411’s WWE Raw Report 11.22.04

BACKGROUND MATERIAL

Randle throws a one-year anniversary party with the usual news fixings, a new feature, and a pointed, acerbic 1734-word treatise on the evolution of Dorkboy. Congratulations, Stephen! Here is a picture of a one-year anniversary:

Nute breaks down one sick finisher. Some places define the Kiss Your X Goodbye as a “cannonball pancake”. That’s, well, quite simply wrong. At no point in the move does either participant tuck into a cannonball. This is why you guys read me instead of some silly websites.

Zucconi pops up with a rallying cry. I’m still anxious to see the TNA product up here. Make it happen, TSN.

Leggo reviews One Fall.

David B. Campbell is back! Fried is still here!

Dunn keeps the AJPW reviews coming with the legendary Bobo Brazil in action.

Ziegler and Garoon have more ROH love in the videos section: Death Before Dishonor, parts 1 and 2.

And if you’re watching the show, get into the damn Raw thread and start posting already!

Here we go…

411’s WWE RAW REPORT 11.22.04

Backstage, Shelton Benjamin is confronted by Trish Stratus wearing a towel and her mask and it’s a parody of that MNF sketch! Shelton says he has a match. “What about Trish?” “You’re the biggest slut on Raw.” [Objection.] Vincent McMahon walks in! He is just disgusted by the sexual and racial overtones there. “You’re an African-American, and everyone knows African-Americans are attracted to white Canadians with broken noses.” No way the FCC allows this. The WWE is not the NFL, and damn sure not the NBA. If this continues, itl’l lead to the downfall of society and riots in the arena! Fans will start fighting wrestlers! The WWE’s reputation will suffer irreparably. It’ll be pandemonium, so Vince just tells Shelton to give it up. Shelton, choking back laughter: “You need to lighten up, man.” And he leaves. Vince: “Is he gone?” Trish takes it off and jumps into Vince’s arms.

Vince: “Are you ready for some WRESTLING?”

Cue the Monday Night Football theme and we jump into the Raw intro. Fantastic scene all around.

Chris Benoit comes out and the house erupts. Hot crowd tonight. “Yes! Yes. That’s the kind of energy I’m talking about. That’s the kind of energy I want to feel!” [pop] “And I hope you’re in the mood for some wrestling tonight, because tonight is my turn to run Monday Night Raw! You know, I didn’t know what to expect when I showed up here today, and I was sort of taken by the politickin’, sweet-talkin’, ass-kissin’, trying to get their way. So I just had to simplify things. I put a piece of paper on my door and slammed it shut, and anyone who wanted a match just had to write their name down, and they got it.

“So you see, right here tonight in Buffalo, Maven will get to go one-on-one, mano a mano, with the man that cost him the World Title last week – Gene Snitsky. It seems that Batista wants to avenge his loss at Survivor Series, so tonight, he’ll be facing none other than Y2J Chris Jericho. And Lita, lovely Lita, well she wanted to face Molly Holly and Trish Stratus. So tonight, there’ll be a triple threat for the women’s title. And then there’s Jonathan Coachman. Poor, pathetic Jonathan Coachman. Well, he wanted, and is going to get, a real match with good ol’ JR. Now all of you here tonight might notice, high above the ring, a fifteen-foot-high steel cage. You know, after all the interference last week, tonight there’s going to be no excuses, which is why I’m facing Triple H for the World Heavyweight Title.” [Benoit! Benoit!] “Well I say it’s time to get the show rolling!”

Match #1: Gene Snitsky vs Maven

Snitsky tries to keep Maven out of the ring, but Maven fights his way in, throws a dropkick, and clotheslines Maven out. And holy shit, is Snitsky bleeding hardway from the eye. Snitsky reverses a whip but lowers his head, so Maven kicks him, but Snitsky gets a vicious lariat and goes to the stomping game. Snitsky drapes Maven’s head over the apron, slightly outside the ring, then grinds it against the ringpost with his knee. Certainly looks painful. Snitsky hits an elbowdrop for two. Snitsky goes to an elevated half Boston crab. He hits a knee crusher, but misses an elbowdrop, and Maven gets to his knees. Snitsky quickly tosses Maven shoulder-first into the ringpost in the corner underneath the bottom turnbuckle. Snitsky heads out and tries a high knee to Maven’s head into the ringpost, but he misses. Maven fights back in the ring from his knees by throwing punches to Snitsky’s knee. Maven runs the ropes, blocks a powerslam and hits a Russian leg sweep. Maven heads up top and hits the cross body, no sale. Maven goes to the second rope and hits the flying bulldog… for two. Maven keeps the heat on with punches in the corner, but Snitsky reverses a cross-corner whip. He charges, dodged, but stops himself and boots Maven. Snitsky goes berserk in the middle of the ring and hits the Meltdown for the emphatic win.

Winner: Gene Snitsky via pifnall (4:18)

Snitsky heads up the ramp.

Ad Break.

Backstage, it’s Triple H, Batista and Ric Flair. Flair reassures HHH that he’ll walk away with the belt, and they both tell him to calm down because they have his back. HHH is very angry about how close his match with Maven was last week. HHH says he put his group together for a reason, and is very disappointed in his stablemates’ recent performance. Batista is put off by HHH’s complaints and asks if it will be acceptable for him to leave HHH’s presence for a moment to prepare for his match against Chris Jericho. HHH: “Oh, you have a match? Bet you a hundred bucks you’re gonna lose that too.” And he turns his back to him petulantly. Flair steps between the two as Batista walks off…

In the ring, Stacy Keibler has the T-shirt cannon. She also has something she thinks the crowd might want: the new ECW DVD.

Before she can give it away, it’s Simon Dean time. Odds of a Nova reference: 100-1. He interrupts to say that, though he didn’t buy any time on the show, he had something to say. When he heard her say ECW, he thought he could bring the fans a DVD they could actually use: “Train Like Simon.” He thinks ECW stands for “E Causes Weight gain.” [And grimaces while saying it.] He runs through the usual stuff: “Girls like Stacy aren’t interested in fat, ugly slobs like all of you. They’re interested in guys like me.” Stacy doesn’t think about guys who look at themselves in the mirror more than she does. He informs the crowd that she was only kidding, forcibly making her back off – stand back there’s a Hurricane coming through!

Yeah, it’s actually the Hurricane this week. “Threatening a lady? Calling people fat? I just had to ask you – whassupwitdat?” Simon attacks with the microphone and hits a waistlock takedown into a front facelock, but Hurricane reverses to a backdrop and gets Simon in a headlock. But he gets careless, and Simon hits a low blow. Simon pulls off the cape to expose Hurricane’s back and gets his belt. He gets a couple of shots in, then gets out of the way of Rosey‘s run-in for the save.

Backstage, two women engage in small talk about the current WWE product before Ric Flair & Batista walk down the hall. Flair tries to pacify Batista, but Batista says that if HHH talks about him like he did earlier in that segment, he is dead. DEAD!

Oh yeah… and Batista has Jericho, NEXT.

Ad Break.

Scientific Raw Interactive Poll of the Night, accurate within 5%, 19 times out of 20: Is HHH trying to run Batista out of Evolution? We’ll find out… soon!

Match #2: Chris Jericho vs Batista (w/ Ric Flair)

Mixed reaction for DAVE. JR speculates that Jericho might get killed. Batista drives Jericho into the corner and gets hit with a kneelift and kneedrop in the corner. Jericho charges into a bearhug, and Batista runs him into the corner, then drops a knee. Jericho runs the ropes right into a cross body block, but sneaks out the back of a scoop slam. He shoves Batista into the corner, but runs right into a boot. Batista starts to fire off the kneedrops against the ropes. Batista uses a punch into the corner and a whip to the opposite corner, but Jericho smartly dropkicks him in the knees and sends him to the apron. Jericho uses the springboard dropkick to dump Batista outside, then hits a plancha. Jericho puts Batista back in and heads up top. Cross body connects this time for two. Jericho uses a kick and runs the ropes, but directly into a big sidewalk slam. Batista goes for the DAVEBOMB already, but Jericho reverses to a sunset flip for two. Flair gets on the apron, providing a distraction, and Jericho walks right into a thunderous spinebuster. Batista hangs Jericho in the Tree of Woe, stomps away, and uses a chinlock from the outside. It’s deemed a Blatant Choke, and we have a disqualification.

Winner: Chris Jericho via disqualification (3:22)

Batista hangs on for a good 15 seconds, intensely, before running into the ring and hitting a recovering Jericho from behind with the THUNDEROUS LARIAT OF DAVE-INDUCED DEATH. From BEHIND! It’s a wonder Jericho is still alive.

Batista heads up the ramp. Who’s going to contain him the rest of the night?

Ad Break.

Batista runs across Triple H and Ric Flair backstage. “So, you wanna give me my hundred bucks now?” HHH gives him a tongue-lashing. He told Batista to win, and he lost. He failed. Batista’s problem is that he has a million-dollar body and a ten-cent brain, and HHH insinuates that if Batista can’t protect him, maybe he’ll find someone who can. Batista calls HHH on it succinctly: “You don’t need me? Screw you!” Pop. Batista storms off. HHH to Flair, realizing that he may have made a mistake: “You… need to talk to him.” Flair to HHH: “With all due respect to you, you better back off Batista.”

Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews Edge on the subject of Edge beating down Christian after their tag match last week. Edge did it to make a point: he’s taking a lone-wolf mentality. He stands on his own. He dserves a shot at the World Title. He came here ready to compete, but saw that Benoit gave himself a World Title shot. Edge deserves it. He’s earned it. Todd seems to have some doubt in his eyes, so Edge goes for a walk. He asks Maria and Christy if they think he deserves a title match. Christy says no. Edge: “Maybe you should try apologizing to your mirror every morning.” He looks at some production guys. “Lost cause.” He keeps walking and asks some other stagehand, who says that at Taboo Tuesday, he voted for Shawn Michaels. Chris Benoit gets him from behind and asks him whether he’s got a problem with the way the show is being run, and tells him to do something about it if he does.

Edge storms off. I wonder if he’s going to play a role in the main event.

Ad Break.

Jonathan Coachman hits the ring in a Batista T-shirt. Coach tells JR he can only avoid the Coach for so long, and says that the sooner JR has his inevitable heart attack, the better off we’ll all be. Which prompts Chris Benoit to pop up on the Titantron to inform him that there’s been a misunderstanding. He didn’t mean Jim Ross. He assumed that JR meant just Rhyno.

Match #3: Jonathan Coachman vs Rhyno

Coach pops Rhyno with the microphone on his mad dash to the ring and uses wild punches and stomps in the corner, but gets distracted by the ref. GORE GORE GORE, and Rhyno wins.

Winner: Rhyno via pinfall (0:27)

Backstage, Lita heads to the ring. The Women’s Title match is next.

Ad Break.

Recap of Benoit announcing the cage match.

Match #4: Lita vs Molly Holly vs Trish Stratus
Women’s Championship

They argue over who’s starting. Molly attacks Lita to begin. She gets a front facelock, and Trish uses a kick to the head. Bring on the double-teaming! They try a double suplex, but Lita escapes and hits a double clothesline. Hiptoss to Molly, and Lita tries to remove Trish’s face mask. Lita whips Trish into Molly in the corner and hits a snap suplex, but Molly sneaks in with a headsnap. Molly goes to a blatant choke on the second rope. Trish goes into the corner and uses a rear naked choke from the second turnbuckle and a flying clothesline. They go to the double stomping. Molly hits a swinging neckbreaker. Molly shoves Trish and it looks like they’re going to fight. Lita shoves Molly into Trish and throws punches and kicks to Trish in the corner. Lita uses a double-leg takedown on Molly and stomps away downstairs, then hits a faceslam on Trish. Molly dumps Lita, though, and heads up top. Molly lines up the Molly Go Round and gets two before Lita breaks it up. Lita tries a whip on Molly, reversed, but Lita hits the headscissors. Lita hits the DDT and covers, but Trish pulls Lita out and covers Molly for the win.

Winner: Trish Stratus via pinfall (4:28)

Backstage, Batista receives attention from medics as Ric Flair gives him advice. He tells him that he should wait through HHH’s “crap,” because he’s going to be the man when HHH steps down. Batista is having none of it, saying that he doesn’t want to wait his turn, and is tired of being looked down on as some kind of muscleheaded idiot by HHH. Flair suggests that Batista apologize to HHH to get the team on the same page, which really disturbs Batista, but wants to make absolutely sure that Batista doesn’t make the mistake Randy Orton did. Flair tells Batista not to do something he’ll regret. Batista tells Flair he’ll do something, but whatever it is, he won’t regret it.

Ad Break.

Video package of Shelton Benjamin talking about his rough upbringing in his home town of Orangeburg.

Match #5: Shelton Benjamin, William Regal and Eugene Dinsmore vs Christian, Sylvain Grenier & Robert Conway (w/ Tyson Tomko)

Six-man tag rules here. Christian’s jacket is gold tonight. Regal and Conway start. Conway gets a hammerlock to a headlock and a kick. He puts Regal in the heel corner and tags in Grenier. Grenier puts Regal in a corner and uses a cross-corner whip, but Regal reverses to an armdrag and a kneedrop. Regal uses an armwrench and tags in Eugene, who uses a double axehandle from the top but stupidly brings the action to the heel corner. He manages to elbow all the heels away, though… but Grenier shoves him back into the heeo corner, where Christian chokes him long enough for Grenier to cover for two. Christian tags himself in and stomps away. Christian goes to a chinlock. Eugene gets to his feet and elbows out, but runs the ropes directly into an elbow. Conway tags himself in and prompts a USA chant. He covers for two and goes to a chinlock with his shoulder as the support. Eugene survives and uses a shoulder thrust to escape, which prompts Conway to cheapshot Regal, but Eugene tags Benjamin. He throws clotheslines all around, a backbreaker for Conway and a backdrop fro Grenier, and then a slam for Christian. Benjamin hits an avalanche in the corner on Grenier and hits a cross body on Conway for two, pulled out by Tomko. Christian takes out Tomko, but La Rйs hits the Hart Attack on Benjamin. regal and Eugene reenter the ring. Eugene clotheslines Grenier out and hits the Stunner on Conway, who stumbles back into that’s MISTER Exploder from Benjamin to pick up the win for his team.

Winners: Shelton Benjamin, William Regal and Eugene Dinsmore (4:06)

Post-match, Eugene invites more kids in for the victory celebration.

Mohammed Hassan vents, reasonably, about the amount of prejudice and harassment he has had to endure while travelling as a WWE superstar. He’s tired of being singled out and strip-searched because his name is Mohammed and his manager is named Khosrow. He wants the same rights everyone else has. And if he doesn’t get the respect he demands, then he’s going to beat it out of everyone who stands in his way. Khosrow Daivari translates.

Ad Break.

Smackdown Rebound: Carlito Cool loses his US Title to John Cena, but sees Jesus beat Cena down for him and return Cena’s chain to him. Cena gets stretchered out.

Down comes the cage. JR calls it demonic for the second time tonight, and plugs “Raw Interactive.”

Chris Benoit hits the ring for the title match. Triple H’s music hits, but he doesn’t come out.

Backstage, Batista leaves as Ric Flair goes ballistic saying that Batista’s gone nuts. He reveals Triple H in the Evolution locker room, lying down. The evidence! Referees and officials look over HHH and are reasonably convinced that he’s legitimately injured. Flair tells Benoit to back off, and an official says that HHH isn’t wrestling tonight.

Edge confronts Benoit to tell him that now he knows how it feels to be screwed out of a title match. Edge says that the difference between him and Benoit is that he wouldn’t have blown his hypothetical title shot. Benoit says that he has some pent-up anger, so he books himself against Edge in the cage… next!

Ad Break.

Match #6: Chris Benoit vs Edge
Steel Cage Match

Slugfest to start. Benoit uses a whip and a back elbow. Benoit uses a big chop to knock Edge down. Edge is on the run, but Benoit gets aggressive and walks into a rake of the eyes. Edge throws a right, but Benoit tosses him into the corner and unloads the chops. Edge counters with a hard Irish whip into the corner that causes him to collapse. Edge follows it with mounted punches and a stomp. Edge keeps the stomping going beside the cage. Edge goes to a front facelock, and hits a vertical suplex. Edge promptly heads up, but Benoit catches him on the top rope and chops him down. Literally. Benoit hits a hard back suplex. Benoit tries to escape, but Edge forearms him in the back repeatedly to bring him back down. Edge starts throwing Benoit into the cage, but Benoit blocks it and does it himself. Benoit throws Edge into the cage again. Benoit hits a hard baseball slide dropkick to Edge, driving him into the cage. Benoit uses a chop and tries the Crossface, but Edge reverses with a bodyscissors takeover and starts hammering away at the shoulder to limit the effectiveness of Crossface. Edge gets up and hits a running elbowdrop. Edge sends Benoit into the corner, but charges into an elbow. Benoit uses a double-leg takedown and catapults Edge into the corner, then gets a cradle for two. Benoit hits a clothesline and heads up. Edge stops him. Edge bites Benoit from the top rope, and hangs him in the Tree of Woe. Edge uses a series of kicks to Benoit’s chest and tries a dropkick, but Benoit lifts a leg to boot Edge on his way in. They collide in the corner for a double-KO as we cut backstage to a shot of Batista watching the match backstage… (6:10)

Ad Break ends (9:15)

During the break, Edge focused the head of Benoit. Benoit goes for the German suplex, but Edge elbows him in the head and Benoit has bladed. Edge uses mounted punches and sees the blood on his hands. Edge seems to like it. Edge tosses Benoit into the cage face-first. Edge slaps Benoit. He hits a running kick to the head and tells the crowd that’s it. He slooowly starts to climb, mocking the crowd. He gets up top, but Benoit grabs a leg and starts to pull him down. Benoit pulls Edge back in and yanks him down, making him land face-first on the top turnbuckle… in perfect position for the Germans! He takes them with gusto, too. One, two, three, four, FIVE! Benoit starts the escape and gets to the top, but now Edge grabs a leg and stands on the top rope. He pulls Benoit back in, but Benoit kills him with headbutts to send him down, and then hits the diving headbutt… for two? Benoit quickly puts Edge in the Crossface. Edge ponders tapping. Edge rolls through it backwards, though, and makes the ropes. Benoit throws some punches and lets go. Benoit walks into an armdrag through the ropes and into the cage. Now Edge returns the baseball slide dropkick favor. Benoit gets up on the apron and starts a slugfest and did JR just call him Elway? Our referees open the cage door as the slugfest progresses toward it, and Benoit slams the door into Edge’s head. Benoit is out too, though, so they get up at the same time… and Edge spears Benoit through the door!

Winner: Chris Benoit via escape (15:35)

Edge is distraught in the middle of the cage. Cool finish to a cage match.

Batista is still watching the TV backstage. Ric Flair is surprised that he’s still here, but Batista says that he’s going to the ring, and he wants HHH to join him so that he can finish what he started. He tells Flair to decide whose side he’s on. Flair is taken aback. Batista heads toward the ring… I smell a Fingerpoke of Doom.

Ad Break.

DAVE Batista stands in the ring. “I’m not after your title – not tonight, anyway. Tonight, I’m after – YOU!”

Batista chant.

“The Game” hits, and here… is… Triple H, accompanied by Ric Flair and an official. They stare each other down, nose to nose. Flair pleads with them to “Batista, I’ve only got one thing to say to you. Well done, man! Hahahahaha. That was good.” He pays off the doctor, and he leaves. HHH runs down the plan: phony arguments, doctor, shirt, injury, and everyone buys it, hook, line and sinker. HHH praises himself for his acting. He says that the doctor, Flair, and tonight’s MVP, David Batista, did a great job. Batista deserves an Oscar!… or at least a Slammy. “But you still shoulda beat Jericho.” HHH plans on celebrating the fact that he is – still – the – World Heavyweight Champion.

He calls for a celebration and gets Randy Orton.

Orton says that he wasn’t HHH was expecting. Orton praises HHH for the quality of his swerve. Even he believed it. But next week, Orton is the General Manager of Raw. HHH feigns overblown fear, and reminds him that he has no shot at the title. Orton gives HHH two options: they fight, and if Orton wins, the stipulation is lifted. HHH thinks nobody will be interested in that match. The crowd pops seem to make HHH think nobody wants to see it.

So Orton lets him know about door number two: HHH vs everybody behind door number two. That would be the entire locker room, plus Viscera, in an over-the-top-rope battle royal, including Flair and Batista, for the World Heavyweight Championship. HHH will apparently make his decision next week.

Play Orton’s music. Show is over.

I don’t know what to think about this show. The swerve was pretty cool, though even I called it after the 27th Batista and Flair segment with no fighting, the cage match was nice, and Benoit’s promo at the beginning was electric. But the first hour after that just felt slow compared to the past three or four shows the Raw crew has put on.

See you next week.