gunn and Hardcore Holly teamed up due to their history of being former Bart Gunn partners. That’s the only similarity I can find. They can’t decide who to start, so Rico slaps their butts. Billy acts like he’s offended. Please. Haas and Holly start, with Haas using his mat ability to get the upper hand. Rico tags in by touching Charlie’s chest and they play extremely well off of each other. He freaks out Holly, who tags Billy. Billy continues to act like he’s not into this guy on guy stuff. Rico grabs his ass and Billy wants to tag out but Holly leaps from the apron, wanting no part. The challengers end up taking control for a bit. The only thing of note here is Hardcore nailing his sweet dropkick. Interesting that Rico is the one to get the hot tag but Billy hits him with the Fameasser. Haas blind tags in and hits a gorgeous German on Billy. Holly attempts the Alabama Slam but Rico superkicks him, allowing Haas to roll him up and retain.

Winners and Still WWE Tag Team Champions: Charlie Haas and Rico in 10:26
This got more time than I thought it would. It wasn’t anything special, but Rico kept it fun early on and Charlie Haas can flat out go. **½

A backstage promo from The Undertaker and Paul Bearer is shown.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Jacqueline (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero w/ Chavo Classic
What the fuck happened to the poor Cruiserweight Title? Chavo Guerrero, future ECW Champion, will have an arm tied behind his back. Nobody cared about Jacqueline in the late 90’s and eve less care about her here. Chavo hits a few one armed backbreakers early on. Jackie does a weird head scissors that Chavo had to go the wrong way on to land correctly. This is terrible. Jackie knocks Chavo Classic off the apron, and turns around into a clothesline. She gets a near fall with a low blow, so Chavo cheats too, by untying his arm behind the referee’s back a few times. This leads to Chavo winning. Yawn.

Winner and New WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Guerrero in 4:47
Why was this even on the card? Chavo had to cheat to win a boring match against Jacqueline. Terrible. DUD

After the match, both Chavos are dicks to Jackie. Next, we get build for the upcoming match between Rene Dupree and John Cena, which is actually being built as a big deal. Dupree is a heel because he is foreign and dislikes Americans. Also, he was mean to Torrie Wilson, which is not cool.

WWE United States Championship
John Cena (c) vs. Rene Dupree
God, “Basic Thuganomics” is such a better song than “My Time is Now.” John Cena is playing to the home crowd with a James Worthy jersey. We start fast with Cena getting the crowd into it, until they start trading some stuff. Dupree does a poor impersonation of the signature Shawn Michaels corner bump before sending Cena outside by pulling the top rope down on him. He takes him inside and starts to work the back, even applying a bearhug. Dupree must think he’s a 90’s 400 pounder. Cena fights out with a jawbreaker and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but misses. Dupree hits a spinebuster and does his RIDICULOUS French Tickler dance, before missing an elbow. He does plant Cena with a DDT but again, no cover by Dupree. He does end up countering the FU into a neckbreaker, covering this time for two. Cena uses two pin combinations for near falls before catching Dupree as he tries to leap over him with an FU to retain.

Winner and Still WWE United States Champion: John Cena in 9:54
There was nothing really to write home about here. This was just there and it was very basic. It was a clear indication that John Cena still had a lot to learn and Rene Dupree was not very good either. **

While John Cena wastes time by giving his jersey to some fans, we get a vignette for Kenzo Suzuki. You don’t remember him you say? Not many do.

The build-up video for Booker T vs. The Undertaker is rather laughable. Booker came over from Raw and is a big star on Smackdown. He went and got help from a voodoo woman or something, who have him dig up something, which he now carries in a little bag, which is supposed to be the power against Undertaker. Sheesh.

Booker T vs. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer
So, Booker T is really going through with this tiny bag being the “power” that can work against Undertaker. Michael Cole keeps selling this as a rare appearance by Undertaker. Once Booker gets over the Undertaker’s short early flurry, he hits an axe kick, but walks right into a sidewalk slam which is followed by a leg drop for two. Booker fights back with a missile dropkick for two but he’s quickly back on the defensive. He survives Old School before slipping out of the Last Ride and hitting the referee by mistake. He throws the contents of the bag, which was basically sand, at Undertaker but it only blinds him for like four seconds. SO WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL OF THAT? Taker misses a running big boot, leading Booker to start working the leg. Hey, some psychology. Booker ends up hitting the Scissors Kick for two and Undertaker quickly forgets about selling the leg. He hits the Chokeslam and Tombstone to win.

Winner: The Undertaker in 11:25
What the hell was that? There was no real flow or anything to this as Undertaker mailed it in and Booker wasn’t much better. Disappointing for sure. *¼

Our promo video for JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero is pretty awesome actually. Bradshaw morphing into the JBL character was a thing of beauty. The tough Texan turned into the Wall Street wolf and it was perfect. Seriously, everything about his turn and gimmick was priceless. They even ran an angle on a LIVE EVENT where JBL gave Eddie’ mother a heart attack. That’s some heel heat for you.

WWE Championship
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
Before the match, JBL cuts a total dick heel promo on the Spanish people in the crowd. With Eddie Guerrero being furious about what JBL did to his mom, this starts exactly how it should. Eddie attacks at the bell and beats up JBL outside for a bit. JBL tries to get away but Eddie is relentless and chokes him with ringside cables. I didn’t like seeing JBL try and walk out. I get that Eddie is trying to kill you, but the title is on the line, which he claimed he needed badly in the build-up. Eddie brings him inside and shouts at him before stepping on his face. JBL finally turns things around by whipping Eddie into the steel steps. Latino Heat tries to rally but eats a big boot. We get a wear down hold that makes sense as JBL wants to slow Eddie’s fire. Eddie fights out and tries a dive outside, but JBL catches him and hits a big fallaway slam on the outside. Back inside, JBL works over Eddie, but when he rallies, he gets the crowd going. He goes for the Three Amigos, but is too tired to complete it. JBL tries the Clothesline from Hell but Eddie ducks. He also gets out of a powerbomb but runs into the official and takes him out. Do I smell shenanigans? Well, they go outside and JBL hits Eddie with a vicious chair shot and he bleeds BUCKETS! Seriously, he is just gushing blood. It doesn’t matter to JBL who hits him with the steel steps as well. Clothesline from Hell connects and somehow, the referee is still dead. A second official is out and Eddie kicks out. His second Clothesline from Hell hits the new referee when Eddie ducks. JBL now hits a powerbomb and the first ref counts but Eddie somehow kicks out again! The ring is just covered in blood. Eddie fights out of a sleeper and starts to do his shimmy as the crowd is going nuts. He even counters a fallaway slam into a DDT and slowly climbs for the Frog Splash but misses. JBL gets the belt and a steel chair and allows the referee to take the chair, so he can sneakily use the belt. Eddie stops him and strikes him with the belt, resulting in the DQ.

Winner via disqualification: John “Bradshaw” Layfield in 23:15
Much better than I expected, especially for JBL’s first foray into the main event scene. After Eddie’s early flurry, things slowed but when they picked back up, this was great. Eddie bleeding profusely added a lot to this but I wasn’t a huge fan of the DQ finish. ****

After the match, Eddie Guerrero wants revenge for his mom, so he beats the hell out of JBL. JBL is now busted open with a steel chair shot. Another shot and a Frog Splash isn’t enough as he chases JBL up the aisle and continues the assault.

4.0

The final score: review Poor

The 411

There are only two matches on this show that are really worth anything and it’s the opener and the main event. The WWE Title match isn’t spectacular but is must see for the courage of Eddie Guerrero unless you have a weak stomach. Everything else is completely dull with none of it getting more than two and a half stars. I give the crowd credit for doing their best to stay positive throughout.