Ring Crew Reviews: WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

• Relevant Storylines: Batista one-ups Edge’s strategy by just waiting until the match is over to get his unjust title shot. Maryse turns heel while still being a heel. CM Punk decides to cut more promos during matches to become everyone’s favorite wrestler’s favorite wrestler. And Shawn Michaels is conspicuously absent from the card despite having unfinished business with the Undertaker.

• Scheduled Card:
1. Elimation Chamber for the WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Ted Dibiase vs. Randy Orton vs. Triple H vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus (c).
2. WWE Intercontinental Championship: Kane vs. Drew McIntyre (c).
3. WWE Diva’s Championship: Maryse vs. Gail Kim.
4. WWE United States Championship: MVP vs. The Miz (c).
5. Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk vs. R-Truth vs. The Undertaker (c).

• Solid video package that focuses on the chamber matches and includes ominous nicknames including “Paradise of Pain” and “Chamber of Horrors” even though that was its own match.

• Elimation Chamber for the WWE Championship: John Cena vs. Ted Dibiase vs. Randy Orton vs. Triple H vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus (c). Sheamus won the title back at TLC by beating Cena in a tables match but it was still uncertain whether he would get a legitimate push or be a transitional champ. I don’t really get the WWE’s insistence on calling Cena “the most controversial” anything. Most of the negativity directed toward him is because he’s so not controversial. Cole nicely points out that Cena is one of the only two (Triple H being the other) who retained a world title in the EC. Cole says it’s “inspiring just sitting next to the structure” which I hope has nothing to do with Cole using the EC as his muse to compose epic poetry. Striker calls the EC “an iron maiden” and “a devious dome.” Striker tries to use the EC as a metaphor for a prison, and for once, an announcer could have said it’s LITERALLY a prison and been correct instead of using symbolism but I digress. Cole says Triple H has won four of five Elimination Chambers which is true and absurd at the same time. Only his victory over Goldberg seemed gratuitous and to the detriment of the match, but that’s still a way too high winning percentage given the kayfabe difficulty of winning.

• Sheamus goes for the bicycle kick but Kofi sidesteps and tries to chop him down to size. Kofi hits a crossbody for a 2 count and a dropkick for another. Sheamus goes to the armwringer combination and kicks Sheamus down. Sheamus fights back with CLUBBINGBLOWS as an “RKO” chant gets going. Sheamus chokes in the corner. Kofi fights back with forearms. He counters a backdrop attempt with a kick but gets thrown down with a back elbow and a clothesline and Sheamus hits the Snitsky taunt. They trade hiptosses reversals. Sheamus flips Kofi onto the outside grate but he lands on his feet and comes back with a Morpheus kick. Kofi hits the springboard crossbody coming back in for a 2. Sheamus tries a charge but runs into a boot. Kofi tries a sunset flip but Sheamus just sits down on him with a knee drop. Sheamus chokes as the fans get restless and trade pro and anti Cena chants. Kofi tries to go on the offense but Sheamus just pushes him back and into the ringpost. Sheamus gets a full nelson backbreaker for 2. Triple H is next and he’s got words for Sheamus. They go eye to eye and slug it out to a pop. Sheamus ducks a clothesline but runs into a high knee. Triple H drops a knee and then hits a clothesline in the corner. Triple H then gives Sheamus a short arm clothesline and shitcans Sheamus to the grate. They tease some cage shots and Triple H clotheslines Sheamus back in. Kofi’s been selling the damn ring post shot for 5 minutes. Sheamus sets up the High Cross but Triple H hits a DDT on Sheamus for another 2 count. Kofi goes for a crossbody off the top but Triple H ducks and Sheamus eats it for a 2 count. Kofi has kicks for both. He whips Triple H into Sheamus and Trips flips over to the grate. Kofi mounts in the corner and hits 10 shots and then a flying burrito on Sheamus. He gets Triple H the Boom Drop on the grate but Sheamus cuts him off with a stiff clothesline.

• Orton is next and makes a beeline for Sheamus to a pop. He pounds him down and Triple H as well. Orton gives Triple H and Sheamus a pair of knee drops. Orton sends Sheamus into the cage a few times to a big pop and then does it on Triple H a few more times. Orton drops a boot and chokes Sheamus. Kofi comes flying off the top with a splash on all three. Back in, Kofi tries a springboard something but Orton hits him with a Bluechipper dropkick to cut him off in midair. Triple H hits a jawbreaker on Orton. He goes for the high knee but Orton counters with a powerslam. Orton goes for the RKO but Trips shoves him off. Kofi comes flying in with Trouble in Paradise but Orton ducks that too. He preps an RKO for Kofi but gets shoved off toward Triple H. He sets up the Pedigree but Orton backdrops him to the grate and then shitcans a running Kofi. Excellent sequence of finishers and counters. Sheamus whips Orton SKULLFIRST into the ringpost. Ted Dibiase is next. He flapjacks Kofi over the top and drops some fists on Triple H. Dibiase and Orton stare down each other and Dibiase offers him a helping hand. They doubleteam all the others for a while. Orton measures to see if Kofi’s head will fit between the chain links. Amazingly, Orton is able to shove his head completely through. Dibiase then puts him in a Boston crab as Orton puts the boots to him. That’s awesome. They go to work on Triple H now. Orton preps the rope-delayed DDT and Dibiase directs traffic and tells him to do it on the grate instead. Orton obliges to a loud reaction. Cena is next and they are lying in wait. Cena shoves them off easily and takes down Orton with a Protobomb and 5KS. Cena hits the Flashback on Dibiase and the top rope fameasser. He preps the FU but Dibiase fights back grabbing the top rope and Cena FUs him to the outside on the grate instead. Orton tries cutting him off but Cena sends him into the cage and hooks in the STF but Orton breaks it up and gives Cena the neck/backbreaker. Orton is prepping the RKO. BUT CODY RHODES HAS COME OUT and he slides in a leg pipe. Dibiase manages to reach it first. They might want to call an ambulance for Triple H and a hearse for Sheamus considering how long they’ve been “selling.” Cena gets Orton up for the RKO. Dibiase tries to waffle him but accidentally hits Orton instead. Dibiase then correctly lays out Cena but doesn’t know what to do now or who to cover. He covers Orton and eliminates him at 24:03.

• Dibiase then slyly manages to steal his taunt while still appearing shocked by his own behavior. Orton leaves but he’s pissed and gives Dibiase the stink-eye. Sheamus tries to ram Kofi onto the grate but he ranas Sheamus back in and then hits the Trouble in Paradise on Dibiase. Kofi covers and Ted’s gone at 25:32. Sheamus hits the bicycle kick on Kofi to cut him off. Sheamus then gives him the Razor’s Edge and Kofi’s gone at 26:15. Sheamus goes to work on Cena with a backbreaker and a Bulldog powerslam for a close 2 count. Triple H hasn’t moved in about 10 minutes since Orton’s DDT on the grate. Sheamus gives Cena the Oklahoma stampede and hooks him in a Tree of Woe. Sheamus rams some knees home and now sets up the avalanche Razor’s Edge. Here comes Trips and he gives Sheamus a low blow and a Pedigree to a big pop. He covers and Sheamus is gone at 29:40. Striker tries to coax Lawler into a pick, and even as a face, he dodges. Cena hooks in the STF. Triple H fights it for a little while and they tease a rope break but Trips taps out and Cena’s new WWE champ again at 30:25. The rapid fire eliminations were treated better in the one Triple H won in 09 and this was one of the few recent chambers where guys had to sell death for many minutes just so the story of the match could slow down while some Orton-Dibiase angle took over. Good but the weakest of the lot (2008-2011) so far. ***1/2

• Post-match, Vince’s music plays and this is reminiscent of NYR 2006 when Vince was out to introduce Edge for the first MITB cash in after that EC. Vince congratulates him and demands a title shot for now for this man… HEEL BASTISTA!

• WWE Championship: Batista vs. John Cena (c ). Cole rails against the travesty of Cena’s defense right after a “forty five minute title match” which is great and everything except Cena was in the damn match all of 10 minutes. Despite that fact, somehow the kayfabe fatigue is cumulative from bell to bell rather than entry to bell. As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m totally OK with that because it helps sell the injustice of Vince’s demand and play up Batista’s bastardry for doing his bidding. Cena gives Batista a tepid right hand and Batista looks more offended than hurt. He bowls through Cena with a spear and DemonBomb. He covers and Batista is the NEW WWE champ at :33. DUD but * because it made Heel Batista champ if only for a month and lead to a series of great promos before he was “fired.” However, it’s hard now not to think the whole charade just match the EC match look rather arbitrary and pointless.

• Meanwhile, we get a RAW recap of Bret coming back to say goodbye. As he’s leaving some hapless woman backs into his limo and wedges his leg and Lawler fears he may be gone for good.

• WWE Intercontinental Championship: Kane vs. Drew McIntyre (c). McIntyre’s entrance got crickets and Kane didn’t do much more. McIntyre uses his quickness early to dodge and hit some rights but that doesn’t last very long. Kane comes back with rights and a basement dropkick. Kane with a headlock takeover and we get a replay of the dropkick? McIntyre battles up but Kane takes him back down with a shoulderblock and back to the hold. After that, Kane slowly reverses a hiptoss to a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Kane tries a slow charge in the corner but McIntyre avoids and punches him some. Kane no sells a short arm clothesline and takes down Drew with a regular one. McIntyre dodges some weak shit and tries to take out Kane’s leg. McIntyre tries a charge in the corner but gets backdropped to the apron. He rides Kane’s arm down to the floor and against the top rope. McIntyre with a single arm DDT and goes to a shoulderblock. McIntyre switches to a top wristlock and the crowd is dead for all of this. Kane overpowers and tosses McIntyre to the floor. McIntyre counters a telegraphed backbreaker by going to the arm and another single arm DDT. Back to the cross-face shoulder lock. Kane manages to get to his feet and take down McIntyre with a big boot. He hits a running clothesline in the corner. McIntyre comes off the top but Kane cuts him off with a throat thrust on the way down. Kane with a sideslam for 2. Kane heads up top and hits a clothesline off the top. He goes for the ChokeSlam but McIntyre slides out to the apron. Kane rams him into the ringpost and then boots him to the floor. Kane sends McIntyre into the stairs very softly. McIntyre tries to talk a walk but Kane sends him into the barricade. Back in, Kane goozles McIntyre but he counters with an eyepoke and a double arm DDT for the 3 to retain at 10:11. Not a bad match but these guys have no chemistry together and the crowd couldn’t care less for the match or the random ending. *1/2

• In the back, Maryse tries to insult Gail Kim in French but see she knows French and tonight, c’est sur chienne.

• WWE Diva’s Championship: Maryse vs. Gail Kim. This is the finals of some tournament. King ignores Striker trying to play nice by mentioning that Maryse is hot. Lot of tension in this commentary lineup. BUT WAIT! Vickie Guerrero comes out and she’s all, “Let me clear my throat.” Vickie is a trainwreck on the mike as she announces she’s “postponing the diva’s championship match to a tag match” or something.

• LayCool vs. Maryse and Gail Kim. Gail Kim with an arm drag and an arm wringer on Layla. Gail Kim whiffs on a couple of right hands and then Layla gets a roll up out of a hiptoss. Gail Kim with a roll up out of the corner for 2. Gail Kim with a charge in the corner but McCool big boots her off the top behind the ref’s back. She’s taken down by a double baseball slide from LayCool. McCool chokes her and then goes to the rear chinlock. McCool with some heel offense, taunts, and drops some knees. Gail Kim with a running clothesline. She goes for the “hot” tag to Maryse but Maryse tries to defiantly refuse the tag and pieface her but the timing is messed up. McCool big boots Gail Kim again and gives her the Styles Clash for the 3 at 3:39. Whatever. DUD. Post-match, Maryse gives her a DDT.

• Meanwhile, Josh Matthews shills for NXT and interviews Miz who would mentor Bryan Danielson. Miz calls him an internet sensation but looks like he belongs at a Star Wars convention. MVP interrupts and says he wants a shot at the US title tonight.

• William Regal comes out and Striker calls him “Hannibal Rising” for some reason. I know about the movie but what does that have to do with Regal. They’re both British? He shills for NXT and says innovative like five times in 30 seconds. He says he’s a pro on the show and demands to be treated with respect because of his professionalism and tenure in WWE. Regal like a sarcastic bastard calls the crowd “wonderful people.” Regal deserves better than this but c’est la vie. Edge interrupts. Regal: “What on Earth do you want, sunshine?” Regal 1 Edge 0. Edge says nothing of note and then gives Regal a Spear. We’ll call that a draw.

• WWE United States Championship: MVP vs. The Miz (c). Miz is accompanied by Showster and they are unified tag champs after beating DX for them. MVP has Mark Henry with him as they had beef with ShowMiz. Miz mouths off to start and MVP smacks him and starts in with the rights. MVP sends Miz into a turnbuckle, hits a bodyslam, and drops a knee for 1. Miz tries to come back but MVP with the belly to belly throw and Miz rolls to the floor for a breather. After whiffing on a baseball slide, MVP takes down Miz with a clothesline. Back in, MVP cuts him off with a back elbow and goes to the boots. After a reversal sequence, MVP hits the flying burrito and gets some GnP for 2. MVP goes to the dragonsleeper but Miz boots out. MVP tries an up and over but Miz catches him and counters to a codebreaker gutbuster for 2. Miz chokes in the ropes and hits the Bossman attack and then awesomely boots MVP down to the mat while giving the stinkeye to the front row. Miz goes to the chinlock. MVP tries to fight out but Miz throws him down by the hair and drops the boot. MVP gets a small package for 2 but Miz comes back with a Batista kick. Crowd is mild for this. Miz with a casual cover and MVP counters into a crucifix that won him the match on RAW in a nice callback but Miz kicks out at 2 this time. Miz taunts MVP with foot paintbrushes and MVP has had enough of that shit and takes him out with a clothesline. Miz sends MVP into the turnbuckle chest first and takes him down with a clothesline. Back to a rest hold. This bland match needs some heat. MVP stands up into an electric chair and gets 2. They “slug” it out and Miz hits a DDT from his knees for 2. MVP isn’t selling so much as laying around and contorting his face. MVP drives Miz into the corner but eats a big boot. Miz with more generic boots and a taunt. MVP with another yakuza kick and now Show’s taunting. Miz hits his corner clothesline and Show has more heat than the match for talking smack. Miz goes up top but MVP crotches him. MVP mounts and Miz knocks him off with headbutts. MVP with the pop up suplex. Cover gets 2. Miz got cut hardway on the headbutts. They trade shots and MVP gets the advantage. He flapjacks Miz and takes him down with some shots. MVP this the jawbreaker and the ballin’ elbow but Miz gets the foot on the rope. Show pulls Miz to the floor to regroup. Mark Henry retaliates and sends Show into the ringpost. Henry tries a Ho Train on the floor but Show sidesteps and Henry takes out the barricade. Back in, MVP goes for the yakuza kick but eats turnbuckle. Show waffles him with the KO and Miz retains at 13:03. Extended formula RAW match with a lot of blah, vanilla punch-kick offense. **

• Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk vs. R-Truth vs. The Undertaker (c). Cole says this is Jericho’s 6th EC match but he’s never won. Striker adds however that Jericho won his first world title in this city and arena and that two weeks ago on Smackdown Jericho guaranteed victory. This is the match where UT’s pyro went off at the wrong time in the wrong place and temporarily caught him, so he had to abandon his usual director’s cut entrance. Punk gets the stick. He was of course just a month removed from ruling the world at the 2010 RR. He says his opponents are locked in a prison of addiction and now they are locked in the EC with him rather than the other way around (TM Rorschach via Alan Moore, although I’m sure someone else said it first). Before Punk can finish, R-Truth’s music interrupts to sing. I know everyone is tired of R-Truth but he puts so much effort into selling the gimmick that somehow he comes across as likeable and geniune and so many other guys would just mail it in given his circumstances.

• Punk and Truth to start. I wonder why they insist on saying how much the EC weighs. Are they going to clean and jerk or deadlift the structure after the match? Why don’t they say how much the arena weighs each week as well? “We’re here live from the sold out Pond in Anaheim and it’s over 3000 tons of steel and 500 tons of concrete, glass, and wood.” I digress. R-Truth hits a shoulderblock and struts until Punk cuts him off with a leg lariat and a back SUPLAY as Solie would call it. R-Truth with the up and over out of the corner and some breaking before hitting his own leg lariat. Truth clotheslines Punk to the grate. Punk tries a catapult until Truth reverses and sends Punk into the cage instead. Truth then sends him into the pod and heads up top and hits the flip splash that the camera misses. Striker calls the EC the “callous coliseum” and Cole is envious of his diabolically metaphorical wordplay. Somewhere, JR is pissed he didn’t think of it. Truth sends him into the pod a couple more times off whips. R-Truth hits the Stroke and goes for an Ax kick to complete the WCW 2000/1 main event picture but Punk ducks. R-Truth tries the barrel roll clothesline but whiffs. Punk takes him down with a kick as Striker calls him the “pastor of purity.” Punk hits the G2S and Truth is gone 3:35.

• Punk gets the stick again and calls out the Undertaker. He says he will make him tap out like before (re: the dubious submission at Breaking Point 2009 but great reference nonetheless). Punk says “Straight Edge means I’m better than you!” And Punk encourages everyone at home to put their hands on the screen and feel Punkness coursing through their veins. Striker obliges. Yep, Punk still owns the world even if he’s jobbing. Mysterio is next and he’s got some forearms and a seated senton for Punk. A springboard crossbody gets two. Punk cuts him off and tries a sunset flip but Mysterio rolls through and gives him the Tajiri kick for 2. Mysterio drop toe holds him but Punk no sells and comes back with a powerslam for 2. Punk goes for the G2S but Mysterio counters to a huracanrana for a close 2. Striker goes all Joel Gertner mixed with Flannery O’Connor: “These superstars are blessing this hallowed grounds with seeds of greatness. And the seeds of greatness will grow into the tree of life: a Wrestlemania moment.” They tease a few powerbomb/rana reversals until Punk does the Samoa Joe toss into the cage. Badass. Punk hits the step up knee and then whips Mysterio into the ringpost/chamber brutally. Cover gets close 2. They jockey for position on the top rope. Mysterio tries to get on top of the pod until Punk stops him. Mysterio crotches him and then Dragonsteiners him off the top onto the grate. That’s awesome. Mysterio then hits the springboard splash back in and Punk is eliminated at 10:00.

• Unfortunately, Punk doesn’t cut another promo before leaving. Jericho is next. Mysterio with a quick leap frog and a monkey flip. Mysterio tries the wheelbarrow bulldog but Jericho counters and levels him with a clothesline to slow things down. Jericho flapjacks Mysterio a good 10 feet in the air and taunts to boos. He goes for the Lionsault but lands on his feet. Mysterio clips the knee with a dropkick and then hits the 619 but Jericho rolls oto the grate. Mysterio tries a springboard splash but Jericho dodges. Mysterio catches himself on the catch but Jericho pulls him down face first into the grate. YES! Jericho with his own springboard splash for 2. Jericho goes to the stand-on-the-back choke on the second rope and now taunts the Undertaker. This is basically a tag match at this point with Mysterio as the face in peril but it works. Jericho goes to the TAZZMISSION but no one seems to care. Mysterio with a moonsault bridged into a cover for 2. Mysterio with up and over out of the corner. Jericho tries a tilt a whirl backbreaker but Mysterio counters to the mounted guillotine. Jericho rams Mysterio into the turnbuckle and Jericho goes to the WoJ. Mysterio manages to hang on until John Morrison comes out. Morrison takes him down with some right hands and a dropkick. Morrison takes down Mysterio with a leg lariat and then shitcans Jericho. Mysterio kicks Morrison while telegraphing a backdrop. Morrison tries another but Mysterio lands on the apron. He tries springboarding back in but Morrison kicks him back down to the grate. Jericho with a roll up on Morrison that goes nowhere. Jericho runs into a boot from Morrison. He goes up top to try something but Mysterio pushes him off the top and back into the pod. Mysterio headscissors Jericho but then Rey gets backdropped onto the grate. Morrison comes flying in with a springboard clothesline on both. He hits the standing SSP on Rey for 2. Rey headscissors Morrison to set up the 619 but Jericho cuts off Rey with the mega-badass spinning fireman’s carry backbreaker. Mysterio tries the wheelbarrow bulldog again but Jericho gets taken down instead by a springboard gamengiri by Morrison. Rey headscissors Morrison into the turnbuckle. Rey goes for the top rope Frankensteiner but Morrison puts the breaks on and instead hits the Starship Pain and Rey is gone at 20:04. Surprising elimination.

• Taker is restless and pounding the chamber awaiting his entry. Jericho with an inside trip on Morrison and hooks in the WoJ. UT is in and he cleans house for a little while. He hits a Ho Train and Snake Eyes on Jericho. Morrison gets clotheslined to the grate. An atomic leg drop only gets 2 for UT. UT with a double goozle but they both counter with knees and a double suplex. They then toss UT to the grate. Jericho goes for an enzuigiri but Morrison ducks and counters la majistral for a close 2. Morrison gets backdropped to the grate by Jericho. Jericho paintbrushes UT to goad him. UT is not pleased. Jericho tries hiding in the pod until UT breaks the damn door and just beats the shit out of him. UT with a Ho Train on Morrison and another. UT hits Snake Eyes and goes for a big boot but Morrison no sells and hits the springboard gamengiri. In true Macho Man fashion, Morrison’s ankle buckles. I love it. Morrison sucks it up and goes for the Starship Pain but UT gets the knees up. Instead of focusing on that, we get a replay of a pedestrian right hand by UT. What the hell? Jericho stirs but UT does the zombie situp and Jericho hides back in the pod. UT works over Morrison for a while. He sends him into the Jericho’s hiding place pod. UT preps the Last Ride on the grate but Jericho saves and Morrison grabs a hold of the cage. Jericho sends UT into the pod door and Morrison hits a splash on Jericho and everyone is down. Morrison with a running knee for 2. UT recovers to goozle him and ChokeSlam him from in the ring to out on the grate. UT covers and Morrison is gone at 28:26.

• Strong showing for Morrison as he got to eliminate Rey and get pinned by a UT super finisher. UT lowers the straps and Angle is nowhere to be found. UT tells Jericho to bring it on and UT just thrashes him with rights. UT hits the flying zombie hipcheck in the corner. He tries another but Jericho ducks and UT eats turnbuckle. Jericho takes him for the ride with a superplex. Jericho boots him some and taunts to jeers. UT with a goozle but Jericho rolls through a ChokeSlam attempt for the WoJ. Before he can turn it, UT tries to apply the Hell’s Gate triangle choke. Jericho breaks loose and rolls him over for the WoJ. After a minute, UT finally reverses it to the Hell’s Gate. Jericho makes it to the ropes but no break so he escapes to the outside. UT hits the zombie situp. UT pulls him inside for the Tombstone but Jericho slides out and hits the Codebreaker. Delayed cover gets 2. Jericho screams at UT to STAY DOWN. Jericho mounts in the corner for some rights and of course UT counters to the Last Ride but UT is too out of it to cover. He staggers to his feet and signals for the Tombstone. But SHAWN MICHAELS HAS COME OUT! Or more accurately, he has come up from under the grate, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle style. The crowd is shocked and excited as HBK takes him down with the Sweet Chin Music. HBK glares down at UT as Jericho covers to win the strap at 35:39. One of my favorite chambers. Everyone played their roll perfectly. Punk is the twenty first century Raven in the best way possible. Mysterio was Ricky Morton and Morrison was Robert Gibson and everyone else brought the best of themselves. And the booking was excellent as UT’s elimination made perfect sense and of course gave us HBK vs. UT II. ****1/2

The 411: Wash, rinse, repeat in terms of the card structure. An impromptu US title match, a bait and switch on the women's title, and a plodding Kane-McIntyre match. Even worse in terms of the overall booking going in, most of the scheduled things were negated by on the fly surprises. I love the Batista surprise but I like Heel Batista. In kayfabe terms, the surprise is bullshit and negates the purpose of the match. You could say the same for HBK's interference but that fit SO perfectly with their feud that it gets a pass, plus the match is that damn awesome. Once again, watch the two chambers and pass on the rest.

Final Score:  6.0   [ Average ]