411Mania’s Squared Circle News Report 10.10.09

Welcome back inside the Squared Circle! How is everyone doing this week? I’m alright but I could be better. You see, I really hate it when it’s a slow news week in wrestling. Seriously, when some of the biggest news of the week is “WWE changing the name of a PPV”, it really gives writers like myself NOTHING to work with. Talk about a case of writers block. Either way, I can always find something to talk about. I know where to go to get all the secret wrestling information (usually I just hack into Csonka’s computer) so I always have something to talk about most of the time. Just bare with me here.

Before I get to the wrestling stuff, I have to ask. Is anyone watching the Real World/Road Rules “The Ruins” on MTV? Is it just me or is Wes getting the short end of the stick here? The dude came into the house with guys already looking to get him off the show (Johnny, Kenny, and Evan) so it’s not surprising that he came in with a little grudge on his shoulder. I’d honestly pay some big money to see Wes knock the shit out of Johnny. The show is filled with more drama than a soap opera which is why it’s one of the best shows currently on TV. Well, along with Hell’s Kitchen. That show is mega sweetness as well.

Anyways…….

LET’S GET IT ON!!!!!

Biggest News Of The Week:

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper Has Terminal Cancer……Wait, Nevermind

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper kicked cancer’s ass, and he didn’t’ have to do much….

This may not be the biggest news of the week to some of you people, but my life was spun around for about an hour when I heard the news that “Rowdy” Roddy Piper was battling terminal cancer….the same thing that just took out Patrick Swayze. I have to admit, I was worried for the ol’ “Hot Rod”. You see, I have somewhat of a history with the old man. Not only has Piper called the cops on me for egging his house (I was a stupid young man…), but I have run into him numerous times at places like Red Robin, Fred Meyer, the movie theater and the gym. Since Piper lives about 10 miles from me, I’ve ran into him way more than I have other celebrities in my little home town of Forest Grove, Oregon (I’ve also ran into Bill Pullman and Bruce Greenwood…not the biggest a-list stars). So, when I heard the news that Piper had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I was a little depressed and was hoping the news was false.

Then, lo and behold….the rumor was squashed and Piper was actually said to be as healthy as he can be. He’s actually taking time off from wrestling (didn’t he retire???) to nurse an injury and that’s what started the terminal cancer rumors. You know, now that I think about it. While this year has been horrible with celebrity deaths, we here in the wrestling world have actually had it pretty easy. Celebrities such as Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Swayze, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, and many more have passed away this year and it seems like it’s never going to end. However, the wrestling world has had it pretty easy this year. Outside of Scott Hall…..who do we really have to worry about possibly dying tomorrow? I mean, I honestly can’t think of a big time name that should be on constant 24-hour watch besides Hall. Ohhhhhhh wait, I forgot about this guy……..

In all seriousness, I’m glad that Piper is “healthy” and doesn’t have terminal cancer as the wrestling world really wasn’t ready to lose this man. Piper is a legend in the wrestling business and will always be remembered as one of the greatest heels in wrestling. While many of the newer wrestling fans will never get to experience Piper has a heel, just take my word for it that he was one of the best heels of all-time in his prime. The man knew how to make a crowd hate him and that’s a trait that many wrestlers of today would kill for in a minute. Make sure you toast a beer for Piper tonight…..

Told you it was a slow news week…………

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Remember This Guy???

The Goon

In the mid-1990’s, the WWE was on a huge “gimmicks” kick. It was much different than today’s WWE where we see normal guys like Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase, John Cena, and more walking around. Back in the mid-90’s, we got things like garbage men, ninjas, clowns, and hockey players. Yes, I said hockey players. You see, Bill Irwin was a long-time wrestling veteran who finally got his shot with the WWE! Vince McMahon didn’t seem to care though as he decided to stick him with a hockey gimmick and call him “The Goon”. “The Goon” was apparently “kicked out of every hockey league he ever participated in” and was one mean son of a bitch! However, the bad news is, he didn’t last long with the WWE because unfortunately….wrestling fans (as well as the rest of the world….minus Canada) just don’t care about hockey.

Watch “The Goon” compete in the gimmick battle royal at WrestleMania 17!….

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Random News Bits:

– TNA has raised the price of Bound for Glory from $29.99 to $39.99. Apparently the reason for the price change was to make the show seem special. Hmmmm….wouldn’t it make more sense to just pack the card with great matches rather than charge your fans extra money? Thanks TNA for giving me even MORE reasons to not purchase your PPV.

– Lacey Von Erich recently sat down with the Miami Herald and stuck her foot in her mouth when she said the following about Angelina Love leaving “The Beautiful People”:

“I feel like [the role] was made for me, and she (Love) wasn’t a good fit for it in my opinion. I thought that everybody was going to be, `Oh, no, Angelina is gone,’ but not one person said that. Nobody really missed her that much. I feel like I can fill the shoes that I’m supposed to. I’ve never met Angelina before in my life. After what some people have said, I don’t know if I want to. I just feel like we can all be a group together and shine together, so I’m excited about that.”

OHHHHHHH SNAPPPPPPP!!!!!

In all seriousness, Von Erich recently apologized on her Myspace page and even mentioned that “Love was amazing in The Beautiful People” and she hopes she can do the role “justice”. By the way, did I mention that she only apologized because TNA officials made her? Gotta love people like that…..

– TNA has signed both Matt Morgan and A.J. Styles to new deals. That’s a bummer deal for WWE fans who have been clamoring for Styles to jump to the WWE for years now. As far as Matt Morgan is concerned….you had your sh-sh-sh-shot in WWE bu-bu-buddy and you fu-fu-fumbled the ball.

– There’s a rumor currently going around that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson could guest host RAW in January as a way to promote his upcoming movie “Tooth Fairy”. I’m just going to go ahead and file this under “GREATEST NEWS EVER”. The Rock would make the best guest host to date and would be a ratings boost for sure. I’d love to see a confrontation between the Rock and Santino. I have a feeling that would lead to some comedy gold for sure.

– Apparently Umaga had a shoot interview scheduled for this past week but he canceled it at the last minute. The rumor is he could be returning to the WWE and let’s face it….nothing gets feathers more ruffled than a nice little shoot interview, especially one done by a man who was fired. Hopefully Umaga does return to the WWE because I was a huge fan of his and he is one of the better big guys in wrestling at the moment.

– Gail Kim has been out of action recently with an implant rupture. It must be rough having big boobs. There’s a chick on the Real World/Road Rules “The Ruins” who has really big sweater cows and apparently she popped an implant just by diving into the water. So fellas, if you are currently sleeping with a chick with fake boobies….be careful. Those things are fragile!

– Dennis Miller is currently scheduled to host the RAW on November 23 in Hershey, Pennsylvania. It also happens to be the next three-hour RAW. You know what that means right? That means we get an extra hour of unfunny Dennis Miller jokes………yaaaaaaaay?

– WWE has signed Zivile Raudoniene to a developmental contract. For those of you interested in what she looks like…..HERE YA GO……

Nothing says “hot” more than a chick who could kick my ass.

– Ice-T and his wife Coco were recently on the Monday Night Mayhem radio show and Ice-T had the following to say regarding possibly guest hosting RAW in the near future:

“They called us, and the thing of it is that we just had to get time in our schedule that was free.”

And if you translate this it basically means….they don’t have anything to currently promote at the time and would love to guest host RAW when it can benefit their shitty careers. Ahhh, celebrities…gotta love them.

– The following wrestlers have been left out of the upcoming Smackdown vs. RAW 2010 video game:

Zack Ryder, Paul Burchill, Katie Lea Burchill, Chris Masters, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendes, Jamie Noble, Charlie Haas, Jimmy Wang Yang, Tatsu, Hurricane Helms, Tiffany, Sheamus, Funaki, Layla, David Hart Smith, and Tyson Kidd.

Bummer deal for all those people but MEGA bummer deal on the Hart Dynasty not being in the game. Either way, I can’t wait for the sucker to come out. Is there any word on the WWE releasing another legends game next year? I’m hoping they will and I REALLY hope they improve upon it. It was a decent little game, but it could have been much better.

– You can listen to a great interview with Prince Nana, Arya Daivari and MMA fighter Frank Trigg by clicking here.

(Credit goes to The Wrestling Observer for the above news!)

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Wrestling Top 10 Lists:

Top 10 Worst Matches in WCW Halloween Havoc History

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It’s the only holiday you can dress up in a wacky costume, get drunk, and NOT get arrested! So, for the next few weeks I’ll be doing WCW Halloween Havoc top 10 related lists. This week, I’ll be starting off with the top 10 WORST matches in Halloween Havoc history! Enjoy……..

This list is in a particular order……

Honorable Mentions: (because when you include the words “worst” and “WCW” together, you must have tons of honorable mentions…)

– Cuban Assassin vs. Tommy Rich – Halloween Havoc 1989

– Disco Inferno vs. Jacqueline – Halloween Havoc 1997

– Sting vs. Sid Vicious – Halloween Havoc 1993

– Van Hammer vs. Doug Somers – Halloween Havoc 1991

– Renegade Warriors vs. Fabulous Freebirds – Halloween Havoc 1990

AND NOW……THE TOP 10!……..

10) Creatures vs. Big Josh & PN News
WCW Halloween Havoc 1991

What happens when you put a masked team called “The Creatures” against a “top” (???) team like BIg Josh and PN News? I’ll tell you what happens….the entire world just rethinks why they spent their hard earned money on this crap. Thankfully the Creatures were only a one time thing, however I wish I could say the same thing for Big Josh and PN News. Man….WCW sure did misuse Matt Bourne by making the poor guy a freaking lumberjack. At least an evil clown was a decent idea and one AWESOME gimmick!

Just because I can’t find a clip of the actual match, I present to you a WCW battle royal featuring PN News and Big Josh………

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9) Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair
WCW Halloween Havoc 2000

Few people in the world of wrestling have sucked as bad as David Flair and Buff Bagwell have. So what does WCW decide to do? Pair the two in a “memorable” feud that would even feature this gem of a “first blood DNA match”. Not only was the feud as a whole just a waste of time, but this match just helps remind of us all of which Flair family member got all the good wrestling talent…..

And here it is in all it’s “glory”……

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8) Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage
WCW Halloween Havoc 1996

At one time in my life, Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage were able to put on a pretty damn good wrestling match with each other…..then they signed with WCW. Believe me, it’s not like Hogan is a wrestling mastermind or anything, but there was just something about Hogan and Halloween Havoc that SUCKED. This isn’t the first time you’ll see this man on the list. As a matter of fact, this match isn’t even THAT bad, I was just so frustrated with Hogan while putting this thing together that I decided to include another Hogan match in the top 10. SUCK ON IT TERRY~!

Back when Hogan vs. Savage was good…..

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7) Bill Kazmaier vs. Oz
WCW Halloween Havoc 1991

Do yourself a favor if you manage to track this horrible match down…cut off your head. Why? Because you are an idiot if you actually LOOK for this match. First, you can tell it’s going to be a stinker just by seeing the two guys involved. One is a guy who only got his job in wrestling because of his size…and the other is Bill Kazmaier. Second, it’s a match that lasts about 3 minutes too long considering both guys only use ONE MOVE the entire time. Seriously….don’t watch this shitfest.

This match is a little better. It’s Kazmaier vs. Cactus Jack……..

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6) Steve McMichael vs. Alex Wright
WCW Halloween Havoc 1997

Boy oh boy. WCW was really trying to piss me off when they placed these two miserable wastes of talent in the ring together. For those of you who don’t remember….”Mongo” McMichael was an ex-NFL player who was trying to make it big in WCW after flirting with pro wrestling as a member of Lawrence Taylor’s WrestleMania entourage. There was only one problem. The guy sucked in the ring and his promos constantly sounded like he was whining and yelling at the same time. Then, on the other hand you have Alex Wright. Wright was actually decent in the ring, it’s just unfortunate he was stuck with such a shitty gimmick. Actually, I don’t even know if the dancing was part of his gimmick or not…..but it was enough to make me hate the guy with a passion. I don’t even remember how this match actually turned out considering I never have actually seen the entire thing. But that’s what you get………

Here’s a clip of Alex Wright facing a guy who SHOULD look familiar to most of you……

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5) Sting vs. Sid Vicious
WCW Halloween Havoc 1990

Don’t get me wrong, Sting is an incredible wrestler, it’s just unfortunate that he’s not the kind of wrestler who can make his horrible opponents look good. It seemed that whenever WCW decided to schedule a Sting/Sid Vicious match….everyone knew we were in for a special shit sandwich courtesy of Dubya See Dubya. Not only did these two have this horrible encounter, but they also met again at Halloween Havoc 1993 in a match that was no better than this one. This one only ranks higher due to the stupidity of it’s ending. You see, the two were brawling outside of the ring during the match and ended up backstage. When the two finally reappeared, something wasn’t right. Sting looked much bigger and even smelled kind of funny. That’s because this Sting was actually BARRY WINDHAM in Sting make-up! It’s not like anyone could tell! Seriously….I was like 9 years old and I COULD TELL. Genius move WCW!!

Because I know you all want to see if you can tell the difference between Sting and Barry Windham…..

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4) Hulk Hogan vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
WCW Halloween Havoc 1997

I hate to keep repeating everyone and their mother, but it’s a known reason that one of the main keys to WCW’s demise was the fact that they kept signing old WWE main eventers and pushing them to the moon. When WCW signed Piper, I have to admit….I was excited. As I mentioned earlier, Piper lives close to me so I’m a little biased towards him. However, his WCW run was just one big stinkfest. And the funny thing about it is, the biggest stinkfest may have actually came at Halloween Havoc 1997! Seriously WCW…how do you screw up Piper vs. Hogan in a steel cage? Ohhhh, that’s right! You have the match end with a freaking SLEEPER HOLD. Wow….WCW was MMA before MMA was COOL! Either way, this match was laaaaaaame.

It’s Hogan vs. Piper, when they were YOUNG…..

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3) Hulk Hogan vs. The Giant
WCW Halloween Havoc 1995

Question….what’s worse than watching a Big Show/Hulk Hogan wrestling match? If you answered “watching the two men battle in a monster truck battle” then you are a WINNAH! Seriously…these two battled in a monster truck battle before their actual wrestling match at Halloween Havoc 1995. Well, after Hogan easily took care of the Giant in the monster truck battle on the roof of the arena, he proceeded to throw the Giant OFF THE ROOF OF THE ARENA! OK….while it didn’t happen exactly like that, I just found that if you tell people Hogan tried to murder Big Show, it makes for a much more entertaining story.

Either way, long story short. Hogan tried to kill Big Show, however Big Show is invincible and STILL showed up to wrestle Hogan later that evening. However he lost in a wrestling match that was so bad watching it may make your eyes bleed.

And since I don’t want my eyes bleeding, here’s THE YETI ATTACKING HULK HOGAN! YESSSS!!!!!…..

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2) Hulk Hogan vs. The Ultimate Warrior
WCW Halloween Havoc 1998

As I have already mentioned plenty of times in this column…whenever Hulk Hogan had a rematch in WCW against someone he had previously fought in WWE, you knew you were in for a shitastic night. Not only was the build up to this match GOD AWFUL, but the match itself is a joke compared to the two’s original encounter at WrestleMania 6. You know, I started writing this top 10 because I was really starting to miss WCW, however…now that I’m almost finished, I pretty much gave myself a reminder as to why WCW sucked donkey balls for the majority of it’s run. THANK YOU HULK HOGAN FOR RUINING WCW!…..

Watch this match if you are a true member of the ONE WARRIOR NATION……

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1) Chamber of Horrors
WCW Halloween Havoc 1991

Chamber of Horrors. Never has a match been so aptly named. This thing was exactly what you would expect from a match with that title….a complete horror show. Then again, that’s what you would expect when you get the Steiners, El Gigante, Sting, Abdullah the Butcher, Diamond Studd, Big Van Vader, and Cactus Jack in a cage where the only way you can win is to put someone in an electric chair and SHOCK EM~! Not only that, but when you botch the finish of the match….it really doesn’t help. However, we all should have known we were doomed once it was announced that El Gigante was coming in to replace the injured Barry Windham. That right there should have been sign number one that we were in for one hell of a car wreck…..

IT’S THE CHAMBER OF HORRORS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…….

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YouTube! Find Of The Week!

Here’s something WCW did right….WAR GAMES~!!!!

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And that’s it for me this week. Remember, don’t be a stranger to 411! Bookmark the site and visit it countless times a day. Hell, be brave and make it your homepage! Trust me, it will make you a better person……

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