The Wrestling News Experience: 01.31.11

Monday, January 31st, 2011

From 411Mania’s Canadian offices in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, this is The Wrestling News Experience, with Stephen Randle!

The Reason Garfield Hates Mondays

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, the man who accurately predicted the winner of the Royal Rumble. Of course, a fair number of other people did, too, but this isn’t their column, so you will sit there and watch me celebrate.

Just a correction note from last week, somehow a picture of The Miz managed to make its way into the Power Rankings in place of a picture of Your Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Experts theorize that the awesomeness of The Miz is such that he can force his way into any .jpg-based picture that he wishes. However, after a thorough security scan and several precautions, I believe I have prevented any further Miz-takes.

That was a pune, or play on words. Moving on.

Larry has the live coverage, and I have the much more interesting random thoughts recorded while watching.

Ahahaha, they blew Edge’s pyro cue. Awkward.

The fact that the “DZ” on Dolph’s trunks are reversed has to be a rib by the costume designer. Who would wear those on purpose?

Kelly Kelly? That was a random choice to interfere. Are they booking run-ins using a copy of Smackdown vs Raw?

Edge defeated Dolph Ziggler to retain the World Heavyweight Championship (pinfall, Unprettier)

Couldn’t he have just hit the Unprettier without the Spear? It’s a finisher after all. Although the Spear did get a massive pop.

Miz slams Tom Brady! Maybe he does have some good qualities, after all. Plus, he’s rocking the super-special Bedazzled mini-trench. Granted, he can’t pull it off, but it’s still there.

Just noticed the Raw GM stand is set up at ringside. That’s not a good sign for somebody.

Wow, this match just keeps on going.

“Just go ahead and accidentally hit Cole, Randy, it’s okay.” You know, when both Jerry Lawler and Matt Striker think you’re a dick, you might have crossed a line somewhere.

Man, this referee completely telegraphs his count. “One, two…slowwwwww arm coming down…”

The Miz defeated Randy Orton to retain the WWE Championship (GTS from an interfering Punk)

Question: why does CM Punk care who wins the WWE Championship? I’m fairly sure with a five-on-one Nexus advantage he can beat whomever happens to be champion.

The Elimination Chamber was designed by the Devil himself, apparently. Well, Eric Bischoff (in storyline), so close enough.

And the Raw GM changes the Divas match to a Fatal Four-Way. I’d call it bait and switch, but I don’t really care.

Eve? Well, that’s…not at all what anyone was expecting. Way to deflate a crowd.

Eve defeated former champion Natalya, Layla, and Michelle McCool in a Fatal Four-Way to win the WWE Divas’ Championship (Eve pins Layla, moonsault)

What the bloody f…hell was that? Who suddenly decided Eve was a better foil for LayCool than Natalya? Or how about…what’s her name…been feuding with LayCool for the last month on Smackdown…Beth Phoenix? It’s like the entire damned thing was set up to troll the smarks who were hoping for Kong. Real mature, WWE.

And of course, Daniel Bryan and Josh Mathews try and break up a catfight. This is why people talk, guys.

Alberto Del Rio won The Royal Rumble Match

Order of Entry

1. CM Punk
2. Daniel Bryan
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Zach Ryder
5. William Regal
6. Ted DiBiase
7. John Morrison
8. Yoshi Tatsu
9. Husky Harris
10. Chavo Guerrero
11. Mark Henry
12. JTG
13. Michael McGillicutty
14. Chris Masters
15. David Otunga
16. Tyler Reks
17. Vladimir Kozlov
18. R-Truth
19. The Great Khali
20. Mason Ryan
21. BOOKER T, SUCKA!!!!
22. John Cena
23. Hornswoggle
24. Tyson Kidd
25. Heath Slater
26. Kofi Kingston
27. Jack Swagger
28. King Sheamus
29. Rey Mysterio
30. Wade Barrett
31. Dolph Ziggler
32. Diesel
33. Drew McIntyre
34. Alex Riley
35. The Big Show
36. Ezekiel Jackson
37. Santino Marella
38. Alberto Del Rio
39. Randy Orton
40. Kane

Order of Elimination

1. Justin Gabriel by Daniel Bryan
2. Zach Ryder by Daniel Bryan
3. William Regal by Ted DiBiase
4. Chavo Guerrero by Mark Henry
5. Yoshi Tatsu by Mark Henry
6. JTG by Michael McGillicutty
7. Ted DiBiase by Harris and McGillicutty
8. Daniel Bryan by CM Punk
9. Chris Masters by CM Punk
10. John Morrison by The Nexus
11. Mark Henry by The Nexus
12. Tyler Reks by The Nexus
13. Vladimir Kozlov by CM Punk
14. R-Truth by CM Punk
15. Husky Harris by The Great Khali
16. The Great Khali by Mason Ryan
17. Booker T by Mason Ryan
18. Mason Ryan by John Cena
19 & 20. David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty by John Cena
21. CM Punk by John Cena
22. Tyson Kidd by John Cena
23. Heath Slater by John Cena
24. Hornswoggle by King Sheamus
25. Jack Swagger by Rey Mysterio
26. Diesel by Wade Barrett
27. Dolph Ziggler by The Big Show
28. Drew McIntyre by The Big Show
29. The Big Show by Ezekiel Jackson
30. Alex Riley by John Cena and Kofi Kingston
31. Kofi Kingston by Randy Orton
32. King Sheamus by Randy Orton
33. Ezekiel Jackson by Kane
34. Kane by Rey Mysterio
35. Rey Mysterio by Wade Barrett
36. John Cena by The Miz (no, he’s not in the match, it still counts)
37. Wade Barrett by Randy Orton
38. Randy Orton by Alberto Del Rio
39. Santino Marella by Alberto Del Rio

“Over a dozen new faces in the ring”, Striker? I count nine, eight if we’re not counting Punk. But I always was good at math.

Hey, look, it’s Punk-Bryan for 90 seconds. I’ll take it.

And now it’s Punk-Bryan-Regal. Somewhere, a wrestling fan is wetting himself. Although in Cook’s defense, he’s pretty drunk.

How the hell did Morrison manage to fall off the apron, grab the barricade, and leap back to the stairs, on live PPV, without blowing it entirely?

Who the hell told Chavo he could have offense? And when did he turn face?

Mark Henry enters, and in light of the new accusations against Taco Bell, I must amend the popular phrase to say…There’s The 35% Beef!

I’m not typing “McGillicutty” that many times. I’ll just cut and paste it later.

Okay, they’re risking dragging on the Nexus dominance too long. Bring in Show and let’s move on.

Or Khali. He works, too.

Or John Cena. Definitely, definitely Cena.

What a shock, Tyson Kidd’s push disappeared with his bodyguard. Although Hornswoggle managing to FU him was a surprising display of strength.

What is with the camera cutting away and missing shots? It’s like I’m watching TNA or something.

I sense that King Sheamus means the end of Hornswoggle. It’s not like he cares if he’s hated. He may, in fact, be the best heel in wrestling right now because he never, ever does anything to get cheered, even when given a chance.

Michael Cole’s Irish? Haven’t they suffered enough?

Cole once again calls Barrett the leader of The Corre. Somebody better yell at him over the headset.

Hey, Nash managed to dye his hair and not look like a grandfather. And he didn’t get hurt in the first eight seconds.

Wait, Scots and Irish don’t team up. They hate each other. Like Scots and the English. Or Scots and other Scots. Damned Scots, they ruined Scotland!

Show and Diesel face off on the entrance ramp. There’s a match I don’t want to see, I don’t care what kind of pop Nash got.

And with Cena’s elimination goes much of the crowd’s interest in the match.

I swear, for about three seconds I thought they might go nuts and let Santino win, then screw him out of it later. Weird ending, though.

“Can I press 1 for English?” Gold, Jerry, gold.

Overall, even with the expanded format, it didn’t really feel like the biggest Rumble of all time. Actually, the first half was quite good, but all the post-Nexus stuff dragged to a finish, and Cena’s sudden elimination deflated the crowd for the ending. Maybe that’s why they saved Santino for that odd finish, because at least it got a pop.

Last night at the Royal Rumble, a Smackdown Superstar won the Rumble match, so there will likely be no consequences for The Miz from that direction. Of course, the fact that he interfered in the match to eliminate John Cena might come back to bite him, instead. In fact, I’m fairly sure we’re all counting on it.

Meanwhile, Nexus’ plan to secure CM Punk a WrestleMania title shot fell short by a fair margin when the group was eliminated nearly entirely by the aforementioned Cena. But of a more pressing concern may be that Nexus’ interference in the WWE Championship match cost Randy Orton the title, and the Viper is not a man who forgives and forgets.

Plus, we have a new Divas’ champion, and for some reason it’s Eve Torres. The win was not without controversy, however, as Michelle McCool had a simultaneous pin on Natalya when the decision was rendered. Will Eve remain Divas’ champ longer than 24 hours?

All this and more, tonight on Raw!

TNA: They. Never. Learn. Wait…It Needs To Start With An ‘A’.

On the heels of the Cincinnati Bengals’ always-in-the-spotlight Chad Johnson Ochocinco Johnson randomly Twittering that he wanted to face inexplicably still-employed head coach Marvin Lewis in a cage match, TNA stepped up to the plate. Having clearly not learned anything from every single time they try this, TNA has begun publically advertising an offer to both Johnson and Lewis to follow through on this desire at their upcoming Lockdown PPV. That’s right, we’re taking the “desperate plea for mainstream attention by trying to get Rod Blagojevich to join the Main Event Mafia” and combining it with the whole “sign PacMan Jones to wrestle and give him the tag titles even though he’s not actually allowed to make any physical contact” to create…God only knows! I mean, sure, it’s harmless publicity and god knows WWE has tried crazy stunts like it in the past. But there’s one small difference: when WWE does something like this, they don’t advertise things until they have contacted the people involved and set up an agreement to make it happen. They don’t just throw out open invitations and hope that people feel sorry for them.

Although it’s not like playing or coaching for Cincinnati is a much better option.

Definitely Tough Enough

As confirmed by WWE this past week, Tough Enough will be returning the day after WrestleMania XXVII, with the debut episode airing after Raw that night, and subsequent episodes to run before Raw. Common sense suggests that this is the final death knell for NXT, as WWE will likely use the international time slots they’ve been running NXT on to air Tough Enough instead.

More importantly, WWE has announced that the host of the show will be WWE Legend and all-around badass SOB Stone Cold Steve Austin. Whether Austin will do any actual training has not been revealed, but Austin’s presence in any capacity suggests that WWE is much more behind Tough Enough than they were with NXT. I’m still wary, however, because part of the appeal of the original Tough Enough, to me, was the relationship Al Snow had with the contestants. I guess we’ll see if WWE can find someone to replace him.

Still Want To Be Like The Nature Boy?

What a shock, it’s drama from Ric Flair, who reportedly temporarily ditched the TNA European tour, apparently over a demand for his promised money for appearing to be delivered up front. Flair missed one show before rejoining the tour, with no indication as to whether his demands were met. Mysterious and vague inside sources suggest that Flair still has not learned from his past mistakes, and continues to attempt to live the Horseman lifestyle, only without the Horseman budget to pay his debts.

And thus continues a fairly sad and tragic spiral for the Nature Boy, who finds himself in a position no wrestler wants, old, full of chronic injuries, and broke, living off his past glory to attempt to earn enough money to pay the bills. One has to imagine that he’s regretting burning those bridges with WWE, who, if rumours were true, were offering him a multi-million dollar position as an ambassador and potential GM. Although TNA can’t mind having him on the roster, the fact of the matter is, if and when cost-cutting measures become necessary, somebody like Flair, who can’t wrestle full time or at the high intensity of TNA’s younger stars, and yet who probably makes a fair piece more than many of them, will probably end up on the outside looking in.

Good News, Everybody!

The Diva Search is returning, and will be taking up some portion of WWE programming sometime in the summer. You may now scream in unadulterated horror.

I mean, seriously? They do realize that the Diva Searches were bad television, have produced nobody of note (although I guess the last Diva Search winner just became Divas’ Champion last night…and I still don’t know what they were on when they made that decision), and generally were a waste of time and money. But hey, I’m sure they’ll pop a couple quarter hours out of pure masochistic tendencies that are latent in most people. Of course, those same people will likely change the channel pretty quickly even if they do watch the whole segment, but the important thing is that WWE will continue to be USA’s highest rated show, which would mean more if they had more competition than Burn Notice.

1. Alberto Del Rio Well, that WWE.com typo sure had a handle on things, as Del Rio is officially a big deal, and will main event WrestleMania (and I fully expect him to win) in his first year in WWE. Actually, he hasn’t even been on the main roster for an entire year yet. That’s insane.

2. John Cena I don’t think you can dispute that Cena was the massive crowd favourite to win (well, realistically, because Booker T got a pretty good reaction, for the whole minute he was in), and after a subtle switch of feuds with Orton, Cena looks to be locked on to the Miz, and I’d pencil that in as the other Mania main event.

3. The Nexus Sure, they were dominant, but that segment of the Rumble really started to drag on, and then they were once again destroyed by John Cena. At least now they’re really not pretending that Nexus is anything more than disposable lackies for CM Punk, who is once again chewing the scenery with his heel act.

4. Edge Not a real surprise that he retained, but Edge showed some spark of his old, pre-2010 self in the match with Ziggler, and definitely had the crowd behind him the whole way. Ziggler gets some of the credit, but as the veteran and victory, Edge has to take the higher position.

5. Dolph Ziggler The other half of the WHC match, Ziggler acquitted himself well, and while he might be dropping back into the pack a bit in the build for WrestleMania, I would look for Ziggler to rise again in the summer months.

6. John Morrison Seriously, what the hell was that spot? How much would you have to practice something like that, and still be nervous about performing it in one-shot, on live TV, with no room for error? Put me down for picking Morrison to be a Money in the Bank winner at Mania, and a World Champion by the end of 2011.

7. Booker T Even if the whole thing smells of a giant “screw you” to TNA (which I’m okay with, because once again, TNA, stop running angles before you have the talent actually signed), I’m worried that the rumours have Booker as more of a managerial role than a wrestling one, but I’m glad to see him back where I feel he belongs, at least for now.

8. Scott Steiner Big Poppa Pump makes another big return, but if the return of the MEM truly was the plan, Steiner may be standing alone while TNA scrambles to come up with a Plan B.

9. Santino Marella Still not sure why they felt the need to book that little coda to the Rumble match, but whatever, Santino brought the goods when necessary and if there weren’t a serious Mania main event on the line, he might have had some people believing in the impossible.

10. Daniel Bryan I’m told that the Wrestler of the Week people vote for Bryan just for showing up in matches. Well, he showed up in the Rumble match and he kicked ass, so how can I not follow suit? Even if he is dumb enough to break up a catfight.

Inactive List as of 01.17.11

WWE Raw

– Chris Jericho, out indefinitely as of September 27th Raw (kayfabe, punt-related injury)
– Evan Bourne, out 2-3 months as of October 11th (shoulder surgery)
– Skip Sheffield, out indefinitely as of August 20th (broken ankle)
– Triple H, out indefinitely (arm surgery)

WWE SmackDown

– Christian, out six months as of September 24th (torn pectoral)
– The Undertaker, out indefinitely as of October 24th (shoulder)
– Teddy Long, out indefinitely as of January 21st (kayfabe, blunt force trauma)

TNA

– AJ Styles, out 6-8 weeks as of January 9th (knee injury)
– Miss Tessmacher, out indefinitely as of December 29th (jaw surgery)

Transactions

– Booker T, WWE, returned to WWE at Royal Rumble PPV

– “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, SD!, out indefinitely as of January 30th (kayfabe, broken nose)

– Diesel, WWE, returned to WWE at Royal Rumble PPV

– Scott Steiner, TNA, returned to TNA on January 27th Impact

WWE

WWE Champion: The Miz
– 70 day reign, defeated Randy Orton by cashing in Money in the Bank on November 22nd (Raw)

World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
– 43 day reign, defeated former champion Kane, Alberto Del Rio, and Rey Mysterio in a Fatal Four-Way TLC Match on December 19th (TLC PPV)

WWE Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston
– 24 day reign, defeated Dolph Ziggler on January 7th (Smackdown)

WWE United States Champion: Daniel Bryan
– 134 day reign, defeated The Miz on September 19th (Night of Champions PPV)

WWE Tag Team Champions: Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov
– 56 day reign, defeated former champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, The Usos, and Mark Henry & Yoshi Tatsu in a Four-Way Elimination Match on December 7th (Raw)

**NEW** WWE Divas’ Champion: Eve
– 1 day reign, defeated former champion Natalya, Layla, and Michelle McCool in a Fatal Four-Way Match on January 30th (Royal Rumble PPV)

TNA

TNA Heavyweight Champion: Mr. Anderson
– 22 day reign, defeated Jeff Hardy on January 9th (Genesis PPV)
– Next title defense: vs Jeff Hardy, February 3rd Impact

TNA Tag Team Champions: Beer Money, Inc.
– 22 day reign, defeated Motor City Machine Guns on January 9th (Genesis PPV)

TNA X-Division Champion: Kazarian
– 22 day reign, defeated Jay Lethal on January 9th (Genesis PPV)

TNA Knockouts Champion: Madison Rayne
-109 day reign, defeated former champion Tara on October 14th (Impact)

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: Angelina Love and Winter
– 38 day reign, defeated Madison Rayne and Tara in the finals of tournament to claim the vacant titles

TNA Television Champion: Abyss
– 22 day reign, defeated Douglas Williams on January 9th (Genesis PPV)

DeMarco has the Wrestling 5 & 1.

Hubbard has the Annual 411 Staff Rumble Part One and Part Two. No, I don’t know who keeps letting us do this.

Ramirez has South of the Border news.

Martell has The Triple Threat.

Ari has Column of Honor.

411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EST.

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That’s our show, That Damned Cook is in tomorrow, I will be back next week. Plus, don’t forget to look for me this Tuesday in the Games Zone for Four Player Co-op.

Here it is, your Moment of Buddy.

Goddammit. Not Again.

Have a good one, and always be a fan